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Jan 2019 · 277
Back
XyL0S Jan 2019
They're all pushing me
from all sides
''Go back to where you're from''

Oh!
Do you not see?
The dead on my face?

Can you not feel?
Air for my touches?

Its where I want to be,
But I can't.
I can never go back.
XyL0S Jan 2019
Why can't I trust you
to answer
the same question Tt Ww Ii Cc Ee,
When I think we're
       °               c      
r      ° u   m ° b
°          l °    in
°             g
?      ?    ??  ?

Am I not enough
even when I'm bleeding cold?
Jan 2019 · 270
SC∆RE
XyL0S Jan 2019


L e t ' s  t r y
a n d   n o t   b e l o n g ,

I  '  l  l    f  l  y
a  w  a  y    f   r  o  m    t  h  e    w  a  r  m  t  h  ,

B   e   c   a   u   s   e
I     k   n   o   w
o    f      t    h    e      s    c    a    r    e   .



XyL0S Jan 2019
When the time would come,
if ever
And against their judgement, I'll choose to flee
Don't run away.

Stay,
And I'll be quiet in the corner;
The visitor
Don't worry,
I won't ask
if there's room for another broken soul

We broken souls
harbor all the space
There is.

We broken souls
save home for a never.
XyLOS

04/11/2019
Jan 2019 · 258
TheMidNightToTheYear
XyL0S Jan 2019
I was alone,
sitting, thinking of writing something happy
I really tried
Seconds were ticking
It was almost midnight
There'll be people lighting the night
And I'll be pretending to cheer up
I didn't even move to the sounds of the skies bursting and screaming
I was still and in chaos.

I didn't realise,
I was waiting for it to end.
I was stuck on the names of the two most important people the moment it was the start of a new year. I'm sure they didn't even blink to think of me.
Jan 2019 · 202
TELL
XyL0S Jan 2019
What is the one thing
that happened in your yesterday
You can't live without?
No one really judges
Jan 2019 · 437
HAPPY
Dec 2018 · 2.1k
The want
XyL0S Dec 2018
It was so much easier
When I just
wanted it all.
It doesn't seem worth it anymore
Dec 2018 · 651
Too much
XyL0S Dec 2018
It was taking
longer talks,
longer routes,
longer breaths, I was holding

Almost killing me
To ask for more.
Am I just waiting for it to go,
While wanting to pass slowly?
XyL0S Nov 2018
Colours have faded
off the walls
but the walls remain.
Spontaneous.
Nov 2018 · 1.2k
I had
XyL0S Nov 2018
pictured him walking away,
from the start,
they seldom stay...

But here I am,
reasoning his need
to not.
I tried.
Everyday.
Nov 2018 · 175
nothing but tears
XyL0S Nov 2018
.

Now
as I try
to look beyond the sting welling up again,
You recede.

.
Please let me know how to think of this. How you perceived it.
Nov 2018 · 167
Why explain now?
XyL0S Nov 2018
Why
are you explaining?
Now?

It was a night without fire,
without fights,

I had those tears
pushing me
towards my own sympathy
I'd cried all my feelings
without you,
How
I'd never felt so emotional
with you
I question,
whether you were just a blur,

All I wanted then
was just for you to come to me
and hush me back to where we started, fresh;
Now
I want a shelter
remote and distant from fresh
If that's where we started.
How much can I turn back to?

© xylos
Oct 2018 · 946
Wait
XyL0S Oct 2018
.

A cluster of breaths

Cold feet,

I'm still,
Holding
And hoping to pass on.

.
Oct 2018 · 270
opinions that matter
XyL0S Oct 2018
.


My ears still find their way
near mouths
who are likely to label me
as Beautiful,

Somehow
their opinion
makes it
more real;
believable,
I doubt my own sincerity
Am I not bound to be
partial
to myself?

Am I?
When half the time
I'm not myself
at all.

.
Oct 2018 · 806
over you
XyL0S Oct 2018
.

As I cried
and cried
and cried,

I longed to bleed
the words
poisoning
the tip of my tongue
till within,

As I wrote
and wrote
and wrote,

The tears had
faltered
sighed
and
settled,

Perhaps
poetry held me up
when I was
most alive,
And it still
carries me on
as I break and shed.


.
Poetry is _______?
Oct 2018 · 336
Relate
XyL0S Oct 2018
.

I can't feel you
relating
the same as I am.

We don't talk,

But you don't
to me,

And I,
at all.


.
It isn't on purpose,
Recovery is still working
it's way into my hell.
Oct 2018 · 2.4k
Blame
XyL0S Oct 2018
.

Who
should I blame,
If
the night is
Everyday,
And
the night is
dark?

.
Who do you blame,
For the pain
and it's cause?
.
Oct 2018 · 2.9k
Stop
XyL0S Oct 2018
.

Would you Only
Stop,
Pause,
Wait,
Till I can reach out,
If you can't
Turn back to me?

I know
Love,
All the effort
Won't be mine.

.
Don't ask me if he did.
Sep 2018 · 165
heights
XyL0S Sep 2018
.

Why
Do I
Fear these
Depths,

When heights
Only
Intrigue me?

.
Aug 2018 · 1.2k
write
XyL0S Aug 2018
I am,

            WRITING    in    HIDDEN,

I am,

              WRITING     to     HIDE.




.
FEAR
Aug 2018 · 2.8k
DISDAIN
XyL0S Aug 2018
Y O U...


You

didn't

step

forward,

As I  
    e
n
d    l
e s    s
l
    y        Bled,





Why am I glad?


.
If this makes any sense to you, you know the pain.
Jul 2018 · 1.8k
Hand
XyL0S Jul 2018
Are you holding my hand,

Just so that you don't fall?
Concern doubt love fear
Jun 2018 · 2.7k
Anger
XyL0S Jun 2018
Does
all
That
Anger,

Calm
Your
Veins?

Doesn't
the
Attempt
To
be
Different,

End
All
The
Same?

.

It does...
Jun 2018 · 350
Okay
XyL0S Jun 2018
Forgiving...

It isn't about saying its okay...

It isn't even about being okay,

But about telling them that you aren't,

But will be fine...



.............................................................­...


We all will be...
Jun 2018 · 383
Been Heard.
XyL0S Jun 2018
We all speak,

What has been told already,

In alphabets and words,

Yet claim ideas,

All jumbled and curved,

And somehow I believe, everything has already been heard.
May 2018 · 298
Unsaid goodbye.
XyL0S May 2018
Oh...I held to your
hand,
When I was afraid of the
dark,
Frightened to stumble,
lose the grip,
Unsure of the length of the
path...

Too raw to digest,
the intensity of emptiness...
I don't feel you anymore either,
Your hand just threatens to fall,
I accuse the loss of my sight-
-for not seeing your eyes,
For the depth I'm sure will be there to suffice.    

But won't it be marking me easy?
For assuming I'm too much of blind?
For sight I believe isn't watching-
-Its seeing, and I can see the truth to your voice...

By the time I'll be pacing to walk on,
I fear you'll be lagging behind...
But isn't it funny?
It'll be your preference
And I'll be waiting denying.

But weren't choices offered to both?
Wasn't there faith in complying?
Wasn't I there when the silence broke?
Am I ceasing my tears with time?

I'm caressing my skins where you kissed me,
I'm regretting not saying goodbye.
May 2018 · 580
Thin linE
XyL0S May 2018
That
thin
line,
Between
LOVE
And
HATE,

I never wanted you,

To
cross,
THE
OTHER
WAY...



....now it's deepened, and it's lost somewhere...Beyond my sight.
Buried somewhere only you could find...
May 2018 · 498
Departure
XyL0S May 2018
I tap on the floor,
continuously,
Waiting for my turn...
I'm nervous,  but that's with everyone at my place
My temple is burning,
But that's with everyone here...
They always sweat,
Even if it's the blood they lose in the battle,
The battle... Bound to be lost,
The battle where you lose,
But as a matter of deep surprise,  no one wins...

It's a process of waste...
You keep growing inside to stop forever once and for all,
I degrade here as I fuse to grow,
I increase to decease,
To decease,
Refuse to withdraw
Because I can't, even if I choose to not swing my sword...

I wince at the prayers for,
They are disguised,
You join hands before the one who has bound mine from wiping,
The blood off myself,
The blood no one sees ,
The blood no one shall see,
But I smile as I get up to
greet them all that pour with sympathy...

Losing seconds to my vanishing
To the first and only life I got just to peep,
Look from far,
As I get to see things happen by themselves,
Like some tangled wool I'm left.
Warm still useless,
Kept...
To throw away.
This piece of love dedicated to all the survivors and fighters of cancer and disorders that in any way hinder their life... Dedicated to my lovely Angel, my best buddy.
She has no idea I wrote this for her... Or had.... She's the best person that happened to me...she was a disease I couldn't let go,  a beautiful one... The one I wouldn't ever let go.

Can I have love for her?
May 2018 · 260
Half of the story.
XyL0S May 2018
But you only see the face
And the way I smile,
You wont even want to know
The number of flaws I hide...

The tales of parties, gossips
And my pictures online
But I might never let you know
The stories behind...

Cause you're too innocent to be spoiled
You're the reason I feel WANTED not REQUIRED,

But,
      I might never let it show,
It could be recovery,
      I feel unworthy somehow...
It's just like when you stop arguing with someone when it doesn't personally bother you, but you need the sound of silence...becausw you feel the hurt of the other one, or the hurt another word that slips might give.
THAT YOU CARE ENOUGH TO LET THEM GO....
Apr 2018 · 282
Free mind bothers
XyL0S Apr 2018
This is my real talk, just hope you like it.
It's a bit lengthy, but give it a shot please.


I live for the future I'll be making, who made that future which is my present?

Am I responsible?

Am I held guilty of the life I think is miserable to me?

I control my actions, though some things make me have no say in them, like they are merely ought to be, but are they?

I don't believe anything is written. We just rewrite everything assuming it's imagination; the power of The Mind,  isn't it ephemeral? Everything? Time?

What is the destination we are colliding into? Should we move along every particle flying towards nothing? There is no real escape.
As I rabble the riverside and dunk my feet into its soothing, should I let go?
Move along?
Or might I stand still, held by my own weight down, like those pebbles in rest, nestling beneath me,
what is flowing has to return to rub against them, why should I meander aimlessly,  come back to what I am?
Travel so far for what I am now.  Searching for what I need everywhere else,when it is me I need to be.
Should I not proceed?

What is beyond me?
Or is there just me?
Because when I'm gone,  there really is nothing for me.
I am and I was, but can I say for sure that there will be a me?

Something radioactive degrades,  transits into another form. Is the time that's degrading, being formed somewhere else?
Is there another life exploding? To be heard?
Or to just be left as it is,  untouched by our Midas one?

Is that other time nearby, few steps from our physical self; light years away,
Or is it yet a million years to go?
Because I don't have a million years to live,
To stay, to define my destiny.
The pain of the past won't leave so I'd have to,
To leave behind me, 
My legacy.
It's long, but give it a try.
Apr 2018 · 233
Fake mirrored smile
XyL0S Apr 2018
I smile as I sadly approach them...
Yes, sadly
Still the smile sticks to my face,
But only on seeing them mirror it,
I wonder where they mirrored it from...
Because honestly, I'm as dim lit as my eyes,
Repelling all rays dodging their way through,
Recoiling; frolic,
As if protecting me from some threat,
Pouring me into my darkness forever.....
No light to help any mirror to make me pretend...
Breaking the glass
To further just engulf me into itself
Alone.
This is a on the spur of these moment poem,
It's unedited,
Not based on second thoughts either
hope it isn't all chaotic.☺
Apr 2018 · 278
G. A. Z. E. S
XyL0S Apr 2018
Gazes

I'm between his numb expressions,

Lesser a stare, more than just a look,

Not every time is he stealing a smile,

But more than a while he's been


I fear I react just to cold and fire,

And his vigour is somewhere in between,

I fear, he's built the fear in me,

That someday maybe he'll turn around and give in

Lose the patience, find some other back and gazes to steal.
This is my second poem here.
This place is really passionate and means a lot to me.
And this poem is really special to me,  simply close to my heart.
Apr 2018 · 235
We'd fall
XyL0S Apr 2018
I buried your bones, I buried your skin, buried your hooks that hung my mind akin...

I emptied your closet, I emptied the walls, I've emptied the garden of roses and thorns...

I broke the vases, I've broken the dishes, I've broken myself into submission...

I've pulled the blinds, I've pulled the bedsheets, I've pulled the nerve to reckon your touches...

And as much as I'm hiding, as much as I'm blaming, as much as I'm crying in vain over paining...

I rattle the hangings, I battle my god, I scatter belongings that don't matter at all...

It's begining to occur the way back is hard, to places we made in oceans and stars...

You're a part of the air now, I'm breathing dense it's heavy, maybe I can try and walk out of the mess, but the drag's too much to resist...

The warmth of the floor still persists on the floorboards where you stood, so cold and lonely you were, I kept ignoring the truth...

What hurts the most is that I knew yet I kept it low, I slept every night beside you, and let the spaces grow,

I can hear the curtains screaming, cursing with every sip of the wind, to reveal these hands I denied her and let her scream within,

There's words to speak,
I say to these walls where we sneaked,
To kiss to breathe each other,
Where we laughed at every situation
Just like lovers....We were
I wish I'd said it then,
I fathom you still bound to the wall,
Eyes looking at their reflection in mine,
Like knowing that we lovers would fall...
This is my first poem here guys,  I'd love support and appreciate every beautiful gesture.
If you liked it,
Could you take a minute and help me get this poem some thumb ups? Perhaps a few hearts?
Pleeeeeease!!!!!

— The End —