saddle on the chestnut steed
do not get flustered over childhood teeth
what matters is what you see
my body stuck in rooms where i was being used
socket, to extract for their own use
i grow, i change, still maimed roots
the light not shed
however, the tears are true

smoking like a chimney
exterminating the negativity within me
each **** relaxes my worrisome bones
each stroke relaxes the perpetual unknown
from this vice to that
from peace to combat
the contrasting colors within me
is why I'll smoke like a chimney
until cheap thrills **** me

you attract more flies with honey
like moths, to a flame, you bug me
ready for hot humid summer days
ready to have my picnics by the lake
my family I have crafted, my kin in essence
my family I have drafted, my purest expression
truest of true, brightest of blues,
chatter filled dinners, loved filled rooms
I prayed for times like this, the flowers in bloom

its been 2 years, I grew so much but I still carry the same fears
the fears that you kissed, your hand I still miss
I always have the memories but even those start to slip
it's all the ****, it's all the daydreams
my days start to bleed, I need a trip
I need to escape, I need a bridge to get across these violent waters
my emotions are stronger the longer they harbour
I return to that day in your car where the rain fell so hard
could barely hear rain on me on the radio
I think of you no matter where I go
I see you with your boo in Turks and Caicos
I see you living it up and not day goes
by where you don't
cross my mind, got myself in so much trouble in the pursuit to find
someone that shares your light, someone that takes their time, someone who is actually worth my time
you just wished me a happy birthday and I wish the convo never ended
I feel without you I am suspended
not able to move, not able to do anything but cry
as I watch the only good man I’ve ever met thrive
I wish I could say you were ****, I wish you hurt me harder
maybe then I wouldn’t be stuck like this, loved me better than my father
maybe I was just a pitstop til you found your forever
maybe I was destined to find better
but on these cold march nights, it's hard to keep that in mind
but on these cold march nights, I just want you in my sight
drown in your light, love you as you deserve
maybe that's what it boils down to
never met someone who
was worthy of my love, worthy of my touch

Sleepy
Dreamy
My prince charming
Loveless until the heartbreak
Loveless until you grip my waist
The moons descend so perfectly captured
Wearing your scent you're all that matters
Like a cat's purr, you rev up my engine
My soulmate; eternal protection
The balance I crave no second-guessing
About where you are and who you are with
About what you are doing and where you sit
Never victim to your tongue
Only making love and fun
When the stars shine in the sky so brightly for us
Blinding their jealousy with love
But in the eye of the hurricane, you cannot even bother
If you got me as I got you then we will prosper

lavender, lilac, and strawberry
I taste energy like yours rarely
make my cheeks redder than cherry
you have an essence, it is a blessing
you taught me lessons, such a blessing
I thought I was unlovable you showed me the contrary
make me sing like the giddy canary
was too used to solitary
read my feelings like a library

cultural burnout, the hurt bubbling up
cannot put a lid on it any longer
the feelings keep getting stronger
my muscles ache, my brain is dazed
cultural burnout, the days slip away
the workweek is all I know
I barely ever leave my home
no escape, no break
inside the cage, this lake

I have to let go
Like vines that grow, my love is gripping your throat
But I shouldn't have to force things we both know
I jump out of the car, to run so far
Away, too much pain
I see daisies fill the way
Climbing the mountain with one tucked behind my left ear
Reaching the summit I can feel the fear
I place both my feet firmly on the peak
Everything I speak materializes
I am more than what you give to me
I start realizing
That these daisies are all I need
If you want me then you must show me
Because I am smiling embracing the green
Fear no longer holds me

lizard on warm rocks
an artist in their paint-speckled smock
the wind carrying fallen flowers
jade eyes meet brown
chastity belt unbound
hours upon hours
spent in between the sheets
delicate, delectable, free

get your hands off of my mouth
feel the smoke in my lungs while you burn down our house
ashes litter my hair, scratches litter my skin
drowning in this love drought
watching the new cycle begin
is love as destructive as a fire?
why is my heart as malleable as tin?
I thought it was ok before the light started to dim

ride the disco horse into never-land
sparkling, shining
do you understand?
power is birthed from these hands
alchemy is all you have
so cut, chop, slice
push, pull, fight
your way up that mountain to gain wider sight
the disco horse responds to your light

blindsighted
i've stopped trying
this whole time, you were a fraud lying
blindsighted
i'm done crying
these bold lies, you were a fraud hiding
snake eyes, snake lips
jealous, bitter, narcissistic scripts
sweet nothings, fake adoration
this i could never predict

my body carries a river of insecurity
causing floods upon innocent harbours
insane membranes, complex DNA
nobody is wired the same
no candle burns the same
but they all end the same

Don’t yuck my yum
Don’t block my sun
Don’t just rot away
Take the chance to become
a complex and invested individual
to embody the power of an arrow

Don’t yuck my yum
Don’t front your love
Don’t just walk away
Take the dance to become
undone and unburdened individual
to exhibit the speed of an arrow

heavy golden mangoes
gushing golden rivers
where the birds are treasure chests and sing like my momma
where a shellshocked man can rest and release the burden of trauma
the grass kisses your skin and the warm wind hugs you from behind
i could not believe my eyes
i found El Dorado from peeking inside

making beats, making art
losing you was just the start
to my rise, oh I thank divine
I would've kept these feelings inside a year ago
now you will hear my words on the radio
I do not care anymore, the rain cannot ruin me like before
it nourishes me and my creations, empress with no limitations
I am so happy to be me, so happy to be free
no longer tending to the broken birds
rather focusing on my own concerns

all the wells are empty
the wars are lost
all the children cry
but we focus on our capital instead
homeless crowd the streets but we blissfully sleep
in our egyptian cotton sheets, in our bed of lies counting sheep
praying away all the evil eyes
welcome to the end times

without a doubt
i should be walking out
all the images we painted
are embers on the ground
without a doubt
we can bow out
the best performances around
ephemeral frowns

my Achilles heel that I feel too much, I deal with so much, the waves too rough

my realism steals my happiness at mimosa littered brunch, a shot just for fun

talking behind the mall in your car, tongues tied in the dark

intertwining my love like ivy, growing into your fruitful mind

driving through the busy streets to your private oasis

return to your arms, return to the basics

never been addicted to the pursuit
loaded the gun but i would never shoot
i like where i am, i understand now
just had to see how it panned out
escapist oasis, touching land now
swam in muddy waters, searched for myself
thought i knew better, looked outside myself
follow the river into the ocean’s mouth
swallow my pride and shut my mouth
observe and serve
discern and curve

kick rocks, use my pedals to find peace
pluck them petals and repeat
my routine engraved, my days are grey
my actions are too discreet
i crave the sunlight but worry of burns
i summon the rain but fear for the worst
floods, hurricanes, eternal monsoon
drought, famine, no more breaking news

you are my forbidden fruit
so sweet until the notes of bitter bubble up
so perfect for me until your other side shows up
duality, inability
to see beyond your own body, beyond your own needs
what am I to you?
what am I if I do or don't?
you tried to tie me down, tried to quiet my own
voice, displeased with my need for reciprocity
to engulfed in your hypocrisy
I almost lost me, in your rapids, distractions
too many factors, actors, and games
too much struggle, rebuttals, and vain
so much vanity you drove me insane
and I have never driven a day in my life

annoyance, I was branded due to my flamboyance
joyance, connected to divine i am clairvoyance
I swim to the shore from the sheltered deep
I swim to the top to feel the sun’s heat
anything in hopes I do not repeat
the way I felt under you, the way you painted me so blue and alone
a throne in an empty castle
a never-ending mental battle
me versus your voice embedded in my head
I travel to the nearest chapel to rebuke you
I unravel in my travels to run away
the problems return day by day
no amount of drugs and buds will resolve
the problems just seem to evolve
with every folk and wind in the road
with every smoke and grind blown
I gotta face my own
reflection, deflecting blame
rejection, embargoed in shame
protection, from you and your games

gave you a mile
but you wouldn’t even take an inch
tried to be sweeter
just a pinch
tried to be a holiday
to the grinch
i tried to love someone tactless
i cried too much for a fake prince