I always feel like a compass spinning
Directionless, I can hardly see
The paths I could take
To the places I need to be
But I trudge on, aimlessly
“My compass spins, the wilderness remains” - Bright Eyes
I'm a ship without a captain
I sail wherever the wind takes me
I have seen troubled waters, but
I always feel powerless to turn
I'm a navigator without a compass
I don't know where my heading is
I cannot find the North Star, but
I don't need to in these doldrums
I'd rather remain here
Hear my wish!
O shooting star -
Bless me with an eternal tonight
So I can forever gaze at the stellar sky
lalalalala I wanna sing this
A clock glares upon me like the devious desert sun.
How many times have these hands made this voyage?
The sands seem so vastly changed from yesterday
A single minute vanished in midair so soon
Did that moment matter? Did it mean more than time?
Minutes together create time but alone stand hollow
Life slips away with this departing time
Still I sit here staring at a comical clock
The unforgiving frozen mess that is my world
A heavy awareness of time voids its' truths
This clock being watched laughs in secrecy
Moments stolen; memories changed by these hands
Another day finished and again air is stale
The time has arrived to surrender again
Seconds that will never come again have passed
Minutes that never came will come again today
What more is being lost,
than not knowing where to go
for the fingers that hover over
the lettered keys have nothing to say*
And the half empty ink-***
with a dried stuck cap,
is dancing to the cries of
the un-tuned borrowed guitar
mocking the silence of a silent heart
as the shadow of a flame mocks the dark
So long have I whistled this tune,
or is it just my forte?
the feeling of not knowing left to right
There once was a wandering girl, but she didn't wish to be.
She only wanted to find her way, but the night was dark and she couldn't see.
The darkness mattered not though, the girl thought in her head.
Even if it was light, she would still be filled with dread.
How do you find your way, if you don't know where you're going?
If you didn't plan accordingly, you have no way of knowing.
Would she choose a path or cut a trail?
Would she become strong or would she stay frail?
Would she ever figure it out?
Would she ever conquer her doubt?
She often wondered if anyone else ever felt as lost as she.
That sad, wandering girl who didn't wish to be.
I wrote this just before christmas last year.
Life is not running smoothly at the moment.
I feel alone, directionless and desperate.
I am worn out, emotionally and physically.
Sometimes the burden of “keeping myself safe” is too heavy.
It is asking too much of me to “manage” all of...
the internal voices
all with no support.
It is too much!
And trying to avoid all of that **** is like avoiding breathing,
which I would not mind doing right now.
Something has to give.
There is only so much
one person can deal with
day in and day out
every single day and night!
There is only so much!
I am not equipped to handle an entire Pie of Crazy
Every page turned is wasted time
Every word written is wasting lines
Just another drop of poison
To fill cracked veins
Or to prove a heart's still beating
Sliced in half and completely drained
No one is as they seem
Our emptied black sockets
See nothing bar
An empty, gray beauty
Precious things will break, my dear
And we're all slowing down
In this world that keeps turning