Sitting in her bed
Listening to her favorite records
She looked like a fragile angel

But the bedroom walls knew
They knew how much strength there was
Behind that feeble face

And the pillow was almost a witness
To every night when she was alone
Singing songs of death

Look closer
Maybe you'll see something behind those eyes
Maybe you'll see a **griever

I had to be there
For the time being

I had to say something
In lieu of waiting

I had to hold the hand
Which was longing

I had to love
And not let any breaking

I had to have him
So his heart could stop bleeding

I had to be gone
Before the next morning

I am just a girl
But I had to be healing

It's been a trip that you got me through,
You think you left me there,
But I'm right here with you,

You're the dark night that the poets adore,
But I'm the flashlight,
You'll need me when you're here all alone,

You know when you're caught up in your nightmare,
I'll be here by your side,
I'll look after you, you don't have to care,

I see a deep black sea in your eyes,
You've always been that way,
But I'm all ready to sacrifice

this is all that i am
falling
rising
a fluctuating being

strange to even say
that i have been waiting
and i waited -

but why must I hide
all that i feel
all that i am?

for i know
nothing’s changing
except me
longing
sinking
a fluctuating being

Here I am, once again
Sitting in the corner, drenched in pain

I see black, a tint of red
You would call it 'blood' instead

Heavy breaths, no one to see
All these broken pieces, I hide underneath

Tis' my world, no Sun to rise
Darkness all around -is not a surprise

People come -only to leave
Like the leaf, falling from a tree

There is hope, yet there is not
"No one cares" is what I was taught

Cunning demon, taking me in
Tells me, "Slitting is not a sin."

So I linger, and here I'ld stay
Why head for the hills anyway?

I see seasons come and go
But I just sit there
With my heart
So cold

Nothing's changed
But the time of fall
It's a journey
After all ~

Still sensation
But the varying despair
The flower of love will
Finally repair ~

And then it rains
With the blood of pain
For these seasons
Sing your name ~

In this world
Full of broken dreams
I asked the silence,
"Have you ever been hurt?"

It came close,
For all I could hear,
It murmured something,
In my ear,

"People shout,
They hurt me,
They speak the worst,
And they break me."

I starred,
As long as I could see,
But gone was the silence again,
How could this be?

I imagined,
Everything breaking,
The voice of people,
And the faiths shaking,

Everyone speaks
And every heart can be shattered
Why hurt like this?
When we can be better?

I don't want to think about my past,
Who doesn't know? It's not going to last,

Hiding my pain, I put on my gown,
Wondering if I ever could get out of this town,

When I reach the ladder to go up,
Something pulls me back with a struck,

I walk into the marquee of this freak show,
'I am the odd one' is what I come to know,

The carousel takes me back to the day I first rode,
Since then I have been going round and round and nothing more,

"Is this a nightmare?" is what I think,
"No" , says a clown with a mysterious ,atrocious blink,

I run as fast as I can, far away from there,
But the horror won't let me go, it's always here

Memories haunt me on my way to life,
Help me –I guess I'm not doing it right

I don't know anymore
If what say
Is what I mean

I don't know how
I try every time
But I fall right back

I don't know why
I have to dream
Everything I can't have

I don't know if
I have lost something I had
Or have I gained

Another wish of mine
Just drifts away
I have become a destruction

Still remember the words he wrote,
"I see my life vanishing in cigarette smoke."
Young, old soul
Ranting about the hearts he had broke

Can't help but see him when it rains,
Standing in the corner of the road -a smiling face

Too many years had passed,
Heard he was fighting in a rehab,
Such a dear friend –but time moves fast

We laid him down to rest,
Six feet under, I know he did his best

A friend is a friend,
When hearts break, you ought to mend
But when they leave,
Make sure love's all you send

You know the moment
When you look at the sky
And feel like drowning

You know the moment
When you laugh so hard
And your heart breaks inside

You know the moment
When you fly so high
And you almost feel like falling

You know the moment
When you're surrounded by people
And all you feel is **lonely

Do you ever feel like you're standing in the centre of a big, dark circle? Feel like everyone around you is only drifting away –one by one, step by step?
Do you ever yearn to not just be cared for, but also care for someone so much that you stop worrying about anything else? Do you ever long –not just to be loved, but to love? Do you feel like your circle is too big for you, but too small for someone else to fit in? Does it leave you wondering that maybe you're toxic? So everyone just leaves, as if no one can be faithful to you because you're so useless. Perhaps, it is your circle – and eventually your own circle begins to bury you within. Is that not sad? Is that not treacherous that no one in this world really knows you? No one bothers to look into your eyes and see the tears you've never cried.
And I feel like my circle is only growing bigger. It's eating me inside out and I can't even tell someone. There's no one.

echoes. echoes of laughter i can't seem to hear anymore. i look to my right and i feel the wind brushing away my present, taking me 8 years back. this same place. this same floor. the walls. the flowers. but the people aren't there anymore. the people with dreams growing and dying within them, thoughts buried deep inside, feelings they had to suppress before leaving. but have they left? are they really gone? i dont know them. and i probably never will. but i think i do. i think i can see them. i think i can hear them saying silly things just like us, laughing so hard it made them cry. im sure they left with heavy hearts and memories more than they could carry. they must be somewhere right now –living. some might be six feet underneath. longing to spend one more day just like they did before. i cant help but see them. i cant help but hear their voices. its like we are fragments of something which isn't real. as if we are merely thoughts and memories —which makes us being. its surreal, isn't it? we leave. we die. but do we really?