Whats that?
                       5 minutes
BANG

              Black is all i see

Smoke is all i smell
           
                   Screams and sirens is all i hear

Whats happened?
                    
                       Finally i open my eyes

Theres so much happening i cant make up of it all..

                          What is this in the air? all over..What happened to New york?

I feels as though i have forgot how to breathe

      Theres this piercing pain in my Si....Whats this warm feeling? like a liquid

    ...oh Blood
    Whos though? Mine? what happened?
                                ¨Sir dont worry more help is coming!¨
      Me?
                                Who is..?
        
                   ........
                                           Silence.

The wind passes under my wings
The beautiful shades of Oranges, yellows, And purple
As the sun sets and says goodnight

And i close my eyes for a free fall...

        When they open the stars and moon say hello
My eyes adjust to the dark quickly
To see a forest
          full of something..
                               Different
The trees had fluorescent speckles of light
And Vines of beautiful flowers hanging from tree to tree
Everything was glowing a eye pleasing blue in the darkness
Everything
Even my scales were glowing but of a glorious Turquoise and purple

The Animals that should be sleeping sing one last lullaby
To ease them into dream land
The trees sing along
and I Danced with the fae

Finally the Lullaby has been sung
Everyone is now fast asleep except me
I Watch over the night sky through the little spaces in the trees
Listening to the calming whistles of the wind
And crickets chirp
            My eyes
begin
          to close
                             Again
And a new free fall begins
Into the world
                                                                ­ Of Dreams

Here
No one judges me
I can live without fear
Without worry
without pain
Im free
                free..
                              Free...
A­t least thats what they told me
They told me im free
They said we're equal

Do i just eat up what they are telling me?
Like the mush they put on my plate  

                                                        ­        Or
                   Try to think for myself and possibly get me and all my friends
                              And Family
                                             Killed

A New light in the dark
A Small spark of hope
The sudden Warmth on a cold lonely day
A smile on a sad face
A star in the bare sky
The first bird of spring
A new friend

Constant state of fear
Whats going to happen
What is it
How bad will it be
Will i loose him
Did they do something
Did i do something
What to do what to do
I need to stop crying
But i cant
Too Scared
What could happen
What will happen
Wait
Whats happening
I dont know what to do
What to do
What to do
What to do
I need help
What to do
What to do
What do i do

I decided to draw today
to let her out
my demons been getting restless
The words I long to say
they just
Wont come out
So now
Im turning to a visual
Spill of words

That puts everything aside
Disconnecting everything in my brain
Letting my hands take control
The pencil
To freely dance across the page
To let out whatever needs to be free
That I cant see

Letting the thoughts
The pictures
The words
That I have never seen heard or felt
to come out
Be free

A blanket of light
warms me
As i glide through the waters
with my selkie friends at my side
darting through the water
and teasing me for letting my thoughts get the best of me
I remember

He saw me
His eyes the color of the forest
His hair the color of fire
We fell for each other
And the string on our finger pulled us like magnets into each others arms

We spent so long together
And i loved him
More than life
I loved our daughter
More than my sea

But the pull
It tugged at my heart
At my mind
my skin
My soul
I couldnt resist its call
i tried
and tried for years

but i couldnt fight a match that had
never been possible for me to win in the first place
I couldnt fight my home
My very being
The beholder of my soul

I know they will forgive me one day
Our tight knot can not undone

Not even when
                                  Fate cuts my string

My kind of a sweet sibling bonding moment
Is when you love them so much
You jump on them while their trying to sleep
Give them a huge hug
Then strangle them with your whole body not letting them get away till they say that you
Yes you
Are their favorite sister =D
And
That they love you
and know you love them
no matter how mean you might be
Or annoying they are to you
You love them
Now and forever
That they are your very first brother and forever will be
Your First Brother

Bad choices will always
come back
karma
she loves to make sure
you pay the price
for what you wanted
so i hope it was worth it

The light so bright
As bright as the night
A blanket of stars
Lays across this sky of black
Fluffy cloud, the shape of ice cream swirls
The sound of the lively wind
Crossing through the trees
Like a weave of life
Cold it is
With a chill.
The light so bright
As bright as the night
I close my eyes
And drift away
To dream land
Where everything comes true
Where I'm never alone
He's always with me
Riding unicorns
Flying with dragons
Endless imagination
Endless love
Endless light.

Why
They come and go
What
could possibly go wrong
If they just
stayed

You said you were my Guardian Angel
That you would come back
10 years time
Im so naive

I dont need you
I know i dont
But i sure as hell want you

A broken heart
But a toy to someone who was bored
You need to put those pieces back together
Sweet little doll
Sad little soldier
those piece will get lost if not fixed

I will help
I will sew those broken pieces together
Using the faiths string
And I will use gallons of glue
To fix the cracks that cover your sad eyes

Those scars will heal
Just as glue drys and stitches are forgotten
But I cant promise someone wont do it again
Girls play with boys hearts as though they were puppets
Boys play with the girls as though they were dolls
  
                             These hearts arent toys
                       And they arent a easy fix

I walk this path
Yet I feel lost without her
My Demon
She was there for me when no one was
She was there when I wanted to fall
She was there for every lie
Shes always there when I cry
Shes always there when the darkness wants to take- no
Save me
From the light that burns my skin
Because even in a million years I could never deserve it

Remember when we were curious why people hurt?
She says
Want to understand?
Yes
Well doll, Seeing is believing. You will understand if you see you hurt too
Will I?
Yes
Hmm
Scared?
Yes
Do I dare ask why?
Curiosity killed the cat
Ah but satisfaction brought him back
So you say but what if im not satisfied with what I find
Whos to say you wont be?

Cheshire cat
Make up your mad mind
I know that i am mad
but you are beyond comparison of madness
You love one way within those mad eyes wild with craze
and i only follow in your mad, mad ways

People seem to think
the hardest part is making the choice
But actually
The hardest part is sticking with it

Its not set in stone yet
But it needs to be

Blue is spirit and bright
The color and light
Of a wisp
Seeking through the night

Green is life and Joy
The color
Of summer time trees
The smile when you play with a toy

Yellow is the light of the night
Caring and pure
Helps anyone without a fight
They will be be your light

Black is dark but strong
More fragile then portrayed
but do not think them wrong
They still know love
But with the help of another
To light their way

Red is the sweetness of cherries
They will stay by your side
Their heart as pretty as daises
They love more pure then any other color
Just the sight of theirs or another pain
can make their eyes rain

Orange has the spirit of fire
Much like black and yellow
They will light you through the darkness
Until their fire burns out
Then they need a friend
To help them be free
And be the light they used to be

White i think the most confusing
Their hard to see
But When you see them
Their as special as anyone can be
Their quiet but always outspoken

Purple the color of a cats eyes
So watchful and careful
Ever so wise
Dont under estimate this beautiful soul
For it can go out of control
Emotions so strong but held by a string
They might need a friend
To help them find their wings

I lust you
I love you
I need you
I want you*

Im so confused

What is this?
Lust or love?
Fake or True?
Is everything we say lies
Without noticing

Do we love
                        Or  Do we Lust?

Oh darling child
so young
so innocent
How i do envy that
Oh darling child
Promise me you will never grow up
Please stay young Sweet little girl
                                                            ­  15 years later
Oh darling Child
That innocence has faded
The youth is now Maturity
The Adorable little girl i once knew
Faded into a Beautiful Woman
Oh darling child
I love you

Daydreams are the only thing
that keep me happy
When i cant be with him.
One of the only lights in my dark alley
The safest area
Where i can imagine dancing with the stars
Where i can feel okay
Only other thing
that can keep me happy
When my love is not near
When he cant hold me safe
                   Daydreams are my only other light

Im to point to where
i have to make choices
Decision
BIG ones
That could change my little teenage life

What high school do i want to go?
Should i break up with him?
What do i even want to do with my life?
Are they someone i want to keep around me?
Am i to the point of needing help?
Where should i work?
Should i start saving now for a car?

Then theres those questions that have no reason for existing
Will i make it?
Am i good enough to be here?
Do i deserve this?
Can i even do that?
Will i ever be able to do that?
Is that possible for someone like me?

These questions eat
like worm eating a apple
Eating to my core
my center
When i started and where im going to end
The main part of who i am
And it eats and eats till theres almost nothing left
Of what little i had

Dear diary,
Another day
And i cant look her in eyes
Not without wanting to cry, I thought i could trust her. I feel like a fool Although she did warn me But at the same time she was begging me to stay and to be honest i wanted to stay...I really do love her even if not in that way..
I kinda want her back but i dont want to be that puppy that after being neglected for so long i run back to be loved again but discarded the next day.
I dont know if i can handle that again..But i want her, And my desire to keep her around stays strong though i know what will happen..the never ending cycle will repeat again and again. And im getting dizzy and tired of running back, Its hurting me mentally more then anything...
What do i do?
Stay around and try to fix things and hope for the best?
Or Walk away and let it go

I have always been scared to be alone
So tell me why now
All I want is to crawl into my closet
Close the door
And fall apart
In utter silence
The only sound
Is the mute thud
of my pieces falling
to the carpet
Till the last one falls

This fire inside me Burns
Like Sticks in a fire
The color of ember
The smell of black smoke
Filling my lungs
Fueling my anger further
All i can think is
I
Hate
you
when i know its not true..
This fire inside is growing
Almost too big to control
Enough to consume
More then just me or you
But enough to consume
Every light thats near and every shadow close
I wont let it take control though
I wont
I wont
I cant
But how do i stop it
When the flames Rise at every
Word or sight of you
Every time i hear your name
The flames grow wild
The heat unbearable to hold in
The smoke making it impossible breathe
How can i control this

I thought you would stay till the end
and keep what i hold dear to yourself
Not share it with the world
You kind comes so quickly
and i trust you so fast
i cared for you
but
i guess
your
just
another

      F L Y   B Y   N I G H T

Your such a fool
I TOLD you im a demon
I TOLD you im toxic and will hurt you
I Told YOU that im a rose with blood on my petals and my poisonous thorns
I TOLD you i dont want you
Yet here you are
Still by my side
Watching your life tick by
With a girl who cant love
Cant smile with you
Or even look you in the eyes
Who will **** you at the touch
Your such a fool

You say you love me
But i dont love you...
I know how awful this is
How selfish it is
How cruel i am
I dont love you..
I love him
Im sorrry..
I am
But i want him
Your just my friend
Not him...Im sorry

Im tired of playing this game
I think im ready for it to end
I know im ready for the pain to end
I dont want to break anymore
No more tears
No more Pain
No more love
No more false hopes
Just Nothing
                            Silence
                          ­                   Peace
                                                                ­             Just Game over

If i stare hard into the sun
Will i see you?
If i hold out my hand full of blind faith
Will i feel you?
If Lay in the field of wheat where the wind blows
Will i hear you?

If i stand on the highest building
Will you see me?
If i hold out my hand full of blind faith
Will you feel me?
If i cry my prayers
Will you finally hear me?

Im tired of being a piece in these games.
Im tired of being a lonely pawn against a Queen and a bishop
...
I dont want people to starve at the hands of the capital, NO more Hunger games
...
Please
..
Sorry. Is all me because im constantly making people upset in this silly game..Im sorry

Monopoly is coming, Im almost completely broke to where
People are giving me their pity ones.

Life..
I wish i could find my mate just by rolling the dice
I wish i could get that good of a job
I wish had that much money or even my own house

Life is the game i want to beat
  
                        But  

                          ­             Im so tired of playing Gods game.

You
are
so
gullible!!
If someone off the street offered you a piece of candy
Would you honestly take it????
He said with rain running down his cheeks from anxious eyes

Open your eyes
Not everything in this world or rarely anything is all cupcakes and rainbows, Sweetheart

I dont want you to get hurt
because of someone taking advantage of someone so pure
Desperation and vulnerability peeking clearly behind that mask he would wear
as he plead to her

Please
Open your eyes to the way people are
there is good
But only 50% percent of this world chooses to use it

I cant lose you...
It would be all my fault..
What would i even do?
Im going to be honest
i think i would have to end what i have
what is this life worth to me without you in it?
She looks up at him
tears
falling
Sad
eyes
A Gullible
                              A Vulnerable  
                                                 ­                   Little Girl

They embrace each other
still crying their silent tears

My friend
Someone i trust
Someone i love
Someone i could never live without
The reason im here
The one who has never given up on me
The one who will always care
The one that helps me find my way in the dark
The one that encouraged me to do the things i love

               The one that taught/ teaches me the ways of life
The rights and the wrongs
The Goods and the Bads
The needs and wants

So many qualities i cant even say them all
Creative
Caring
Lovable
Weird
Silly
Amazing
Wonderful

                                              
                                  My Mother

A New Day
A New Beginning
A Change

Tears fall
Words spill
Truth comes forth
And the pain
Kills

Im scared

           and Its my own fault

I feel so betrayed
I mean
My own head
Myself
Terrifying the life out of me
  To the point of wanting to run to my parents
                                                                ­      and just cry
Just die
So i can stop the what ifs
Stop convincing myself
Stop asking why
So i can live
in death

My lips brush upon your cheeks
tasting the salt of your tears
i wish i could take the burdens you bare
banish them from your shoulders
the pain of watching you hurt
the guilt that burns my very soul
to a crisp
knowing i caused this
the sad tears falling from your broken eyes
the weight keeping you from standing
its all because of me
Whyd i dare speak those three words
"I love you"
they felt so true
but...
im sorry

Are you going to leave me?
Am i pretty?
Am i fat?
Actually, Do i eat enough?
Should i do that?
Do i deserve him?
Why am i so bad at everything?
Am i just not good enough for the world?
I dont think i could ever do that...
If i could though i might actually be good at it

It feels like no one understands
but they tell us someone will

It feels like im falling apart
They say im dramatic

It feel like im all alone
even with people all around me
They say im a attention seeker

I like school
They say im a nerd

I not a skinny beauty
so im fat

I change to the skinny beauty
So im anorexic

I like rock music
Im a Emo

I like wearing black
Im Goth

Im made one mistake
And im a idiot

I like showing off my body a little
so im a ****

Labels consume us...
No one can be who they are with the
Labels
Telling them who they are

You say you understand, How could you understand?
Your not in my head
Your not me
Were alike
But your Not Me

These demons would swallow you within seconds
This darkness would overcome you
You
Could Never understand this
This Guilt
Thats taken over
The Lie im living
God cares? Where is he?
This Fear
Of being alone, left in the dark
The self Hatred
Thats just beginning
Constant Stress
Of failing life
This Depressing state
How could you understand?
My thoughts
How could you understand
Me

You lied one to many times
Dont you feel the Guilt?
Every lie is like one more cut
Every lie is like one more pound to your shoulders that you cant just shrug off
The trust you once saw has burned
Its now ashes floating in to nothing but darkness.
Dont you see that look
That look in their eyes?
The disappointment
the saddness
the breaking

It funny
The weird positions that your bad choices
put you in

Im dead
but
at the same time
Im slightly more alive

Almost found
yet still completely lost

no one can save me from the depths of darkness
that eat me alive
And it will
until im reunited with the life
I wanted
and I made