Where do I begin?
Why do I try every time you say "it's fine"?

I can't tell anymore with the feelings I receive.
First it's something I have to believe,

Believe in what?  A sign that I cannot see?
Why should I be naive?

Nothing make sense the more I think about the contradictions.
Do they even synchronize; our emotions?

I cannot tell.
Not until you yell.

It doesn't have to go on for so long,
So why must we chase something if it seems like we don't belong.  

Our friendship is an unresolved issue.
Always getting ready to argue.

Will our years of friendship be the same?
I care for you, but do you only feel sick around me?

I've made my mistake,
but I plan to get back into shape.

I want to confront you but will it make it worse?
Am I now on a high horse?

You tell me all of my flaws,
all of these laws-

Like it's a word for word scripture.
I always need to re sculpt;



Just to fit your mold of ideas.



I'm not trying hard enough,
yet my efforts don't matter through the rough.

I just seem too broken for you.
Or maybe, as always, I'm just making up you view.

Gone for weeks, my craving peaks.

I miss your companionship, the things shared in our relationship.

Things I never truly thought I would lack after your absence, if that makes any sense.

My favourite qualities about you are fresh in my mind and my lack of caring made me blind.  

Please come home, I promise never to overlook or blame you for my problem.

I love you as much as I love the idea of travelling; I want you to be the one that accompanies me while exploring.

You'll come back from your leave, I want to believe.

I'm sure you will.

Deep wounds with an invisible mark.

Carved by one I used to love; a love that never loved back.

Used, to be replaced with a friend.

A better body and high narcissism,

someone who wasn't afraid to use others,

also played with my heart.

They left me exposed,

Told people something that I am not.

Forced myself to become something I was not,

just for them to walk all over me.

He threatened to hurt my friends, dignity and poise,

She ruined potential love for me, dignity and poise.

The laughter and love I once had has left me.

Yet I feel sorry.

I felt love for them.

I always feel like I'm in the wrong and shouldn't say anything,

That I deserve the labels I'm given.




I know that's false,

that I can find love as true as can be;

also live with the emotional scars.

With time, comes a fork in the road to growth and self recovery.

"You said you would be here
through the thick and thin"
My body has been through it
And baby, my patience has been
strung out thin.

Addicts only know themselves best
They can't see you
Only past you
Into a projection of themself.

Back seat passenger
Guiding my relationship habits
The chords
That I play the best.

My go-to comfort
The only way I know to love best
Is a struggling person
In the woes of addiction.

One part - my mother's enabling
Another piece - my father's vice
Final product - my veins collected
as proof in a messy affair.

Doomed to repeat;
try holding things together
while they slip between my fingers.
Hoping for different results.

Every. Single. Time.

I'm ****** if I do and ****** if I don't.
Mom, Aunt, Brother and others, please let me go.
It can help, but would further drown me more than you know.
I feel sick, my mind is a mess from the constant consumption of multiple drugs.
End my suffering, pull the plug.
I would rather fade away right here.

Started with history class,
without knowing that it would pass.
Puppy dogs eyes and and shy butterfly kisses.  
Together we felt inseparable and powerful.

It wasn't perfect, but it sculpted me into a finished work of art;
a project that finally found itself being complete.

You passion for studying eyes and keeping my nose in books, it seemed too good to be true.
Maybe that's what blinded us to see our failing relationship.

Hey I still appreciate you, that's easy to tell.
How I grasp at any way I can to message you because its so ingrained.  
Hope you find a girl that you can settle down with one day.

You deserve it.

You made it possible for me when I closed myself off,
You caused a shift in my confidence after it was shattered time again.

I will always love you deep down but when you love someone, the hardest thing might just be the best thing. I'm sorry that it was by letting you go.

You cannot possibly imagine what I saw today, trying to keep my mind at bay.

Minding their own business came a pair.
Inseparable.
Even one could say
Destructible.
But where does this line cross with me and this duo?
That I may owe.

With a sigh I hang my head low, the thought of another gruesome blow.
In curiosity or spite
I do not know when these two are ready to bite.

Are they hungry or is it loyalty they are after?
I do not know;
I am only an outsider to those hounds that dug for what was already gone.

Prey they once tried to feast on.
Bound to this sickening notion; the false lulls of security they once had.

Something they could only turn into the gritty,
Painless pity,
Insufferable grabs of ***** filth they once called a party.

Once a whole, a group that dissolved slowly under the time of an hour glass.

From birth to death we breath.
Grasp at anything we can hold ourselves accountable without being the accused.
Departures to new comers we welcomed as our own.
Only to be betrayed and left out at dawn.

Now today I stand as proof of a wolf who alas left the pack; we once called ourselves a flock of deer in disguise.