I’m running out of ideas.
They never come to me.
I have to find them.
But they’re all just the same.
                            I don’t need help.
Going from place to place.
I always end up in the same spot.

Writing and writing.
Just to throw it away.

I light a cigarette.
Lean back and relax.

Clear my mind of everything.
But everything's the same.

I have a place for all my ideas.
But there’s nothing for me to find.
                                     It’s broken and old.
I’m left with only one thing on my mind,
And that’s filling up the empty jar I still hold on to.

The scarred life I’ve lived.
The awful things I’ve regretted.
The times I’ve wished for death.
The tomorrow’s that never came.

The light, the shadows.
The shape of my life.
The night’s of despair.
The world known as hell.

The place I call home.
The beings I call family.
The evolution of my memories.
The experience of my existence.

This is not what I wanted to live in.
It’s not how it’s supposed to be.
The world is stopped in time.
Everyone’s lost in reality.

Go to sleep and never wake up again.
You’ve gotten past everyone’s lies.
You’re free from the chain.
You saw the world through closed eyes.

The pain from his hands,
Painted on my body.
I’m burning up,
I’m freezing.

I’m alive, I’m free.
Lies. Lies. Lies.
The fear is eating me up,
Making its way to the outside.

I got distracted.
I got lost.
Now I’m gone.
Now I’m forgotten.

Suffocating,
Gasping after air.
Tight grip around my throat,
Taking away my reason to live.

A silent scream,
Making its way out from my mouth.
Heart beating faster.
Vision disappearing.

I got distracted again.
The fear left me alone.
With nothing but a nightmare left.
He carved pain into my gravestone.

Protecting the words from slipping out.
Keeping them deep inside where it’s almost forgotten.
What is it? Is all they go about.
My mind of emptiness is almost rotten.

My tongue is tangled from all the promises I couldn’t keep.
But I swear on my life that I won’t break this.
Because of you my mind is never asleep.
I have always failed every remiss.

The last time they asked I finally gave an answer.
The answer that wouldn’t mean a thing.
I could feel their anger.
When I said it were just a Secret about Nothing.

I'm forgetting the time we had.
So I can remember my own path

From the aesthetic paint on her face,
To the long black dress taunting all her flaws.
From the start of her dangerous locks,
To the sharp high heels.

Her expression shows her interest in you,
Before hunting down another prey.
Her voice like an angel sent from hell,
Her existence is flaming hot and not as innocent as it seems.

She locked eyes with you,
With a smirk so playful.
She tore her gaze away just to look at your lips,
you licked your lips provocating her urge to kiss you.

She stood up and smoothed her deep black dress,
Before making her way to the empty seat besides you.
She licks her lips in a lustful manner,
As she stares teasingly into your warm brown eyes.

You leaned in for a quick kiss,
Before smiling with an I-want-more expression.
Your smile turned into a frown,
And you noticed what you've done.

The pleasure to you,
Turned into a disgusting displeasure.
You abruptly stood up,
And fastened your gaze onto her evil smirk.

You made your way away from her,
As she saw you fell to the ground like dead weight.
She smirked at your stupid body,
As she laughed loudly.

You just made a deal with the devil,
By kissing her poisonous lips.

Take my heart and keep it for a little while.
I trust you not to crush it before time.
You did it anyway and crushed me with it too.
But it kept beating for your sake and my addiction.


I was sad.
The only emotion I had left.
You took my love and used it on someone else.
I’m empty, I’m dying, I’m never gonna use my heart again.


I used the rejection to see the red blood, warm and beautiful.
Dripping down, rushing down like on a rainy night.
Making pools of blood I could drown in.
I had abandoned love for my own sake.


My heart is never gonna beat ever again.
I used all of my own love for my addiction, that I started using yours.
But I’ve stopped, I should’ve been happy instead of hurt.
I’ve been suffering, I need someone to love me again.


Love, Love, Love.
It’s the only thing on my mind.
I’ve searched everywhere for someone to use.
To put me back in my normal state.


You killed my feelings forever.
You used me, like I used you too.
Emptied me from all there were left to use.
I’m me, but rotten and dead inside.

It’s like time never continuous.
It’s stuck like we all are too.
Can’t grown, won’t know.
Never are we ever leaving.

Complain about how bad your life is.
How miserably can you be.
Just stop talking and take a look around.
No one’s there for you when you finally can breathe.

They push you from left and right.
Dragging you down, you hesitate to struggle.
You want pity?
You just want attention.

It’s not my fault everyone’s like that.
I despise every side of your personality.
Your beauty is nothing compared to your attitude.
It’s nothing compared to me.

So do the only thing you can,
Mute the world’s noises.
Play the music from your heart.
Without ruining the single melody your life has.

It’s the song everyone knows,
And the only thing you know how to play.
It’s on repeat,
Using your mistakes as nodes.

It’s a sad song,
And you’re playing it for yourself only.

Covering up our mistakes with excuses.
Always judging.
Never perfection.

Covering up our bruises with clothes.
Always hiding.
Never smiling.

This life…
Doesn't seem so bad?
Will you ever know me?
Will you ever know my feelings?

Our faces is covered.
Covered the same.
Never shown others
That…
We All Wear Masks.

Here I stand.
Looking down.
Ruling over land.
Head with crown.

Gained power.
Death to all.
Away in a hour.
I can never fall.

Bird over insects.
Cruel annihilation.
Outcast of objects.
New creation.

Death to I.
Wrongness I’ve done.
Can’t even cry.
It’s no more fun.

It were a lie.
I could see your lips forming the words.
Before you would let them go into my ears.
It were a disgusting sound from a wonderful person.


I acted like I didn’t hear that gross lie.
Instead I heard the voices inside your mind.
Telling me everything about you, your past and future.
They gave me a vision of my future with you.


I was lying on the floor, black blood everywhere.
It wasn’t my blood, but your’s.
Sneaking in my veins, of my precious red blood.
I felt like you, I thought like you… I died like you.


I hated that lie you told me.
“I would never harm you, ever.”
It traveled around my brain, into the deepest places.
For it to stay and holding me awake.


My ocean of thoughts.
My sea of tears.
My pools of blood.
My grave of fireflies.


I died by your hands.
By your feet.
In your blood.
In your mind.

Stop yourself from loving me.
Nothing good will come out in the end.
Hold back your tears while I carry on.
Or else I keep taking away your feelings

We can't stay like this anymore.
You need to forget me.
You rejected me first.
You deserve it.

Stay away from me, you’re hurting yourself.
Work your heart out while being torn apart.
It’s not my fault you’re like this.
Why won’t you listen.

I’m going crazy, I’m sick of your ****.
In the end I’m still going to win.
Pack up your emotions and leave my life.
You’re turning my world upside down.

Stay like this and regret it.
I’d rather have you hate me.
You’re not the one for me.
And sure as hell I don’t want you here.

You begged to stay as I pushed you away.
Tears fell down your cheeks, as you got on your knees.
You screamed at me as I was walking away.
I didn’t hear it, because I couldn’t care less about you.

Just another day, and you’re gone from my side.
I couldn’t help but feel happy.
But after that I never saw you again.
And nobody knew who you were.

*Then I realized you were just a part of my Imagination.

Death should be the only one killing me;
Instead you're the one that's doing it.

Time* *stood still.
Death has already been here.
Forever *nothing.

I'm now on a trip alone.
Going to the end of the world.
The gate only opens for those already dead.
This will be my last time seeing your face again.

I’ve wanted to say sorry for everything I've done to you.
But not even a single goodbye could find its place between us.
I felt nothing as I drove past you.
I didn't even look, I wanted to but I couldn't.

I'm now on my way so I can wait for you.
It's gonna be a long time waiting for someone you didn't even want to love.
I only felt the warmth of my thoughts when thinking of you.
But I couldn't find a place for you in my heart, only in my mind and imagination.

As I look out the window in the bus, I only see death.
As I look at my own reflection I see myself crying, hurting myself till I close my eyes and just fade away.

It was my life I saw in my reflection of the so sad looking window.
As I look down I see my future under my feet, black  and nothing.
It's under my feet because I crushed it and left it to never see light again.

I'm at the destination soon, just thinking about wanting to see you again before I leave.
I desperate called your name and broke out of the bus that worked as a barrier to my heart.
I ran and ran just thinking how much you mean to me.
I really needed you, all this time I didn't notice my feelings was trying to break the distance between us.

I wanted to tell you everything about how I feel, I wanted to hear your mouth say it too.
I'm still running from my death, the time wasn't right.
As I got to where I left you, I saw you standing and just waiting for someone, me.
I stopped up and tears rolled down my face, you kissed me and said “I'll always wait for you”.

The kiss I've wanted for such a long time, I finally got it, It feels too good to be true.
“I love you in life and in death” were the words I only could say, “I already know” were the words that you said.
Let's never let death and life separate our love from our hearts.
We need to know what we really feel or else you'll regret every little thing you didn't do.

My words can never be explained.
My heart is too deep to explore.
My mind is too crowded to visit.
My soul is too cold to stay.

My eyes are dead with not a single hint of life.
My smile is just as fake as my emotions.
My body is the only live thing left that’s me.
I’ve abandoned my life a long time ago.

I search for something I’ll never find.
My memories betrays me over and over again.
I can’t keep up with the world.
I can’t trust anyone, not even myself.

Sun goes down, moon goes up.
A circle of light and darkness, never ending time.
It’s dragging me down to where I’ve never been.
Down to the abyss of my never known insanity.

My sins that fills me up.
The loud voices keeping me quiet.
No one even bother spending any emotion on me.
Everything is a waste if used on me.

My body can’t keep up with the decaying time.
I’m left alone with regret and flaws.
Nothing can drag me out of my current state.
Not even my life I can recreate.

You're so far away.
If you were within reach, I would hug you forever.
I'm sorry I couldn't keep the promise.
I'm sorry I ignored it.
I wish I could hold your hand once more.
It's my fault that you left.
I know apologies isn't enough.
You said you trusted the wrong person.

You're constantly on my mind.
I keep remembering your smile that turned into tears.
You're gone, and I'm left alone.
I broke you in pieces.
Pieces small enough for the wind to blow away.
An awful memory left behind, within an awful feeling in my heart.
I know It should’ve been me instead.
You gave me your hand so I could save you. I gave you my love before you pulled me with you down.

Everytime I wake up it feels like I'm hungover,
Cause I've been drunk in love for so long.

I’m slowly breaking apart.
Missing piece after piece.
Disappearing into nothing.
Seeing my happiness fading.


I’m dead inside.
My feelings is nowhere to be found.
I'm searching after them.
Getting lost on the way.


I don’t know where I stand anymore.
I can’t seem to find the light at the end.
The path I’ve been walking seems so familiar.
It’s a new path, but an old memory.


I’ve created a way for others.
Someone have to walk first to mark a way.
When I get through it, I can guide the others.
So no one can get lost when searching again.


My mind is filled up with thoughts.
Coming from my long lost heart.
I feel warmth and a little relieved.
I know where to go.


I can finally come home.
It’s open, and welcoming me with a smile.
I ran as fast as I could before it would close.
Just as when I got there, it disappeared.


I fell to the ground.
Just sitting with nothing on my mind.
I’ve forgotten why I thought it were real.
No one would ever welcome an abandoned soul.

Going to the same place.
Staying there for a long time.
Waiting for you to come by.
And place your body besides mine.


I would talk to myself.
Imagine it’s with you.
Placing my hand where your’s always were.
Not together anymore like we used to.


Still waiting for your warmth.
Making my whole body melt before your eyes.
You would whisper in my ear “I’ll stay”.
Hugging me until the sun would rise.


I don’t know how long since I’ve seen you.
With my hands playing with your hair.
Telling each other things none ever have heard.
The precious times we would share.


The bell inside my head rang.
Reminding me of your sorrowful fate.
I stared into the ground.
I knew I couldn’t just stand and wait.


I ran while calling your name.
The tears blurred my vision to see.
I fell.
Deep down the Memories of you and me.

I smile when you smile.❤
I laugh when you laugh.☀
I go when you go. - - -
I die when you abandon me.*✖

Life holds many sins and weakness.
Everyone has their own secrets.
But very few can keep them.
So many locked them deep inside their heart.
While the pain tears it apart.
People smile to hide their sorrow.
People laugh to seem happy.
Life is just a lie.
Life is just a dream.

Many chose death over life.
Because no one realize how much they despise this so called life.
Some people think that if you die you wake up to a new life.
But what if you die in your new life?
Will the circle of life continue or will it stop forever.
You'll never know even after death.

Death is just like a flower.
When you are in a flower garden you always pick the most beautiful one.
But what if you see another one and just throw the ‘old’ away.
While it lay there it eventually wither and be forgotten.

Everyone is equal and most value the only life they have.
Some just throw it away so they can escape.
But will they ever see the good parts of life?
They’ll never know if they don’t believe.
The ones that is gone will never appear anymore.
The pieces remains inside people’s minds.
The memories they had together.
Even though not everyone loves the world they're born in.
But sometimes you just can’t hate the people around you.
Because they gave you so many good experiences in life.
I’m thankful for being alive.

I’m all alone in this big world.
I don't’ fit in like the rest of you.
I don’t get seen or even heard.
I’m a lost ghost without a goal in this ‘life’.

Wondering all around with no destination.
I notice everything and everyone.
Am I even real?
But why am I in this world?

I wish I could feel the emotions everybody have.
I keep wishing someone would show those emotions to me too.
I don’t have a purpose to keep being here.
Just somebody, anybody who cares.

I’m slowly forgetting, slowly disappearing.
I don’t even care anymore.
I won’t need myself in this situation.
It’s coming by faster and faster before dying out.

I finally came to consciousness and everything is gone.
Time is no longer a thing in this world.
Emotions had left and emptiness had taken it’s place.
Life is gone, earth is gone, everything is gone.

Now I’m not alone in this emptied world.
Because I’m the only one left.
Not even light nor dark could be seen.
I destroyed everything.

I found out my reason to be here.
How could I even forget?
It’s my fault for destruction.
I was the God of Time.

Needles under my nails.
Spoons behind my eyes.
You notice all the trails.
I wish you wouldn’t realize.

Robe around my neck.
Wild fire burning my skin.
Why did you have to check.
You don't have to win.
.
My cutted fingers lies everywhere
Blood is flushing out.
Why did you have to care.
“Die your *****” is all they go about.

Now you have to go through the same.
Ripping every hair out.
This is not just a game.
They won’t hear even if you shout.

Now I’m not alone because of you.
Even though you cared.
You can see out of my point of view.
Death is what you dared.

Life is our drug we all share.
While death is our remedies.
We all share the same nightmare.
Now I lie with our Dead Memories.

I’ve found love,
Love like never before.
We show emotions,
Emotions we've never used before.

We’re doing good,
Only because I remember.
I remember words,
Words like I’ve never heard before.

“I love you” we said,
Love we felt.
Sadness we shared,
And in anger we cared.

I’m cold, you’re mad.
I wasn’t aware of me being like that.
I cry, you relax.
Now we understand.

I’ve found love,
Love like never before.
And I wish,
That it will never stop.

If there's pain, is it supposed to bleed?
If there's blood, Is it supposed to hurt?

Keep holding on to the light.
It never fully leaves when the moon rises.
But be aware of the shadows.
There’s a whole other world inside of them.

They drag you down and down.
Until you hit the bottom of your soul.
It’s cold and dark, an unknown existence.
You can never leave, it’s too late.

Stay like the weak wreck you are.
You’re not even trying to escape.
Do you give up that easy?
You’re a mess, an emotional mess.

Stop crying, it won’t help.
Stop shouting after your consciousness.
Free your soul from the fear.
Help, instead of being trapped inside of yourself.

Purify the darkness, let the moon rise once again.
Letting the light help you live.
But there’s a risk, the shadows.
They’re waiting, they’re hungry for a pathetic prey like you.

Stop keeping the circle of time in your life.
Leave it alone, before you fall into a pit of misery.
It’s dark down there, just like your soul.
It’s more lethal than ever; with walls painted with despair.

Eyes straining in the dark, searching after something usable.
Stay sane, if you can keep up with the twisted voices.
Don’t let them drag you deeper down.
Don’t let them manipulate you once again

A million worlds in one.
They’re all inside of me.
Screams filling  my lungs, it’s ringing in my ears.
They’re controlling me from my blind side.

Keep up with the running tears,
The pain has gotten deeper.
The hatred is using me.
The fear is haunting me forever.

There’s a hole in my heart.
The moon’s shining through my emptiness.
It’s making me sleepy, I see them.
It’s the shadows, they’re gonna get me.

I woke up by the river; mirroring the stars.
The moon saved me once again on this summer night.
The shadows dragged me here, they wanted to drown me in dreadfulness.
They’re what I fear the most; my Summer Nightmares.

My mind went on a vacation and left me alone.
My thought’s were my only accompany.

I can’t think straight without my consciousness.
I’m exposed to his touch.

He’s taking advantage of my body.
He’s using me.

Help.
I’m fading.

My life is slowly breaking down.
He’s destroying my only heart.

Marking my body with his cold hands.
The abuses I've led.

It’s another time now.
My tears that I’ve never shed.

I’m never healing.
He shattered my only will to live.

He’s tearing me down.
Draining me from everything I have.

No one is there to tell me about right or wrong.
The exploitation I can’t escape.

He’s emptying me,
Using my emotions, the only thing left.

He’s wounding my heart.
Making me bleed for his love.

Everytime I try to think of someone else,
Everything just blurs and goes blank for a long time.
I’m beginning to lose my mind because of you.
You're driving my whole world insane.

You bought my heart for a thousand smiles.
You never left me to be forgotten.
I gave you my body, my everything.
And now you stole my mind.

I’m sticking needles inside my skin,
Just to forget you.
The nightmares are pretending to be you,
Pulling me deeper down.

The illusions, hallucinations.
They exist because of you,
Never leaving me alone.
Always drugging me,
Making me eager for your love.

They’re drinking my soul,
Feeding off of my negativity.
Pressuring me to think more,
Making me the petty victim here.

They’re forcing me to drink,
They’re getting me drunk from my habits.
They’re making homemade guilt,
Forcing it down my throat.

Making me delusional,
I can't see through right and wrong.
They want me to believe I did it,
And they know they’re gonna succes.

They’re inflicting damage to my reality,
They’re brainwashing me, ******* everything out.
They change me, they’ve changed me.
They’ve destroyed me.

You’re my only desire for freedom,
You’re my opportunity to get away from it all.
You’re the only one I would remember,
If my life should disappear.

I’m only a doll, a machine for a greedy heart.
I’m ill, im psychotic.
I see things, I hear things.
And I know it, but i still believe every single thing.

I never did see the murderous intent
Of the expression in my eyes.
I avoided mirrors to flee from the sickening thoughts.
But things stand clearer now.

You wanted to walk away,
So I caught you.
And broke open your body,
To devour your life. I wanted you all to myself,
I wanted to treasure you forever.

I exist because of you,
And now I endure responsibilities of my crazy mistake.
Nothing’s false, nothing’s true.
They’ve taken everything there is to take.

My sanity is hiding from me.
Making me a weak prey.
I want to run, I want to get away.
I just want to live.

Lies, inside my head.
Time is ticking.
I’m running out of air.
I’m…. blank.

Get me out,
Let me escape.
I can’t hide,
They know.

They know. They know.
I won’t know.
The lies is eating me up,
It’s getting harder to sleep.

I escaped...
I... I didn’t.
I’m still here, living in a phantasy.
I have to find an answer,
An answer for my insanity.

It's getting darker every minute.
I'm scared.
The light is disappearing.
The silence is surrounding me.
Not even my shadow is here.
Every second my mind gets filled with fear.
I'm shaking, it's so cold.
I'm dying.

It's a delusion.
My mind is playing tricks on me.
I'm lost.
There's nothing I can do.
I can't escape my own imagination.
I wish I just could fall asleep.
But if I do, I might not wake up again.

I need to hide.
I need to get away.
I can't wait for so long.
The light is deceiving me.
It's not the first time this happened.
The memories from last time is gone.
But everything seems so familiar.
The dark.
The moon.
And myself in this state.

*Am I going crazy again?

My mouth's at loss
Longing after your blood.

I haven’t been this kind of empty before.
My thoughts are speeding through my mind,
Passing through and never comes back.

I can’t escape the feeling of addiction,
I want more and more to get away from it all.
Reality is my worst nightmare.

Everytime I wake up
I wanna go back to sleep,
Begging to never wake up again.

I’m stuck,
I got nowhere to go.

I want to stay.
I want to disappear.

I want the good things,
The things that keep my mind occupied from the bad thoughts.

I’m in the middle of chaos,
Between body and mind.

And I met you,
And then I left you.

Every step I take is only taking me further away.
I can never get close to what I want.
I don’t have the mind to keep walking.
I dont have the emotion to keep breathing.

I’m a boat without a sail.
The ocean without wind.
I’m stuck the same place.
I’m always abandoned.

It’s the thoughts that’s tearing me apart.
Dragging me down till where I can’t get up.
Left for people to tread on me.
I’m left to die with the marks of humankind.

I’ve been here for a long time.
You don’t see me,
But you’re all I see.
You’re the center of my heart.

You always come crashing into me.
Mixing my feelings together.
I won’t know what to feel anymore.
I don’t know how to even live.

I’ve been like this as long as I remember.
You’re always the light I try to find.
But it's only what I feel.
You don’t even know who I am.

You’ll have to be insane to
*feel sane.

You mugged my heart in the worst way,
You hurt me more than I ever could myself.

You stabbed me with words,
Leaving me silenced.

You made me beg on my knees,
Humiliating me all over again.

But I still forgive you,
By coming back.

I got played by your lies,
Pursuing me with your intentions.

Tracking down my weakest spot,
Taking advantage of my brand new emotion.

You make me mad for your touch.
But most of all, you make me want to die.

I’ve now stopped caring,
Just like the way you never cared.

You keep coming back with you excuses,
But this time you won’t leave with my heart again.

I slammed the door to my heart shut,
I locked it by carrying on.

The past I’ll never forget,
And the future I’ll never let you ruin.

I still can’t forget the scars you’ve given me,
So I’m regretting never hurting you.

You left me alone all the time,
And now I’m never staying.

They see me and I don’t see them,
They’re running in circles inside my head.

We’re on the highway,
Driving past my changes.

They’re driving me insane,
With the speed of time.

They kicked me out.
It was the only way to achieve my dreams.

I’m now running,
Stumbling and falling.

It’s too fast,
The changes that I do.

They wanted me to realize what i’ve done,
And the things I can’t atone.

I’m a book,
A book you can never read.

I gets longer, shorter.
Everything changes with a single word.

They gave me wings,
And wanted me to carry them.

I carried them over the sea of my past selves.
And wanted me to stop.

They destroyed my wings,
Making us all fall down.

I’m now lost in the sea of regret,
Making me cry tears to fill the sea and drown it all.


My sadness swallowed them all,
Merging them into my worst nightmare.

I’m now running again,
Getting chased by my demons.

I wish I could fly away from it all,
Never stop, never look back.

But everything I want will never happen,
The whole world is against me.

I have too many sins to ever be able to pray.
But I still pray for my life to continue.

And then it happened,
Wings.

I finally got my wings,
I jumped off the cliff I've been chased up to.

And I flew and flew,
Until I realized I was falling.

I only asked for wings,
Not how to fly.

I landed straight on my head,
I died, together with everything I’ve been running from.

I can never escape my nightmare,
Not even a wish can help me.

Your toxic smoke,
burning in my lungs.

Am I confused, or am I just going insane?

Somewhere
I know you're there
But I wish you'd be here.

Everytime I remember,
I always hesitate to forget.

You'll find the answer to my feelings in what I speak of, and I've never been good with words.