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Sep 8 · 160
Alone
Strung Sep 8
The deep-set abhorrence
Of standing alone—
Where is it from?
I stand on dead grass
Staring dead eyes in the face in the glass reflecting off my screen.
I look mean, dead angry eyes and my brows too dark—
I look mean;
mean and alone.
On dead grass in dumb boots
Waiting for too many factors
To change
Before telling myself
To move on.
Sep 3 · 63
Gardening
Strung Sep 3
Slowly...
Slowly slowly creeping up the vine
How many ants will die in my lifetime?
How many crave the sun deep below the earth
And care nothing for the vine the mind is telling them to search?
Grapes grown over
Over over over
Crushing wooden posts and stealing sun from most
My watermelon plants.
How many questions circling uselessly...
And how many ants never get the chance
To see the end
Of a daunting, pointless task.
Aug 30 · 152
Set it on Fire
Strung Aug 30
Fire sparks along the walls of my gut.
Smoke pours from mouth—the cries I tried to release, gone.
Lies lies lies lies and excuses,
there’s a burning in my stomach.
I feel words wither on my tongue
As yours overpower and overwhelm.
Questions asked
About every word.
I’ll set it on fire
I’ll set it all on fire.
Coals to your wisdom,
Embers to your truth.
I’ll set it on fire.
Stop asking me
And doubting me
And lying.
I’ll set it all on fire.
Jul 31 · 226
Broken Cages
Strung Jul 31
Demons held in jars on my shelf.
I pick one up and talk to it,
"I think I'm wrong..."
Malice and the dead look in its eyes answer.
"... You're nodding. What do you know?"
When you go, will you haunt me?
Demons,
freed from their jars on my shelf,
run wild.
Jul 8 · 131
My Mind is Expiring
Strung Jul 8
I am a nothing nothing nothing person
Nothing here to see
I am a nothing failing bailing person
Clinging to a dream.
I am a nothing nowhere no good one
A one who dries out eyes
I am a nothing but a husk person
Who can’t fight the dark demise.
A Dark Crystal demon look alike
It’s true, I’m not dead yet
I look my nothing in the face
And question it’s true taste
For if blood was what it wanted
Then blood it would’ve had,
But my nowhere eyes are missing spite
And deep down nothing me is glad.
A demon eyed me is nothing new
But here, I find a light,
If a nothing me was fighting so
Why can’t I feel the bite?
Give up then! I always do
A nothing keeps its name.
Look my nothing in the face
And play this ******* game.
Dark Crystal creature crawling to the surface of the world
To tell everything
To Shove It
Jul 3 · 133
Bitter.
Strung Jul 3
You
Who does not do enough,
Slacking.
You who is tired, who is angry
At yourself and at the world
For making you do it.

You who is scared to make mistakes
So you never leave your head.
You who is missing everything
Trying to keep it all
For the future.

It is you
Who is tired and who is painfully bitter
At yourself
Jun 26 · 216
Concrete Smile
Strung Jun 26
I envy those
With a constant smile.
What life have you lived
To morph a concrete face?
And how do I get there
From here?
Perhaps I need to stop
Staring at the sky—At the birds—
As if one day
My bones will go hollow
And I’ll fly all the way
To forever.
— maybe I should just work harder
Beautiful people walk light on the earth and I find my feet sinking deep
Jun 25 · 557
I Don’t Want to Talk
Strung Jun 25
I don’t want to talk
Locked
Somewhere between my eyes and my trembling hands
I couldn’t hold the pencil
To tell you.

It fell from between my fingers
And I watched the chance to yell
Hit the ground
— my voice thins with your hair
Jun 17 · 182
Armageddon.
Strung Jun 17
You liar
Little liar spitting in my eyes
Who am I to tell you who or what is better?
Pain and rhymes and all our ******* time
Is wasted playing games of true or false
Deep in our own seething breathless hearts;
Life and death and all the painful nothing in between
Is a dream we can’t begin to see
As surrendering to nothing.

Burn it all—
Armageddon—fall.
Kneel to Gods great wrath
As he takes your heart deep in his throat and breaks it will his laugh.
A demon crawling along the floor of my mind
Breaks the silence
Jun 14 · 183
Charcoal Thoughts
Strung Jun 14
I’m thinking all my charcoal thoughts—
Scorching on my mind—
I’m thinking all my crumbly words
Are worth the dark’s dull time
I sit here in the dark
And watch the embers burn
The feelings of the faces here
Mean nothing in the urn.
I sit against cold tiles,
Hiding in the dark
The fire burns me inside out
I’m alone, I’m hurt.
I sit deep in the fire
I have no more bones to give
All my blood is boiling
And my eyes have all but caved
I sit here in the fire
And think my charcoal thoughts
I want nothing else to do
With anything but dust.
Burn the legs and up the arms
I’m done with walking free
Burn the brain, the heart, the soul
I retire to the dream.
Jun 5 · 201
Do you notice?
Strung Jun 5
Do you notice?
Jumbling tumbling out of line
With glasses pressed to nose
Too scared to show my eyes
Nervous tick of pressing them
closer into skin
As if it hides me...
—I guess it does
Because who would speak
To someone without eyes?
Confidence building is a *****
Strung Apr 29
I should have gone to bed instead of
Speaking out of turn
And forcing them to listen
To hours of unnerve
If you find yourself so trapped with me,
Just plug your ears and wait
I tire of the voice I have
I tire of the weight.
Words are endless, are they not?
As if they don’t catch fast
When thoughts I have refuse to bring me
Further from the past.
Promise me you’ll listen?
You’ll push past all the noise?
I need to speak, I need to shout
And I need in me your poise.
Pointless was my favorite word
To scream inside my head
Until I found these words in me
To fight my faceless friend.
I know I’m here to be someone,
Stay here, I’ll find out who
Until then, stay and hear me
As my poems shuffle through
Strung Apr 17
It’s supposed to be spring
So where are the flowers?
The brightest of stars
Bringing beautiful laughter
-
It’s supposed to be warmer,
The air clearing up,
It’s supposed to be calm
as budding blossoms come up
-
It’s supposed to be spring,
So why am I cold?
Why am I hollow and caved like a hole?
-
If it’s supposed to be spring,
Then where are my flowers?
My laughter my love and my beautiful chapters?
-
If it’s supposed to be nice, if I’m supposed to be done
Then why do I feel like just flesh without bone?
-
If it’s supposed to be spring
And I’m supposed to be blooming,
Where is the sun to erase my cold brooding?
-
Why am I empty
And frozen throughout?
Am I missing my springtime by having this drought?
-
My flowers have settled
To stay in the ground...
I’m sorry, my spring never showed up this round.
Strung Apr 13
Take my words in sections
Held—breast-pocket poetry—in times
When I keep my heart between my ears
My poetic little lines.
When you hold them in your pocket,
At least I know they’re heard
I dont want to die alone without you having heard my lifeless words

Steal my words
I work so hard
To make them sound like honey.
Sweeter till you listen
Then it sticks unpleasantly

Ask me to explain,
no one ever does
They are not simply stanzas
Not rhyming lines of empty thoughts

Hold my words like glass
I’ll take them back I swear
I don’t want to have to tell you
You broke my heart somewhere
Feb 7 · 136
Hunger
Strung Feb 7
I just keep thinking
It will end.
But we create
Monsters
And feed them
With silence
Jan 30 · 166
It’s okay
Strung Jan 30
You can’t stand to see me.
It’s okay,
I’ve put it
Away
In the locket I keep
Deep in my heart—
The chains
Scraping my lungs;
It’s why I can’t speak.
It’s okay,
I hurt you
And you hurt me
And it’s okay.
Nov 2018 · 91
Patterns to End
Strung Nov 2018
Is it sad, you think you love me?
That you think you need to be someone else for me?
It ******* breaks my heart.
Or, not breaks—
It feels like there's a thin lining of glass
around every *****, and every section of my body—
And with every thought
With every tiny anxious idea
It cracks
And sends shards shooting through every vein and cell.
That’s dramatic, but so is this.

You say you’ve fallen for me
And I can’t help but call your bluff
Because
I can’t stop picturing all the others you’ve ‘fallen’ for
And where they lay now,
Floating like scraps on the floor
Of your conscience.

Love is a void
And a concept
And an idyllic little photo of a lighthouse on a cliff;
It does not apply to you and I.
I cannot handle what you’re handing me.
I’ve decided to be blunt,
Because, isn’t this the time for it?
I do love you
But I do not have to be in love with you
And you do not have to be in love with me.

I have a very hard time
With love
And everything it entails.
But I know it does entail you
In a light much different to
Traditional ‘love’
Like the fairy tale ‘Prince Charming’ love.

Can I tell you something?
I was angry at you, for doing this.
I never wanted to be a victim
Of this tiresome game
People seem so desperate to play.
I’m not going to play it.
I won’t play it.

You are my friend and someone I hold very close,
But I am not in love with you.

And I will not ever be in love with you.

Look at all the ******* poetry we could write
About our
Empty words
And how full
They’ve become.

Here are the fullest words I have for you:
Don’t let this ruin us.

I think I want to be angry
At your patterns
Of endless seeking.
You have done this before
And I have seen it.
Please see
You play a silent game
With yourself
and the people
you love
Trying to find someone
To tell you you’re enough

I can’t fill a void
I can’t complete you
I can’t be someone to fawn over.
I can’t do this.
Not this.

I have been handed
So many things.
I roll up my sleeves,
pick up my shattered pieces,
And handle it.
But not this.
Don’t ask me to handle this.

And don’t you dare
Ask me to choose.
Nov 2018 · 995
Hungry Love
Strung Nov 2018
The earth is tired
Like the lids I peer through
Back to you
And your pursuit 
Of endless hungry words,
So spill, tell it all;
The words that ****.
Poison, it’s an intimacy
Like the tattoo sleeve you lean on,
Dreams that fill your ego
Feeding lies of which you dream on
But what I know you reach for
Is more hungry love
So continue draining life or love from me
Leaching words,
— Just keep them
Nov 2018 · 382
Shatterable
Strung Nov 2018
Am I glass to myself?
So easily shattered.
See through the image I talk about;
Do I pretend to be different
Than a mirror of doubt?
Reflect back only critics
Buckets of loss
With every look in the eye,
A victory tossed.
Strung Oct 2018
You’re forcing my hand, forcing the lungs to constrict,
What will you do
with the bits of love I’ve left to you?

I don’t trust you anymore

“Nothing is wrong”,
Let it be known
I’ve just had a bad week,
Though that’s naive.
A crooked dream
I like to think
about.

I know I’m surrounded.
Blood red hair you dye to stay pretty,
Like the blood drawing sharks in calm waters.

— I guess I deserve it.
Sep 2018 · 509
Manic
Strung Sep 2018
You are vilanizing me
You are punishing me
Evil
You realize you’re hurting me?
Pain like fire
Against every vein
You’re holding me hostage
Manic
Manic
MANIC—
You screamed at me,
“I can’t survive”
You accused me
Of prosecuting you
Well, prosecute my ******* love;
You might as well.
My pain is collateral in your manic mind
Hold a gun to my face,
It’d hurt less, the bullet.
*******,
I’m not punishing you
You are toxic
Toxic.
And absolutely off the edge.
You are manic.
Say it,
Manic.
— And for ****’s sake, apologize.
Anger is a bitter tea, take these words with a grain of salt... It was an angry day.
Sep 2018 · 102
Listen
Strung Sep 2018
Pushed into the pavement
Like the imprint of a leaf
A simple stain on concrete
- Haven't I got anything to say?
Sep 2018 · 664
Too late (to call)
Strung Sep 2018
It got too late
to call
I hung up my hands,
the wall
always hits my head—
When the moon is so high
I can't watch from my window,
I know,
It's too late to call
Strung Sep 2018
Tattoo your love of normalcy
Up and down your sleeves
But don't ever look at me
Like that

— The End —