You're choking on stress and everything much less than that but you'll never listen cause you're never wrong.

We know you're not stupid but you like to pretend you are. So if you're playing dumb then we'll play along.

And when the winter comes then it gets hard to breathe. And when the spring arrives, it won't mean much to me. Cause summer's way too long. I know fall's just a waste of time. I'm starting to believe that, baby- you're a waste of mine.

We know what you're thinking- that nothing will ever happen. But we'll keep on writing and singing these songs.

We know that you're smirking in shadows of a shadow of doubt. But you keep on laughing. And we'll laugh along.

I've got a misguided belief that everything will be alright. But I still brood in disbelief almost every single night. So I sit in my room- teeth clenched and eyes closed. And think about the things about you I miss the most.

How you smile even though everything's gone to hell and how I get depressed when things are going twice as well. About you laughing in the car about some offhanded remark that I made when the piece of junk wouldn't start up.

I said I'd wait for you here
I'm rooted to this spot forever
It seems I'm stuck here in this place
Until the sky is falling.

She said you never write of falling in love. And I could only reply I write about things I know. Like losing trust and cutting wrists and breaking bones and being depressed.

And she told me to write about something else. And she said that it might help. So I'm writing this instead. But her voice still rings in my head.

But I'm not waiting for the answer. I'm not hanging around for this.

I wasn’t there, but I still see that image of you in the front seat of your car. The lights were on and it was a hot and humid morning; the sun was just coming up.

I remember that hollow feeling in my chest and the knots in my stomach when she told me in the doorway of the office; it’s that same feeling that I get.

I made phone calls to all our old friends to make sure they heard it from a familiar voice than read it in cold, dead words from a screen.

Mike asked if I was kidding, but remarked I would never joke like this. I heard the faintness in his voice. I heard the aching on his breath.

I was dressed in black that Saturday morning sitting patiently behind that wall that separated me from my friends. The guitar sat idly on the ground; my hands trembled from the anxiousness.

I stood up in front of the most people I’d ever seen in one place. I looked out and saw so many familiar faces that I hadn’t seen in years. And I lamented to myself that it had been so long, and it’s been even longer still.

My shaking hands strummed out a simple song my voice croaked with regret; but I sand that song for you, my friend, and I’ve played it only

Once.

Since.

I'm watching Donnie Darko with the lights on
And I'm thinking about all my old friends
And how I've wasted all these years, but I coped with most of my fears, and you know: things seemed different then.

And if you fall apart, the bottom is a good place to start when you have to pick yourself back up again.
And if you're falling down, when you hit the ground, give it a kiss and realize this: you know, it's not too late to be the end.

And I fell in love with all the things that make me human. I forgave myself and everyone else too. And I stopped looking for the answers. They're still there, but they're different for me and you.

And if someone tells you no one cares, please know that that's not true.

I've become addicted to pain. The kind that leaves you troubled, broken, and insane. 

I've become indifferent to shame. So cast out all your sins and let me shoulder all the blame. 

I've become distracted by flames. As I watched you burning out, I felt nothing- what a shame. 

I've become indifferent to rage. I've put the past behind me, I'm not bothered with why you didn't stay. 

I've become addicted to pain. Not the kind were skin breaks, but the one where the heart's ripped out its cage. 

No one said forever would ever be forever enough.

What's another sleepless night on the path to infinity? Here's to the pills to make me chill but still don't do anything. So I'm just staring at the inside of my eye lids watching the scenes of my life play out on my internal movie screen.

I see in vivid colors the memories that I thought I had let go, but were continuously burning from within me. Like the time I spoke venom and rhetoric at the loss of my notebooks and it was probably then and there that you fell out of love with me.

Or the moment you got too close so I shut down and refused to speak. Those times got more frequent and fraught with the fear to be open and honest but a liar I'd never be. So we sat in silence in the car like a sad film scene where it would rain, but we wouldn't cry, and so you fell out of love with me.

And if there's a demon in me, he's learned to speak in silver lined tongue and in prose and in rhyme and to paint pictures with words so he can pretend he's free. But I'm still haunted by the actions and the fears of a scared and tired little heart housed in chain and ice and it's when these fears came to life: I learned I'll never be free and so I fell out of love with me.

I'm doing fine without you asking.
So don't ask and save your breath.
I was fine before you waltzed in.
And I'll be fine even now you've left.

You were the last good thing in a world of "I don't care anymore."

Run up that concrete flight. Assess the scene and know that’s it’s not alright.
And push the hair aside - like moving ivy out of the windows of those glassy eyes.

Check for that heartbeat sign. The steady rhythm that helps determine if you’ve still got time. But it’s the pulse that you just can’t find. Nothing but the the bloodrush beat behind an aching mind.

So cover what you can with a jacket to keep from prying eyes. Let out a tremble and a silent sigh. Pick him up and take him out of sight and know that things won’t ever be alright.

You stopped cutting your skin so you're cutting your ties now, to help you feel strong but you're just feeling alone and the things that you feel just make your heart sink like a stone.

If it's hard to relate it's because you don't have enough time. So you sit there in school and get drunk off of cheap wine. And you're not feeling loved so you wonder who will sleep with you tonight.

And since the last time, I don't think I can stand you. You play my guitar and sing hallelujah. You won't look at me twice and I think it's alright if you just say good bye for now.

You went off to college and followed in her foot steps. Blank stare and things best left unsaid. You never said "so long." You just left it all instead.

Baby, you're a lightweight.
It won't take much before you're gone.
Say good bye to heart break because right now, nothing could go wrong.
And when you wake up, you'll wish you'd stayed home last night. So when your mom comes home, you don't have to lie.

I saw a dead stare in your eyes. Shot in hand and a beer can littered life now.
A dull laugh etched upon your face. Seems you've left without a single trace now.

You thought you had it figured out.
    You had no idea what we're about.
Can you even recall what I'm saying?

Baby, you're a lightweight.
It won't take much before you're gone.
Say good bye to heart break because right now, nothing could go wrong.
And when you wake up, you'll wish you'd stayed home last night. So when I come by, you don't have to lie.

You spilled your guts, I couldn't care. You thought that I would always be there waiting.
It's such a shame to call you friend. I always thought that this would have a bitter end.

You were nowhere to be found
    No one picked you up when you fell down.
Can you even remember what I was saying?

Baby, you're a lightweight.
It won't take much before you're gone.
Cigarettes and ******* because right now, nothing could go wrong.
And when you wake up, you'll wish you'd stayed home last night. So when the cops come by, you don't have to lie.

Baby, you're a deadweight
And you only bring me down. Say hello to good byes cause this time we're not messing around.
And when we wake up, we'll wish you'd stayed home last night. The medics came. We're swear you almost died.

Baby, you're a lightweight.
It won't take much before you're gone.
Say good bye to heart break because right now, nothing could go wrong.
And when you wake up, you'll wish you'd stayed home last night. So won't you please come home? Please come home tonight.

Baby, you're a lightweight.
And you've been gone for far too long. And you never came home.

So I guess I'll say so long.

Ever since you told me
"I've been losing sleep"
I just want you to know
I've prayed for rainstorms twice a week

And I know you never listen
And I know you won't care
And I know you don't believe in love
And probably never will

I know you never listen
Please tell me that you're listening
I've loved you just enough for this to end up in a tragedy.

But I can't help but wonder
If there's anything else there
Besides a girl with a broken heart
And a head full of despair

And if she wants someone to save her
If she wants someone to care
Then she can always come to me
Cause I'll always be there

It's the things you love and the things that you learn to hate. It's the feeling of despair and indescribable rage. It's the things you try to hide but you always seem to find

That the human aspects of life are fickle and flame. There's a communal need to pass on (not shoulder) the blame. When you stand back and look away, can you handle all the shame

Of the things you know you should have done but you chose to neglect? And you say you're doing fine but you're an emotional wreck. The things you try to hide cast shadows in your eyes.

It's the things you thought you knew and the things you try to forget. Is it a life well lived if it's a life filled with regret? If it's a shocking turn of events, will you trudge on through the end

Of the story to see how it all will surely unfold? Isn't there a strange sort of beauty in the perils of telling truths untold? When the questions that you have are the ones you'll never ask

On a search to self proclaimed enlightened truth and you seem to think you wasted time on this ill fitting youth. The things you try to hide turn my stomach and make me cry.

It's the things you did and the things that I know you regret.

We both want to point fingers. We refuse to take blame. We adamantly deny it. And in this sense, we are both the same.

But there are motions in our sickness
   (Or rather sickness in our motions)
Indecent murmurs of our shame
But the murmurs stay just murmurs so we can play our little game.

Of facade.
Of charade.
Of telephone lines.
Razor blades.

Emotion.
Commotion.

My eyelids paint a picture that I just can't recognize
I thought at first that it was you. But it was sorrow in disguise.

They say it's good to see me smile
And how they haven't seen it in a while

And they ask about my writing-
Am I still troubled and alone.
"Are you still writing about cutting?"
Am I still afraid of all these ghosts?

No, I don't think so.

I might be troubled, but I'm not lonely
I was never afraid to be alone

And I write of self harm because it comes easy

I'm growing bored of your complaints and all your narcissistic *******
About your plans and why they falter and why these guys just do not love you
And ain't it tiresome to keep on talking when you know not a soul is listening?
But you still blather on and on about the same old tired **** you used to

You're still pretentious and annoying with all your petty blabber
About the he said/she said nonsense and how you think it really matters
And all your endless ******* questions but you don't really want an answer
You're just crying for attention but you'll be prying here forever

No more life.
No serenity.
No more peace of mind.

Nothing to stop this argument or put things back in line.

I've been dreaming under forgotten stars and I've heard it all before.

Only lies.
No sincerity.
And old forgotten friends.

Lifeless life I've left for dead.

All means to my end.

Burning fire set me free. I'm burning bridges once again.

And I'm trying. Maybe I'm dying. I can fake a broken heart as a symptom.
And I'm hoping that you're choking on all your dreams and aspirations.

And I know you're not the one.
And you know I'm not the one.
And I know you're not the one I'm looking for.

I fell in love here. I'm getting old dear. I was talking to myself about nothing.
I am gone now. So, so long now. And you're nodding off to sleep in the morning.

I was dreaming. So please forgive me. Because I know not a single thing can ever last.

And we're crying. Maybe we're dying. And we can't care enough to even care now

I've got a name, but I'm known by a number
All of my life, controlled by computers
Bottom half, but I say it's an error
We're just a number, our lives just don't matter

She has a name, but the doctor won't see her
She doesn't exist, until she shows that number
15%, but she won't accept it
The doctor gave up, just because of a number

A person just died
Their name's in the paper
Some people just died
They became just a number
Am I the only one
Who sees something wrong with the picture
I know that it's wrong
But we're all just statistics!

All of our lives, we long to be different
We never will, we're all part of statistics
Names, they mean nothing
Lives, they mean nothing
God, he means nothing when you're known by a number.

Her eyes told me a story
Of lost faith and deception
But she could calmly tell me
It was a common misconception

And she said it didn't matter
It was her body he was after
You see, attention is attention
And she never got it from her daddy

Oh god we've heard it all before
We look just fine, hearts are worn
Oh god we've heard it all before
We look just fine, our lives are torn

His eyes tell me a story
Of losing love and failure
He says he's doing fine and
That he can't be any better

But I think that he's crashing
And he is void of passion
You know compassion's not compassion
If it's only trend or fashion

I'm a drop out, working full-time
But I never had a doubt that you would save me
You never saved me, now I'm worn out

Of this empty town, of this tired frown
Oh, please forgive me

So I'm shouting from rooftops, and at the top of my lungs
And bottom of my heart, "Get it up, get it up, get it up
Don't let me down"

So I'm shouting from rooftops
But no one seems to hear
No body ever cares
So what, we all fall apart
At the top of my lungs
From the bottom of my heart
But not even echoes respond

Working nights now, sleeping all of the day
Laugh myself to bitterness, can I sleep myself to death yet?

You torture my brain, driving me so insane
But you can't do this to me.

I don't know if I ever had hope at all.

I don't think I could handle it:
That crushing feeling of never being good enough.
Hoping has let me down so many times before, I'm tired of coping through misery.

And if I'm afraid to love then it was learned through disaster.
Too many sudden stops of the heart after it kept beating faster and faster.
It's scarred so much more than before.

I don't think I can handle it.

Oh love, that crippling defeat.

I'm terrified that now you've left me that soon you'll just forget me and I'll just be all alone once again.

And I fear that when I call you that you will just ignore it and I'll just be talking to myself once again.

I'm giving you this heart in the hopes that you may keep it and I pray it won't get broken once again.

And when I'm missing you most my dear, I'm wishing for you home and I'm afraid that I'll just be all alone once again.

Give me passion soaked in remorse and sweat between these empty venue walls and all your burned out cigarettes, thinking "oh God, I've seen it all."

I forgot the melody I've been singing up and down these God forsaken halls and I've been feeling down and out, it ain't the same now since you've gone.

It ain't the same.
Since you've been gone.
It ain't the same.
Since you've been gone.

And I was kind of hoping this time I would come around.
And I was kind of hoping this time I'd stop freaking out.
And I was kind of hoping that this time I'd stop hoping for anything worth hoping to finally come around.

You and I have hands of bone. And when the darkness comes, we are all alone.

Standing on bridges,
Feeling something I don't know how to explain.
Seeing headlights,
And taillights disappearing around curves.

Hearing how the overpass sings to me
Of hope and forgiveness, quiet contemplation.

These conversations aren't working.

We painted picture perfect skylines to veil every flaw that we'd uncovered but we're not so naive to think that it would be enough ever to paint the stars to hide the scars that she'd carved into her wrists and in her thighs and in her neck to give her hell to reminisce.

We watched in horror at the crumbling of the friends we've come to know. Watched them decaying rapidly from people living to caskets full of bone. He said "darling I was listening and I was watching all along and I tried to understand but you're dying all alone, so come back home."

But where is home when we're drowning in our doubt? Is it true that you're looking for a way out? Because I still see your light shining brilliantly.

So hold your breath and give in to  this. And fill your pockets full of stone. Walk to the river heavy footed and stand up on the shore. And listen up and listen in and watch the tide keep climbing in up to your feet and then your knees but it doesn't have to come this.

We painted picture perfect faces to hide the chaos in our minds but we spend every waking moment hoping it'll fade away in time. And so we pray the smile stays but always fear that it'll fade. And so we etched it in our skin so it can never fade away.

I spoke a word too soon it seems,
Expressing my pity and my doubt.
Isn't it a pity that your pity
Was your only way out?

Your words still echo in my head
So long after they were said.
Well after all their meaning has been spent
But they're still searching for a way out.

Serpent tongued thieves
Were sowing seeds of insecurity
With their silver lined whispering.
Painting silver all our self doubt

I keep on writing
to continue hiding
myself from the fears of failure and regret

but I've been fighting
while agonizing
over what by now I thought I'd forget

like those stupid moments
the disappointments
when each word gets more stifled than before

it's evanescent
the coalescence
the sinews carrying my heart have torn

were we ever happy?
I'm just asking
because I don't know if we ever were

just placating
the soul from hating
but it never really seemed to bother her

Take me to those places where I first learned that I could love. In school yards, and in churches, car rides, Longhorn's, and smoky music clubs. These places feel so empty now that we're telephone lines apart and I'm alone.

Take me to those places where I first learned I could hurt. Phone calls on my bed, the last of car rides on the road. The street where we last embraced before I left and headed home. These places feel so empty now that we're telephone lines apart and I'm alone.

Take me to those places that I first learned I had hope. On couches watching movies and those places I wrote poems. In Rome, where we saw zebras. And that mountain path we got lost upon. These places feel so empty now that we're telephone lines apart and I'm alone.

Take me to those places that I had happiness. All those places in time that we had shared before you left. And when you come back, we would share some more time in places I won't regret. But then those places will feel empty when we're telephone lines apart and I'm alone again.

"When we die, do we die alone?"
And the word caught in my throat when I said no
Cause I knew that I was lying just to ease the pain of passing
But she's the one who left me all alone

Yeah, she's the one who left me all alone

And she sang, "Whoa! It's time for me to go.
I've been hanging 'round too long
And you gotta let me go."

"Just let me go"

And I know she saw disappointment in my eyes,
But she closed her own and said her last goodbyes

I guess she got me all along

And I sang, "Whoa! I've got to I've been choking on these words from long ago."

Burning fire set me free.
You know I'm burning out for this.

And we both sang, "Whoa! I've got to go.
I've been waiting for too long. I let you go."

"Yeah, we waited for too long we let each other go.
Yeah, we waited for too long we let each other go."

Yeah, I waited for too long and now you're gone.

Wake me when it thunders and when the storm rips the sky asunder. And we will wait for the current to pull us under.

And oh! You plunderer of souls, are we not foes? At least foils? Standing on the helm of the dichotomy of the world

And when you come back:
   Come back broken
        Come back beaten and forlorn

I won't feel pity
I won't feel much
I won't feel much of anything anymore

And all the letters, all the time I've spent alone
Has left me angry
Left me bitter

Has cut me deep and to the bone

I've been killing time and dreaming up nightmares and pretending that I don't care that you're gone though you meant everything.

You've been dreaming easy and killing off your fears. You're not faking a smile this time. You can shine through almost anything.

So alone since the moment you left dear. And I won't see you 'til next year. By the way I wrote a song for you.
The line is in the dirt and I think that I could cross it. Times' short, so make the most of it. Now that you're here, it's so unreal to me.

I've been counting scars like stars in the night sky. And watching life passing me by. I can't care when you're not around.

Your scars are fading out and stars shine brighter. Still you question all your self doubt. Don't you know it's not worth anything?

I close my eyes and cover my ears and start the screaming. For what it's worth all of my pleas are incoherent.

Don't you miss the old me?
The old me wouldn't ever be.
What a waste of anything.

If I couldn't lie again
I would never have a friend.
Here I am, so hear my plea

Call the play. We'll burn the sea.
Breaking bones and I can see
Nameless fears I can't believe

We're losing sight of you and me
Rebel fist sink into teeth.
Golden hearts; they cease to beat

I was born in silence, bored of me.
If only death can set you free...

What kind of life is in store for me?

My eyelids paint a picture that I just can't recognize and I thought at once, dear, that it was you here- but now I see that it's just sorrow in disguise.

And I am bothered by the slaughter that her hands and wrists and knives and heart had cost her. She said that this time would be the last time, but she still cuts herself to ribbons in her free time.

She said, "I don't care anymore." She said, "This life for me is stale and growing cold." She said, "I'm not fine, but I can't find why I should care anymore.

I've had as much talk about fear and distraction as I can react to before I start going numb.

Between secondhand smoke and lies in the bedroom, these serenades to no one start to feel rehearsed.

But she said, "I don't care anymore." She said, "I'm sick and ******* tired of being bored." She said, "I'm not blind, but I can't find why I should care anymore.

She said, "I don't care anymore." She said, "I never wanted much but to feel loved." She said, "You were the last good thing in this world left to me. But now you're gone and I can't care anymore."

I painted all the walls in my room a mix of black and blue. Except for a small part above the window, I painted red. And that was you.

So when you came in with a fury, the anger of a hurricane would look at the piece I called love and be subdued.

Instead of trading in our last dance for broken granite for the heart wrenching eternity of a tomb, I beseech thee to cast out your doubt, your insecurities, shed the armor that protects you.

And open up, and let me in, betray all of the worst you hide inside you. Fear not my love, nor my ambitions, for I have nestled my heart within you.

We spit rhetoric in rhyme,
Who will save us this time?

I'm feeling like the hero in a Salinger book
Dodging your questions and all your ***** looks.

And when you turn the next page
I'll wish things'd stayed the same.
Between the lines about last year
And this year's opening phrase.

Every feeling I've carved
In with a pen
Dragged across paper
And threw in the trash bin.

What a waste of my time
Can I please waste yours?
I'm sitting on front steps
And knocking on back doors.

It's a perfect day for bananafish
It's a perfect day to feel alive
It's a perfect day for bananafish
It's a perfect night

And at times,
I feel like I've changed.
Learned all my lessons
And shouldered all the blame.

But I know,
It's a feeling short lived.
I'll give up the ghost
And let bitterness sink in.

And I'm sure
By the end of the night,
I'll have plans to call you
But those plans just won't feel right.

It's a thing
I know I'll regret
But you'll get married next year,
so I might as well forget.

Raise high the roofbeam, carpenters
We'll make the house come crashing down
Raise high the roofbeam, carpenters
I'm bringing it down

I've spent years of barely living. I've spent summers full of fear. When I had the chance to tell you that I loved you I knew I should have brought you here, to this over pass I used to sing at though I hadn't been in years, but instead I let you leave with out a goodbye. I watched you disappear.

I used to watch you in the moonlight out of the corner of my eye. I would listen to you breathing as you looked up at the sky. And I know you were counting stars and trying to figure why I could be so painfully reserved as the silence passed us by.

I started having dreams about having finally got it right. I gave you all the letters I wrote you every single night. I told you the things that really matter and I said it all outright. But instead I'd say it with a stammer and follow with a sigh.

You would say I never listen but I don't think you think that's true. The timbre of your voice is soothing; I could spend each night listening to you. I had to give up on the things I wanted and what I wanted most desperately was the chance to follow through with the scenarios in my dreams, but I fear there's nothing left that I can do.

We walk
Down the
Sidewalk until
The concrete
Runs out

You know, I'm never sadder than those moments I realize how much I miss you.

And at first those moments came frequently and without delay but the pain they brought was simple. Dull; an ache.

But how as time crept slowly, the moments so frequent would come intermittently when I was most vulnerable.

But that dull ache was replaced with a deeper longing and a pain I couldn't shake. And it would stay with me for days and haunt my fevered sleep with memories I just wished would go away.

But I fear if they were to stop, I would lose all sense of self.

I already write so sparingly.

So please, just spare me the impertinence of soliloquy, that indecent exposé.

I've paced around in empty parking lots with myself and a guitar. And I spent almost 9 years thinking about you. And now you're gone.

And everybody says the same thing. They say they think I've lost my mind. And I was counting stars on the overpass, baby. But I was just wasting time.

She said, "Boy, you almost had it. But you were just too blind to see." She said, "Right when I wanted you was when you gave up on wanting me."

She told me I wrote too many uncomfortable poems. Said I was too busy being alone. She asked me why I never seemed to notice how she sang along to every unhappy song.

Her eyes gazed off in to nothing and I knew I should have said something but I didn't say anything at all.

It was all private screaming but was masked as day dreaming but she left and she didn't say a word.

This sound is filling up my ears
Your eyes are flooding up with tears
Our lives are weighing down with years
But this place has always stood still here

You always said these people jeer
And make excuses year to year
But I'll keep smiling ear to ear
Because you're in this place, still here

My head is playing out these fears
I'm getting left out by my peers
I'm seeing shadows in the mirror
But you're always in my heart, dear

It feels like I'm choking on this air
Every time that you are near
You turn around and you can't hear
That I'm glad that you're still here

So close your eyes, and I swear this won't be goodbye
Good night

Good bye

We don't know what we don't know
We're not reliant on the fallacy of tomorrow
We're not reliant on, relying on tomorrow
We're not reliant on, relying on, we're lying

I've spent the past seven years reading secrets from post cards and the last 24 trying to act like I've got a cold heart. But I'm still sleeping with the blanket I stole from my brother when I was four and was afraid he'd get mad and say he didn't like me.

And my grandfather died, he wasn't blood and we called him Tommy. His real name was George, but he loved us like family. I visited him in the hospital when they pulled the plug and I brought my guitar and sat alone on my car.

And I hadn't written anything since he passed. Not a word since October. But this is me at 2:30 am  watching old 90's tv with the lights on and writing this down and I'm thinking of where I want to be.

For the past six years I've been waiting patiently for you to call and say that you've missed me. But I've waited in vain, and now your vanity's wasted. You're a ghost of the past and your sincerity's faded.

I built a new book shelf and changed rooms and painted my new walls a shade of gray and I hung up red curtains. And it was ten years ago that we moved here to the place I would call home though, then, I wasn't so certain.

The last eleven years I've been writing to try to forget you. I've spent so much time staring blankly through windows. This is me apologizing for the past and conceding hope for the future. This is me staring out at where I am and where I want to be.

And how?

With bitter decay, I've felt my heart gone to ruin. Behind its cage of bone, flesh, and cartilage.

And when the sinews break and the heart sinks to the stomach, I feel a retching in the back of my throat. All the synapses in the nervous system start to snap.

I feel cold. I wonder what death feels like. Hands plunged in ice, but still the forehead sweats.

Lumbering between doorways and up and down halls. Collapse on the bed and pretend to not feel anything at all.

And just sleep. Restlessly.

It's distressing to find out all my friends are strangers.

How long might this last before
The future now becomes my past?

When old men's thoughts are wasted
Because the love they never tasted

Makes all of our lives splinter
Like a tree in the mid winter

And the cold frost comes to cover
My heart that some how loves her

I wish that I could tell you
Of all my love that has befell you

I'll never know why I didn't answer. I just needed some time to pull myself together. And I was fine just for the moment. You were quick to hope but I was faster to anger. And now you're gone. Headed northbound. And I was hoping you'd stay but now it's time to move on.

The ******* in me says I'm not good for anything. The liar in me knows it's true. I was thinking last night about my purpose for being here. I spent all night thinking of you.

So here's to you. And all the fall out. And the fears you left behind in your desertion from this town. And I'm still here. In my parents' basement. Singing song after song about my discontentment. And all my friends- they feel the same way. But we're not giving up after these disappointments.

I want to break you with a jaded memory. I want to leave you like a faded misery. Fading quickly, but you won't break me. And if this world starts collapsing, I'm sure I'll be okay.

All of my life I've been picking at scars and scabs
Mending my bones and counting the stars and
Everything I've known has just disappointed me
But I can't let these disasters keep on defining me

All of my life I've been sitting in silence and
Watching myself be affected by the trivial things
Biding my time and biting my tongue so I
React out in anger at the breaking of illusions

It's the first of the month and end of the year now.
As I lay in my bed and think about how,
Everything that I've held on to just keeps on slipping away.

So I'll keep holding to these: letters and keepsakes.
And all of the car rides, missed stares, and mistakes.
Anything at all to keep me from falling off the edge.

So if you're getting lonely, I'll come by to see you.
And if you can wait, I've got lots to tell you.
Flower in hand and heart bleeding on my sleeve.

And if I'm choking on words, it's because I don't have the right ones.
Not in a million poems, stories, or love songs.
Oh well, I guess I'll just leave here like it was.

The view from here is hard to feel.
An empty presence, no breath to steal.
White knuckles grip steering wheel
Taking me far away from here

I remember cold hard stares
They were making it hard to care
I swore that I'd always be there
And I can still recall the screaming on the stairs