Like a butterfly who misses the many legs it once had
Back then when it could only crawl and climb
Like a flower that misses itself at its shortest stem
When it was just a seedling right before its prime

There are moments when nostalgia hits
Too much that it makes me unaligned
I ponder if I should regress to who I once was
Only to go against my evolutionary design

Or perhaps I just miss knowing I was loved
So I question whether again, I would find
Acceptance and belonging with fond memories
With the current identity I now reside

I could go back and make things simple again
Go along with what I’ve been assigned
It's been done before, a path predetermined
With the name I was given at the starting line

When I consider such a thought I feel much resistance
As though I am forfeiting without much of a fight
I feel caged, suffocated with helplessness
If I had to persist in a life limited to foresight

Know where I've been so I know where I’m going
Where is the bridge where these two paths combine?
To keep treading forward as I shed all that is unbecoming
Becoming a way of being I can personally identify

The warmth of a single sun ray
The graceful dance of fallen leaves
Cotton candy skies before nightfall
Someday I will miss all of these

When my body can no longer move on it’s own
Or when my mind has wandered too far
I will miss the simplistic joys of daily living
That life’s luxuries cannot come to par

One day I’ll miss making my own hearty meal
Living off of my own two hands
For now, they still carry my capability
An independence residing in my grasp

There will come a day, an inevitable day
When my home will become a house
And my name ridden with memories
If the pain of the heart allows

Until my last breath escapes my chest
And my eyes close for one last time
I hope to live a life written in nostalgia
So I can say my life was truly mine

There once was a little starling
Who was born on the milky way
Surrounded by others just like her
In the constellations where they had played

One fateful night she fell out of orbit
Floating farther and further away
Surrounded by the darkest of galaxies
Wondering why she couldn’t have stayed

There were days she lost a little more stardust
Trailing behind her like a shooting star
Falling into the biggest black hole
She was scared of losing more of her parts

Surrounded by the empty darkness
She lit the darkest corner of the universe
Though she was unable to see her own light
Because too often she cared for others first

She came back to us as a 4 pointed star
Losing one of them on her journey home
Every night we formed a cluster of stars
To remind her that she was never alone

If only she knew she was a starseed
In the darkest moments is where she grows
For she became our brightest north star
Who always brought us home with hope

If any path you took would lead you to greatness
Would you still be afraid of taking the first step?
And stay where you were and still are now
Living each passing second in waking regret?

Because the path to greatness does not mean
The journey is a one way, uphill climb
You fall off and climb then rest in between
Taking care of yourself regardless of time

Because the lessons lie in every moment
Mundane or overbearing extremes
You can find each lesson in the takeaways
If your mindset is easy to upkeep

Because a dream will never come to fruition
If it only lies comfortably where you sleep
Bring it forth into your waking moments
Or live a life waiting to grieve

Because I need that daily reminder
That it is not what but who I believe
I am capable of making things happen
I’ll take myself there with my own two feet

She had a sweet voice made for lullabies
Among the people who sang like sirens
She was but a whisper without an echo
Singing along voices that could cross oceans

A starling surrounded by suns
A subtle breeze against a hurricane
A dim version of what she could have been
A candlelight beside a fireplace

People tend to undermine her existence
Telling her she was never quite enough
Her quiet and subtle nature was forgettable
She only deserved an equivalent love

Even so, she stands with her small stature
Without wavering after the day has rest
Into the night she preserves her light
Guiding and accompanying those who feel any less

She was the lullaby that touched separated hearts
Reunited with the harmonized whispers of song
She was a knight of light who guards a single child
In her presence, the night can do no wrong

She didn’t have to be the action pack thriller
She was a bedtime story that lulled you to sleep
The narrative you asked to be read each night
Because it is a tale your heart wants to keep

Gentle and calm, soothing and soft
In a harsh world that demands sharp edges
Her hidden strength was how despite it all
She preserved her softness from all the wreckage

She had sun-kissed skin and moonlit eyes
An angelic eclipse in human form
Sunspots freckled across her cheeks
Like a newfound constellation of warmth

She had a smile that sparkled like starlight
That contrasted with her night coloured hair
It flowed so subtly like passing clouds
Gleaming strongly against the daytime flare

She carried a heart as bright as the sun
And her mind that glowed like the moon
She was an embodiment of healing light
With a calming aura that could subdue

Her greetings were like the sunrise
A timid light with soft spoken words
And her goodbyes were like the sunset
A sweet ending in colourful allure

She radiated a vibe of twilight
A serene disposition of pure intent
She was every thing and in between
She would be one of my biggest regrets

If only I could make her see her born beauty
How she does not need to change or chase for more
For the people who judge the darkness between the stars
Chasing the intangible beauty of society’s lore

There was a girl who had a heart of gold
With the strength of a tattered sleeve
For her body wasn't strong enough to hold
The valuable price of the burden she carried

She pulled her heart along each day
With the worn out string attached
For she carried enough love for the world
Her empathy could not be matched

There were those who saw the value in her
And used her for their own greed
Pleading her to spare them some parts
She gave to those she thought were in need

She gave them the most shiniest of parts
Until she was left with scraps and crumbs
They left eagerly with gold filled pockets
She was left wondering why she felt numb

She could not see the beauty in herself
As she had given those parts away
It became routine to create more gold
Even when those she gave did not stay

Left alone with the single pound of gold
With no motive of creation to spare
Her last piece was so dented and dull
How could someone love what was beyond repair?

She laid down with her last piece in hand
As the darkness of the earth engulfed her
Letting go of the life she no longer had
Unknowing to her own rebirth

Her body fused with the last piece of her heart
Not knowing that it was a seed
She created a strong armour of gold
To protect the valuable life she carried

He saw her and her wild heart
And thought to tame it like a beast
But she was just a free spirit dancing
Above the waters and the fallen leaves

To tame her would take away her magic
Her enchanting movements would begin to cease
For everything he fell in love with
Would be everything he nor her could keep

Like a butterfly with her wings pinned down
Was like a mouth that could not feed
His promises was full of lovesick bounds
Served him more than he could foresee

For he yearned to keep her in a glass house
To forever contain that natural beauty
Under the finest glass positioned on the wall
Under the premise that it was for her safety

He could not see the forest as her home
He could not fathom her need to be free
To live under a limitless sky
And tread on a never-ending stream

So she hides behind the branches
And fades away gracefully unseen
For he fell in love with a fairytale myth
He only loved what could have been

If you love me, do not pick me
As though I am a flower that has just bloomed
So you can marvel at my natural beauty
In the comfort of your small room

Where I sit in a pretty vase on the table
Or underneath glass bounded by a frame
You only show what you want to see of me
As if I am wild flower that you have tamed

You do not acknowledge my leaves
Tightly contained here with nowhere to go
They are hidden in this pretty vase
Questioning the purpose of its own growth

You only see me for my vibrant colour
Will you keep me until you see fit?
When I start to look far from my peak
Will you discard me for another miss?

When I lose the petals that you loved so dearly
And my stem limps against the pretty vase
Would you still care to love me
When you think I've lost all of my grace?

I was beautiful before you loved me
In ways you didnt care to see
How I danced along the howls of the winds
And greeted the butterflies so playfully

How my petals mimicked the warm colours
For a short moment before the sun sets
Or how they glistened against the moonlight
When the storm had finally taken rest

Can you appreciate all of my beauty
When it exists not to serve you?
Would you admire me from afar, knowing in the end
You have no right nor privilege to choose

What you think is best for me
Are only based on your standards alone
And your thoughts regarding what I need
Are only to the extent of what you know

I have grown alongside the harshest winds
I would not settle for a simple breeze
I do not waver against the thunderstorms
I was not made to cater to what you perceived

You see me as a fragile little flower
To take home like a small puzzle piece
So you could complete your picture at home
You took away my freedom for your own greed

Can you be content with loving me
As I am now and as you are?
Knowing you hold no monopoly
Over myself or any of my parts

If you truly love me, do not pick me
Let me stay where I have bloomed
I am content with all that I am
Knowing I am my own muse

Sometimes beauty can be so simple
No glitter nor magic in finer details
Something authentic and raw, like crystal
You can be as you are, simply beautiful

Your definition of beauty bares no need
For fancy words or deeper meanings
I have found that my definition of beauty
More than a definition, it is but a feeling

I look at the cloud cluttered filled sky
It brings me the sweet sound of rain
Then it turns into a star speckled night
I feel a sense of beauty again

I hear the smooth rhythm of an upbeat song
With lyrical play bounded to the music
Then another piece plays only on rhythmic sound
A calm, soothing, soul touching acoustic

I find myself gravitating to beautiful things
Things that flourish within their elements
Beauty to me, is not only what shines or sings
But a story told through genuine sentiment

In every silent moment
With every passing day
Allow me to reassure you
I will be here for you, always

Whether you choose to be alone
Or love another someday
Know that I'll still love you
I will take care of you anyway

But know that love has two sides
Where we must meet halfway
Let me in to accept my love
For you, I am here to stay

I want to be unapologetic
Yet, I continue to apologize
For every difference that they see
Increases the need to compromise

From what I wear to how I sleep
Or what is deemed a healthy size
From then on, I understood
That I lived only to be described

I apologize again for my differences
Next time, I will improve my disguise
For the sake of your own comfort
I will keep putting aside mine

I look up to their condescending stares
They will never be satisfied
I escape into my solitude
I am not something for you to define

I am tired of advocating for myself
Without the support of family ties
Finding more hate in my own growth
As though I live to be ostracized

My attempts to calm my abnormalities
In order to sooth those who penalize
To make room for all of their expectations
To create another profitable merchandise

They have taught me to pursue
A personality so idealized
While they heavily persuade me
To carve a body to sexualize

Only to be rewarded with a life
Where I am only patronized
Filled with the inequalities
That are completely normalized

I retreat into my inner world
The place where I fanaticize
Of a space where I can breathe
With the encouragement to try

I am not broken, just discouraged
Of those who antagonize
Minorities and their differences
Who then live demoralized

I don't want to be given a role
With a life script to memorize
Or submit myself to a narrative
That can easily be summarized

Do not confide me to a label
Just so you can stigmatized
Those labels are not my name
I deserved to be recognized

I do not wish to be put on a pedestal
As another icon to be advertised
I only wish for your understanding
Just enough to be humanized

The weight of waiting increases
As every single year goes by
The amount of patience I carry
Is numbing me more inside

Let the storm pass, just be patient
As if I have all this time
In this world I watch it turn
As I keep waiting in my life

Just wait and see what happens
If you hold on to your belief
But I no longer have the patience
To wait until I am complete

When I see the signs and red lights
In the end will I be relieved?
From standing at the sidelines
Instead of addressing what I need

I no longer want to wait
For a better day to arrive
For all the perfect conditions
For a better chance to thrive

Or wait for someone else to give me
Their permission to be alive
To control my own life choices
And everything else I was deprived

My patience has become a trait
That has been engraved in stone
Watching opportunities leave
Only waiting for what is known

I want to let go of all this weight
That I had cultivated on my own
I chose to wait for too many years
Thinking it was a better way to go

When the heartstrings have severed
I trust romance a little less
In attempts to save myself
From more emotional stress

Though love without the flame
Cannot be love at its best
But I am scared that I'll burn out
And be broken like the rest

Emotionless and tired eyes see
That true love can be intense
Full of tears and excruciating pain
Crying over something so complex

After every fresh new heartbreak
My heart still fails to address
Why after every heartache
My mind bleeds in protest

Because after every broken love
There is more that I suppress
In order to protect myself
I just love a little less

I find it hard to sleep at night
As the emptiness settles in
How can I trust the silence?
So I let the night shift begin

Another round of the dark hours
Another night where I cannot sleep
Until another day has begun
Only then I can rest in peace

I move about to ease my mind
Like treading in deep waters
For if I lie still in my bed
It's like a prey waiting to be slaughtered

The quietness and the nighttime noises
Makes it easier to breed
Offsprings of fears and faint concerns
Raising more inner demons to feed

My thoughts frantically run in circles
To fulfill the need to escape
Like an untamed pet in denial
It tries anything just to feel safe

I breathe deeply to calm my nerves
But it turns into gasps for air
Like being thrown into a relentless sea
My lungs fight back unprepared

As the sun rays peek into my room
And the birds chirp amidst their wake
Loosening my once tensed limbs
My fighting stance begins to break

My racing thoughts that run
On the nightly adrenaline
Slows down with the relief
That it is finally morning again

I no longer drown in my thoughts
From the high nocturnal waves
Of every repressed emotion
That resides in my internal caves

There was a child born of colour
Which flowed through her veins
And blossomed on her cheeks
Like the spring flowers of May

Colour concentrated on her lips
Her hair flows with a darker shade
A slight stain on her fingertips
And tinted freckles across her face

The way her eyes twinkled
Whenever she was amazed
Carrying her curious vision
She explored God's domain

How the sky changes colour
Like seasoned autumn leaves
The heavens astounded her the most
With all the gifts she had received

For the sky that gave her rainbows
Have given her diamonds in the night
When all has turned so tired and dark
She lies under the moonlit sight

When the sun peeks out in the morning
Or when it mischievously sneaks away
Behind the cluttered clouds, it hides
Before the storm brings forth the rain

Like a game of hide and seek
Mother nature likes to play
The child knowingly played along
Because the sun would come again

She was a child so fascinated
In all of the natural pigments
As if it was nature's way of saying
That her view controlled her limits

The range of hues and gradients
That she had found within the sky
The intensity and the variety
Of Mother nature's complex design

Embraced by the scenery around her
The child who was born undefined
As she brought the world a new hue
She was a beautiful colour unrefined

My love encapsulated
Fragmented into words
How do I send more than my thoughts?
To make it known that you are heard?

You say your worries to me
All through lyrical terms
I will keep singing your melody
To remind you what you deserve

So let us sing your song again
Erasing your pain with every verse
In every silent moment beyond
Please put yourself first

In those quiet instances
I know how it can get worse
How silence can be deadly
When pain becomes your worth

Yet, in those still moments
I am given the most to learn
Of self love and all its intricacies
And why it is the hardest love to earn

High above in the clock tower
Was a child who misbehaved
Father time grew impatient
She was too difficult to persuade

For she was raised with no limits
Adopting such a life unafraid
Strolling into the timekeeper's tower
Assuming there was no price to be paid

The clock's hands restrained her
Every tic was a step she couldn't take
She was bounded by time by the hour
Creating yet another clockwork slave

The clock's hands became her cuffs
Its numbers turned all the same
To be used as the metal bars
For the finishing touches of her cage

Tamed by routines and muted by alarms
Wondering how long she had left to stay
In this fragile world that was so reliant
To act only upon the specific time of day

She missed her colourful beginnings
Free from a life that continued to age
Time stood still while she wandered
To wherever her heart was swayed

Seconds would turn into hours
Of aimless mere child's play
Were moments she took for granted
And memories she had misplaced

One day she took time into her hands
She reversed the roles to his dismay
Father time's parental grip on her
Could no longer be sustained

For she was a timeless artist
Who could not stay restrained
Whose artwork cannot be lost
In the past or the present day

Her poetic words reside in the minds
Passing generations everyday
Painting moments to only those
Who allow their hearts to give way

She became immortal through her legacy
On the path that she had paved
Making home in the artistic thoughts
Of every artist that was led astray

I thought one life out of millions
Was simply irrelevant to most
What significance does one life make?
In this case, only God knows

The sun shines over humanity
Another shadow with every person
With darkness only accumulating
It'd be brighter with one less human

But I realized that the world
Can be so cruel and horrid
That is why hope amongst the dark
Makes the smallest light important

If the world turned into eternal night
And every person became a star
Each person would make the world brighter
Including you just as you are

Everyday I see the train
Inviting locals and foreigners
Smiles exchanged with deep talks
Feelings deepened between passengers

Where does the train go?
Where do the tracks end?
Everyday the train comes
Only to pass by me again

Fed up with my curiosity
I take one step aboard
I want my questions answered
Before I dare ask for more

I take in all the answers
By exploring every corner
As I look for somewhere vacant
I become even more unsure

My eyes locked in to another pair
As if they have found a home
Reconnecting to a piece of me
Deciphering what was unknown

I sit down across from him
He holds a familiar smile
We exchange some playful banter
So I agreed to stay awhile

I found my heart inching closer
I look down before I fall
If falling meant I could be with him
I didn't mind risking it all

Only to realize it was just me
Falling harder along the tracks
I looked at him with possibilities
Getting only half of my feelings back

I didn't know he had a stop in mind
Or maybe I was too blind to see
That loving look I adored in his eyes
Was from thinking of her and not me

His stop was coming up soon
And our time was running out
How do I persuade him to stay
Holding on to what I just found

My hesitation grew with every step
The closer he got to the door
Delaying our goodbyes just a bit
Hoping he had felt something more

The train moved on unlike me
As I stare at the empty space
Wondering of all the what ifs
What if I had asked him to wait?

I feel the train go higher
No longer depending on the tracks
I try to make up for what I saw in him
He was a reflection of what I lacked

My uncertainty about him
Made me certain of something else
Losing him did not lose me
Or take away what I had felt

So I sit on another side of the train
Causing my mind to shift
Wherever this train will take me
I am sure I'll make the most of it

You're only as free
As you allow yourself to be
And I kept holding myself back

I kept building a cage
In every life stage
Imitating what I knew were facts

Because where I belonged
Was in between four walls
To make up for what I lacked

I couldn't handle the outside
My own potential was denied
It was best for me not to overreact

Head held high with a stern gaze
Always keeping a royal face
Every movement was a graceful act

Poised and perfect I shall be
For one day I will be free
Maintain composure before I attack

Why does the tips of my crown
Resemble the bars of this cage
With those outsiders who come
To view me outside of my reign

My fierce and untamed nature
Does not fit with the oppressed
A queen outside of her kingdom
Still does not make her powerless

My roars cannot break the glass
It's echos drive wild and restless
All I can do now is sit and pace
With all this power without an outlet

My sharp claws are nature's daggers
Not enough for this man made surface
I am fed with no need to hunt
I am no longer the primal huntress

I am separated from my kind
With no use for my defences
I learned to live for only those
Who desire my entertainment

Soon my freedom will come
My escape is simply inevitable
I lie in wait as I gather my strength
This cage doesn't define my potential

I don't want to live an inevitable life
Grazing my hand along the borders
Inside the box of my comfort zone
Under perceived superior orders

I was given a voice with wings to fly
Yet, I hover underneath a lid
Of expectation and norms
I used to believe in such a myth

I'm not good enough and never will be
I became susceptible to that truth
But it was only a different opinion
From someone who wasn't my muse

Creative artistic expression
Sparks the fire behind my eyes
A flame that burns at the core of me
With those who try to dim my light

They try to put me out with lies
Until I become ashes and doubts
Be practical and realistic, they say
I asked, is being myself not allowed?

I let those voices get to me
Residing in my heart's cracks
They were the first to break me
From spewing unwanted facts

What is fact and what is fictional?
As though you decide my fate
My dreams only happen inside me
And stayed there as I grabbed the bait

I should want that mundane future
A tried and true pre-written path
In order to support the ones I love
I play a character so miscast

Because to live that kind of life
I neglect what I want the most
To endlessly create, knowing I'm free
Without the limits I grew up to know

I tried to control the chaotic ocean
By knowing the mind behind the waves
I thought the sea could reside within my grasp
If only I knew how the waters behaved

Water resembles so much of life
And I could not help but drown in it
The tides move faster than I can swim
More than I am willing to commit

I need space and time to breathe
And like life, the waters won't wait
Constantly, flowing like a river
Life pulls me along by my fate

To survive, you have to swim
Trying anything to keep afloat
Life won't stop because you do
It will grab you by the throat

Then throw you into its depths
Where you can finally rest
Feel the stillness you never had
After all, you had given your best

But before you touch the bottom
Where heaven's light cannot reach
Remember all of your past struggles
And ask, what was it trying to teach?

Resting and quitting are not the same
You're only finished in the moment
Pull yourself back and take a break
Then simply readjust your focus

The only thing you can control
In this chaotic span of life
Is yourself alone in its entirety
Cater yourself to what you strive

I found hope in every opportunity
I made light within the dark
I created love in fragile ruins
To make up for what was scarce

I wore rose tinted glasses
Red and pink looked just the same
I couldn't recognized the red flags
To me, it was only a darker shade

I tried to fix what wasn't broken
I tried to create without materials
That is how I loved and lost
If only I had been more careful

The cracks and scars within my heart
I only have myself to blame
I keep loving what only hurts me
And love and hurt turned into shame

Love became synonymous with pain
If it doesn't hurt, it is not love
But soon I resented it entirely
I had experienced more than enough

I thought that if I wanted to heal
I should just isolate myself
With time, some space and solitude
I would not need any outside help

Every human wants to be love
To me, it was only a privilege
It was a choice to ask, not a need or right
I interpreted such a rigid image

But love is not the cause
For ill feelings to come forth
True love is pure and positive
That gives it all its worth

I wanted to be loved yet deprived myself
I thought love was just conditional
If I didn't give what you couldn't take
Not loving me was understandable

I surrounded myself with those who loved me
Who loved only for what I could give
Not for who I am or what I wanted
It was the life I thought I wanted to live

Then I wondered why I kept losing people
And why it became harder to please
No matter how much I could give
I could not fulfill my own wants or needs

Now I surround myself with those
Who love not only my company
Who love me as I am and who I was
I now look at love a little differently

As a copy, I find it difficult
To the chase such expectations
Every action is closely dictated
To mimic the original's intentions

Limiting precision and accuracy
Leaves no freedom of expression
I am only an embodiment
Of some product imitation

Every movement I call my own
Only causes more frustration
Because it strays from what is known
Like a phrase lost in translation

What if I was the original?
No longer seen as a mutation
To be the focus and not forgotten
To be the object of admiration

But I am merely just a shadow
A silhouette born into submission
Lost in darkness, behind the light
Cursed with a muted motivation

In every silent moment
With every passing day
Allow me to reassure you
I will be here for you, always

Whether you choose to be alone
Or love another someday
Know that I'll still love you
I will take care of you anyway

But know that love has two sides
Where we must meet halfway
Let me in to accept my love
For you, I am here to stay

When the heartstrings have severed
I trust romance a little less
In attempts to save myself
From more emotional stress

Though love without the flame
Cannot be love at its best
But I am scared to burn out
And be broken like the rest

Emotionless and tired eyes see
That true love can be intense
Full of tears and excruciating pain
Crying over something so complex

After every fresh new heartbreak
My heart still fails to address
Why after every heartache
My mind bleeds in protest

Because after every broken love
There is more that I suppress
In order to protect myself
I just love a little less

There was a girl who loved to read
She would read the faces of other people
Those tiny, hidden, subtle expressions
That were passive but she was capable

She could read the voices of others
Those who aged within the pages
Who stayed immortal in written words
Immune to the outside life changes

She would read atmospheres and moods
In order to know what to portray
She became a character who was dependent
On what the readers wanted her to play

She treated each new encounter
Like a newly rewritten page
Good ones filled with laughter
Bad ones became a cage

Stuck between the same pages
Trapped under the same words
Desperately wanting to flip to the next
A new page or at least the next verse

She was imprisoned inside a book
That gathered dust and was rarely opened
Trapped inside a story that wasn't hers
Only made her feel more broken

She was irrelevant, a side character
In a world that was not written for her
She was only a minor character
Who would not be cared for if she died first

She was a reader, not a storyteller
Her mind consumed people's stories
Lost and confused on an unwritten path
Consumed more of her prematurely

New character roles and labels
Became etched into her skin
All of what was expected of her
To survive the story she was in

With every word written on her
Strayed further from who she was
Every dialogue from which she spoke
Only strengthened her facade

But everyone is a storyteller
Anyone who has a life
She ventured off from the narrative
And created her own story line

She twisted the story's plot
To carve in a new script
To tell the story that is her
In memory of a misfit

The world was made to break you
But you don't have to agree
Do not side with those against your truth
It is not you against me

It is us against the world
The two of us to defy the odds
For many years, I was alone
I alone, to pay the cost

Prove to me that love is real
I hold scars only you can sooth
My greatest pain comes from inside
Now I know what to ask from you

Sing me compliments and affirmations
To replace the screams of hatred
Hold me tight yet oh so gently
The gesture has been long belated

Stand with me with our heads held high
For you and I will rewrite the world
Finally standing on the same page
Restarting the memoir of this girl

When I hear every new heartbreak
I trust love a little less
In attempts to save myself
From all the emotional stress

But love without passion
Is not love at its best
Though I am scared to love at all
Only to be broken like the rest

From what my eyes have seen
True love has to be intense
Full of tears and excruciating pain
Crying over something so complex

After every unrequited heartbreak
My mind still fails to address
Why after every heartache
My heart bleeds in protest

Because after every love
There is more that I suppress
In order to protect myself
Based on an unfortunate guess

What a tiny nuisance is she
She, who is confined inside my cage
Her mischievous whispers echo
While she clutches my heart again

She plays upon my lungs
Pressing all of the black keys
Passionately like a pianist
Making it difficult to breathe

She giggles oh so playfully
As I wince from my chest pain
She mocks me with excitement
As though we are playing a game

How imaginative and innovative
Constantly spewing out new stories
Creating story plots out of broken pieces
She is the writer of my worries

Most people would want to travel
To the ends of other worlds
But for me, I am merely fascinated
Of the universe inside this girl

The girl in the looking glass
She, who shares the same face
Such a multifaceted being
A rarity one cannot replace

For so long I have observed her
Yet, she surpasses my expertise
Facts about her turn into fables
She is an ever-changing entity

Observations become opinions
And conclusions are commentary
Assumptions are only illusions
For those who try to define me

Is it okay to be for me to be selfish?
I have finally obtained all of my pieces
Before, I would just give them away
To whoever, even if it wasn't needed

So forgive me when you ask
Why I don't let my heart be vacant
Let me attain some inner peace
And solitude while I'm still present

For so long, I was someone else's
Before I chose to become my own
You may see it as possessive
To want to keep my heart alone

A mate to my soul is true happiness, they say
You would say they would be my better half
I want to be complete by myself for now
Self love is what I want to attract

Maybe someday I will find them
When I am fully grown and complete
But I wouldn't mind if I found my true love
In the deepest part of me

They call you the girl made out of glass
A princess, so fragile and naive
Who cannot hold an ounce of darkness
Always the one who is deceived

You are breakable, but not weak
You are stronger than they believe
Shards of glass cut through so easily
Piercing each of their misdeeds

Every part of you is just as deadly
With every shard, you are complete
How do you hold such an honest heart
No need for illusions to achieve

Your rise to a better reign
You will become a fiercer queen
To start a revolution
In ways the world needs

A girl born from the embers
And raised within hell's heat
Derived from the ashes
Of every ancestor deceased

As you are made of glass
When you break, you do not bleed
Shaped by mental wielders
One, who was forged to lead

People will keep talking
But I don't have to listen
Others will continue to expect
And define my existence

They will try to take away
What's left of my childlike innocence
And even then, the things I do
Are still none of their business

How can I feel okay?
When they become restless
From me not conforming to their way
They only see it as reckless

Their shallow mouths spew words
Bringing upon damage that is endless
With the naive intentions to help
Yet, why do I feel more helpless?

Childhood criticisms cling to me
Leaving me defenceless
Whenever the guards of my walls
Become tired and careless

I thought it'd be easier to live
If I was just passive and selfless
Until I was driven to the point
Where I couldn't tell what was precious

I have now accepted that it is okay
That I do not share the same ethics
The differences found in me
Should not make me so apologetic

Unknowingly, I taught myself
To behave on how others treated me
Constantly, being the good child
Just made life easier to breathe

I thought that if I behaved
It would make it easier to love me
Inevitably, I had neglected
Many of my wants, hopes and needs

I still think needs are only desires
And desires are luxuries
So I am left with a tired soul
That is in dire need of me

I tend to give more compassion
And acceptance towards everyone else
Though, when I take a look inwards
I cannot give it to myself

I look at my loved ones' flaws
And think there is more to love
Yet, when I confront my own faults
I conclude that I am not enough

I put myself to such a high standard
While giving myself no steps to use
I try my best to attain and fall
Then berating every mistake I do

For so long, I've been my worst enemy
Trying to tune out my own voice
All the conflicted yelling and screaming
I just desperately tried to avoid

Except, disregarding my inner voice
Overlooks her out as well
I am left confused and lost
Wondering what created this hell

My inner voice who sings
A voice so smooth, it soothes
The cracks and scars I've accumulated
From years of self-abuse

The gentle, quiet voice inside me
She, who understands and adores
Who only wishes what is best for me
Is a girl worth trying for

I will try to believe more often
That I am more than enough
The care that I keep searching for
Can be made from my own love

Sad thoughts consume my mind again
A single raindrop turns into a storm
Silent thunders roar inside of me
A quiet chaos before it pours

Lightning strikes me with flashbacks
Then exits as fast as my light of hope
Leaving me a pile of burning ashes
Striking faster than I'm able to cope

And yet, the rhythmic pattern of the rain
Somehow, puts my mind at ease
Among the chaos of my clouded mind
The rain seems to sync with my heartbeat

Calmness settles once the storm passes
Its remains soothe my tired soul
Array of colours and puddles of reflections
Marks a healing from the night's cold

How many times did you decide
You have given up on this life
So many times you tried to hide
The growing darkness behind your eyes

It seems the burden only gets heavier
But your limbs still manage to to move
No matter how slow, from here, it gets better
With each step, is another for you to prove

Every time you fall, the wounds get deeper
Yet, each time you still get up
Remember you are your own keeper
Every part of you was and is still enough

The closer you get, the longer you exist
The more you are willing to lose
Even when the thoughts continue to persist
In the end, they're still waiting for you

Calluses form on my fingers
My bones replaced with steel
Thick vines and thorns cover my hands
To handle my demons and other evils

My hands grew an armor of their own
Losing my gentle touch in the process
Asking me to hold something so fragile
Is a longing i have persistently repressed

My strength would override my intention
I would mistakenly crush it within my grasp
Tears watering a dead flower
Would not redeem my past

Love, so kind and gentle
Has to suffer, to penetrate my walls
In order to defeat my defence mechanisms
My insecurities and all of my faults

You ask why don't I break my own barriers
It is for love's protection from me
So I cower and hide, avoiding love itself
Behind the assumption that it was meant to be

Read their letters, every time you relapse
That is what they were written for
Read them with each occurring setback
To be thankful that you were born

Hug them, with your last bit of sanity intact
Emotion puddles all over the floor
Blurring words I desperately wanted to hear back
From people I so lovingly adored

Each attempt is like a new beginning for me
Commemorating the death of my past self
As I close the book to write a new page
Another memoir for life's bookshelf

Suicidal thoughts and suicidal callings
A part of me urges to pick up the phone
It keeps ringing, with sound stinging inside my head
Becomes ear-piercing when I'm alone

Frequent missed calls that I intentionally miss
Why do I keep putting even more distance
I'm so tired, exhausted from all the resistance
It seems fatigue is the only thing that's constant

I dial and then leave the phone hanging
I lack courage to go through with the call
I dial, frantically pressing all the numbers
The longer the number, the more I stall

The phone rings from the other side
But I hear my own voice instead
She says, it's going to be alright
With a click, the call ends

When I look into the small eyes of him
A piece of me sees you
An innocence that radiates
Back then I wish I knew

A mother's cry
And your first steps
I did not know why
Such a secret was kept

Or was I just blind
With eyes full of ignorance
With my childhood mind
That remained indifferent

Such a small fragile hand
Held such a familiar feeling
Paired with curious eyes
That were constantly seeking

How to perceive the world
Through an unfamiliar lens
Easily confused, not knowing
What was wrong again

Every time I look at him
It feels like a second try
To guide you from the beginning
With your small hand in mine

Overwhelmed by my thoughts again
They swarm with the intent to drown me
Enticing me to the rabbit hole
Attempting to appear just as inviting

I fall in yet again, barely grasping the edge
As I stare down into a familiar abyss
Hanging on with every vulnerability exposed
Before my inner voice begins to submit

Watching the rabbit run with time in his hands
Reminds me how fast life goes on
The alluring impulse to escape into wonderland
Summons the notion that I am not yet done

The desire to return home to the underland
Where colours and possibilities reign
Inspires me to bring wonder into the surface world
So my life would not be in vain

A day full of reminiscence again
Sifting through the thoughts of you
Diving deep into my memories
That I still have yet to lose

Frustrated with myself again
Because I have the will to choose
Whether or not I free myself
And forge something anew

I bind myself in fingerless strings
I give past moments control over me
Dictating my time, stealing fragments of life
All from daydreaming of what used to be

It's okay to visit times from before
But my stay has been long overdue
Instead of just visiting, I move in and more
Wandering farther from the actual truth

Time and time again, I still think of you
The you, who keeps leading me astray
The character I've created and was left behind
To star in the memories I put on replay

Let me feel your pain
So I can love you better
Let me wipe your tears
We'll get through it together
Let me be there for you
I will be your shelter
Let me see your flaws
The more I will treasure
Let me understand you
You are worth the effort
Let me be the pen to your paper
The love in your letter

Because You are the sun in my sky
No matter the weather
The moon in my night
With you I am greater
With all the planets aligned
You are at the center
You, who outshines
All the brightest stars I've encountered
Even in the afterlife
I will continue to remember
The phases of you and I
That I will cherish forever

I walk on the same path
I turn at the same corner
Everyday feels the same
But the leaves still fall, then return
Just like how they came
I walk along the sidewalk
An empty gap remains
Half full of presence
And half full of reminisce
As I walk down a sidewalk meant for two

I wonder if you will ever feel
The pain I felt to unlove you
Slowly pulling you away from my thoughts
Taking out the images of you from my memories

Erasing your voice from my ears
Your name off my tongue
Do you know how hard it was
To pull you out from my senses
Only for you to return in my sleep

I feel a heaviness in my heart
A clutching feeling in my stomach
It is almost over now
Just don't invade my senses again
When it was so hard to make them forget

I read the newspaper stained in black
I watch the television covered in blood
I listen to the corrupted comebacks
Coming from the people I used to love

The world holds so much negativity
As I try to escape my own
I cower from the harsh world outside
Counting my reasons to be alone

I was raised to fear the world
Just follow what others say
Continue being the passive wallflower
As I count my reasons to stay

Out there is a world where I fall and fail
While my inner world consumes me
Overstimulated and stressed in all kinds
Desperately searching for peace

To leave a toxic friend behind
Is like taking a bullet out from its wound
You'd think it would be better to keep it inside
Less pain you would have to endure through

Though, the longer it stays, you cannot help but mind
No amount of negligence will sooth
A toxin that spreads, the longer it binds
A parting that was long overdue

As if taking out the bullet crosses some line
Swaying from a future that respects you
A toxic friend is a still a friend who once stood by your side
It is okay to grieve for the friend you outgrew