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my chest's burning like
i'm ready to slam my phone
and i'm just so sick of

adjusting my feelings
revising my words
setting up my smiles

to keep everyone happy
avoid another contrariety
runaway from the reality

a baby born crying then
you forced her to laugh
i recently realized this is not healthy
I found hope in every opportunity
I made light within the dark
I created love in fragile ruins
To make up for what was scarce

I wore rose tinted glasses
Red and pink looked just the same
I couldn't recognized the red flags
To me, it was only a darker shade

I tried to fix what wasn't broken
I tried to create without materials
That is how I loved and lost
If only I had been more careful

The cracks and scars within my heart
I only have myself to blame
I keep loving what only hurts me
And love and hurt turned into shame

Love became synonymous with pain
If it doesn't hurt, it is not love
But soon I resented it entirely
I had experienced more than enough

I thought that if I wanted to heal
I should just isolate myself
With time, some space and solitude
I would not need any outside help

Every human wants to be love
To me, it was only a privilege
It was a choice to ask, not a need or right
I interpreted such a rigid image

But love is not the cause
For ill feelings to come forth
True love is pure and positive
That gives it all its worth

I wanted to be loved yet deprived myself
I thought love was just conditional
If I didn't give what you couldn't take
Not loving me was understandable

I surrounded myself with those who loved me
Who loved only for what I could give
Not for who I am or what I wanted
It was the life I thought I wanted to live

Then I wondered why I kept losing people
And why it became harder to please
No matter how much I could give
I could not fulfill my own wants or needs

Now I surround myself with those
Who love not only my company
Who love me as I am and who I was
I now look at love a little differently
Wendy Star Dec 2019
Is found in a dress
My stomach
the crowd
Always say yes
Please the people
Maybe I don’t want to please
But I freeze
I do things for you
Yet, never for me
I’m down on my knees
I wheeze
“I can be free”
I can be free from the weight on my shoulder. If I change my mindset and stand on my faults instead of putting them on my head like bricks then I can live for me and let you lean on me when you need.
Lyn-Purcell May 2018
Everyone is entitled to live
and just survive.
Everyone deserves the world
but not at the cost of his soul.
Everyone should be happy with themselves,
not change to please the masses.
Everyone should be proud to stand out
feeling no need to fall in line of conformity.

How is it that when I try live my life
Try to love my life
I always end up saving others
at the cost
of losing myself...?
A poem that's near to how I've feeling for the last few days.
At the cost of all i want, I fear losing who I am.
I've spent most of it trying to make everyone happy.
Now I've learned that I need to be more selfish and focus on me and me alone.

Be back soon
Lyn x
Fox Friend Dec 2017
"you treat me better than I deserve"
- the sleepy words
from your lips

except I believe that
deserves to be treated in such a way
that they think
it's more than they deserve.

that's where the givers like me become convenient.
Fox Friend Nov 2017
I paint bright, beautiful works of art
for you
but you don't like my colors
and this is a waste
so I scrap it and start again
for you
Lyn-Purcell Jul 2017
The darkest prison
Shackles you to the worst fear
How people see you

So you do it all
You try to please everyone
At the cost of one

Finding happiness
You lose yourself in that fear
In prison's shadows
Some more haikus from my journal. Have you ever been one of those people to give up your own happiness just to please those around you? Easy to fall into, difficult to get out of...
Madeline Kennell Jan 2017
step right up to this broken machine
she'll take anyone
look at this queen
she's shiny and new with smiles so bright
every step she takes is light
her colours are more than a rainbow can boast
she has more than any
she has the most
they drift in the wind and fall from her fingers
her joy is infectious
she's contentment's dead ringer

this machine never stops
that's why its so popular
people will travel far
there is no other
none so dedicated to her job as this
she's a volunteer so surely she loves it
but a crisis strikes every once in a while
the machine won't admit it, she's in denial
but her colour store is personally supplied
if she told you it's abundant, surely she lied

this machine has colours she enjoys sparing
but to spend her whole life as this machine is daring
machines must be turned off
must be unplugged
this machine never does because help is her drug
she goes and she goes until she overheats
her colours start melting
they run through the streets
these runaway colours are scooped up and scrounged
meanwhile the machine is left on the ground
she rusts while it rains, there on the ground

no regard for the girl whose rainbow
seems to be gone
look how she lays so
curled up and crying but not from her loss
crying because her aid is the cost
with no regard for herself she whispers
"if I take a break, look at who suffers"
but the rainbow too must be regrown
it can only take time and care and sweet tones
encouraging words to let her know
she's not alone, she will never be thrown
from this world with contempt
because love exists
but love may not always come to you free
sometimes there is just one fee
it isn't much... just to ask
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