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Mar 2020
I found hope in every opportunity
I made light within the dark
I created love in fragile ruins
To make up for what was scarce

I wore rose tinted glasses
Red and pink looked just the same
I couldn't recognized the red flags
To me, it was only a darker shade

I tried to fix what wasn't broken
I tried to create without materials
That is how I loved and lost
If only I had been more careful

The cracks and scars within my heart
I only have myself to blame
I keep loving what only hurts me
And love and hurt turned into shame

Love became synonymous with pain
If it doesn't hurt, it is not love
But soon I resented it entirely
I had experienced more than enough

I thought that if I wanted to heal
I should just isolate myself
With time, some space and solitude
I would not need any outside help

Every human wants to be love
To me, it was only a privilege
It was a choice to ask, not a need or right
I interpreted such a rigid image

But love is not the cause
For ill feelings to come forth
True love is pure and positive
That gives it all its worth

I wanted to be loved yet deprived myself
I thought love was just conditional
If I didn't give what you couldn't take
Not loving me was understandable

I surrounded myself with those who loved me
Who loved only for what I could give
Not for who I am or what I wanted
It was the life I thought I wanted to live

Then I wondered why I kept losing people
And why it became harder to please
No matter how much I could give
I could not fulfill my own wants or needs

Now I surround myself with those
Who love not only my company
Who love me as I am and who I was
I now look at love a little differently
Celestinus Castillo
Written by
Celestinus Castillo  Non-binary
(Non-binary)   
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