Cracks appear.
Slow hacks
Tears apart
Thin veneer,
Until heart
Broken down
Into pieces
Of peace.
Dusty crumbs
Leaving you
Numbly rusting.
Never trusting
The beating
Within chest
Ever again.

All is lost - horribly lost.
A terrible break within.

Let the rain pour.
Let the wind blow.
What does it matter now?
All is lost - horrible lost.

Stars shine darkly over me
And the wine-dark sea.
How much can a man endure
Before he finds himself below crimson waters?
A terrible break within.

Unbridled egoism is blocked
By the tyranny of the clock
Sound of feet and clicking pens
Locks one in a dark cage.
All is lost - horribly lost.

Don't ask me to hold up the world as
The collective weight of despair
Only crushes my darkly twisted reality.
Leaving me gasping for air.
A terrible break within.

I am a host to all I have endured.
The tears shed now frost on the memory
That haunts me the most -
Floats around more ghostly than a ghost.
All is lost - horrible lost.

How can one win against original Sin?
Sin slithering beneath skin
And pins your soul down.
There's no positive spin,
A terrible break within.

So now I pay the steep cost.
Allow the coldness to seep in.
*All is lost - horribly lost.
A terrible break within.

If I kept walking
Went along with the crowd
Would you miss me?

Cause sometimes I feel like doing so
Giving in to the currant
Just keeping walking

I'd be one among the many
Toss upon this moving sea
Alone - a long way away

Funny that isn't?
Alone among the many.
Where we are all alone together

The irrationality of rational thinking
Is that we must rationally account
The irrational aspect that comes with us.

Cause when does anything we do make sense?
The innocence of a guilty conscience
Is as true as the reverse

I don't want to be lonely
Don't want to be me at all really
Even if I did like solitude - it does not like me back.

But to be alone is different
Alone among the many
Makes perfect sense doesn't it?

Maybe you'll spy me one day
Just for an instant - watching you do
Before a wash of faces carries me away

Would you try to follow or
Would you think fondly of me or
Would you just convince yourself you saw nothing?

If the lather is the case
Then I leave my name with you
Where ever I might go - I will no longer need it.

I will be the Witness.
A terrible wallflower
Graceless and without power.

So maybe - I'll keep on walking
Unsure if I'll ever be anchor again
For what I know of love - there is nothing to gain.

Pretty things should be eternal
Instead of being rather ephemeral.
Roses whither away.
Buildings weather down.

Time will end love every time.
It reveals all and destroys all.
Nothing last forever.

Better a blissful weekend of love and nothing more -
Than to watch what you love -
Unravel, shatter and die.

this is my first storm without you
i'm fully awake, alone
thinking about you
for the first time in months

wondering if it's a rainy night over you too
wondering if you are still where i left you
half dreaming

that first stormy night still fresh in my memory
i remember us laying together as
the wind howled and the rain hammered

i gave myself to you completely
tangled together to stay warm
dissolver of limbs
for on that night, my soul took flight
a climb into the sublime
as the world around us melted away.
until it was just the two us.

the wind bellowed, and the rain poured
neither did phase us one bit
as we rested half awake, half dreaming

i no longer dream like you do
only remember what i can't forget

I forgot of your existence.
Until now - just now -
While waiting at the train station
I had looked at all there was to look at
And so raised those lifted eyes to the Heavens
Expecting empty skies
Instead I spied you nested between overhead wires.
You took my breath away and
I could've sworn you winked at me.

Suddenly
I became flooded in the half-light of old memories.
You were always there weren't you?
Thanks to a compression of time and space
Distance isn't an issue when you share the same place.
Even now, right now,
You are here.

As I ride this shakey train home.
It dawns on me that I am drawn to you rather spectacularly.
Pull the tides of emotions inside to swell
And threaten to overwhelm
Would you take my hand if you could?
Whisper sweet nothings,
Tell me everything is OK?

(Even though we both know the truth)

Stay silent if you will
But do not ask me to go
Even you must admit the lunacy of such a request.
No, I will stay.
It is my turn to orbit you now anyway.
I'll promise to do my best
So you may get some well deserved rest.

Oh - how could I have ever forgotten your existence?

In
Limbo.
Foot-in-doors.
Perfect opening lines.
Holding on to high hopes.
These beginnings are unfulfilled
Books started but never finished.
A seed planted but never watered.
Ideas thought off but never sought.
Best laid plans becoming ephemeral.
Music ending with an interrupt cadence.
Weighed in balances and found wanting.
*Wanting.
Never
Getting.
Starting.
Never
Finishing.

Tá mé codladh orm
Ag iarraidh codladh
Ach gan aon toradh
dom-ádh

Rugadh agus tógadh
leis dearcadh difriúil
lá i ndiadh lae
An grá mícheart

Is é mo chroí ag craoladh,
faoi grá
Ag muineadh dom nach,
faoi mná

Rachainn mé go dti an trá.
an alainn trá
Déarfainn mé Dia duit ar an buachaillín.
an alainn buachaillín
Mo muirnín.

Dhéanfainn mé seo, ach
Nuair a fháil i go dtí an trá,
Ní bheidh tú in ann.
Beidh mé san áit mícheart
ag an am mícheart.

Ní haon ionadh é mar
Ní féidir leat a shéanadh go bhfuil
mo chroí,
i gcónaí mícheart

You can't separate
the actor from the character
they're not mutually exclusive
but brutally intrusive.

We put a little bit of ourselves
into the roles that we act
extracts of our souls
dripping out
slowly bleeding our hearts dry
from acting out our parts

Pouring everything
into faux characters
to engage with our rage
while onstage
unknowingly
constructing our own cage

We think no-one can see
the lies we tell
when we wear our masks
but our eyes betray us
with irises on fire
arises our desire
from the words we yell

Burning eyes behind stone masks
that shows them our hell

Detox yourself of impurities.
Box away those
pretty poisons polluting your soul.
Matcha tea will only help so much.
Matching the gentle touch
once felt
but have since melted away.
Got to deal with the cards
that have been dealt today
But what if,
I am less than an ace?
What if,
I am dead?
Then I am nothing.
Or
is that just
the toxic thoughts talking?
It's hard to tell these days.

Come a little closer, Love
There is something I want you to see
You can be the melody

Come a little closer, Lust
There is something I need you to be
You are the rhythm

So that I am the harmony
Between the soothing melody on top
And the hidden rhythm beneath

Love and Lust entwined just once
For one song, one dance
So trust in this chance

Come a little closer, now
There is something we need to do.

even if these thoughts
are Compromised,
does it matter?
they feel real
just like they could
win the War
and change everything
as we know it

The Head of Radio
has died.
Video Queen
has taken over
the Transmissions
but our brainwaves
remain saved
for now

The Truth,
persevered in tar
far from the nearest star
dormant for centuries
until
it's revived with
the latest specific scientific
invention
intent
on saving the world

The Truth
it swirled and twirled inside
you hurled at the thought
the Compromised thought,
that you're alone

patrol the outskirts
of your mind
Not knowing what you'll find
but making sure all is checked
before you go for Checkmate
But it's too late
This game has gone on too long
and it has become a Stalemate

neither win nor lose
but Ego is bruise
causing the compromising
thoughts to be born
begot upon itself

Crossroads that crisscross my mind
they say, "find the right way"
but I'm stuck where they left me.
Without a notion of
North, South, East or West.
No compass
to tell me which way best.
I want to go in every direction,
wander into new wonders,
but that's not allowed.
I want to shout out loud
for someone to set me straight,
save me from choice and regret,
but I'd only strain my voice
and remain at the crossroads.
I must be in Purgatory.
So I wonder
which way to Heaven
and which way to Hell.
Not that it would matter.
As either
must be better than this limbo.
This nothingness.
It's worthless.
Meaningless,
until I take that first step.
Dust of the cobwebs.
Feel a gust of wind,
ebb and flow.
And begin.

I think you can know something before it happens
There's a change in the air
Or something inside of you
That you know to be true
And it is not that strange

Don't be that person with nothing to say
As the autumn leaves fall
Dying leaves spawling out through wind

You can try to catch to wind
But you might just lose your mind

So
Depart from me
Deep within the sea
Feel the water through your fingers
Let that wonder linger

Maybe you'll feel a thronging in your chest
A tightly packed longing
Like lungs on fire
Fueling a simple desire
to breathe and to be

-

I don't know what I want in this world.
I don't know what is worthwhile on this Earth that can make me smile.

It keeps spinning
And I keep turning over in my mind -
Does mankind even know what it wants?
Are we in love or just bored?
Filling up time before we're buried,
Chasing our tails and tales of how to live.
Tired of this town - strive to leave before it gets you down.
And when you leave you'll take the town with you and start again.

So the Earth keeps spinning.
And I stop smiling at what we think is worthwhile.
Because I don't know, maybe,
I don't want this world.

The truth is much harsher when it is out of the blue
but then it isn't really out of the blue, is it?
Lingering, hovering, nagging, gnawing
at the back of my mind,
fingers just of it's reach.
Each time it would come close to the surface
I would glimpse at its purpose,
only to get nervous and kick it back away.
So I may stay oblivious to it just a little longer.
I knew this to be the lull before the storm
And now the horrid truth has pull the storm in to my orbit
Full of lightening, but what is its target?
Great flashes of light burns through the night
leaving heaps of ashes among the trash.
I remain unhurt, undamaged, unburned.
Others haven't faired so well.
Feared the flash and rightly so
Their pain stains the ground in the form of ashes.
Ashes and dust stains everywhere, even in the heaviest of rain
A reminder. Of what's to come. What's to be returned.
And I -
I watch it all.
The Writting on the Wall on the ground.
I might be unburned but such a sight
unhinges me something terrible
Prys me open just enough to cry.
Pouring tears lost in the roaring rain.
But crying all the same.
Because I don't know why it's you.
I don't know why you have to die.
Dodging lightening all your life until now a streak is lodged in you.
Breaks and splinters inside tightening its hold.
Even though you are burning up, I have never seen you look so cold.
I wish it was one of your famous poker faces
Tricking us you are going to fold
but at the last minute revealing a hiden ace.
If ever there was a time to play your ace, it is today.
Don't let this be our last game
But you have no control over it do you?
Have to deal with the cards that has been delt.
I must admit, these cards are ****.
No aces to play but that won't stop you
You'll play till the end with the same grace you've always had.
So for now lets keep playing.
We still have time, we've always had time
You are not ashes, yet.
And when that last flash does occur
Then I will say goodbye
And in the morning cry all the more
Mourning you and everything you were.

When the words became too real
It was given a beat
And we dance to it
Till meaning was lost
A smokescreen to hide
What was meant for others
But the words are still there
Still wield their power
Not extinct
Just dormant

I didn't like that you were in my dream
I didn't care for the deeper meaning
Just for the proper morning
Stop this spinning world
from turning now
For what's it worth,
Earth is not a bumper car
Bumping into cheaper stars

But in dreamland
it's not that simple,
There's no plan
and the ample of people
can be quite bland
sitting in the temple
listening to the Papal's teaching
of the gospel
and like a bell ringing
I saw the ripple
of misunderstanding
spread through the crowd
All proud of their ways
All vowed never to sway

A lot of ****** up things happen in dreams.
Like that bus crash with the injured kids
eyelids half opened in pain
looking for help
but we kept on walking
despite all our preaching

I didn't like that you were there
to share that moment
I feared your judgement
too tired for an argument
I hated that a fragment of you
was buried in me
that laid dormant until now

My dream is my house
method within the madness
organised mess
although you gleam like gold
you're nothing but a mouse
hiding in my place
not scared to show your face
from time to time
But my house doesn't have a phone
to call pest control
so alone I patrol with a pistol
and hope I get lucky

When I wake up
I feel the ache of reality
come crashing down
a carefree burning
and suddenly
I'm mourning for last night

Just for a split-second
I wish I was dreaming again
because at least there
I know what I feel
Isn't real

when the loneliness got too much
i found myself reaching out
not for love but for comfort
something to distract me from myself
you gave me what i needed
plus a bonus
and i left behind something
that i can not get back

stuck in a routine
same place and same time
by the casino at night
your car pulls up
and we drive into the darkness
i stay quiet

there is no one to blame
i started this on my own
if this was to become known
it would shatter my "good" name

the urge to do this deeds
was something i thought needs be
but the more of my time i gave
the more i lost

i was invisible and wanted to be seen
however
escaping my solitude
has left me isolated
i so hate this
and it makes me feel
super super super


from paragon to paramour
there is no denying that
so why bother fight
when i am paradoxically entwined
to the toxic that nourishes me
Chosen poison without reason.
and i abide by it.

I hope that the seasons will change

but still, i go the casino at night
and wait for you
we drive into the darkness
and silently i curse my affliction

All men are born heavy.
We do not inherited this weight
But seize the heaviness of the earth
Upon ourself.
Obligations and connections one can not ignore.

I am not yet light like you.
Floating from place to place.
Uncannily light so that you may travel
To even the moon and back.
Travel refreshes the eyes
But it is my heaviness -
that prevents lunar travel.

To ignore what roots me to the ground
would be to act falsely light.
But you are truly rootless.
Born lighter than a feather -
how can you be so unnatural?

Unlike you, I will have to earn my lightness.
But even then my body will still be heavy
But not lightless.

Please forgive me when I laugh at another thing you've forgotten.
I do not mean to imply your brain is rotten.

Please forgive me when I get annoyed by your confusion.
I know it's not your fault your mind has a shakey vision.

I wish I could help you when memory fades.
However there is no easy remedy made.

Please know how much I love you and your funny ways .
If only that was enough to prove you're not a lonly member.

I would remind you of all our happy days
But even for me it's hard to remember.

I hope I do not become like you.
I hate myself for saying it but it is true.


I love you.
And I hate that you forget.

Four moons rose tonight.
Each one bad.
A ****** tetrad.

I looked for stars
But Mars look alikes
blocked my search.

And as I watch on,
it dawned on me.
This life, is null and void.
Soon to be destroy,
just look at the four moons.

A prophecy foretold.
Hypocrisy withold.

Fate and Death entwined.
Mankind's breaths abates.

Slowly but surely.
Prematurely.

Then nothing.

But I remember,
ex nihilo nihil fit

Not all prophecy,
are destined to come true.
So I questioned everything.
Knowing that nothing can come from nothing.