when the loneliness got too much
i found myself reaching out
not for love but for comfort
something to distract me from myself
you gave me what i needed
plus a bonus
and i left behind something
that i can not get back

stuck in a routine
same place and same time
by the casino at night
your car pulls up
and we drive into the darkness
i stay quiet

there is no one to blame
i started this on my own
if this was to become known
it would shatter my "good" name

the urge to do this deeds
was something i thought needs be
but the more of my time i gave
the more i lost

i was invisible and wanted to be seen
however
escaping my solitude
has left me isolated
i so hate this
and it makes me feel
super super super


from paragon to paramour
there is no denying that
so why bother fight
when i am paradoxically entwined
to the toxic that nourishes me
Chosen poison without reason.
and i abide by it.

I hope that the seasons will change

but still, i go the casino at night
and wait for you
we drive into the darkness
and silently i curse my affliction