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Ah this familiar feeling is back
No sleep insomnia is on the attack
Laying 12 hours; eyes shut
Praying for sleep
But no luck
Ive had all the prescriptions from the doc
Yet im still awake around the clock
I would do anything just to catch a wink
Yet im still awake
around the clock
Just to think
Anna Maria Jun 2021
I am trapped in my body, watching the figure that patrols it around doing what she wants and saying what she will.
My mind feels muddled as the words 'I do not care' pierces them.
Is this who i am?
I pull at the the bars that trap my mind around others,
my anxiety skyrocketing.
But the person in the cockpit simply replies to my worries and woes, "oh well, I'll worry about that sometime soon"
forced to take a back seat in my own mind
Anna Maria Jun 2021
Every second your eyes meet my skin an inch melts off, melting until I am forced to turn away, so that my insides don't splatter on the marble floor.
One day I shall stop turning away, let you melt me.
For that at least will make your eyes stay for a second longer
on what can only be described as a tragedy.
Excerpt from a longer poem
Mel Gadd Apr 2021
his words are bridges
that leads you over the sea
his words are fingers that whisper;
come to me, come to me.

but my bridges lead no one,
arrive nowhere.
lost at sea,
and swallowed up by the breeze.

my words mean nothing.
How could they?
when all that I am
are as noticeable as stars during the day.
Serving time
Doing lines
Making prison bars
Out of razor blades and credit cards
The only clean thing bout me are my arms
Cuz evreything i do harms Others or my self
Yelling for help
Where no one can see me
Tappin out S.O.S's
Who's gonna hear me
Swingin back and forth teeter and totter
Don't like myself
Wish i were hotter
Wanna be like thotties
i mean hotties
Rotting inside out with silicone gel
Maybe then i'd love myself
Don't even know what's real and what's fake
Cuz the emotions i hate
Don't even exist
It's just some *******
i created for attention
But what was the question?
When will i write "i" in the uppercase
Kole J McNeil Jan 2021


The scars on my  wrists are reminders.

The fresh cuts sting and burn, The red of my blood brings me release of pain that I feel inside. The pain of the sharp and the sight of the blood, it reminds me that I’m alive. But now it just there, there is no pain just numb.


I’m not scared of death.

No on the contrary I invite it with open arms.

No I’m scared of living. The thought of life is what chills me to the bone. That feeling that I don’t live up to society's standards. That I’ll be treated diffrently if I don’t fit the description of a cis girl.


It comes in the form of a dress, of long hair, of makeup, of *******.

It does not come in the form of a broken limb or a gun wound.

It is not a physical pain. Though it can be more inhabilitating than a broken leg. You no longer have the strength or will to get out of bed. Or even live anymore.


It comes from those who do not understand

It comes from words spoken about you but not to you. It comes from betrail of the highest form. That of a friend, of a lover, of family. They talk. Thats what gives you the power to take those pills. To bury the knife so deep in your wrist they can’t take it out. To put that rope necklace on and push away the only thing holding you up.


It is the friends you push away that can’t help you

It’s the feeling of pure depression. It’s not a sickness that you can see. You don’t cough, you don’t have a sniffly nose, you aren’t pale, you don’t have a fever of 127. You are so tierd becuause if you sleep you dream but can’t call it dreaming. It’s only nighmares.


It’s not what you think it is.

It’s like a friend who never leaves. Deppression lives with you and you can’t escape it. It slowly invades your sleep and every waking second.


For me my deppression is my body

My skinny waist, big hips, and *******. From my round face to my girly voice. My shortness and my slender hands and tiny feet. My deppression is my Dysphoria. She huants me when I look in the mirror. I see it in the faces of my friends. So I push them away.


It’s feeling so loney that it feels as tough you can’t go on any more

It’s pushing away your friends when you need them the most becuse you don’t wan to hurt them if you do leave. And you consider making life better for everyone including yourself by ending it all. Those pills, that blade, the knife, or the necklace of rope makes you feel free.


No more PAIN

No more PAIN


Kris Burhans Jun 2020
The bright red liquid that flows from my skin
Every time a little more flows from my skin

Every time I put that blade to my skin I feel relief
Relief from my own self torment
Relief from my own mind

That red liquid is so mesmerizing to watch flow from my crying legs

That red liquid is my blood

That red liquid is mesmerizing

That blood is my relief
Matilda Feb 2019
Melting mechanically into nothingness, hiding behind my own imperfections.
Fading inside, no one notices, no one notices.
It's ok though I’ll be ok, I always make it through.

Channelling pain to make my own pains disappear; looking down at my open palms wine red crescent moons passing across my vision.
I look up; It's my secret.
Closing my fist; exposing my broken nails.

A way of coping?
Or a way of avoiding?

Having to scream having to cry.
In my blurred vision, I look up, but there's no one nothing just white.
There's no one, I need someone, there's no one.

They say their there for me. They say their here.
But when I say, they say I talk too much.
When I don’t they ask what’s wrong.
A continuous circle.

Never ending?
Or never beginning?
chloe Dec 2018
Everyone says you are supposed to love your scars
They say it shows how strong you are
But the funny thing is that when I look at them
I see how long they have been there
The sad thing is they have been there longer than anybody ever has
I used to self-harm and struggle staying clean and while I was clean I wrote about my scars. Scars just show how strong you are.
Leigh May 2018
I sit in the rain
just letting it pour down your face
distinguishing between the tears and the rain would be impossible
except for my mascara that runs down my face like a river
the tears turns black and streams down my face
crying about everything and anything
I feel like I've fallen apart
drowning in the rain
but with every breath I give to the world
one is taken from me
but I wipe my face
I stand up
and I go back inside
back to my life
its raining
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