Melting mechanically into nothingness, hiding behind my own imperfections.
Fading inside, no one notices, no one notices.
It's ok though I’ll be ok, I always make it through.
Channelling pain to make my own pains disappear; looking down at my open palms wine red crescent moons passing across my vision.
I look up; It's my secret.
Closing my fist; exposing my broken nails.
A way of coping?
Or a way of avoiding?
Having to scream having to cry.
In my blurred vision, I look up, but there's no one nothing just white.
There's no one, I need someone, there's no one.
They say their there for me. They say their here.
But when I say, they say I talk too much.
When I don’t they ask what’s wrong.
A continuous circle.
Or never beginning?
Everyone says you are supposed to love your scars
They say it shows how strong you are
But the funny thing is that when I look at them
I see how long they have been there
The sad thing is they have been there longer than anybody ever has
I used to self-harm and struggle staying clean and while I was clean I wrote about my scars. Scars just show how strong you are.
I sit in the rain
just letting it pour down your face
distinguishing between the tears and the rain would be impossible
except for my mascara that runs down my face like a river
the tears turns black and streams down my face
crying about everything and anything
I feel like I've fallen apart
drowning in the rain
but with every breath I give to the world
one is taken from me
but I wipe my face
I stand up
and I go back inside
back to my life
Hopscotch till dawn.
Shadows of the sea,
All below; dark and deep,
Never to be seen,
Black bones of the knee,
Get up my friend,
One step down,
Two step up,
The game of shadows.
Always a shadow,
only you can see.
Claustrophobic meetings of
myself in the mirror.
I'm shut in this refection,
when I know this
Pain attacks of a realization,
I'm stuck in this
obituary of looks..
I scream only seeing within..
I was little bit happy,
Little bit sad,
Cuz in the end,
You will break my heart,
Still it will be wonderful,
Good times, bad times,
You can never choose,
In the end it doesn't matter,
Nothing matters really,
So take everything you got,
Cuz nothin' better is coming,
You will die like the rest of us,
Resting in our coffins.
10. June 2017
Seven shots with ****** knuckles,
four bottles of letting everyone down,
Eight hits from a disappointing life.
It only took me one trip to the rehab center called your touch. I used the medicine of your love to become sober.
now I am dependent on you, I need you every day and do not feel the same without you. I have an itch when I'm away and a warmth when I'm close. I became addicted to your love.
twelve tabs of compassion,
three pints of self-worth,
five pills of your warm embrace,
And one injection of beautiful passion.
I want you...
I need you...
I have you.
I love you.
One person can change your life in more ways than you could ever imagine.
It hides in the darkness
And lurks in the shadows
The sun can block it out
But not keep it away in the night
Sometimes the moon is my only solace
But it leaves
Then I'm left alone
The demons whispering
It leaves me deaf
The light stolen
By the hateful thieves
With that light
But it lingers in my mind
Even when it's pitch black
Even when the shouts make me deaf
I hear the words
The little birdie
My little angel
My wonderful friend
They snuck in
And were beside me
They were with me
Even through the worst
When no one was here
They still were
They became my light
Even now as I'm in the dark
I know they are here
And it gives me
I don't know what I want in this world.
I don't know what is worthwhile on this Earth that can make me smile.
It keeps spinning
And I keep turning over in my mind -
Does mankind even know what it wants?
Are we in love or just bored?
Filling up time before we're buried,
Chasing our tails and tales of how to live.
Tired of this town - strive to leave before it gets you down.
And when you leave you'll take the town with you and start again.
So the Earth keeps spinning.
And I stop smiling at what we think is worthwhile.
Because I don't know, maybe,
I don't want this world.
Waking up feeling fresh and disenchanted with the human condition
(Also I feel like I could add to this so it's a possible rough draft)
People think I complain to much why do you think I'm more to myself ? Because I'm tired of having people saying don't worry about it don't stress out about it or you'll be okay every time I'm like.. be in my shoes for a week feel my struggle. But then I'll get the but I have it worse because this or someone could have it worse I'm not trying to make people feel sorry for me I want somebody to listen and give me motivation advice give me a spark to light my fire again.