I wrote that to you..
from the waiting room of my eye doctor
but I didn't know it sent. I was grinding on my jeep Sunday
and got a piece of metal in my eye the size of a farm tractor,
but all is well after this second visit 👀
A couple of reasons for the multiple accounts..
Originally started as my way of satiring the many people
on the site that use multiple accounts to put likes and
comments on their own work in order to make it trend..
or even make the 'daily'..
or to stroke themselves with compliments
so horrendously.. uh, dishonestly.
But me being the battle-hardened, ******* nonconform
that I am, the first time I commented on my own piece,
my own account made fun of myself
to such a degree..
it ended up in a fistfight--
But it was me.. just ******* up
the whole trolling process.
I always tell the ones that I care
about who all is 'me'.
I also phase popular ones of mine out
and replace them with new ones
if that one is getting too noticed on the site.
That way I don't garner too many followers, which I believe
quenches one's freedom that is lost within the obligatory
'give and take' mindset that is a cancer on this
and so many other online writing sites.
Vogel started talking to you when I was no longer
scared of how quickly you got in with me.
I talk like crazy when someone like you gets in to the inner-core
of me so easily.. just by being the way that you are.
The babbling provides a canopy of structure.. Love's structure.
Strange, I know.. but I don't like being scared.
Its a boundary-thing..
and there is so little about ones like you
that even remotely slows down
the process of getting in..
and I'm-a.. uh..
"I'm a loner, Dottie.. a rebel.."
The accounts keep me safe from the
general public by bringing
pieces of me out, relationally onto the screen as a way of
providing for myself, the warm cover of love's structure--
me.. with me.
All so very strange sounding, I'm sure.
I really enjoy watching you, kid.
I'm so sorry for bombing you with all those wordy messages
when we met. Your unique heart, mind, and spirit
are everything perfect in my eyes.. yes.. even with all of your
current broken, fragmented pieces.
You were recently maybe under some form of a psyche-hold,
which is probably where the psyche eval came from.
Some in the mental health field care deeply.. many are just
going through the motions-- originally thinking it was
for them, and then finding out what the true cost
of love really is, before slinking back into a foot-shuffling
process.. even as psychologists,
and often even medical psychiatrists (prescribers)--
Who love to find a name for things so they can 'expertly'
enter into relationship with what now has a name,
rather than the deeply-hurting person.
Everybody wants the ****, beautiful-voiced girl who stands
a very good chance of making her mark so well in this world.
I would trade access to the 'best' part of it all with you,
just to have the chance to be with you, for even 5 minutes
on that **** and tear-soaked, psyche room floor.
That is where I want to be.
My multiple "friends" keep me free..
Broken-down, and pitch-black within the darkness of all its
despair. That is where it is that I would trade all things for,
in order to be..
with you.. deep in to the very r e a l of it all..
if you ever fell down that temporarily far.
Everything I do is for that moment.
My "friends" give me strength. They believe in me
because I so deeply believe in my loved self.
Hence, the ability to go anywhere
you may one day have to go.
Sorry, kid.. but you asked.
"Can you feel the resistance..
Can you feel the thunder"