I haven't figured out how to be alone and not lonely
Only wishing I could go back to how it was before
But there are more things on my mind
There are more things to do
I haven't figured out how to do it on my own
Just me and a homegrown sadness
That keeps me company with
Those late night cigarettes and cold coffee
Staring out at windows starry-eyed at nothing
Solitude is the most profound fact of the human condition. When you become aware of yourself, you become aware of our lack of another, that is, our solitude.
Let me have this one moment before you go.
Let me hold on to it before it will slip through my fingers.
All I have are these moments we shared.
They stay fresh on my mind,
The way our flesh entwined.
For once, lost in idleness.
Soon, the moment will lose its sharpness.
As time fades the memory made.
Until all that remains is a fleeting feeling.
A bittersweet leftover of a lover's emotions
shared with another.
We are but a bundle of experiences
It's a thousand tiny cuts that you receive
From the moment you're born
Waiting for someone to tell you that you are beautiful.
You yearn to stay youthful
You've learned the indisputable fact.
Your inherent value as a person
Reduced to your physical appearance
And given a numerical value online
For what is a selfie without it likes?
This is enough to make anyone cynical
Because everyone is the enemy
Like buskers on a busy street
All are competing for the attention
Of the passing indifferent crowds
All singing to be seen, to be known
Even just for one fleeting moment
It is a strange but primary emotion of the human condition
Decreed at birth to need validation
And this foundation is firmly instilled in us.
We never learn to fuss about it, as society reminds us
That there is nothing to discuss.
Sign up and accept the terms and conditions.
Show yourself to the world.
Nothing beats the sensation of adoration.
Even now, right now, I am showing myself to you.
So tell me I'm pretty, world.
Tell me I matter.
Tell me I exist.
I want to be known. I want to know you.
There comes that moment of sudden awareness
When you raise your head and see the bigger picture
See the links between everything in your life
And make the connection that makes the most sense to you
My connection will be different to yours
Some will see undeniable proof that the Earth is flat.
Others will see a plan of salvation lay out for them.
It does not matter about absolute Truths.
Chasing such is absurd
Because if no one can see it
Nor perceive it
Then does it really exist?
All people see are their own truths instead
Ascribing meaning to the Chaos
That's the 'real connection between us all
The interconnectness of all things lay in the connections we all make
We are all bending reality ever so slightly to fit the narrative we have crafted for ourselves
Telling ourselves stories to make sense of everything - and we all have stories
I will not seek solutions by a judicious study of the discernable reality, looking for The Truth.
I will act and create my own reality
Until eventually, everything connects.
Ascribing meaning to the chaos is all we can do
The first kiss was nice.
I was suddenly reminded of all the fun we had.
I felt my heart swell with old memories
Of dancing in your room at night
Or laying in the afternoon sun.
The time I melted into you
And you said you loved me.
That first kiss was nice.
Then you kissed me again.
I recalled how it ended.
The hurt and pain of the separation.
The feeling of not being want,
Of not being good enough.
My heart shriveled up as it remembered the heartache.
The second kiss was not nice.
Do I focus on the good or the bad?
Stop the car now.
Sing to me.
While no one is watching.
I want to hear you.
Here before we go further.
A song of the hills.
And of the now.
I want to know you.
I want to be known by you.
That is all anyone wants
I'll get the last train home
I do not wish to outstay my welcome
I really don't mind - I actually like it
Can you like sad and lonely times?
There's an odd feeling when overhearing friends talk
It forms the static beneath my thoughts
As I hold on tight to this solitude
And try to like it as much as it likes me
Sorry I have to go and catch the last train