I was terrified
When I realized
That I had the urge
When I saw you
I’v always liked
To see you naked
I’ve always followed
The lines of your waist
The rivers on your thighs
The heaven between them
The words I couldn’t say stick their teeth in my lungs.
I want to scream but, I‘ve swallowed my tongue.
Can someone be your happiness and makes you wanna die at the same time?
Pain is your body way to tell you something is wrong
When your heart aches, it’s probably because of the wrong person
Or the wrong word
Or the wrong perception
When your heart aches
It’s not okay
And you either push away what hurts it
Or heal it
And sometimes even leaving everything behind.
Ignoring it, is never a choice.
You realize how stupid you are
When you look at your heart
An see how you let someone
To cause all of these bruises
In the name of love
I have an extreme anxiety
Of doing new things
So I don’t have much things in my life
That are new
same lonely nights
same favorite movies
Wiping away the dust off my dreams looks much easier than 170 heart beat per minute.
I suddenly realized
I have a very big hole
In my heart
That everyone I know
The problem is that loving someone in the wrong way and not loving him looks the same.
We had a fight
In the airport
Before five minutes of his flight
He hugged me
Like a fabric hugging an ice cube
Both can’t feel anything
Saying goodbye wasn’t hard
Saying goodbye this way is what broke my heart.
It was like a kid
Opening the gift
He waited for
For too long
An empty box
Waited for too long
To be alone with you
Then you fell asleep
In my bed.
No cuddle and no sheets. Meh.
And believe me little girl: there’s nothing you can do for someone who chose to be sad.
I would like to punch this headache in the face.
The brave hearts live, the cowards stay safe, and I’m stuck in between.
It’s hard to feel the love when you hate being in a relationship.
My desire to die is sneaking into my heart again but this time it’s wearing a white dress and a veil.
I have a hell inside
That’s why my eyes shine so bright.
My eyes are drowning And my soul is burned
How can I tell my heart to stop hurting for a ****?
Can’t you stay?
He asked. While I was waving goodbye.
I’m already gone.
I said. While He knows that and crys.
I just need to tell someone I want to die, then hold hands and take a walk.
For those who are the future:
Don’t use your freedom as a red carpet for a popular pop singer, or a president.
Don’t walk on it to get a phone that is smarter than you!
Don’t hate, erase all the lines on the map, unite your nationalities to “ human”, let love spread through the oceans.
Don’t be racist, racism pulls the nations back, and the souls down.
Don’t be a slave for the brand of your shirt, for the kardashians granddaughters lips, or for the green paper.
Don’t be a slave for the nothingness, for what will be gone.
You look at the mirror
realize that you changed for someone else
How much you hate it
You start searching for yourself again
You search for the stories you used to hide
For the poems you wrote behind your face
You search for your little secrets hanging on the corner of your lips
For the curses in your eyes
You search for the things you hided untill they were forgotten
And the things you forgot utill they disappeared
unill you disappeared
And the only thing you can see
Is a fake reflection on the mirror.
تنظرُ إلى المرآة
و تعي في لحظة واحدة أنّك تغيّرت لأجل أحدهم
تبحثُ عن قصائدك المُخبّأة خلف وجهك
عن الأسرار المُعلّقة عند زاوية فمك
تبحثُ عن الشتائم في عينيك
و الغضب في حنجرتك
عن الأشياء التي خبّأتها إلى أن نسيتها
و نسيتها إلى أن اختفت
إلى أن اختفيت
و لا يبقى منك سوى انعكاس كاذب
I just want to tell you everything will be ok. And for you to believe me.
Some woundes can’t be healed with love.
Especially those which were made by the hands of anger.
Imagine spending my life
Drinking from your mouth
My red wine
Smoking your fingers
Geting high on your breaths
Touching every cell of you
Hearing their stories
With every cell of mine.
Imagine waking up everyday
To your hair on my face
Your cold feet touching mine
Your stomach nagging for bacon
And your lips starving for a kiss
Imagine you as happiness
As ups and downs
smiles and tears
As roses and thrones
Heaven and hell
Fire and rain
as the good thing in every one of them
Imagine you as life
I can’t understand moms.
They love you, but really turn your life into hell.
His head on my lap
But I still have this question
Why is there a gap?
My heart and my brain
Are in two different directions
The heart feels warm
A little bit cozy and safe
The brain is a storm
Wishing he could hide in a cave
Sometimes, I have this panic attack on being with someone.
It’s never easy for me to let anyone see the chaotic world behind my ribs. It’s really chaotic behind my ribs.
I sometimes think I prefer spending my Friday nights alone on letting anyone to stick his empty head inside my chest.
What if the house you've always wanted to buy wants to be empty ?
I followed my heart
And now I’m in the bottom.
Sometimes, it’s very difficult to trust you.
The butterflies in my stomach are alive again
But not because of love
It’s because of incertitude
The sparkle in your eyes is gone
Your smile is so fake
Your chest is so cold
So I know
It’s not my brain
It’s your attitude
And I’m just afraid that anger will get stuck in my throat
so I don’t scream
But lyingly smile
لكنّني أخشى فقط أن أغضب.
أن يتراكم الغضب إلى أن يصل إلى حلقي فلا أصرخ، ولا أبكي، ولا أشكي، و لكن أبتسم ككاذبة.
أتذوّق العتمة في ضوء الشمس.
I can taste the darkness in the sunshine.
You allow someone to get inside the hidden room in your soul
Then all you can do is watching him changing the furniture
and painting the walls with the color you hate.
Everyone will try to change it the way they like
Everyone will make you regret letting them in.
I started hiding parts of me until they’ve got mad and left.
من عادتي أن أمشي بطيئًا جدًّا في الحب.
يستيقظ قلبي عندما يرقصُ قلب غيري، و يرقصُ قلبي عندما يبدأُ قلبه بالاحتراق، و يحترق قلبي بعدما يكون قلبه قد أنار العتمة كلها بمفرده.
أمشي بطيئًا بالحب، ولا أعرفُ مشيًا غيره، و لذلك كان على من يُمسك بيدي أن يمشي بسرعة عشرين كيلومتر في الساعة رغم أنّ قلبه يركب طائرة نفّاثة.
طعمُ الطيران يُصبحُ باهتًا عندما تكونُ خائفًا.
و هكذا، أصلُ مُتأخرة لكلّ مرحلة، بعد جُهدٍ لا يراه من كان أمامي يُدحرجُ قلبه ككرة القدم بينما أجرُّ خاصتي خلفي جرًّا.
أصلُ بعد أيّام و أسابيع، بعد أن يكونوا قد أكلوا مشاعرهم ليتسلّوا بها خلال الانتظار.
أصلُ إليهم فارغين إلّا من أُغنية ميّتة و وردة حمراء ذابلة، و الكثير من الضجر.
يضحكُ قلبي، يهمسُ لي أن في حالاتٍ كهذه، ألّا تصلَ أبدًا خيرٌ من أن تصل مُتأخرًا.
ثمّ يجرّني خلفه
I’m used to walk very slowly towards love.
My heart yawns when someone’s beats, beats when someone’s is on fire, fires up when someone’s turns into ash.
I walk very slowly towards love and it’s the only way I know.
That’s why whoever trys to hold my hand have to walk 20 kilometers an hour while his heart is on an airplane.
Flying is dull when you’re afraid.
I always arrive late, after putting all my efforts into draging my heart while the one beside me is kicking his like a football.
they wait for me, but when I arraive I find that they ate their feelings because of bordem.
So I have to turn back. And go.
Look at me
Look at me
Do I still look the same?
I don’t even know my name
I lost it when i started this
The love of you
No one told me it’s just a game
What a shame !
What a shame !
Your life is so empty it's scary.
I do understand myself.
I understand every scream, every tear, every war, every dream.
But myself doesn't understand me.
Depression is a very slow and painful way to die.
It's ok, it's ok, you can lie
but when I leave
Don't dare to cry
فقدتُ اهتمامي بكلّ شيء، يرتديني الضجر، و لا صبر لي لانتظار النهايات، أو الاستماع لأحدهم يتحدثُ عن يومه. أبترُ مقطوعة موسيقية لأبدأ من وسط أُخرى، أكتفي بمشاهدة عشر دقائق من الأفلام، أقرأ صفحةً من كلّ كتابٍ بجانب سريري، و لا أجلسُ في مكان واحد لما يزيد عن دقيقتين.
I no longer care about anything.
boredom covers my body, and I can't even be patient enough to wait for the end, any end, or to hear you talking about your day.
I cut one peace of music to start from the middle of another one. I watch 10 minutes from each movie and read a page from each book on my desk.
I can't stay in one place for more than two minutes.
And I'm bored. I'm bored with people, life, and myself.
I think about death a lot lately. Again.
I don't need positive crap, or fake hope.
I thought maybe I need someone. But no, someone is not what I need too.
Maybe I should do something, I did.
But still, the worms inside keep moving whatever I do.
I can feel my flesh melting, finding its way between my ribs.
Suddenly a storm of fireworks start to raise my body temperature to the extent I have to take off my own skin.
I do take off my clothes when I feel like taking off my skin. Mom hates that, she doesn't know how it feels to burn alive from the inside so it's ok.
I don't really want to die, but the black hole inside me won't just leave me alone.
Dad says I should look at myself in the mirror and talk to her, encourage her, but all I want is to take her out of the mirror and tear her apart into very little chewy pieces.
Death, it's a weird thing to dream about in my twenties.
This night is weird.
I can't hear the moon screaming, I can't hear the sound of my neighbor tear drops, or the smile of mother.
It's so quite.
Usually, all the hidden things come to life at night, but This night seems to **** love and pain.
— The End —