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Mandalina Sep 10
Are you depressed?
I don't know
Are you depressed?
I don't know
Are you depressed?
I might be

Aseel Aug 25
For the last couple of days , I’ve been going through one of my many depressive episodes.

Medically, these episodes don’t meet the criteria  to be called “depressive” .
But I call them that because they remind me of the times when I was medically psychologically officially depressed.
Same darkness, same hopelessness.

Yesterday my mood wasn’t low. It was underground. Strong enough to drag me with it and watch me gasping for my breath, and laugh.

But yesterday was different.
for the first time I was depressed, but not lonely.
I had a chest under my head, a hand in my hair, and whispers in my ear: I love you, it’s ok.

Yesterday, for the first time, I wanted to beat my depressive episode.
Evie Jun 14
in order of me to finally leave, i need to fall out of love with the world, my love is nostalgic and it cuts skin, i threw it away for peace, it was disturbing my routine, i hate how much i need, it how much i can't leave it, but feeling like i need to, because days are death in this place, but death has always been lovely, it's sickening to be alive and bored, i prefer fear, i prefer school days of endless black holes and friendly abuse, of looking in their eyes and them never looking at me, it was familiar and unpredictable, ******* fun, why is chaos fun, why, why, oh god, i want it all around me, i want it inside me, shaky hands, no breath left from crying, cutting my skin with hairdresser scissors, laughing like a maniac in the middle of the night, drinking until i pass out, i smell *****, it goes everywhere, coming to get me, voices are coming to get me, with their words of wisdom, how healthy and happy i need to be, and to that i spit all the ***** in your face and cry about it later, because you are right, but i am not right, the world isn't for me, so i need to stop loving it and just go.
im just tired of everything it never goes away always comes back and nobody gives a **** not even me
fray narte Jun 13
But my sadness no longer
feels like being drowned.
It was just sinking
and sinking
and sinking.

And sinking some more.
Evie Mar 27
today i washed the dishes
but now im sad
i finished a painting
but now im still sad
i took a shower
while i was sad
i went for a walk
walking sadly
i lay in my bed
looking sad
i guess no matter what i do
im going to be sad
Evie Feb 4
digging fingernails in my skin to feel
warmth of blood,passionate and red
the music is loud but my heartbeat is low
ringing sounds in my head, party noises
i'm desperate for a muffled one instead
i travel with a mind lift
lift down in the room the horror dreams prepare you for
at level zero where breathing is a difficult skill
air doesn't exist and minds collapse
i feel the lack, i hear the choking the static, i smell the blood and the illness
clenching my eyes they turn backwards inside my skull
seeing the names of those who destroyed the home i built
always smiling politely they welcome me
as a guest in my own place
''hello there predator
is this basement warm enough for you
are these chains secure enough for you? ''
shaking vigorously no nonono
death is upon me
cursed cursed cursed for eternity
listening to laughter,talking to thoughts imagined
in this basement never to be found
i was feeling horrible today so why not write something equally as horrible lol
Evelin Avely Jan 30
I follow myself around my flat,
feeding the time
my contemplations;
it’s already dark by 3 in the afternoon.

I carry my turmoil
with pins in my pockets,
i keep my hands inside.

Depression boils
all my frozen insides,
makes them bland
and chewable.
Colten Sorrells Dec 2018
I wake up every morning
and try to be fruitful
do something, say something
try to be useful
but I realize at the end of the day
that I’m just filling time
with these meaningless things

I play games,
I write things,
get some sleep

feel the burn,
toss and turn,
then I rinse and repeat

and if, for some reason
I didn’t get up
then it’d all be the same
‘cos no one gives a ****

my love says I need help,
and that ****** me off
‘cos I know there’s no pill
that can make this all stop

when you have no desire
too tired to live
those antidepressants
aren’t gonna do ****
Believe me, I've tried
Colten Sorrells Dec 2018
I don’t want to do this
I just want to hide,
just curl up in a ball
while I wait here to die
I don’t know what to say
when you ask me what’s wrong
I wish I could tell you
but I’m just not that strong

the truth is, that
I just don’t feel like living
in a world so judgemental,
so cold, unforgiving
I give it my all
all this world does is take
and it still makes no difference
It’s always the same

I could just disappear
and no one would lose sleep
there’d be someone there
in my place in a week
I just don’t want to do this
I just want to hide
I’m curled up in the darkness
just waiting to die
not even sure what triggered this episode. I felt great when I first woke up
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