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Alaska Jun 2016
Pick me up.
Pick me up
and let's drive.
Let's drive away
and never look
back.
Let's talk about
everything that's
kept locked deep
in the catacombs
of our hearts.
Let's trust one
another,
just you and
me.
Grab my hand.
hold it tight.
Spill all.
I'll tighten my
grip, as goosebumps
appear on our
arms.
I'm here,
you're here.
We shouldn't worry.
I won't let you go,
if you don't let me go.
Alaska Jul 2016
Im laying in bed at a horrid travel lodge and sleep can't seem to find me.

Must've been that coffee I had with my dessert, my aunt asked me if it would interfere with my sleep, I said nope.
Where are you sleep?
Alaska Jun 2016
It is now 2:39am and I'm thinking about an old flame.
I flipped through the old memories I had written down about you.
October 7th, 2011 was the day you first called me beautiful,
by the fence of your backyard.
I smile as I think about it now, you no longer make sad.
I remember how you used to be,not the **** you've turned out to be.
Alaska Sep 2018
In the darkness,
all I could feel was the
emptiness that you left
behind...
Alaska Oct 2016
I don't understand..
Why does the person
and the people who
helped them mess
with my mind...
get to be happy with
their significant other?
When is karma going
to get them?
Honestly, I'm just lucky
I have as much
patience as I do.
Alaska Oct 2016
Honestly, I'm always
gonna be the one
that cares too much
about the people I
love.
Sometimes I think
it's a burden..
Other times I
think I'm blessed
to be this way.
Alaska Feb 2016
A kiss you say?
Well it means
nothing to me.
I feel nothing,
but numbness.
I won't recall
it the next day.
You kissed me
you say?
Sorry, I
must have
forgot..
Alaska May 2016
Please hold me,
Tell me everything
Is going to
Be okay,
As I sob
Into your chest.
Hold me tight,
But not too tight,
For I am fragile
And pieces of me
Are already missing...
I don't think I can
Afford to lose anymore.
Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry.
Alaska Mar 2016
Lately, all I want to do is...
talk.
To someone.
Anyone.
Just to have conversation....
about anything
and everything.
To feel a connection...
between another soul.
I've never craved this as much
as I do now
and I think
that's what
is freaking me
out the most...
I'm realizing how
lonely I'm
becoming..
Not really sure what I've been feeling lately.
Alaska Apr 2016
Did I mention I
miss the way your mouth
would form into a smile?

The way your teeth would
show, along with your dimples,
crescents on the corners of your
mouth.

I adored your smile.
Alaska Apr 2016
People should not be ashamed for feeling.
I'm not sorry for the way I felt about you
Because it only seemed to be a phase,
that's why I've let my emotions out
through words rather than pouring
out my soul to you.
And to the next person I fall for,
let it be known it's most likely a phase,
don't expect me to spill at all.
We as humans should not be ashamed of loving one another, sometimes people slip and fall into the trap, sometimes it's a phase, don't worry you will get through it. I'm just sick of people getting tormented for having feelings for someone and being ashamed for the way they feel, we're all human and it happens. If it doesn't work out or if it's a phase, you will move on and it's going to be okay.
Alaska Feb 2016
Beautiful.
What is
beautiful*?
Clearly,
it's something
I am not
if no one
dares to
look at
me in
such a
way, or
even utter
such a
word to
me.
Alaska Feb 2016
My heart
shattered into
a billion pieces
like glass
hitting the
pavement
as I saw you
kiss her,
wishing it was
me.
Alaska Feb 2016
She loved
him more
than he
could ever
love her.
She knew
she had
to let go,
so he
could
finally be
happy with
the one he
deeply and
truly loved.
To lift
the burden
that she
was, off
his shoulders.
Alaska Feb 2016
I sat in my classes
not paying attention.
Why you ask?
Because I was so
consumed in my
thoughts of you,
that I started to
write you a letter
in which you would
never receive,
But I would
indeed receive the
closure that I deserve
except without an
encounter.
Alaska Feb 2016
It's
disgusting
that I crave
it.
I want it to
stop the
emotional
pain
and replace
it with
physical.
I crave
the feeling.
I'm sick.
Alaska May 2016
"Write," I whisper to myself.
"Write, keep writing, don't cry. Just write. You'll feel better."
Don't stop writing.
This is your only escape, you are only free when you write.
Alaska May 2016
No, stop, no.
There's no point
in having feelings
for another.
This way there
is no pain.
There's no more
games.
You never have
to guess if
they like you.
Focus on you,
you don't need
A boy.
All you need is
you.
Alaska Feb 2016
"I love you."
"I love you too."
These were the
words we once
exchanged, but
are now just a
blur.
And oh how I
wish I could  
hear your
voice and feel
your heartbeat,
just to know if
you meant it
as much as I
did.
Alaska Feb 2016
do not compare.
do not do it.
you will regret it
and it will only
make you sick.
Make yourself
good enough
for you and
no one else,
because in
the end that
is all that
matters.
Alaska Apr 2018
I'm grasping for as much air I can get...
My head is barely above water.
So this what it feels like...
To be consumed by so many emotions at once..
Alaska Aug 2016
Why must you
be this way?
Full of blemishes
and discolor.
I know God
wanted me
to look a certain
way,
but i'm sure
he didn't intend
for this.
I try and try
to have a clear
face, but nothing
seems to help.
I look at my
reflection and cry, cry, cry.
Even though my outside
isn't so beautiful,
at least my inside is.
God thinks I'm beautiful and that's all I need.
Alaska Feb 2016
All you
need is
him.
Call to
him
when
you are
lonely.
Call to
him
when
you are
weak.
But most
importantly
call to him
when you're
strong.
Call to him
when you're
found.
Call to him
always.
Trust in
him only.
Alaska May 2016
My "family" is
not a real
family.
There is only
hared,
no love.
We despise one
another and
it seems like
we have
competitions
of who can insult
eachother the most,
only to see who
goes crazy first.
Alaska Oct 2016
Maybe  I'll always
be in the friend zone,
maybe I won't.
But at least I know
I'll be the one that
cares the most.
Alaska Aug 2016
I don't need you to fix me.
I don't need you to pick up my pieces.
I don't want you to.
I do not want you to.
I never asked you to.
Alaska Apr 2016
There's something
you'll never
know.

And it's
the way
I feel
about you.
Alaska Feb 2016
I'm in love with
the most
handsomest man
with the most
breathtaking smile
and the cutest
dimples.
Not to mention the
most mysterious
brown  eyes.
But wait there's a
catch.
He's not in love
with me...
Alaska Apr 2017
My face consumed with  
                acne due to PCOS.
My chubby belly, even though
                I'm trying my best to lose.
My dry hands, that no matter
                how much lotion I put on
                                               won't stay soft.
My frizzy hair that I try
                   my best to tame.
My calves, that are too big to
                     fit into "normal" calf sized
                                                           ­  boots.
My heart that gets hurt time and time
                      again but puts itself back together
                                                        ­                 each time.
My mind that cares too much for the
                       ones who wouldn't do the same for me.
                              
                              ­ I'm trying to love  myself.
Alaska Apr 2017
I actually missed you,
but yesterday broke
my streak.
I miss you.
I miss you and our friendship,
even though you had hurt me
yet again.
I still wished you the best,
hoping that you would find
your happiness...
but finding out that you're
not doing so well,
breaks my heart
because you're hurting.
Not only am I sad, but
hurt that you
didn't even want me as a
friend anymore.
I was there for you when you
let me be
and I could have been'
there for you now,
but you did not want me
in your life at all.
I guess maybe it was actually
my fault
for even letting myself
do anything with you
past our friendship.

I still hope you find what you're
looking for and that you become
everything you strive to be.
I never gave up on you,
you just gave up on me.
Alaska Mar 2016
I kid you not
when I tell
you that I
used to pray
that I would
see you.
Because what
we had,
I thought was
real.
But little did
I know,
while I was
praying for you,
I was actually
praying for the
*****, that
pretended to be
you.
Alaska Mar 2016
I held onto his
small fragile body,
like he was my
own.
I cried because of
how beautiful life
can be.
I cried because of
how precious he
was in my arms,
I was literally
holding someone's
life in my hands.
I cried because of
how scared I was
to have him
brought into this
world,
scared because I
wanted to always
protect him,
scared because I
wanted him to
always be safe,
to have the happy
life he deserves.
As his little hand
grasped my pinky
finger,
A tear rolled down
my cheek and I
whispered, "i love  you
and I'm never going to
leave you.
"
Alaska Feb 2016
I despise
the word.
All
memories
rush back to
me when it
is uttered.
If you are
one, stay
away.
Stay far,
far away.
I'm sick of
all the pain
people like
you, have
caused me.
I don't need
another one
in my life .
You
destroyed
me.
Alaska Feb 2016
Being lonely isn't so bad.
I used to despise it, but
now I crave it.
Alaska Oct 2018
This feeling that everyone talks so much about...
I think I feel it for you,
and it scares me so much.

Is it possible that I do?
I keep denying that I do, hoping lying to myself with make it go away.
Alaska Nov 2018
When's the last time you looked
at me?
Like really looked at me.
Nobody looks at each other
anymore,
we always look down at our
phones instead of looking at
the people we
love and care
about.
Look at me.
Why is that so hard?
We don't have to say anything.
We can speak and feel
with our
eyes.
Look at me.
Inspired by Marina Abramovic' s ," The Artist Is Present".
Alaska Oct 2016
It's funny how
certain songs
can bring back
a sea of memories
that you didn't
even know you've
forgotten.
Alaska Feb 2016
I know you're scared,
but it's okay.
I know you love
him.
It's okay to take a risk
again.
If he's not the one,
he's not the
one.
You may get hurt,
but you may
not.
You're strong and
you will
heal.
You're gonna be
okay.
But if he's the one,
well that's another
story isn't
it?
Alaska Mar 2016
This is not
happening
again.
No.
I will not
fall for
someone
who I
know
will
never love
me.
Not again.
Alaska Apr 2018
I try to give all the souls I care about
as much of the world and pieces of heaven I can give,
no matter what time it is or what I am doing.
And believe me, I try my absolute hardest that sometimes
it drains me...
But you know what ?
       that is okay because all these souls that I love,
are what matters the most....
-  -  -
But wait...
when it comes to me , these souls do not think I am worth any part of this world
or even the slightest piece of heaven,
or a minute of the day...
So tell me why,
I continue to give my all to these souls that I love so dearly...
Alaska Feb 2016
I'm really
nothing special.
Ask anyone
about me
and they
will say,
"who?"
I'm a nobody.
Actually,
I'm nothing.
Alaska Feb 2016
I loved you.
Keyword:
loved.
Past tense.
I used to love
you, that is the
conclusion I have
drawn.
But just like the
love I had for you
then,
you are also no
longer apart of me.
Alaska Mar 2016
I will find the
one.
I will live the
life I want to
lead.
I won't be scared
to love and be
loved.
I will say, "I love you",
and have it said
back to me in
the same way.
I won't be scared
to feel.
I will know what
it's like to hold
hands with the one
I love.
I will know what
it's like to not
be alone when I
fall asleep at night
and wake up in the
morning.
God, has a plan
for me, for all
of us.
These are the two words that I say to myself over and over again to remind me that my day will come...Constantly, I whisper to myself "one day, Alyssia! One day you will be ******* loved back by the person you love and you're gonna be okay, and you won't be scared", and so on. This is also for you guys who are maybe struggling with the same thing, constantly being patient letting yourself get hurt over and over again and you just want it to get to "the one" already and stop having to go through these people who don't deserve you. You may feel alone, but never forget that you are surrounded with people who love and care about you, and if you think you don't, well i'm here for any of you guys,seriously I am, and I love YOU!So guess what? Your day will come, don't you worry, but don't doubt it either because that never helps anything.
Alaska Apr 2016
One thing I do miss about you is:
your hands.

The way they would poke
and grasp me.

The way they
felt against my skin.

So gentle,
yet rough.
Alaska Feb 2018
Why do I catch myself feeling this way in certain moments...
Maybe I should have let you go when everyone told me to.
I'm usually good at hiding these feelings from you and not having them show, because I just keep them aside because they DO NOT MATTER ANYMORE.
They are irrelevant. We are both moving on.
Why why why why
I thought I was done with all these ******* feelings.
****.
Alaska Mar 2016
once I said
it out loud

it started to
become real,
it started to
become clear

it was out
in the open

and now I
was more scared
than ever.
Alaska Feb 2016
I can't seem to
fall asleep
anymore.
I lay awake
in bed staring
at my barren
ceiling,
thinking.
Thinking about
how broken I
am...how you
broke me...
It's been 5
******* years
and I'm still
trying to put
myself back
together from
the first time.
I'm still trying
to mend all my
pieces into one
again.
I don't think I
ever really
realized how
broken you
made me till
now...
But one day I
will be whole
again.
Alaska Feb 2016
What would you
like to recoil?
Our friendship?
Our feelings for
one another?
Well, mostly mine.
Or just nothing?
Personally, I
would like to
forget you completely,
which i think you would
prefer as well,
or you really could
care less.
So let's be nothing,
just as if we had
never met.
Alaska Nov 2016
It's as if I was glass and you threw me to see how many pieces I would  break into.
She
Alaska Feb 2016
She
She hopes and prays that one day she'll leave this town and leave her past behind. She wants to forget, but she can't. She tries and tries but nothing seems to work, so she cries herself to sleep each night. All her friends think she's alright, but that's just an act she puts on. She feels all alone, depressed and doesn't know what to do with herself anymore.  She doesn't tell anyone her problems because she realized no one cares. She sometimes is suicidal and thinks the blade helps. Music is her only friend and helps her get through her constant anxiety attacks. She's insecure but can't help it. She wants to end it all, but she knows she'll go to hell.
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