Is it sad, you think you love me?
That you think you need to be someone else for me?
It ******* breaks my heart.
Or, not breaks—
It feels like there's a thin lining of glass
around every *****, and every section of my body—
And with every thought
With every tiny anxious idea
It cracks
And sends shards shooting through every vein and cell.
That’s dramatic, but so is this.

You say you’ve fallen for me
And I can’t help but call your bluff
Because
I can’t stop picturing all the others you’ve ‘fallen’ for
And where they lay now,
Floating like scraps on the floor
Of your conscience.

Love is a void
And a concept
And an idyllic little photo of a lighthouse on a cliff;
It does not apply to you and I.
I cannot handle what you’re handing me.
I’ve decided to be blunt,
Because, isn’t this the time for it?
I do love you
But I do not have to be in love with you
And you do not have to be in love with me.

I have a very hard time
With love
And everything it entails.
But I know it does entail you
In a light much different to
Traditional ‘love’
Like the fairy tale ‘Prince Charming’ love.

Can I tell you something?
I was angry at you, for doing this.
I never wanted to be a victim
Of this tiresome game
People seem so desperate to play.
I’m not going to play it.
I won’t play it.

You are my friend and someone I hold very close,
But I am not in love with you.

And I will not ever be in love with you.

Look at all the ******* poetry we could write
About our
Empty words
And how full
They’ve become.

Here are the fullest words I have for you:
Don’t let this ruin us.

I think I want to be angry
At your patterns
Of endless seeking.
You have done this before
And I have seen it.
Please see
You play a silent game
With yourself
and the people
you love
Trying to find someone
To tell you you’re enough

I can’t fill a void
I can’t complete you
I can’t be someone to fawn over.
I can’t do this.
Not this.

I have been handed
So many things.
I roll up my sleeves,
pick up my shattered pieces,
And handle it.
But not this.
Don’t ask me to handle this.

And don’t you dare
Ask me to choose.