she wore his favorite dress
dark and low cut
short and tight
he sat in the chair
while she walked in circles
he tried to not follow her
but he could resist
she squatted before him
and he tried not to look down
she licked her lips
and stared him in the eyes
suddenly
he had a withering feeling
like he was
rotting
from the inside
she smirked
and sat on his lap
his vision got blurry
his hands started shaking
and the light
left
his eyes

Je t'aime.
Je t'aime mille fois.
Je t'aime mille ans.
Je t'aime de mille manières.
Est-ce que tu m'aimes?

If I were to confess,
Which I won’t,
I would apologize.
If I were to tell you,
The words burning on my lips,
Which I refuse to do,
I would say
That I’m sorry
For not giving you my best.
If I were to speak the truth,
Which I’ve never done,
I’d get quite close,
To your blooming cheeks
And whisper to you,
“I was wrong.”
I would watch your lips
As you ask me your question.
I would say, rather softly,
“I was afraid.”
I would gently take your hand
And lace our fingers together
One last time
And I would speak,
“But I lost you anyway.”

I remember last night
With a sunset sky
Pink
Lilac
Baby blues and glimmering golds
I wanted to see you today
But I couldn't
Not really
I remember last night
When we talked until the streetlights turned on
When I put little white daisies in your hair
And you smiled for me
I wanted to do that tonight
But I couldn't
Sadly
I remember last night
When we sat by the creek
And caught fireflies
Flickering in the dimming light
Like little neon stars
I wanted to do that tonight
But I couldn't
And it hurt

I should sleep
But I want to write about you
My dreams of glass
Are dreams of you
Shattering threats
You could fall apart
Any second
I'll protect your heart
It's getting late
But I kind
Because I'm staying up
With you on my mind

It's late
And I'm thinking of you
I hope you dream of me
And realize you love me

i want to leave this place with you
leave our past
leave our pain
go someplace
and dance in the rain
i would run away with you
again and again

i dream when i'm awake
of things i would like to see.
to see in front of me,
and not behind the darkness of my eyes.

though my dreams could never compare
to the effervescence of his smile.
the feeling he gives me
when he looks me in the eyes.
or the feeling i get
when he says her name.

simple seconds of sweetness,
before he leaves without a goodbye.
so much effort, to be beautiful,
and he doesn't utter a word.

I wish I could breathe
Your words are crushing
Stop lying
Saying you were loving me
Some sort of love story
you've thought up in your head.
Darling you just hurt me,
soon I'll be dead.
My lungs are crippling,
crumbling like paper
Little tiny rips
in my skin with sandpaper
breaking me apart
so very slowly
this isn't love
I can tell,
because I'm so lonely.

i can't even cry anymore
my eyes are so dry
they water throughout the day
but when i need to let my heart spill
they dry up
like
the world is forcing me to be strong
but i can't
i don't want to
im not strong enough
i just want to be weak for a while
please
just
let me cry

Hello
I wish I could talk to you
Face to face
But
You're so far away
And
I can pretend you love me
But
It's not going to change the fact
That I'm not
Good enough

and you lie
you lie with lips like petals
and eyes like jade
you lie with a heart shiny like gold
and cold like stone
you say you care
pretty words from a pretty mouth
you make promises
but they're just lies
and i believe them
every
single
time

lillies
and lilacs
violet
and white
the scent
of sweetness
makes it
alright
bitter
sweetness
coats
my tongue
vines
creeping
with blossoms
twisting
around
the swing
and there
we sat
just you and me
your hand in mine
for eternity

don't take a step
you'll set off the land mines
you're being too reckless
inside of your own mind
you're opening memories
you'd rather forget
you're alone and scared
your consciousness is a threat
you don't want to look into the past
your happiness so easily trashed
you're sick and tired
of standing alone
you're breathing in fear
all on your own
all these monsters
stuck in your head
whispers and phobias
that you should be dead
nightmares keep coming back
memories like a heart attack
you've lost so much
and now you'll lose more
the things you've done
behind a closed door
you've been given
a chance at redemption
but you didn't take it
confidence so thin
you're still afraid
i can tell
your life will stay
a living hell

I'm lonely
Wish you could hold me
I'm tired of boring
My feelings are storing

I'm afraid
I'm afraid that I'll lose you
I'm afraid that I'll love you
I'm afraid that I'll hurt myself

I wish
I wish I was okay
Wish I had something
Wish you would love me

As my eyes skim over you
Your lips
Your curves
My memories
They burn
To be kept away from you is my punishment
Burning fingertips
Reaching for bare skin
Pulling away
From fear of lighting a flame
The taste of blood
From my biting my lip
Metallic ruby
I've almost forgotten my name
Replacing it with yours
The only one I'll ever need to know
A longing forbidden
By no one other than you and I
Keeping secrets
Just between us
Leaking from my lips
Tearing little rips
In what could have been

i'm at a loss for words
when i think of you

you fill my flesh
with warmth

♥ love is not a sin ♥

I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the soft colors of fall. I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the cold blanket of snow so I could keep you warm. I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the morning, sleepy and cuddly. I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the heat of the summer, my mouth like ice on your tongue, cooling you down. I'm sorry but I love you. I need you. I will beg and I will plead you. I will only want your happiness. I'd like to trace my hands on your shadow, while you shiver from my touch. I want to lean into your kiss, your arms around me. I'm still here, and I'll stay here, waiting for you. I know this is a lot that no one will probably read, but I need to get this down. I've never wanted someone like this. It might be cliche, but I want you more than oxygen. Need you more. I know I get confused sometimes but I know what I want. You. And I'm sorry that I keep hurting you, and everyone else, but I just want to make you happy. Make you feel loved. Because you are. I want to sit next to in the woods with a Dr. Pepper with the radio on and wear your shirt. I wanna wake you up and watch Adventure Time with you and snuggle my face on your shoulder. I want you to watch me draw, with your face so incredibly close to mine. I want to write stupid poetry with you on the couch while you show me your stupid tricks that love so so much. I wanna listen to Cavetown and blackbear with you and just be next to you. I don't even know if this is a poem, but I hope it's poetic, at least to you. And I doubt you'll even read this, but maybe one day... maybe. I wanna adopt a cat with you, maybe even a kid someday. To take in someone who has no one. I wanna live a life with you. I wanna grow up and grow old with you. I know I don't seem to focus a lot on the future, but I wanna focus on you. A future with, a present with you, make a past with you. You mean SO much to me. I wanna breathe in the same air as you, and run my hands through your hair and make little tiny braids while you fall asleep. I wanna sing to you, and write songs about you. I wanna make you feel happy when you cry. I want to be there for you, to make you smile. I wanna be yours. Because I love you. I can't say it enough, but I love you, I love you, I love you.

She was made
of gold
and marble
and she stood
above
the water.
A boy of stone
less looked at
stood hidden
behind
the ivy.
Forgotten
by most
he loved
the girl
made
of gold
and marble.
He
loved her
she
loved him
and they whispered
their love
in the night.

I love him
I love him not
I found him
For love I sought
Air I breathe
Song I sing
I do it all for you
Don't know how
Don't know why
But I hope you love me too

Love is beauty, and Love is pain.
Love is loving, even when you know you’ll get hurt again.
Love is life, but Love is death.
Love is fighting for someone, until your last breath.
Love is starving, to feed someone else.
Love is letting someone shine, even if you have to stay on the shelf

love letters
piling up in my brain
doodled little hearts
making a chain
staring at you
pretty pink lips
soft to the touch
at my fingertips
hands running through
silky soft hair
pretty eyes sparkle
so do mine when you're there
a pink envelope
filled with pretty words
sweet velvety memories
so very gently blurred
writing love letters
wearing big sweaters
thinking
of you

you loved me
what a lovely dream

You love me
or you love me not
Pick a side
Tell me what you thought
What you thought when I cried
Almost died
Love me
Love me not

Running out of flowers
Petals falling
Making perfumed showers
I stand there
In the middle of the wind
Love me
Love me not
Darling have I sinned?

Tell me what to do
So you'll love me too
Love me
Love me not

Take my heart
Rip it to shreds
Tell me lies
Make my cheeks go red
Taste me and spit me out
Voices are so loud
They say
Love me
Love me
Love me
Throw me against the wall
And love me
Give me your fake love
I promise that it'll be enough
Your mouth on mine
Let's not waste time
Love me harder
Love please
Love me more
You sweet little tease
I want more
So close the door
Show me what you can do
Take my heart
Rip it to shreds
Love me harder
Till I'm dead

Lucy was a girl
With a bright red coat
Her kindness sweet
She was never alone
But sweet young Lucy
Didn't know
Her left from right from wrong
Sweet young Lucy
Didn't know the Devil's song
So our sweet young Lucy
When her cost was spattered with red
Didn't know when it happened
That her parents were dead
She bubbled with joy
And giggled so sweet
When Lucifer said her name
"Some day you will be my queen," He said
"After you play the Orphan's Game."
"I will see that if you win
You will be the ruler of sin."
So Lucy laughed and said of course
"Sweet dreams!"
She said,
To her parents while they bled
Now clueless Lucy played his game
And lied the homeless to sleep
To the blind man, the she said
"It's safe to cross the street."
She played his game
And told his lies
And the game had been won
But even then
When she was done
The chaos had
Just begun
She didn't know
What she had wrought
And pain and lashings
The devil man brought
But not to his queen
For she was his Lady in Red
Sweet young Lucy
Would never be dead
Lucy played
His Orphan's Game
Eventually sweet young Lucy
Soon grew up
And Lucy one day
Fell in love
Of course it was Satan's luck
The Lady in Red with the softest touch
It was a gory romance
The Queen of Sin
Let the devil man's
Emotions in
And since dear Lucy
Was all grown up
She gave in
To Lucifer's lust
And when I say
That blood was shed
Trust me
And Lucy's sweetness
Was not dead
Some call her darling
Or his Queen of Sin
Some call her Lucy
Or God, even
God was a woman
With a blood-stained coat
The devil man's wife
Swimming in her blood moat
Where the bodies of her parents
Would slowly float
And sometimes scratched
The bottom of the boat
Lucy has won
The Orphan's Game
Lucy had played
without shame
Lucy had had let
The devil in
And she became
The Queen of Sin

roses
blooming
thorns
scratching
the inside of my lugs
the petals
itching
softly
i can't breathe
but i don't want to

in your shadow
i see roses bloom

it sounds
rather bold
but i'd like to marry you

watching you draw
all the beautiful things you saw
creating worlds
with the movement of your wrist
drawing the lips you've kissed
i see my eyes form
pencil creating a storm
fingers grasping
holding it tightly
lips parting slightly
creating my curls
dark golden locks in swirls
you look up and me and smile
and i want to look at you a while
fingers entwined
as the masterpiece is signed

What, if I may ask, is happiness?

I think, perhaps, that it is not being alone

Being loved

Having someone beside you

Just maybe

may i tell you
how pretty you are
how your smile
is the melting sun
how your eyes
are like oceans
that i just want to drown in
may i tell you
how i can't help
but want to hold your hand
to run my fingers through your hair
to fall asleep with you under the moonlight
may i tell you
how perfect you are
how you make my heart swell
and give me butterflies
how my gaze always travels to you
may i tell you
how much i love you

i think
im kinda sad.
mdd
they called it
i think
its kinda complicated.
the simplicity.
it's just sadness.
but it's not.

"You're mental!"
They say.
"Completely suicidal!"
but
i just wanted to go home.
now
i dont sleep in my bed
i tell all these people that there's nothing in my head.
but they don't listen
so my tears glisten
as i look in a mirror
made of metal.

little lights
inside your eyes
pretty stars
in a midnight sky
holding hands
fingers entwined
i've got you
nothing else i need to find
running in the dark
away from it all
the sky is vast
with a love so tall
it held on tight to the pretty lights
the ones called stars
i want you to hold me close
in a world that's ours
dark as twilight
black velvet kiss
you're made of shooting stars
but you're my only wish

milk and honey
on your lips
your perfume
sweet and soft
a milky bath
soak it in
dripping from my skin
taste it on your tongue
warm in my arms
sticky and smooth
like the way you make me feel

i think i kinda miss you
and you're missing from my life.
you're not missing from my mind
but you're missing from my nights.
i wish i could tell
the things i need to say
but i don't think i will
because i'm locked away.
i think you kinda miss me
i'm sad cause you're missing
i hope i get see you
and get to breath you
in.

sitting in the rain
all on my own
thinking of you
and love we used to own
your lips on my neck
the things i remember
tears stream down my face
as i think of forever
i thought we'd have it
guess i was wrong
i want you back
can't be strong
you were the place i belonged to
the wish i always made
the one i'd sing my song to
and the one i always played
i miss you
i'm not lying
my hope
is slowly dying
i wish i could get back to you
wish you'd say you love me too
your smile
on my brain
love
like a stain
need you back
i can't let go
but i know the truth
i'll be alone

"I love you"

......................................................

"Ev­eryone makes mistakes "

I look up at the sky and see the moon,
Shining bright, like a lonely balloon.
The stars try to convince the moon to be happy.
But the moon’s salty tears slowly fill up the sea.

I've been thinking
About the moon
Her sweet scent
Of jasmine and rose
She glances
Upon the night blossoms
And smiles
Her beaming light
It dances
Upon my skin
And her reflection
Is just as beautiful
As her star-children
Sleep

the shadows of stars
sparkle on your face
mingling
with your tears
i want to kiss your cheeks
and tell you it's alright
and we whisper to each other
in the pale moonlight

she ran
from non-existent footsteps
paranoia
kicking in
from a lack of meds.

a white
metal
locked
shack.
with the stench
of bodies.

a stuffy nose
at the worst time
promised her demise.

a peek
in the window
peaked
her curiosity.
with only a splash of red.

another window
left open
to air out the stench
led to
no-longer-****** bodies

and she screamed
but not for very long
because the knife
peirced her neck
and the scream
turned into silence.

it's morning and i'm awake
count up all my pills to take
eyes are bleary
bones still weary
but it's morning and I'm awake.
no breakfast for me
no coffee or tea
i'm still tired
wish i was wired
i'm running late
for a not-very-important date

Time to see
If today will make me buckle
With tears
Or bubble over
With joy

Mother
Help her
Don’t you love her
She’s bleeding out
On the bathroom floor
Mother
Hold her
Can’t you see she’s dying
Right there in front of you
Her lungs are shaking
Mother
Tell her
That she’ll be alright
Put pressure on her wounds
Stop the flow
Mother
Help me
I don’t want to die
It’s getting so cold
Please keep me warm

my boyfriend
was a tree.
you may wonder why.
i remember
snow
ecstatic
bright
cold.
i hugged a tree.
i suppose that
it is because i am odd.
but
it was warm.
oddly warm,
for a tree.
but warm, nonetheless.
i like to sit by him.
even though we broke up,
weŕe still friends.

the sun goes down
whenever you leave
it always hurts less
when you're next to me
the moon is out
and the flowers miss the sun
i wish you were here
my dear, my only one