What does life have in store for me?
Everything is coming together at last
At this point, I would be afraid,
but somehow I'm not,
Future is approaching
My personality changing
And I'm almost seventeen.
Wow
Almost seventeen?
I'm almost an adult and it's hard to realize this.
I've been taking life in the perspective of an adult for some time now,
but to become an adult to match my thoughts?
I might finally act my age.

I've got standardized tests to do
I can't falter
So many testings of different importances and knowledge levels are approaching
and I've been so lucky to have been able to take a chemistry course of my caliber.

But will I achieve my goal?

I'm content and feeling full.
a fullness that filled up the emptiness and anxiety pit inside me not more than eight months ago
Wow
Eight months ago?
I've been living in my childhood city for about seven months.
seven months.
these months made me somewhat more than my usual okay
they made me feel
normal
And that
Love is for me
And will be there for me
True.
My work ethic isn't how it used to be.
True.
My lack of influence and social acceptance aren't easy to avoid anymore.
Perhaps,
This is some kind of lesson?

a... twisted lesson that involves the backstabbing of new "friends"

they are
Funny,
Yet not.
Accepting,
Yet not.
Envy and stupidity
Ignorance
I'm not any better in their eyes
But I do not care
I've been humiliated all too many times
I feel
Anger,
Yet I shouldn't.

This very school was chosen according to my research.
So sometimes
I feel like I've made a big mistake
and that is all my fault.
But it's like there weren't any other options either

A family,
that is short on money and barely afforded their children to go to school.
Their story,
repeats of every year that a new grade level comes into the picture.

For as long as I've been in the 7th grade, I've remembered the struggle and the worry.

I'm so sick of this infinite loop.
So I will be the terminating condition

stopping it at its roots.
to destroy any chance of plant seed deciding to latch on to soil.

the world doesn't need any more dead flowers.

I made mistakes and ran all the mischief
but i'm here at a CET with ease
knowing that she's the first one i'll see

I never knew how you cared-and never felt so
Loved, until I found I was out of control and
Fell from up above. You don't deny me you,
I don't deny you me-and so elated was my
Heart when you sat ahead of my seat. I felt
That day the bus ride would never really
End, and something in me never knew
What lied around the bend.
Our sunshine fell from the sky like sparkling
Drops of dew, and when I see the golden
Flowers I always think of you. I feel
This love I have for you is very strong!
As you called for a stop 'cause you got
Sick-we were at the mission just past dawn.
Why when you got sick I fell in love I really
Cannot say, but then again that bus ride still
Continues to this day...

I remember last night
With a sunset sky
Pink
Lilac
Baby blues and glimmering golds
I wanted to see you today
But I couldn't
Not really
I remember last night
When we talked until the streetlights turned on
When I put little white daisies in your hair
And you smiled for me
I wanted to do that tonight
But I couldn't
Sadly
I remember last night
When we sat by the creek
And caught fireflies
Flickering in the dimming light
Like little neon stars
I wanted to do that tonight
But I couldn't
And it hurt

my education has turned into a
competition i never agreed to enter.
i don't hate learning, but i hate
being taught by teachers who don't
care who really just work here
so they can coach.
everyone says, its preparing
you for the real world.
so the first 13 years of my education
is just a trial run?
i don't know what day of the week
or month it is, i think in test dates
and deadlines.
they say you need a good ACT/SAT
score to get into a good college.
fun fact: only 21% of people work
in the area that they majored in.
they make it seem like everything
is depending on this test.
i don't know how much
longer i can handle this weight
and pressure to perform.
i used to be gifted way back when
but now i'm not because i wan't
continually challenged.
i just need to make it through
this semester, then it'll be over for
a couple months, then the cycle
will start again...