The road to recovery
May be longer than I intend it to be
As if I've been walking for more than a century
Seems more like the road to immortality
Even if I still walk the path in darkness
Even if I cannot see the end
I will keep walking forward
While my heart continues to mend
I will stitch my heart back to together
Finding new pieces along the way
Filling in those missing parts
It will evolve into something new each day
A path with no light
Can be difficult at times
I cannot see the obstacles
I am more vulnerable from behind
Demons of my past
Or my mere cautiousness
Stop me from going further
I become emotional and careless
Along the way I learned
I create my own light
No matter where I go
There will always be a path in sight

How easy it is for trees to let go
To let go of it all until bare
What is it like to shed the old
So naturally without a care?
To be covered with a cold blank slate
Teach me, how to let the old go
To make room for new colours
And cut off what I have outgrown
Do you regret every leaf that leaves you
And changes more over time
Or do you relish in the weightlessness
Because you are closer to your prime
Do you feel empty during the season
When the world lacks vibrant colours
Or do you see it as your time to reflect
To change yourself for the better
Do you reminisce when your world was full
Of different sounds, hues and beings
Or do you savour in the solitude
To prepare for your next beginning

Do you ever feel that urge
To let go of everything you are
All the good and all the bad
So you have no choice but to restart
To let go of the deep-set anchor
That binds you to the land
Unable to cast you off
No matter how much you demand
I want to float than to hold a course
I throw my trust into the waves
Hoping they would mould me
Into someone who couldn't be tamed
Recklessly and aimlessly
I dive into the sea of change
It's whirlpools and calm tides
Broke the mold of the girl who stayed
I don't want to fear the unknown
I want to face the depths instead
I don't want to be consumed by darkness
I want to conquer the adventure ahead

Caged inside of my ribs
She is the inner child in me
Holds my heart as hostage
In return, for her to be free
How do I satisfy her
A wild child, is she
True freedom and happiness
Cannot be given entirely
As she rattles my heart
Against my ribs so violently
Causing my chest to ache
Reminding me indefinitely
I have neglected her for too long
I pay the price regretfully
For as long as I am alive
She is trapped within me

My patience tends to run out
Like the last bit of sand
That falls oh so quickly
In a second's span
As if she is at the end
Of my life's hourglass
In order to get to her
I must conquer my past
The girl who awaits me
She, who shares the same soul
The one I am fighting for
Who stands above, on her own
The character that I long for
She, who embodies my goals
Nurtured by the love I will give her
Can't wait to see how much I've grown

Why do you inflict harm upon yourself
When outsiders do it for you
As though there is power in pain
Self-harm gives the power to choose

When the pain starts to when it ends
How much pain is given willingly
Open wounds turn into battle scars
Of the demons who wish to control me

At the end of pain is numbness
Nothing more left to miss
Empty and a hollowed out shell
An embodiment of an emotionless abyss

The warmth of my blood reminds me
Of the warmth I still hold inside
Heart beating, hard breathing
All the essence that I am alive

I often find myself choosing
The option that pleases people
Even if it doesn't
I rather not have the conflict
Of choosing something different
But because of it
I see myself
Burdened with lines and cages
Boundaries and limitations
Filled with unwanted self expectations
To fit in so I'm not left out
To avoid having to explain myself
Why am I like this
Why do I like this
And then ask myself
Why do I still feel unwanted
I put myself in this box
Even though I didn't have to
Now I will tear this box
And build a fort or castle
Just because I want to

He felt like home
The other half of my soul
My heart has always been homeless

I held a nomad's heart
Unable to take part
In settling for a love that was fruitless

Yet with him, time stood still
Leaving my fate unfulfilled
With him, I found no need to wander

Because of him, I stayed
He consumed more of my days
In him, I found safety and comfort

Then one day I realized
I became spoiled with vice
For I was a vagabond who stayed

What use are my wings
If I am not exploring
My heart was simply led astray

As though I was caught under glass
Because I had trespassed
In a home that was not meant for me

He felt like home
When I did not have my own
I was not looking for one initially

I explored love's territory
Leaving my own love's story
As I resume my journey again

There are times I still wonder
On those days of endless ponder
If I had made the right choice in the end

Recovery sort of feels like
You're carrying a heavy backpack
Through an unforgiving snowstorm
You try to fight your way through
Just to reach your destination
Each step further, no matter how slow
Is still a step forward
Though, there are times you're exhausted
So you stop and rest for awhile
You stop but the storm doesn't
You freeze and then feel numb
If you sit too long you'll die
You just have to keep going
Even if the journey constantly feels like
You are walking towards you're death
Staying in the same spot will too
The only difference is
You have the chance to choose
You have the choice to change
You're more likely to live
When you don't stay the same

In love at its simplicity
A love of stitches and bones
A pumpkin king and his queen
A love story so holiday known
Curiosity and intelligence
Risk taking and cautiousness
She sought for her independence
He was persistently adventurous
They were match made opposites
Though likewise they yearned for
Something meaningful outside their grasp
That couldn't be found within their norms
He sang to finish her song
She replied in harmony
A simple duet to simply express
Their love at its simplicity

Sad thoughts consume my mind again
A single raindrop turns into a storm
Silent thunders roar inside of me
A quiet chaos before it pours

Lightning strikes me with flashbacks
Then exits as fast as my light of hope
Leaving me a pile of burning ashes
Striking faster than I'm able to cope

And yet, the rhythmic pattern of the rain
Somehow, puts my mind at ease
Among the chaos of my clouded mind
The rain seems to sync with my heartbeat

Calmness settles once the storm passes
Its remains soothe my tired soul
Array of colours and puddles of reflections
Marks a healing from the night's cold

The warmth of a single sun ray
The graceful dance of fallen leaves
Cotton candy skies before nightfall
Someday I will miss all of these

When my body can no longer move on it’s own
Or when my mind has wandered too far
I will miss the simplistic joys of daily living
That life’s luxuries cannot come to par

One day I’ll miss making my own hearty meal
Living off of my own two hands
For now, they still carry my capability
An independence residing in my grasp

There will come a day, an inevitable day
When my home will become a house
And my name ridden with memories
If the pain of the heart allows

Until my last breath escapes my chest
And my eyes close for one last time
I hope to live a life written in nostalgia
So I can say my life was truly mine

Every time I hit rock bottom
There is no way but up from here
Until I realized there's an underneath
That held even more despair
Closer to hell, closer to the depths
Of the underworld that lies beneath
I have yet to explore this world
In the deepest trenches of me
How far will I fall
I am actually digging deeper
So hard that I have to crawl
I am my own keeper

If any path you took would lead you to greatness
Would you still be afraid of taking the first step?
And stay where you were and still are now
Living each passing second in waking regret?

Because the path to greatness does not mean
The journey is a one way, uphill climb
You fall off and climb then rest in between
Taking care of yourself regardless of time

Because the lessons lie in every moment
Mundane or overbearing extremes
You can find each lesson in the takeaways
If your mindset is easy to upkeep

Because a dream will never come to fruition
If it only lies comfortably where you sleep
Bring it forth into your waking moments
Or live a life waiting to grieve

Because I need that daily reminder
That it is not what but who I believe
I am capable of making things happen
I’ll take myself there with my own two feet

I was heavily reliant on music
To make those bad thoughts go away
It's useless, you're undeserving
What's the point of living anyway?
I would run to my daydreams
Wherever my soundtrack would take me
A place where my love was whole
It always felt safer than reality
A place I yearned for
Filled with security, stability
I'd go whenever my heart was torn
There, I would mend it with my creativity
Where heartfelt cuts and bruises
Were patched up with hopes and dreams
Only to appear as fully healed
As it didn't stop the bleeding underneath
Slowly I'm cleaning my insides
Releasing the old toxicity
So I can build on those hopes and dreams
And one day be healed wholeheartedly

I see your inner walls built incredibly high
Your walls seem to match the height of mine
Impenetrable walls fastened together with lies
To give off the impression that you are just fine

Founded on grounds scattered with broken binds
Unlike historical buildings that deteriorate over time
Your walls strengthen, reacting to what was unkind
A never ending job you cannot simply resign

Looking after your heart in the walls you refined
Examining the scars that constantly reminds
Why your walls were built and cautiously designed  
You retreat behind your walls where safety is implied

Hidden in darkness, your feelings start to unwind
Consumed by the darkness you become blind
Sheltered by your walls you cannot see you are confined
Unable to see me, we are on the same side

Tears manage to escape, holding back is denied
Let me hold you, I am here, here for you to confide
Let us use the bricks that emerged from our cries
Tearing down our walls that use to misguide

Build stairs from our ruins so we can rise
Leading to a future that remains untried

I felt my heart drop a beat
Reading more along the lines
Another rejection so it seems
Another thing I cannot call mine
I remind myself it's okay
I am told it's not my time
It's another no today
But there's still a yes to find
I just hope that someday
Life will be more kind
That I will find what is right for me
When I am closer to my prime

As I listen to the sounds
Where outside thunderstorms reign
Sounds like muffled cries from inside
I can't help but empathize with her pain
Aching to be acknowledged
The light from lightning does not stay
In hopes in that split second
Was enough to give it away
Endless tears stain my window
As I hear mother nature's cries
When the storm ends and it is quiet again
Remnants of pain are left behind

I tried to get over you
But in a way, you wouldn't let me
I tried to avert those eyes I love
Yet you still had to look at me directly
I saw you as more than a friend
However, I still had to be friendly
I tried to let this friendship fade
Only life wouldn't allow it entirely
Those weird signs or connections
As if the universe likes to taunt me
How we coincidentally meet
In the oddest places unexpectedly
Now we are closer than before
You've seen the side
I desperately tried to hide
Now I can't hide it anymore
Today you comforted me
You hugged me out of consideration
I only felt your kindness through your touch
For once, without ill intentions
Maybe I'll get over you
Or you've settled in a special place in my heart
At least for now my heart is mending
And our friendship can finally restart

He lives in days
I live in decades
His world in constant change
My world struggles to be sane

The master of his ship
Unbothered by the sea
I am the waves, the current
All the chaos underneath

How incompatible are we
Only now I've come to see
He was made for adventure
But he was not made for me

He can tolerate the harshness
He can understand my depth
But tolerance is still not love
Or else he wouldn't have left

Our paces are mismatched
They cannot intertwine
How do I catch up to him
If his pace outruns mine

His seconds are my moments
So little that he forgets
Locked beneath my trenches
Like a buried treasure chest

I want to be unapologetic
Yet, I continue to apologize
For every difference that they see
Increases the need to compromise

From what I wear to how I sleep
Or what is deemed a healthy size
From then on, I understood
That I lived only to be described

I apologize again for my differences
Next time, I will improve my disguise
For the sake of your own comfort
I will keep putting aside mine

I look up to their condescending stares
They will never be satisfied
I escape into my solitude
I am not something for you to define

I am tired of advocating for myself
Without the support of family ties
Finding more hate in my own growth
As though I live to be ostracized

My attempts to calm my abnormalities
In order to sooth those who penalize
To make room for all of their expectations
To create another profitable merchandise

They have taught me to pursue
A personality so idealized
While they heavily persuade me
To carve a body to sexualize

Only to be rewarded with a life
Where I am only patronized
Filled with the inequalities
That are completely normalized

I retreat into my inner world
The place where I fanaticize
Of a space where I can breathe
With the encouragement to try

I am not broken, just discouraged
Of those who antagonize
Minorities and their differences
Who then live demoralized

I don't want to be given a role
With a life script to memorize
Or submit myself to a narrative
That can easily be summarized

Do not confide me to a label
Just so you can stigmatized
Those labels are not my name
I deserved to be recognized

I do not wish to be put on a pedestal
As another icon to be advertised
I only wish for your understanding
Just enough to be humanized

How lonely it is that no one understands
Because it only makes sense to you
You try to convey the feelings you hide
Only fragmented images peek through
There is not enough context to define
What makes your demons so true
How many times you had to lie
There was no perfect time for the truth
How easy it is to simply deny
With a smile you tend to overuse
As if you cannot cross a line
Losing all willingness to pursue
I use to think I was better than fine
Only to realize it was clearly untrue
I'm scared to share this burden of mine
In case you might catch it too

To leave a toxic friend behind
Is like taking a bullet out from its wound
You'd think it would be better to keep it inside
Less pain you would have to endure through

Though, the longer it stays, you cannot help but mind
No amount of negligence will sooth
A toxin that spreads, the longer it binds
A parting that was long overdue

As if taking out the bullet crosses some line
Swaying from a future that respects you
A toxic friend is a still a friend who once stood by your side
It is okay to grieve for the friend you outgrew

I told myself long time ago
I wouldn't wait for you anymore
Though here I am, still patient
Still in love, conflicted and torn
How many closures do I need
Until I am fully satisfied
Each ending feels uncompleted
Like our souls are still somewhat tied
I tell myself I've given up on you
Then I don't but I still try
Each time I say it, it feels closer
Progressing to our final goodbye
It's hard to distance myself
When our friendship has gotten so close
It is so hard to give up on you
Even if she is the one you chose
I thought it would be easier
Now that you are no longer alone
And yet, persistently I continue
To indulge in the love I had always hoped
I want to hug you back when you hug me
Still, I can't bring myself to cross the line
I love you, you're special to me
But overall, you were never mine

They call you the girl made out of glass
A princess, so fragile and naive
Who cannot hold an ounce of darkness
Always the one who is deceived

You are breakable, but not weak
You are stronger than they believe
Shards of glass cut through so easily
Piercing each of their misdeeds

Every part of you is just as deadly
With every shard, you are complete
How do you hold such an honest heart
No need for illusions to achieve

Your rise to a better reign
You will become a fiercer queen
To start a revolution
In ways the world needs

A girl born from the embers
And raised within hell's heat
Derived from the ashes
Of every ancestor deceased

As you are made of glass
When you break, you do not bleed
Shaped by mental wielders
One, who was forged to lead

This weighted emptiness I feel
Like a part of me is dying
I'm dragging this dead piece in life
Sometimes I get tired of trying
I wait for the upcoming tide
Of the sea that won't stop crying
Salty tears and wailing waves
Somehow appears inviting
Comforted by the familiar chaos
I let the current bring me in
I float and fall as the waves hit me
The pressure surrounds my skin
This weighted emptiness I see
Resembles a dark clear sky
The waves like the wind take me
Home to where I can fly

As life goes on
It often gets harder
I have to keep moving
Become better and stronger
Sometimes I fail to catch up
I feel exhausted from it all
I want to take a break
But I can't, so I crawl
Because what I'm tired of
Is living life itself
That if death were to come for me
I am reluctant to tell
I would welcome him with opening arms
And hug him until I fall
Asleep for all eternity
Finally free from it all

You're only as free
As you allow yourself to be
And I kept holding myself back

I kept building a cage
In every life stage
Imitating what I knew were facts

Because where I belonged
Was in between four walls
To make up for what I lacked

I couldn't handle the outside
My own potential was denied
It was best for me not to overreact

Head held high with a stern gaze
Always keeping a royal face
Every movement was a graceful act

Poised and perfect I shall be
For one day I will be free
Maintain composure before I attack

What use to hurt me before
Continues to hurt me now
Though, the people who gave me pain
Are no longer allowed
I realize I still hurt myself
By keeping bad memories around
I am the only one hurting me
A type of self-harm that is mentally bound
I don't want to be in pain no more
Yet I allow life to bring me down
Because that voice is always with me
An inner voice so profound

I found hope in every opportunity
I made light within the dark
I created love in fragile ruins
To make up for what was scarce

I wore rose tinted glasses
Red and pink looked just the same
I couldn't recognized the red flags
To me, it was only a darker shade

I tried to fix what wasn't broken
I tried to create without materials
That is how I loved and lost
If only I had been more careful

The cracks and scars within my heart
I only have myself to blame
I keep loving what only hurts me
And love and hurt turned into shame

Love became synonymous with pain
If it doesn't hurt, it is not love
But soon I resented it entirely
I had experienced more than enough

I thought that if I wanted to heal
I should just isolate myself
With time, some space and solitude
I would not need any outside help

Every human wants to be love
To me, it was only a privilege
It was a choice to ask, not a need or right
I interpreted such a rigid image

But love is not the cause
For ill feelings to come forth
True love is pure and positive
That gives it all its worth

I wanted to be loved yet deprived myself
I thought love was just conditional
If I didn't give what you couldn't take
Not loving me was understandable

I surrounded myself with those who loved me
Who loved only for what I could give
Not for who I am or what I wanted
It was the life I thought I wanted to live

Then I wondered why I kept losing people
And why it became harder to please
No matter how much I could give
I could not fulfill my own wants or needs

Now I surround myself with those
Who love not only my company
Who love me as I am and who I was
I now look at love a little differently

Love encased in words
Traveling from one mind to the next
Your pen draws out feelings
As an offering to the recipient

How does one capture warmth
And release it on to paper
Where a piece of a heart's soul
Folded so neatly by its maker

I open my heart like a letter
That used to be sealed in secrecy
I feel love in words, written and said
I love each letter significantly

Each line I read gradually builds
With every word, like a puzzle piece
Creating a simulation of those I love
Giving me comfort in times of need

Late night hours
Tends to make me
More vulnerable
To negative feelings
As if my guards are asleep
My defences are down
And somehow the demons
Then try to come in
Why is it that late night thoughts
Are deeper with multiple layers
Preventing you from sleeping
So you can explore through it all
Is it because the world is quieter
Those thoughts can finally be heard
It is like a blessing and a curse
A temptation at its worse
Because you're exploring
Thoughts that might just hurt
Time feels slower
During late night hours
Time feels the same in darkness
I hear nothing but my thoughts
The ticking sound of the clock
And the sleeping sounds
Of everyone else but me

Friendship is a two way street
Where we meet in the middle
If you make me your whole world
We're no longer on the same level
Friendship isn't ownership
Especially when I didn't ask of you
You say you know what's best for me
I know what's best for me too
I asked for a friend not a follower
I am not your god, saint or idol
I asked for a friend not an owner
You are important to me but not my all
Friends forever doesn't mean
We're always together
Best friends doesn't mean
We are at our best
Only when we're together
I asked for equality
Not to be put onto a pedestal
I am not higher or below you
I just want to be your equal

Calluses form on my fingers
My bones replaced with steel
Thick vines and thorns cover my hands
To handle my demons and other evils

My hands grew an armor of their own
Losing my gentle touch in the process
Asking me to hold something so fragile
Is a longing i have persistently repressed

My strength would override my intention
I would mistakenly crush it within my grasp
Tears watering a dead flower
Would not redeem my past

Love, so kind and gentle
Has to suffer, to penetrate my walls
In order to defeat my defence mechanisms
My insecurities and all of my faults

You ask why don't I break my own barriers
It is for love's protection from me
So I cower and hide, avoiding love itself
Behind the assumption that it was meant to be

Unknowingly, I taught myself
To behave on how others treated me
Constantly, being the good child
Just made life easier to breathe

I thought that if I behaved
It would make it easier to love me
Inevitably, I had neglected
Many of my wants, hopes and needs

I still think needs are only desires
And desires are luxuries
So I am left with a tired soul
That is in dire need of me

I tend to give more compassion
And acceptance towards everyone else
Though, when I take a look inwards
I cannot give it to myself

I look at my loved ones' flaws
And think there is more to love
Yet, when I confront my own faults
I conclude that I am not enough

I put myself to such a high standard
While giving myself no steps to use
I try my best to attain and fall
Then berating every mistake I do

For so long, I've been my worst enemy
Trying to tune out my own voice
All the conflicted yelling and screaming
I just desperately tried to avoid

Except, disregarding my inner voice
Overlooks her out as well
I am left confused and lost
Wondering what created this hell

My inner voice who sings
A voice so smooth, it soothes
The cracks and scars I've accumulated
From years of self-abuse

The gentle, quiet voice inside me
She, who understands and adores
Who only wishes what is best for me
Is a girl worth trying for

I will try to believe more often
That I am more than enough
The care that I keep searching for
Can be made from my own love

Why do we see the act of falling
Like it is such a burdensome thing
It can only get worse from here
As we fall back to our beginning
That when we fall, we fail
We are no longer soaring up
Though, falling is inevitable
There is also something to love
A shooting star that falls
Is a beautiful sight and rarity
A falling star where we lay our hopes
Behind closed eyes, in wishes and dreams

Life took away her wings
A vital and precious piece of her
She laid there, defenceless and vulnerable
She had encountered life at its worst

What is a butterfly without her wings
No appearance to hide behind
She had to live with what was left of her
Life sadly had not been kind

She questioned who she was
With her new inability to fly
Her newfound lack of freedom
Awaited a fate she could not fight

Without her wings, she began to crawl
Reverting back to a childlike state
For an end gives rise to a new beginning
Her positivity was something innate

Her downfalls made her climb higher
Pain didn't bother her anymore
Her fear to fall had diminished
She was stronger than before

Her fighting spirit emerged out of her
Giving form to new wings
Her tears nurtured and shaped them
She began her new chance at living

With you, I didn't cry much over
But with you, I felt the most pain
You didn't hurt me, at least not intentionally
Though it hurts more than I can explain
You fell in love and pursued her
I felt my heart break again
Because she fell for you too so it shattered
I was unable to restrain
No one knew of my feelings
I couldn't put them on display
I tried to give up by avoiding you
In hopes this love would go away
How many times I've failed
Because you kept enticing me to play
This friendly game between friends
When I know you wouldn't look my way
Your eyes made me weak
I had to look at them everyday
They reminded me why I fell for you
I felt a connection I couldn't contain
How we are when it's just us
I wondered if you felt the same
Your actions and words, I misinterpreted
But I know you are not to blame
No matter what, I have control
My heart is my responsibility to tame

Love her like a novel
Read her to the end
Most only read a few pages
When there is more to comprehend

How can you say you know her
When you give up after chapter one
You don't know the whole story
Her story has just begun

Her words are so deep and different
Her story is a special edition
It is one of a kind, difficult to find
So read her with good intentions

Read her several times to understand
The first pages of her are intense
You'll find more reasons to love her
Between the lines that are too complex

She becomes your favourite book
She contains your favourite quotes
You fell in love with her character
Fated reader, a love story has been told

Lost in assumptions and conclusions
Living amongst influences and illusions
How easy it is to lose my sense of self

While drowning in other's expectations
That often discourages original creations
I consider just being like everyone else

But to go down a path already made
Starves me of the adventure that I crave
And an undaunted outlook I have not yet felt

I am a palette among paintings
Still in the process of creating
A new colour to call myself

Another year has past
Time still runs too fast
Many times I failed to catch up

But I found those who wait for me
For it is they who has saved me
I am grateful for all who I came to love

For I still struggle to let them in
Because my inner child from within
Is still frighten from all she was deprived of

I am not the brightest star
Nor do I have the kindest heart
But I thank those who made me feel like I was enough

The world was made to break you
But you don't have to agree
Do not side with those against your truth
It is not you against me

It is us against the world
The two of us to defy the odds
For many years, I was alone
I alone, to pay the cost

Prove to me that love is real
I hold scars only you can sooth
My greatest pain comes from inside
Now I know what to ask from you

Sing me compliments and affirmations
To replace the screams of hatred
Hold me tight yet oh so gently
The gesture has been long belated

Stand with me with our heads held high
For you and I will rewrite the world
Finally standing on the same page
Restarting the memoir of this girl

If you love me, do not pick me
As though I am a flower that has just bloomed
So you can marvel at my natural beauty
In the comfort of your small room

Where I sit in a pretty vase on the table
Or underneath glass bounded by a frame
You only show what you want to see of me
As if I am wild flower that you have tamed

You do not acknowledge my leaves
Tightly contained here with nowhere to go
They are hidden in this pretty vase
Questioning the purpose of its own growth

You only see me for my vibrant colour
Will you keep me until you see fit?
When I start to look far from my peak
Will you discard me for another miss?

When I lose the petals that you loved so dearly
And my stem limps against the pretty vase
Would you still care to love me
When you think I've lost all of my grace?

I was beautiful before you loved me
In ways you didnt care to see
How I danced along the howls of the winds
And greeted the butterflies so playfully

How my petals mimicked the warm colours
For a short moment before the sun sets
Or how they glistened against the moonlight
When the storm had finally taken rest

Can you appreciate all of my beauty
When it exists not to serve you?
Would you admire me from afar, knowing in the end
You have no right nor privilege to choose

What you think is best for me
Are only based on your standards alone
And your thoughts regarding what I need
Are only to the extent of what you know

I have grown alongside the harshest winds
I would not settle for a simple breeze
I do not waver against the thunderstorms
I was not made to cater to what you perceived

You see me as a fragile little flower
To take home like a small puzzle piece
So you could complete your picture at home
You took away my freedom for your own greed

Can you be content with loving me
As I am now and as you are?
Knowing you hold no monopoly
Over myself or any of my parts

If you truly love me, do not pick me
Let me stay where I have bloomed
I am content with all that I am
Knowing I am my own muse

When people have done you wrong
And stolen your ability to love
Do not fight fire with lava
Just look at the skies above
Do not reflect the chaos of the ocean
And let it be cloudy and dark
Even when pain runs centuries deep
They have not stolen your true heart
Your pain does not define you
Nor should it have control
Because love is limitless and plentiful
No matter how young or old
Do not let pain shape your armor
Or help build your walls
For a rock is already known for
Being solid and strong
But what is more amazing
Is a heart that’s been through it all
A love so resilient in something so fragile
That answers every time it is called

Is it okay to be for me to be selfish?
I have finally obtained all of my pieces
Before, I would just give them away
To whoever, even if it wasn't needed

So forgive me when you ask
Why I don't let my heart be vacant
Let me attain some inner peace
And solitude while I'm still present

For so long, I was someone else's
Before I chose to become my own
You may see it as possessive
To want to keep my heart alone

A mate to my soul is true happiness, they say
You would say they would be my better half
I want to be complete by myself for now
Self love is what I want to attract

Maybe someday I will find them
When I am fully grown and complete
But I wouldn't mind if I found my true love
In the deepest part of me

Why does the tips of my crown
Resemble the bars of this cage
With those outsiders who come
To view me outside of my reign

My fierce and untamed nature
Does not fit with the oppressed
A queen outside of her kingdom
Still does not make her powerless

My roars cannot break the glass
It's echos drive wild and restless
All I can do now is sit and pace
With all this power without an outlet

My sharp claws are nature's daggers
Not enough for this man made surface
I am fed with no need to hunt
I am no longer the primal huntress

I am separated from my kind
With no use for my defences
I learned to live for only those
Who desire my entertainment

Soon my freedom will come
My escape is simply inevitable
I lie in wait as I gather my strength
This cage doesn't define my potential

Overwhelmed by the possibilities
My thoughts race in my head
Grabbing concepts and ideas
Faster than I can comprehend
Like a hamster wheel
No matter how far I go
My thoughts remain
With no action to show
I cannot indulge in my obsession
As it turns into a phase
Overshadowed by another infatuation
So easily it can be replaced
I want to do everything
Yet have the energy to do just one
The choices overwhelm me
I'm left with a list undone

Overwhelmed by my thoughts again
They swarm with the intent to drown me
Enticing me to the rabbit hole
Attempting to appear just as inviting

I fall in yet again, barely grasping the edge
As I stare down into a familiar abyss
Hanging on with every vulnerability exposed
Before my inner voice begins to submit

Watching the rabbit run with time in his hands
Reminds me how fast life goes on
The alluring impulse to escape into wonderland
Summons the notion that I am not yet done

The desire to return home to the underland
Where colours and possibilities reign
Inspires me to bring wonder into the surface world
So my life would not be in vain

There was a girl who had a heart of gold
With the strength of a tattered sleeve
For her body wasn't strong enough to hold
The valuable price of the burden she carried

She pulled her heart along each day
With the worn out string attached
For she carried enough love for the world
Her empathy could not be matched

There were those who saw the value in her
And used her for their own greed
Pleading her to spare them some parts
She gave to those she thought were in need

She gave them the most shiniest of parts
Until she was left with scraps and crumbs
They left eagerly with gold filled pockets
She was left wondering why she felt numb

She could not see the beauty in herself
As she had given those parts away
It became routine to create more gold
Even when those she gave did not stay

Left alone with the single pound of gold
With no motive of creation to spare
Her last piece was so dented and dull
How could someone love what was beyond repair?

She laid down with her last piece in hand
As the darkness of the earth engulfed her
Letting go of the life she no longer had
Unknowing to her own rebirth

Her body fused with the last piece of her heart
Not knowing that it was a seed
She created a strong armour of gold
To protect the valuable life she carried

It's difficult to recover
Since you can't really
Take a break
Because if you do
It's a chance to suffer
Again, from this debilitating fate
It feels like an ultimatum
Do or die
Fall or fly
When I simply wish to be
Somewhere safe in the middle
When I am tired of fighting
Or I'm tired of flying
I just want to lie still and float
I want to be embraced by the cotton sky
Or lay on a bed of waves
That rocks me so slow, it soothes me
When I want to do nothing and just be
My emotional baggage
Has transformed into wings
Large enough to soar
But when I fall it weighs in excess
So I fall and savour the moment
When I can finally rest in peace