Tired from a long dull day
I lay down and close my eyes!
Blurry images shutter behind my lenses.
My heart starts beating!!!
Take a long deep breath as i try to fall asleep
The images get brighter!!!!!!!!
STRONGER and LOUDER beats my heart
Legs go numb cant feel my arms
So light yet rooted so deep
The image gets clearer!
My heart slows down!
A feeling of nothingness yet i smile.
With a heavy heart i ask
Why did you do this to me ?
You came, filled me up with joy and hope
Left me punctured and Spilling
left and Right
as i change sides and force my self to sleep.
A deep breath and i start over
A picture so clear, so bright
A smile so contagious i couldnt resist
I smile again!
This time back to you sitting across the table.
So close i can feel your presense
yet so far i can feel your absense
Eyes so deep, smile so wide, soul so pure
I REACH OUT!!!!
Grab you around my arms
Eyes to eyes
Nose to nose 
Our heartbeats sync
Our breath collide
My heart starts pounding like never
You start vanishing into the abyss
I panic, i fumble, heavy breathed i wake up...
I SMILE
Oh what a beautiful nightmare! I say
As i go back to sleep
A heavy heart
A Big smile
Calm and composed
A deep breath
I really do miss her!!
I realised......

A Child
trapped in flesh and bones

A Child
chained in lies,
bound by norms,
trapped in a civilisation.

A child
chained in expectations,
bound by culture,
trapped in a society.

A child
Consumed by fear,
brianwashed and programmed,
trapped in flesh and bones.

A child
peeking through a window
waiting to be free!
waiting to be, just
A child.

Alone i am !
Alone you are !
Together we are all alone.

Alone you walk !
Alone i walk !
same destination, different paths.
The race of life.
Together we are all alone.

Alone you sit !
Alone i sit !
Darkness and Silence our friends.
Together we are all alone.

Alone we wander,
Alone we wonder,
Alone we're together,
Together, we are all alone.

Somedays,
I can still smell,
The scent of your perfume.
Somedays,
I can still feel,
A sense of your presence.

Someday,
Maybe i'll realise,
Why i keep telling these lies.
Till then, i'll just,
close my eyes,
keep searching,
Where the answer,
To our questions lies.

inhale curiosity.
exhale amusement.
A roll of fantasy.
A Tragic chapter sprouting..

Inhale stress.
exhale relief.
A puff of heaven !
drowning in  the tar of ecstacy !
connecting my life support on you.

inhale frustration.
exhale happiness.
A puff of goodness !
Flying on clouds of smoke !
connecting my life support on you !

inhale temptation.
exhale pleasure.
a sense of anxiety in your absense.
fooled by a desire.
connected my life support on you !

light on my fingers.
so good on the lips.
breath of pleasure.
connected my life support on you !

heavey heart, tight lungs.
dizzy head, weary eyes.
explosion of thoughts.
Calmness only comes with you !
Can't function without you !

GASPING FOR SMOKE !
ITCHING WITH DESIRE !
SURVIVING ON  PUFFS !
A SMOKER I AM!


SMOKING IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH!

Stripped off desires,
i am naked.
running through a forest of thoughts,
i am going wild.
newfound appreciation of life,
i am free.

stripped off emotions,
i am naked.
feeding of nature,
i am going wild.
a new perspective,my perspective,
i am free.

stripped off attachments,
i am naked.
so much to explore,
i am going wild.
no boundaries, no limitations,
i am free.

what a feeling it is !
a naked body, so light.
a wild mind, so right.
what a feeling it is,
to be naked, wild and free.

I recognize a broken soul when i see one.
Craving for affection,
Longing for that touch.
I recognize a broken soul when i see one.
Because,
I am one.

Feelings, so stern !
Desires, that burn !
Feelings, that haunt !
Desires, that hurt !

All this weight,
While i wait.
Paitently, i linger.
Loosing my paitence,
Confusion & anger.
All this weight,
While i wait.

The wait for someone,
Someone long gone,
Gone so long,
IT's TIME !!!
To move on and to choose.
To let go and to close.
The door, and
The Chapter.

A master craftsman,
Well bred and fed,
Counting his days,
Days spent, over Days left.

Days, spent searching a craft.
Days, spent learning the craft.
Days, spent working the craft.
Days, spent perfecting the craft.

A master craftsman,
Well bred and fed,
Counting his days,
Days spent, over days left.

Days, left to live.
Days, left for love.

Days, he spent, drifiting from life.
Days, he has left, too little to go back.
Days, he spent, he wishes, he had more.
Days, he has left, only them,
and nothing more !!!

I FOUND NOTHING
I AM HAPPY !
I HAVE NOTHING
I AM AT PEACE !
I FOUND NOTHING
I AM RICH !
I HAVE NOTHING
I AM BLESSED !

I FOUND SOMETHING.
I HAVE SOMETHING.
THE ULTIMATE TRUTH.
ANSWERS TO MY QUESTIONS.
SOLUTIONS TO MY PROBLEMS.

I HAVE EVERYTHING !
I HAVE NOTHING !

I sit and i think.
Think, and then i think some more.
Think, until there is no more.
Nothing else but to pour.

I sit, and i pour.
Words, lines, paragraphs and more.
I sit, and i pour.
Lines, up-down, straight, curved and more.
I sit, and i pour.
Emotions!!
Bitter, Sweet and Sour.
Pour and i pour,
Pour until there is no more.

Empty and vacant,
Nothing to do now, but recieve,
Chip up & shoulders back, i smile.
Dust my self & prepare,
To be filled with,
And be fueled by,
My,
Evidence of Existence !!!!

I fell for you.
I fell, in love.
I failed you.
I failed, in love.

I understand, everything is give & take.
But, how much must one give?
Give, in order to recieve.
I understand, everything is give & take.
But, whats there to measure?
For ones trash, could be the others treasure.

I understand, its give and take.
But how much, must i give ?
Give, in order to recieve.
I could give you, my everything.
But for you, it could mean nothing.

I understand, its give and take.
But what is it, that you take?
When you dont know, what you want.
You could give me, your everything.
But for me, it could mean nothing.

I understand, everything is give & take.

Grasping my pen, i ground myself.
I start to breathe as the nib glides across the canvas.
The ink drops, forming lines, curves & more,
Breathing life into the paper,
My heart starts to beat,
giving me a sense of life.
As i form,
Letters into words,
Words into sentences,
Sentences into paragraphs,
As i try to graph, illusions into reality.
Trying to cling on,
To the little glimer of HOPE,
That you provide me NOW & THEN.

silence a bliss
lonliness no more a curse
calm, i have become

past just a tense
memories and stories
present, i have become

turning mistakes into lessons
profound logic in emotions
hopeful i have become

fighting desires
conquering fears
warrior i have become

filled with love
a tender touch
romantic, i have become

pen & paper my friends
words my expressions
a poet i have become

breath my rhythm
heart my drums
musician, i have become

harmonic feet & melodic arms
dancer i have become
pitch high & low
singer i have become

life my canvas
days paitning and nights sketching
artist i have become

living with a purpose
Appreciating the gift of life
a human, i have become !

So much involved with the society,
In the search, for an identity.
I have forgotten my deity
I have forgotten my ability.
Far from calm, i'm feirce & feisty.
So much brutality,
In my personality,
I am fragile & full of vulnerability.
All this calamity,
Just for the sake, of an identity.

If only i could, I would !
I wish !
I wish i could,
If i could,
I know i would,
IF
If only,
You'd let me.

I wish i could,
Let you let me,
Make you feel the way i feel,
Hold you, caress you, and
Show you to the world,
The world, i want us to be.
IF
If only !
You'd let me.

Every breathe, every moment,
And Everything that i own,
I'd give up !
I wish!
I wish i could,
JUST
be with you !
IF
If only,
You'd let me.

Give you everything that you deserve,
Treat you like a queen,
If only i could,
IF
If only !
You'd let me.

Love you with all i've got,
My soul, my mind, my heart.
If i could, I know i would !
IF
if only,
You'd let me.

Do you ever feel the blues?
Do you feel blues talking to you ?
Do you feel like all blues were sung for you?

Blues crying out loud !

Guitar telling me to go for it,
but the sax telling me to just,
let it be.
piano telling me to hold on,
but the harmonica telling me to just,
let it go.
the drums, the vocals, the song,
screaming at me and telling me,
just go for it.

Blues crying out loud !
I'm crying out loud !
Why do i love you so much ?
when you just don't care !
NO ! It just aint fair.
Is it fair?
when i love you so much,
but you just don't care.

Blues crying out of love.
I'm crying out for you.

I don't speak much,
But have a lot, to say.
I don't express much,
But have a lot, to show.
This is why i write.
I write, to fight.
Fight, with all that i store.

As a man of passion,
I love blindly.
And, So i did,
Only In return,
All I got, was a lesson.

perpetrate ****** everyday !
killing myself !!!
to blend in, to live a lie.
How different life would've been !!!
If you could've just !!
let me be me !

blinded by greed !
fooled by desires !
faking happiness with real sadness.
how easier life would've been !!!
if you could've just !!
let me be me !

living in an alien society !
a life of envy !! no pity !
fighting over superiority.
how simpler life would've been !!!
if you could've just !!
let me be me !

floating on questions !
rowing with answers !
sailing towards possibilities !
how interesting life would've been.
PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!
let me be free !!
let me be me !!

dumbness on my head
a feeling so hypnotic!
numbness in my soul
a feeling so ******* !
light on my feet
a feeling of release!
dizziness in my eyes
a feeling so free !
sensations i felt, when i first saw you !

milky lips on chubby chicks,
Fluffy eyes and complexion so fair,
complimented by few stranded hair.
seductive skirt with a sensual smile,
elegant curves on a frame so right.

was it love or was it lust ?
too innocent for love,
too dumb for love,
it must have been !!!!!!
LUST!!! AT FIRST SIGHT.

You're the kind of mistake,
I thought i'd never make.

Here i am,
Bruised & battered,
Yet, mind made up & heart prepared.

Dazed, on your presence.
Hazed, with my lust.
The same feeling of abyss.
Drenched & drained, Yet, a bliss.

Here i am,
Bruised & battered,
Yet, mind made up & heart prepared.
Convinced !!!
You're the kind of mistake,
I'd be glad, to make again.

All of a sudden,
I'm wide awake.
And i have this urge to share something,
Something i have no idea about,
With someone who i have no idea about.
With no one to speak to,
Hence,
I pick up, my pen.

YES !
I am lost.
YES !
I am silent.
YES !
I ponder.
NO !
I am not depressed.

if you tell me, i am lost, i'll agree.
if you think, i am strayed, i'll disagree,
i'll tell you, Lost are those who seek !

if you tell me, i am silent, i'll agree.
if you think, i am mute, i'll disagree,
i'll tell you, words must make sense, not noise !

if you think, i am protracted, i'll agree.
if you think, i am idle, i'll disagree,
i'll tell you, I am conscious !

if you tell me, i am useless, i agree.
I am,
not,
to be used.

YES !
I am lost.
YES !
I am silent.
YES !
I ponder.
NO !
I am not depressed.

I am content !
I am at peace !
I AM ONE !

There is a paragraph of emotion,
That i hide,
Behind every "good morning" i text.

There is a paragraph of emotion,
That i hide,
Behind every "good night" i text.

Sometimes i wish,
We could express without words,
Just so you could hear,
All that i fear,
And why i hide,
My paragraph of emotion.

What's gone is gone, i say,
Yet,
What's coming, feels the same.
Regrets and mistakes,
A life, on stakes.
Past Haunts me,
Future Scares me,
Present, is where i want to be.

What i did, resents me.
What i'll do, will represent me.
A life on the line,
Dangling hopes,
I wish, were mine.
Past Haunts me,
Future Scares me,
Present, is where i want to be.

Clattering of the rain,
On my window pane.
Chattering of the mind,
Desperately hoping to unwind.

Pouring everything upon me,
Flodding me with memories.

Drowning in the puddle,
Of my own emotions.
Frowning on my own thoughts.

Here i am,
Talking to the rain.

Rain drops
some little,some large,
Penetrate my skin,
as i stand here waiting,
Waiting for you.

Drenched in thoughts,
Soaked in lust,
Riddled and dazed i stand.

My bones shivering from the rain, yet
A small flame in my heart keeping me warm.
who is it, lighting this fire  ?
Who are you?
where are you ?
Why do i miss you?
I'm standing here waiting for you.

Wind and water crashing into my face,
Can barely open my eyes.
electricity passing through my veins ,
a shock straight to my head...
I shiver, i blow,
As i stand here waiting for you.....

Saoked and heavey clothed !!!
Broken and heavey hearted i stand,
waiting patiently for you to arrive.
Is it love or is it lust ?
Whatever it is, It is true that i want you !!!
Come fill my space and complete me.
It is you that i seek,
You and only you!!!!!!!

With love in abundance, to share.
Yes, i am rich !
With love, all that i have, to spare.
Yes, i am poor !

If it is riches, you seek...
I'm sorry !
My life is all that i own.
If it is possessions, you seek...
I'm sorry !
My body is all that i own.
With love, all that i have, to spare.
Yes, i am poor.

If it is happiness, you seek.
I'm here for you,
With infinite smiles.
If it is togetherness, you seek.
I'm here for you,
With love in abundace, to share.

Yes, i am rich !!!!!

Greed, nothing but a ego,
Fueled by my need.

Aren't we all,
So greedy to recieve ?
Wouldn't it be,
Much easier to live ?
If we were all,
So greedy to give.

A dream !

There i lay, sleeping.
Where, i was dreaming.

In the dream, of my dreams,
There you were, smiling at me.
Where you were inching, towards me.
In the dream, of my dreams.
There you were,
Near and dear,
Where, we were.

In my dream, i wake up !
There you were, laying beside me,
Where you were, suppose to be.
In my dream,
There i am, smiling at you,
Where you lay asleep, a mesmerizing view.

In my dream,
Is where you are.
In my bed,
Is where i am.
Cozy and carefree,
I lay awake,
The brightest of smiles,
& the lighest, of hearts.

I know how YOU feel !
I know how IT feels !

Feeling Feelings like never before !
A Feeling of Despair !
A Sense of Disbelief !
Living without a Purpose !
No sense of Direction !
Wandering without Destination !

I know how YOU feel !
I know how IT feels !

Fighting a war for Survival !
A feeling of Outcast !
A feeling of Disgust !
Lost in  a Civilization !
A desire to escape !
A desire to be free !

I know how YOU feel !
I know how IT feels !

EVERYDAY! i open my eyes .
EVERYDAY! a new sensation.
Energy so vibrant !
So addictive and pleasing !
Pralaysed i lay!!!
Showered with emotions.
STUCK in the past !
WORRIED about the future !
A NEW DAY!!!!!
A new chance OR
An opportunity lost ?
LIFE a blessing or a curse ?

I GET UP, rubbing my hazy eyes
I YAWN, stretching my self from head to toe
So fresh, so hopeful & full of life
A sense of POWER and INVINCIBILITY
Ready to CONQUER the world, i march
       First step
Living in a house of bills
Chained by norms
      Second step 
the program installed in me takes over
Head down as i sigh and vanish into REALITY
start living a life from being alive.

STUCK in the past !
WORRIED about the future !
A NEW DAY!!!!!
A new chance OR
An opportunity lost ?
LIFE a blessing or a curse?

You told your lies,
And i followed.

Innocent & bovine,
Little did i know,
Like the piper,
You were leading me,
To a ravine.

Only when you loose it
will you realise.
The power !
The power you had !

Twist & Turn & Float & Fly !
where &  when & whom & why !

Unlock !
A power so concealed.
Unleash !
A power so conceiving.
Unravel !
The force of life.
Unwind !
what is wrong to what is right.

Twist & Turn & Float & Fly !
where &  when & whom & why !

I dive into the pool of emotions,
Scavenging for expressions.
Hunting them haunting thoughts,
Plucking out the ripe ones
Pouring everything into a vessel,
I Shake, stir & muddle.
Finally, i serve thee,
The soul cocktail.

My mind thinks things!
Things my mind thinks !
What is this thing that i think ?
Is this thing worth thinking ?
Do i really want this thing im thinking ?
Or, is it just a thing to think?
Things my mind thinks !
My mind thinks things !

I smoked,
I tricked.
I drank,
I tricked.
My mind !
Misused and abused,
substances i used.
Believing i tricked,
My mind for pleasure.

Wheezy and Winded,
Distorted and Dazed.
Unaware, i was.
A fool, i was.
Believing i tricked,
My mind for pleasure

A world of thumbs.
A world of indexes.
We are the virtually enlightened generation.

up & down we scroll,
in search of company.
Facebook our friend !
We are the virtually enlightened generation.

Right we swipe to match,
Left are just left.
Internet our hope for love.
We are the virtually enlightened generation.

All the knowledge of the world,
Just a few taps away.
Google the Truth !
We are the virtually enlightened generation.

A world of thumbs.
A world of indexes.
We are the virtually enlightened generation.

Does normal have a definition ?
Or
Is it all, just perception ?

Who are you ?
Do you know what you want ?

Yes, You !
You are suppose to do this,
You are suppose to do that.
You are good,
You are bad.

Melted and mended,
Scripted and sclupted,
You are now made.
You are now successful.
you are YOU.

Meanwhile !

Wanting all the love and care,
I, became needy !
Wanting all the happiness and joy,
I, became greedy !
Overloaded with compassion,
I, became a burden !

Yes, I !
I, has been forgotten,
I, has lost its way,
I, has lost its purpose,
I, has been sacrificied,
Sacrificied for YOU !
For now, you are YOU,
And i, simply was.

I still remeber
that elegant curve,
On that beautiful frame.

I still remember,
How it made me feel.

shivers down the spine.

I still remember,
That elegant smile,
On that beautiful face.