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Jellyfish Dec 2017
Some people say my sad brain deceives me, I wonder if it's true?
Jellyfish Apr 2015
I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am,*
But it's not like anyone gives a ****.
I have a constant reminder of my depression.
It rests on my wrist in a line shaped fashion.
It was somehow an accident, my mother believes.
Little does she know that it was truly my intention.

Everytime I'm out in public I pinch myself only wishing,
I would've cut deeper, maybe just an inch further.
Would I somehow keep breathing, would I be missed?
Maybe for a little while, but I doubt it would've sticked.
No one ever realises the pain until it's taken something away.
I wasn't sure how to title this, so I just put Depression. That is simply what this poem was created out of.
Jellyfish Oct 2023
When I have no where left to go
I come back to this blog where I feel known.
I type for hours, and don't expect flowers
This page is comfortable, it fits my tone.

If you trace my journey from the start,
There's tears in many moments; a piece of my heart
Years may have passed, but in every part,
Words have been my solace, a work of art.

In this digital haven, where stories are sown,
I've found my refuge, a place to be shown.
Amongst kindred spirits, I've truly grown,
In pixels and text, my feelings flow
Thanks for always being here He,Po
Jellyfish Oct 2017
I'm so tired of your perverted glances.
Every time I see you now, I become so angry
due to there being no consequences.
You're a disgusting old man.
Jellyfish Jul 2015
O n e   t h o u s a n d   o n e   h u n d r e d   n i n e t y  -  o n e   miles

t o :

O n e  t h o u s a n d  t h r e e  h u n d r e d  f i f t y - f i v e .

Tell me why do you have to be so far away from me?

When will we come together?

I swear, I'd wait forever,

To be with you.
Jellyfish Dec 2015
My
      thoughts
                 are
distorting
     my
         feelings
someone
              say
                  I'm
        ­              
dreaming..
Jellyfish Jan 2018
For so long I was blinded,
but now I see clearly.
You blamed me,
you can never be at fault.
Maybe twice you gave in
but the rest was barren.

In the beginning it was obvious,
I was struck with a new kind of substance.
but mixed in with the distance, lies and resistance.
It felt like for so long, I was inexistent.

I tried so hard,
but I was never your lifeguard.
I was just a distraction,
and I'm sure, soon enough you'll be on to the next one.
I hurt myself over and over in the process of trying to love you.
Jellyfish Dec 2017
It's becoming so hard to express myself, especially here. It makes me want to crash into the ocean and disappear.
Jellyfish Jan 2016
I wonder how you'll react when you find out what I've done
you won't be able to hit me or scold me because, I'll be gone.
But will you cry? Will you feel ashamed? Will you wonder why?
I don't think that you should, because now I'll no longer cry.

So don't ask why,
don't you dare cry...
Please, don't be too upset
I'm getting away from here
and with no regrets.
Jellyfish Dec 2014
At least say something.
Please don't leave without saying anything,
It causes me pain that you won't have to witness.
But it makes me wonder,
Did I do something wrong?
Jellyfish Jan 17
8

She likes video games, reading books
and watching movies with family
She always day dreams
and plays outside alone, imagining.

She looks up to her big sister,
and likes to sing together in her car
Her little sister is annoying
She's always the shining star.

But together all three will walk to the park.

11

She likes to color, play guitar and sing
She dances in her room without worrying
One wall is covered with a teen pop sensation,
Others hold her poems and art that reveal her struggles and wishes.

She liked the attention singing got her
It made her feel like she was worthy.
She did her best to live up to
The things said by her family

13

She was sad often and preferred to be alone
She still played guitar but played games the most,
She liked writing poems and songs,
They let her express herself in any tone

She had plans to go far away one day,
with her best friend she would escape.
There'd be hello kitty tunnels
and fun had every day.

She fell victim to infatuation
which lead to many hearts being broke,
Forced to play outside,
she'd swing away her trauma while grasping ropes.

16

She's quiet, she stays in her room alone, she feels unwanted.
The internet is where she felt she belonged
Most people would hear her out
and wouldn't ask her to play them a song.

She was forced to go somewhere she was needed
She got an education out of it and an identity crisis.

25

She is independent, but still feels scared
She is working to understand her life
and is moving forward with care.

So don't call me Becca,
It reminds me of those years-
the times I was saddest and living in fear.

Becca had a mask that Rebecca has out grown.
The mask is smaller now and is becoming unsown.
It's been a painful process, the mask really hurt
This is where I'm at now, trying to unlearn.
Jellyfish May 2017
Don't say goodnight, not yet.
Just stay with me
and say, "the night's not over yet."
continue to tell me silly things
that you're reading.
I know I'm not saying much
but I won't admit I'm feeling sleepy.
Jellyfish Jan 2017
When I recall the things I've done,
my heart shivers and scolds me
for inflicting so much pain...
not only on myself but on the one I love the most.
I try my best to remain stable,
but sometimes it's hard
I'll see something I shouldn't have
and everything floods back.
I'll spend minutes to hours,
just being upset with myself
but then I remember
it's in the past and now is what matters.
It's never fun, having insecure moments.
Jellyfish Aug 2017
Everything comes crashing down
and all I hear are the waves consuming me.
I'm going to stop
Jellyfish Dec 2015
I wish I were asleep right now
inside of a dream, not in town
you were once on my team, til
my sound gave out..
Why're looking at me like that?
It's causing my self esteem to go
d
o
w
n
s
t
r
e
a
m

Oh, I see it was all just a scheme.
Jellyfish Oct 2015
You wonder why I don't want to stay
do you ever wonder why I am afraid?
Jellyfish Nov 2017
I'm not as excited as I should be anymore,
it's more a sense of dread that I'm feeling.
Jellyfish Apr 2017
You slip out of my bed
as I'm falling asleep.
Though, I'm still feeling
your warmth around me.
My heart beat is steady
my breathing is quiet.
You may not hold me in your arms
until I've fallen asleep,
but being close to you is comforting.
You always leave me beaming.
Jellyfish Jan 2015
Moving so slowly, as if we were clouds.
Slowly fading away, you're invisible now.
I can't deny you've been on my mind.
I think about you often, but not all the time.
Jellyfish Oct 2017
The car slows down
and in the moment
so does the sound,
all I can hear is my heart.

The car stops and so do I,
as I start to cry
I let everything out
that was being held inside.
Jellyfish Nov 2017
I want out of here.
Let me out,
let me disappear.
I want to turn inside out and melt,
sink into water and ripple out.
I want to go home.
Jellyfish Jan 2015
Drowning,
My heart is pounding.
Drowning,
I haven't been able to sleep soundly.
Drowning,
I'm afraid that hate has found me.
Because I'm drowning in the depths of this terrifying reality you've made for me.
Jellyfish Jun 2015
Drown me in drowsiness, take me away.
I sure as hell don't want to stay.
I'm tired of trying, and then being abandoned.
So drown me in drowsiness,
Take away my horizons.
Jellyfish Oct 2015
Normally I'd fall asleep
in such a calm state,
it was like a dream
but there's no sleeping
with you around
I'm too attracted to the sounds
that escape from your lips
every giggle that slips out
makes me smile all too well
it's almost as if you're a drug-
inside of my heart is a flood
full of fun things I never get
the chance to see
*thanks for everything.
Jellyfish Jun 2016
I'm watching you from the left corner,
over here, where dust has swarmed to.
I see you go to sleep, and awaken
just like I see you when you come home wasted.

I can remember a time when you saw me too,
but that time was ages ago,
the bond that we had, they burnt through
and now you've forgotten me...

You left me alone; defenseless to these dust bunnies.
Jellyfish Aug 2015
Laying in bed
Empty head
Dry Ramen
Occurs often
Tiredness
Jellyfish Feb 2017
I climb into bed
in the early AM's
and then struggle to get
one leg out of my blankets

I look up at my ceiling
and realize I forgot to turn on my fan.
I don't usually admit it
but without noise in the background,
the dark leaves me feeling scared.
Jellyfish Nov 2017
As I close my eyes I realize once more,
I’m not as important as they are.
I can always be replaced.
Jellyfish Aug 2015
I'm sinking under the waters surface
In some sort of helpless hoping
that they'll entangle me inside
of their electric lace curtains,
Won't you engulf me?
Swallow me whole and
electrocute me.

Maybe then I'll wake up as one of you.
Sinking for completely different reasons
flowing gracefully, seeking out prey.
Let me explore with you...
Jellyfish Feb 2017
the music playing
in the back of your mind,
turns into screams
as your day becomes night.

twisted and burning
in your dreams, I can see you fading.
spinning around, crying out
as you fall to your knees.

*no matter what,
when night comes,
the darkness finds me again and again...
and again.
Jellyfish Aug 2015
Losing people,
for me,
is a constant cycle.
No one ever sticks
I never knew it'd
end like this.
So tell me, now is it my turn to be a Jellyfish? I may extend this later.
Jellyfish Oct 2015
You knew exactly how I was feeling
and yet you still dragged me along
through the dirt and leafs that fall
you somehow expect me to forgive
and forget- I don't think you know
me, no.. you never did.
Jellyfish Sep 2017
Eyes open to a dim room
after a few moments I think of you,
the heaviness above me
yet I feel so empty?

It's so hard to sit up
please just lay back down.
Close your eyes again,
no one is around!


Eyes open again to a dim room,
I wonder what time it is
but this darkness still looms.
As I lay here rotting.
Jellyfish Dec 2016
my eyes sting from tiredness
also from tears of laughter
i love tonight, you're such an enchanter.
you can call me homeboy whenever you want.
Jellyfish Dec 2015
When I hear your voice
my troubles melt away
and all the things that
were making me afraid
seem to stray.. but in the
back of my mind I'm
wondering if you *still
love me the same?
Jellyfish Jul 2015
Tears slip over my smile.
My eyes are stinging,
But I am happy.
I have him.
At least for a while.
This enthralling boy.
He catches my eye,
I want to talk to him,
All the time.
He is humorous,
But also serious at times.
He is so different from me.
It's somehow a great thing.
Everyday there is something new.
He's someone I want to fall into.
Embrace me, won't you?
..Engaging boy.
Jellyfish Sep 2017
I want to fall backwards
into a beautiful abyss
full of colorful jellyfish.

I'm sick of the sadness
that likes taking over me
during these darkened hours.

So, please, engulf me.
Electrocute me to sleep.
Jellyfish Oct 2015
Why do I fall out of love
after I've fallen in-
only to be heart broken
over and over again..?
Is this the end
because I don't want it to be
please tell me that I'm dreaming
..this is all just a  blurry  mess
and I won't be left behind again
if I'm left once more to wallow
I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it.
Jellyfish Dec 2016
That smile is visiting me again,
the one you never fail to win.
Jellyfish Oct 2017
Some days I want to be completely alone,
on others I’m crying for friends I don’t have.
Sometimes I want to go out and have fun,
other times I feel like a troll came
and super glued me to my bed over night.
It’s so exhausting, being scared and tired all the time.
Sometimes I wish I’d sink into soil and become compost for snails.
Jellyfish Mar 2015
As you can see,
I've never been a prodigy.
Always unimpressive, apparently.
Stressing is an everday thing.
But you wouldn't care,
You're just so unaware.
Depression has me ensnared,
But you couldn't handle my despair.
So keep your eyes closed.
And I'll do the same.
The things I think about are completely insane,
I wish the good times would never change.
But this isn't my dreamland.
It's a place where I don't want to stand.
Depression is the ocean,
Anxiety is the sand,
And I'm somewhere floating in between it all.
Jellyfish Nov 2014
They stare at you.
They judge you.
They talk about you.
They hurt you.

Why?

Because they're "jealous"
Because they're "abused"
Because they're "hurting"
Because they're mean.

You cry at night,
You want to fight.
But you're scared,
You hate fear.

Your parents ignore you,
Sometimes THEY bully you.
Your siblings laugh at you,
They usually pick on you.

What do you do about this?
Nothing.
Jellyfish Aug 2015
Because of you,*
my favorite shades of blue are now ugly.
Everything that you ever told me is now
some form of anxiety I don't want to hear
sometimes I wish you'd just disappear..
Jellyfish Jul 2015
It's the worst emotion, isn't it?
When the love you've cherished,
Runs out somehow; becomes faded.
I promise you, this isn't the end.
Don't give up so easily, there's someone out there waiting..
For you.
Jellyfish Feb 2016
You didn't see this coming, did you?
You couldn't handle it when you saw me crying and heard me mumbling about how I've been wishing for death to find me and rock me to sleep. But that doesn't mean that you can control me... You're feeling like you've failed me. You're wondering what it is you've done that could possibly make me want to disappear forever, you've done nothing worth mentioning so don't worry, you're in the clear.
Jellyfish Oct 2016
Laying here once again
In tears, as the room begins to spin.
I shut my eyes and teardrops fall
Once again I'm saying I miss them.

It's funny how family can drive you mad
But once time's spent away from them
You become too sad to function right, without them.

I wipe the tears away
And ignore the spins the best I can.
I know they wouldn't want me crying
When I asked for this to happen.

So I will go to sleep again.
I have a massive headache.
Jellyfish Aug 2015
Sitting at the table with these people who claim they're my family
We're not complete right now there are people who're missing
I don't want to be near any of you so please leave me
You all have hurt me so many times in fact too many
Anxiety is real if you don't know that then you can't know me,
So stop pretending and let me carry on my plan of  not existing.
Jellyfish Dec 2015
I wonder,
have you forgotten about me yet?
I'm not sure that I'll ever forget you
even though I'm wanting to, so badly
It seems my mind isn't ready to let me.
But I have to keep trying.
And it'll take a while for me to stop crying
but at least I won't be denying,
my longing for you
to still be in my life.
Yeah, we had strife
but somehow we managed and
right now I'm tired of standing
here without you beside me.
Please just pull the knife out of me
set me free from this agony, maybe
give me an anaesthetic to numb all
of this pain.
I'm waiting for Felicia Amnesia to
sink into my brain.
It hurts to miss you.
Jellyfish Dec 2016
I start to tremble
and the tears come next
I haven't cried in a while
But when I miss you like this,
It's hard not to...
I love you
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