Don't ignore me
I'm standing right in front of you
My heart still beats
And yet you stare right through it
Like I'm not even there
I beg for your acknowledgment
Still you don't listen
I feel like I don't exist
Life becomes meaningless
And still
You ignore me

The rides full of adrenaline
The crowd full of laughter
The air full of a variety of smells

A carnival
A place of fun and enrichment

The carny grounds
Someone ends up hurt
Dies on sight

A carnival
Now a place that is closed

An empty place
Full of empty rides
Silent laughter

A carnival
Only a place of dares and bad choices

More death arises
More lost souls wandering
The carny grounds beginning to fill again

A carnival
No longer a place of fun and enjoyment

Screams fill the air in the night
Rides never stop running
A haunting of what was once a beautiful place

A haunted carnival
A place where the spirits roam

The windows are dark
Paint is chipping and faded
Life has left its mark
On this old abandoned house

There are whispers in the air
Ghosts of the past
From the people who lived here
In this old abandoned house

The roof is caving in
Allowing rain to sodden the interior
Creaky floors squealing in distress
In this old abandoned house

Shadows wander room to room
Some crying, others silent
Life for them wasn't fair
In this old abandoned house

Ignored within the neighborhood
Weeds overgrowing
Hiding the path
To this old abandoned house

Always in the dark
Shaded by trees of willow
Drooping down to hide
This old abandoned house

Fly high,
Thats what I wished to do.
To be able to be untouched.
Untouched by all those that lie.

Fly high,
Run my hands through the clouds.
And see what the birds see.
Far up in the sky.

Fly high
So no one can find me.
And i'll be free from judgement.
I wont even say good bye.

Fly high,
Seems so close yet so far.
So many ways to do it.
I look myself in the eye.

Fly high,
Is easy enough.
I just need to let go.
Let go and die.

Life is pointless
Like an ever revolving top
It'll take it's spin before falling over still
It laughs in your face
Like a bad memory
That resounds in your nightmares
People make it worse
Even though they see your troubles
They make thing complicated by adding their drama
So why?
Why must we go on?
In this never-ending carousel?
Like a haunted carnival
Life is full of terror
And the rides will never end
Until you give in
And leave it forever

I couldn't speak
Say something!
Tell them what's wrong!

I couldn't move
Pick your feet up!
Don't make them carry you!

My body was trembling
It hurts!
Stop hurting!

In and out I went
Where am I?
Who is touching me?

I was paralyzed
although there was nothing wrong

My mind had become a jail

Life was turning me into a prisoner

And my body had given up

Tick,
The hands are moving.

Tock,
Life is slowing.

Tick,
Seconds are passing.

Tock,
Nothing is changing.

Tick,
Moments are fading.

Tock,
The clock is ticking.

Tick,
Can't you hear its heart beating?

Tock,
Telling you life is leaving.

Tick Tock,
As we lower you six feet everlasting.

Listen to the clock,
Your life is ending.

My life flashed before my eyes
That's when I knew it was full of lies.

So many people come and go
Pulling my heart strings to and fro.

People think of it as a game
To make my life so full of pain.

All the tears and blood I've let leek
All because I've been dubbed a freak.

Even the one that claimed he loved me left
Breaking what was left of the heart in my chest.

A mother who lectures me
When all I want is to be set free.

One day I almost died
No one but me sat down and cried.

It made me wonder if I should of let go
At that moment the depression decided to show.

I wish to be numb
But I know that feeling is never going to come.

Why can't people care
Life just isn't fair.

It was so painful, I wish I never had to see
My life, flash before me.

A black cat stands staring
Eye's wide and glaring
The tip of its tail twitching
Before it pounces upon its toy

A haunting meow in the dark
Paw's clawing to leave its mark
Prowling around the ground like a shark
Before it runs around in circles

Batting a ball on string in combat
Atop of a tall tree it sat
It's teeth baring as sharp as a bat's
Before promptly losing balance and falling to the floor

A black cat in her home to stay
Is ALWAYS in the mood to play

I'm lost, the road in front split in two
So little time, with so much to do
The woods around me, is so dark
Each thorn I touch, leaves its mark
I grow tired, with each step I take
"Next time", I think, "my mind will break"
Every day, strangely, I survive
Each accident and problem, leaving me alive
How much longer, will it take?
How many sacrifices, will I have to make?

Skin heating up
Body burning
The pain is hard to endure
But you need the money
So you work
And keep your mouth shut

Your lips turned blue
The freezer too cold
Your shivers are violent
But you have to get it done
You have other stuff to do

People are upset
You frantically try to help
Help them, then back to work
But they make it difficult
So you call your manager
To ensure their needs are met

Your boss is angry
And takes it out on you
Why? You ask, but you don't know
You only do your job
So you can pay your bills
Because your living a life that just isn't free

Work all day
And work all night
Your tired
And you ache
But you have bills
So you'll do the work for the pay

Will you save me?
I fell into the water,
Too deep to see the light.
I forgot how to swim,
So I thrash around searching for you.
The water is attacking my lungs,
I grow cold.
I'm almost too numb,
Too numb to fight.

Will you save me?
I'm locked in a burning building,
Surrounded by dancing flames.
Entranced, I collapse,
Wishing you were here.
The song is almost over,
Death grows near.

Will you save me?
The darkness is swallowing me,
My heart is scared of what's to come.
Where is your light?
The pain is unsustainable,
Tears, no longer containable.

Will you save me?
I'm giving up,
My eyes are too heavy, so I let them shut.
Take me away,
My life is beginning to sway.
An angel stares at my soul with sadness,
While Death stares at me with emptiness.
Which to choose with this path of life,
Should I slice my wrist with the tip of this knife?
Where are you when I need you?
I just don't know what to do.

Please,
Will you save me?

I wish I was numb
The pain is overwhelming
Like a knife is implanted within my chest
Not allowing me to breath
Depression is ruling
The heart is aching
The memories are dancing
I'm angry
Barely in control
Lost in my pain of the past
Urges are starting up
Making me itch
Please save me
Please **** me
Shoot me, stab me, drown me
The pain is flowing over
I'm losing control
The thoughts are coming more often
To die is to be relieved
That's what the thoughts are trying to get me to believe
No one understands
Why I wish to be numb

Death was coming oh so near
And yet there still was no touch of fear
The snow was tinged all black
As my head hit the steering wheel with a crack
Not much is remembered from that night
When I tried to touch the stars with all my might

You were so mean to me
But I forgave you

You were trying to be better
I was proud of you

You worked on your own company
I believed in you

You got a car you were excited about
I loved the smile on you

You got a new suit and wore it with pride
I thought it looked good on you

You were reconnecting with our family
I was happy for you

But then you were taken from me
And now I miss you

How long is a moment in a lifetime?

Will time heal what it helped destroy?

Can a heart beat count the scars on a beaten soul?

Where do the lost wander to when they can't see where their going?

Once again the pain is back
In life's emotional crooked path
You follow it without a choice
Somehow stuck moving without a voice
A devil on one shoulder laughing in your face
As you trudge on wishing for a warm embrace
Something to keep your mind off your cruel fate
From the beginning not knowing what to look for
Till the end when your body is rotting at Earths core
As every new life is born
The demons begin to snicker with scorn
With new life comes more to mourn
Till death do we part
A new life will start
Over and over again
Filled with sorrows wrath
The eternal crooked path

How far do you want me to go?
One foot in front of the other,
Trekking through the snow.

You ask me for one thing
And tell me it’s wrong
I had even gotten down and offered you a ring
I wish for a reason some days
And you laugh in my face
Toxic relationship, that’s it, let’s part ways

How far do you want me to go?
Another shiver to keep warm,
Trekking through the snow.

Another life disappeared,
A new one here,
The only emotion I felt was fear.
Learning to live,
When another one had died,
A soul had a spirit that’s essence it had to give

How far do you want me to go?
A breath so icy,
Trekking through the snow.

Please tell me,
I’m so cold,
How far must I go
To receive what I’ve waited for
A peace to surrender to
A blissful end
To the pain filled beginning

How far…How far must I go?

You cry out with your internal pain. Tears leak down your pale dark face, as you stare up at the stars winking down at you. Life is becoming too much, and Time is shortening. You turn hearing a silent call to you. He's there staring at you with empty eyes, opening his cloaked arms as you stand up. With a small, sad smile you look into his face, as you enter Death's warm embrace.

Why do feelings hurt?
Making me feel lower than dirt
I've thought of learning to fly
But am always scared to try
The feeling of pain
That is not a gain
You can't go far
Without receiving a scar
You become shaded
Because you feel hated
My heart is so sore
I don't think I can do this anymore

The stars shine bright in the night sky

A cold wind blows gently through the air

Not a sound to be heard from the sleeping houses

A quiet walk of tranquility in the empty night

Is what is needed to keep me sane

There is sorrow deep inside of me
So deep inside
I can feel it but can not draw it out

I ache to shed a tear
But the ache is not enough
My eyes refuse to shed my hidden sorrow

There is no relief
My very soul is lost in the depth of it
My sorrow is corrupting me

How much longer must I suffer
Wishing for help in my darkness
I'm not sure how much time I have left

This feeling is like a curse
As they drive away in a long black hearse
The dark and gloomy sky
Shudders then starts to cry
A father consoles a mother
While holding a child
The dead's brother
For a moment they stay
Unable to look away
I try to call out
But they don't seem to hear my shout
These feelings I feel
Fill me to the brim
A new light has been shed
It was me
I was the one dead

To feel lost in time is like waking up to nothingness

Numbness and pain fighting for dominance

Being awake but wishing for sleep

Life and death merging into one

Finding yourself being ripped in half but a thread holding the pieces together

Not knowing how to continue and yet walking forwards anyways

Wanting to disappear and yet still existing

Shiver
Because it's cold
The ice growing colder still
It wraps around your heart
Ripping it apart

It continues on
Growing black
Numbness spreads
You feel nothing but a dull ache
Your body beginning to shake

It shows nothing on the outside
You show only a smile
A mask to hide the cold
You have nothing at stake
For being a fake

It's not like they will notice
The ache inside
The shiver that erupts
The cold in your eye
They will continue to believe your lie

The wall will remain up
Because they don't care enough
To light the fire
To show you the light
Of the world that you lost your fight

You say you know me
But you don't know
All the thoughts that I don't show
I can be tricky when it comes to how I feel
I've been hurt to much to fully heal
Now you're trying to break my walls
As I ignore your encouraging calls

You say you know me
But you don't know
That I have been hit with a fatal blow
I have glued this mask upon my face
All because of hates warm embrace
You can't tell me that you can see
Everything that is going on around me

You say you know me
But you don't know
I'm too weak to reap what I sow
Life strangles me when I get on my feet
I raise a white flag unable to take the heat
One step forward, and two steps back
Nothing can make up for what I lack

You say you know me
But you don't know
I'm not good for you, so please just go...

I couldn't help but notice,
your staring at me again.

With the look of disgust,
plastered on your face.

A blank look of hatred,
boiling in your eyes.

I just wanted to say thank you,
for showing me your true colors.

In a world just on the otherside

Are shadows in the light

Whispering screams into the upside down sky

Where fire is cold and water flies

A dream where life ends but you can never die

No breathe
Can leave my body

No movement
My chest remains dormant

No life
Resides within me

No more
Pain I have to hide

No lies
Left residing upon my face

No mask
That once hid my tears

No heartbeat
No soul
No sorrow

Just bliss

I am in so much pain that I can hardly see
But I don't want your sympathy
A poster of an abused to be
Just sing me a lullaby song
To distract me from all the things gone wrong
I just wanna curl into a little ball
To make the wind not as sharp from the fall

I don't want your sympathy
The only times you would look at me
The only way I would cry in pain
Was from the looks of those of shame
But I don't want your sympathy
Take it away or don't look at me

You told me you loved me
Then left me in the cold
Frozen and numb
I ached to be told

Tell me you love me
Just one last time
So I can remember
That I'm just fine

Don't tell me you love me
I'm tired of lies
I'd rather just cut
All of our ties

You once said you loved me
And I was a fool
I believed you
Not knowing I was just a tool

You once said you hate me
It was a tone of endearment
But those words you said
Was not worth the tears that I shed

You told me you loved me
I was an idiot to believe
You said I wasn't good enough
But I still didn't think you would leave

Now I'm ripped to shreds
You told me that you loved me
But then you cut me up
The tears I've shed will never let me see

That you once loved me

The days grow shorter

The nights grow colder

The clouds grow dreary

As you sit amongst the graves

Sing to the sleeping
For amongst the dead you are weeping

A melody for the fallen
To their forgotten souls you are calling

A lullaby to the little one
Showing them one last rising sun

The days grow shorter

The nights grow colder

The clouds grow dreary

As you sit amongst the graves

I can't see anything
All I see is black
I can't feel anything
All I feel is numb
I can't hear anything
It's like someone pulled a plug
And my heart feels like it will explode
But all those around me shrug
I don't know what to do
Its like someone wants me dead
I don't understand
Why are they so cruel
Maybe if I just run
Maybe then they will not think me a fool

I am just a nobody
A freak around a town
They don't care about me
But that's alright
I will survive
How many places will I go in order to stay alive
I am in need a place to stay
But no one really cares

I am a runaway girl
A child in need
But they just turn their head
I don't know what to do
I have to survive
I feel so surrounded
So I take a deep breath and dive

Who knows maybe I'll survive
I try to believe that everything will be okay
Though as things get harder
I forget that I'm stronger
And as the night goes and fades away
I remember that it's just the dawn before the day

I have a hope and a fear and a dream
A heart that will ache and squeeze and scream
A soul that will twist with agony
Though through it all I know that everything will be kept alive
Because I know I will survive

A night that fades from dusk to dawn
It's just the moon that rises before the sun
How many times I want to howl
Though everyone believes it is because I'm foul

They don't know the pain that I feel
The hurt that I harbor inside
They don't understand that this is my life
That I am stuck and cannot hide

Though I am strong
I have to believe that not everything is as it seems
Because as soon as things look up I know
The devil will throw in a hook
I'll get trapped and hooked and snared
A thousand tries but fails in one way
A million ways a billion ways
A nonstop push and pull
An eternity of pain

I shall survive because I keep my faith alive
Those that doubt will be blind and stumble about
I cannot dream but hope for ways out

I know it's only a twilight of days to come
A new way to make the pain go numb
So I shall sing and shout and dance around
To hope and dream that the new feeling is found

Today is the day
That all the things that I fear
Will disappear
And I will be just a memory

Just a memory
I don't understand
Why don't you look at me
I am not invisible
I am here, I am here

And though I call you
I seem to just disappear
I want you
Why are you looking away
Please just tell me that everything's gonna be okay

I can't feel
I can't see
I can't do anything without a key
I want you
I want you

Today is the day
All my worries have slipped away
I can sleep well without the fear
And I will be a memory

Today is the day
That all my hopes will fade away
All will seem like just a dream
And I am just a memory
I am just a memory

I won't lie
I won't cry
I won't die and be alone
I want you
I want you

I can see you but you can't see me
I don't understand
Were did I go wrong
I can't be just a memory

I want you
I want you
Don't you see
That it's just me
Not a memory
I want you
I want you
I am not a memory
I can't be dead
I can't be dead

I am a memory
I am just imaginary
I am in your wounded eyes
I am the reason for your grieving tears

I am just a memory

Water seeps over me
Hot steam rising
Burning my flesh red
Trying to wash myself anew
A life free of pain
Of disgust
Of numbness
To feel alive
To a fresh life
To see a new me

Thoughts racing over life
Like a race car
Round and round in my head
Loudly and constant over things I regret
Things I wished for
Things I couldn't do
People who I hurt
People who hurt me
People who I needed in my life

Drying myself off still hurting
Muscles screaming at me
A headache building
Bruised and beaten like an abused
Abused from the past
Abused from the present
Abused from the thoughts of the future
Dreading life
Dreading reality
Dreading the fact that I was still hurting

I have a demon in my room
It's like I live in a tomb
Every time I go to bed,
I see spirits of the dead
People say I'm lying
Let's see you live there without crying
Things move on their own
I once saw a child's bone
Things like to disappear
I look over to see it leer
It likes to see your fear
So don't let it get near
It'll give you a nightmare
And laugh as you dream of a fright fair
As you scream out
It will leave you with doubt
Smiling as you bleed out
If you go to bed
It will get into your head
And if your able to dream
It will make reality not as it seem
Don't close your eyes
Your life will become a bunch of lies
And if you break down and cry
...Well don't do that, or you'll die

I never know what to say
On the brink of forgetting
Losing what I know
Lost on a strange path
No longer able to fend for myself
Dreaming of nothing
Life losing its essence
Weakness overwhelmed
Mental stability slowly burning away
A light slowly dimming
No more happiness
Death looking more inviting
How long to live with nothing
Goals torn from my heart
Ripping a hole in my being
Tears of loss dripping from empty eyes
I can't do much before passing
This world is a bridge
Life and Death fight for their rights
To take over your fate

I am standing at the front of the line
We all know that it's about that time
You can't say I never tried
And even now it's costing me my life
Will you remember me if I die?
I try so hard

I try and I try
So hard that some would cry
But I'm not that okay
It's just that cloudy day
Showing my life
Is ready to fade
To darkness and no longer gray

Feelings are gone
Numb from too much being over shone
No more please
There's too much going on
Anymore and my lifeline will be gone

I'm shattering
Broken pieces are falling
My soul see's the light, it's calling
The mirrors reflection wants my hand
To lead me from this land
What more could I want
Sweet bliss

An eternity of nothing

I recognize nothing
For what is to be recognized
Even my heart is a stranger
Every beat stranger than the last
Time continues on
Hopefully the end is coming fast
The pain of life
Is everlasting
And although I can see
I see nothing
My soul is empty
Forgotten and lost
I keep walking
Not knowing the cost
Maybe one day
A light will show me the way
So I can forget this darkness
That is swallowing me whole

The urge to forget
Is so strong

The feelings of pain
Is too raw

I need a distraction
Life is hard

No more smiles today
I've run out

Please help me out
I can't function

Why now?
That things were looking up
You act out
And everyone gets hurt.

Why now?
The one that I thought loved me left
When I needed him the most
I wasn't good enough.

Why now?
I have my life in order
And I collapse
My health laughing in my face.

Why now?
I finally get a job
And I get fired
All because of things out of my control.

Why now?
Is it that people around me are hurting
Physically and emotionally
And there is nothing I can do to help.

Why not now?
Can life just give us a break
Let us live and maybe thrive
For once.