I need to dance with you and listen to you sing. I need to look at you, and  catch your eye at the exact moment you turn your head and smile at me. You have shown me that magic exists; kindness is not a myth. You, I need to do so many things with you. I need to follow your fingers as they move rhythmically to the tune of the universe. I need to breathe in your effulgent happiness. I need to touch and feel your scalding soul. The sadness that grips you and the darkness that stains your eyes, I need to partake in its lilting stillness. And as you float and stumble, crash and burn through life, I need to be there, pulsing, writhing, drowning in the abyss of wanting you.

People find it strange
that someone like me
who gets out of breath,
wheezing,
after two flights of stairs
considers the horse
to be her spirit animal.

Ironic though it may be,
isn't it natural
for the somatically lazy
to have a wild soul
that runs free?

You see the beauty.
I see only questions
which need no answers.
I am at once
vulnerable and defiant.

You cut through the pretence
of the important trivial things.
The morning news
is enough to bring me down.

I sulk in bed, wondering
what is the point of getting up.
You make sure I find one every day.

You know the significance
of not taking my navel-gazing
too seriously.

And when I despair at the futility
of trying to fix the broken world,
you show me with your endless zeal
and unwavering hope
that just trying
can make all the difference.

I sang a song that made them weep.
I sang a song that made them gasp.
I sang a song about lost love
although I had neither loved
nor suffered a great loss.

They fell in love with the song,
and showered me with praises.
I bristled at every kind word,
I loathed the adulation.
I couldn’t decide whom I hated more –
these people who couldn’t spot my insincerity
or myself for starting the sham.

Icy ball of fire,
vitriol soaked thoughts.
Raw from the undeserved love,
I sang another song –
this time of the putrid hatred
coursing through my veins.

My audience increased double-fold.
They applauded me for “being brave”
and “baring my pain”.
I couldn’t understand
how all my hostility
inspired such whole-hearted acceptance.

While I sat brooding,
one more song came to me.
A tender tune,
of warn repose.
And when I sang it,
I didn’t need to think
whether they would love it or hate it
because this time,
I sang the song for me
and I loved it.

It is time to wake up
from the languid daydreams
that once I treasured so.

The place that used to be a haven,
an escape from life’s banality,
now feels like a gilded cage.

The mind wanders, untethered,
through sunlit corridors of indolence
pushing to see how far it can go.

Tantalizing me with possibilities,
never reality, this limbo
is only good for the occasional vacation.

Break free
of the limits
you have set for yourself.
The only one who can save you
is you.

The wolves come out to watch
when night falls.
They mean you no harm.
They will not leave.

When night falls,
your silent guardians rise.
They will not leave
until you are ready to wake.

Your silent guardians rise,
sentient of your dreams
until you are ready to wake;
their firefly eyes aglow.

Sentient of your dreams,
they mean you no harm.
Their firefly eyes aglow,
the wolves come out to watch.

Few possess the quiet faith to see past today’s tangled mess.
Most of us, victims of self-doubt, will accept what we call our fate.
Some though, know we must strive to silence the voice that says “You cannot.”.

Congratulations.
You have done it –
Created such a spectacular façade
no one will even try
to see what’s behind it.
No one will get a peek
at the wreck you are within.
So rejoice.
You have achieved what you set out to do.
Kept everyone out.
No one knows you are broken;
no one is looking to fix you.
And you are so busy
keeping up your false pretences,
you haven't noticed
the walls you built
to keep the world at bay
have also fenced you in.

The world shall only see
what you want it to see.
You are safe
in your steel cage.
Really,
well done.

It was a lonely night
and the moon was bored.
So he looked down
and saw two lovers
out for a night time stroll.

Ever the romantic, he grew ecstatic
because tonight he would make sure
they would fall in love a little more
by the time the night was over.

He bent his sickle-head and started to collect
his starry friends so he could rearrange them
in a more alluring manner.
In his haste to showcase his talent however,
he failed to notice the disappointed couple
turn their backs on the empty sky.

When he realized he had lost his audience,
the moon was left to contemplate in silence
the folly of the stargazers’ impatience.

If only they had waited,
he thought resentfully
as he scattered the stars
into the night absent-mindedly.

Something about her
makes you curious.

Her beauty
turns many heads
as she glides across a room.
Her laugh,
a mellifluous sound,
envelopes you like mist
on a winter morning.
She has pearly, neat handwriting
that leans in a different direction
every other day.

She is also kind.
An incorrigible affinity to broken wings,
she likes to fix people
and their problems (on occasion).
Is her heart full of compassion?
Or is she trying to escape
her own life by finding the solution
to any problem
other than her own?

A savage storm has laid siege to the night.
But I am warm and cozy in my bed.
Finally, I can get some sleep tonight;
the thunder drowns the white noise in my head.

Lightning flashes and my eyelids turn red.
And yet I feel the blessed heaviness
guide me slowly into vast nothingness.

Hmm, let me see… Who should I be today?
The person other people think I am
or maybe someone they would like to see.
I could attempt to stand out in a crowd,
easy though it would be to just blend in.
What if I flip a coin to choose between
the good, bad, dark, strong, and weak parts of me.
Of course, I could always just be myself
although, most days, I don’t know who that is.

Some days, I recede
too far back into my mind.
Thoughts are like a maze –
it’s so easy to get lost,
the way back is hard to find.

Intentions, aren’t they always good?
You tried to do the best you could.
Though finally it came to naught,
you never gave up, never stopped
saying it’s for the greater good.

Intentions, aren’t they always good?
Seldom taking the path they should.
Noble, with a worthy cause wrought,
intentions rust.

Intentions, quite misunderstood –
even the best ones never could
right any of the wrongs they bought.
The well-meaning battles you fought
hardly could have done any good.
Intentions rust.

There is a certain thrill when you are
teetering on the very brink.
An intense, almost perverse
curiosity to
see whether you will
continue to
stand tall or
will you
fall.

I can see the light,
it surrounds them.
It shines from within.
The light,
it spills from their mouths
and winks when they blink.
I see it spark from their fingertips,
roll in waves behind their footsteps.

Luminous beings,
such surreal things,
and I, a mere spectator.
Set apart from the rest
by the sharp pain in my chest,
I can do nothing
except concentrate on my breathing
and think about what I should do next.

Open your eyes. Wake up, wake up.
This is just a dream, it’s not real…
Keep your head down, don't dare look up.
It won’t see you if you keep still.

Swallow your dread, push down the fear.
Open your eyes. Wake up, wake up!
Clench your fists, suppress the shiver;
one wrong move and the game is up.

Don't scream when the monster eye up
above you sets the sky ablaze.
Open your eyes. Wake up, wake up!
It is shifting its evil gaze.

(Gasp) You have been spotted. Oh, no!
Legs stuck like a fly in syrup,
you can't flee; there’s nowhere to go.
Open your eyes, WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

I walk amid
the silence of broken hearts
and ghosts of the lives never lived.
Oblivious to
the echoes of dashed dreams
and the pall of dampened spirits.

I have received good news
and in this moment,
I am invincible.
Enclosed in a happy bubble,
I let the contentment wash over me.
Later I can return to my troubles
and be part of the crowd again.

I knew I had fallen out of love.
Yet I stayed;
I didn't want to be alone.

I am sorry it took me so long to realize
that if I was lonely when I was with you
then you must have felt isolated too.

And maybe I don't love you
like I used to
but I still love you enough
to spare you the desolation
of being alone in my company.

I have wanted you
for so long
and with such hunger
that now I think
I would rather not have you at all.
For once you’re mine
I will lose that sense of longing
and there will be nothing to
fill the agonizing empty spaces
that time inevitably blows in.

I know it is strange
and slightly moronic
but I just want to want you
for a little while longer.

Chocolate on chocolate,
the faintest tang of
apricot jam with a side
of whipped cream. Oh, yes!
Decadent, scrumptious
sachertorte.
Sigh!

Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder
if I’m a manifestation
of someone’s imagination.
Or dreamt by one in deep slumber
Trapped by a spell they are under.

Often I feel invisible;
There are few who really see
who I am when they look at me.
Though far from being miserable,
I find my world more mystical.

Fractured mind;
tattered soul;
a body in ruin —
that’s me.

Morbid thoughts;
frozen heart;
bloated fingers —
that’s me.

Despair and hope.
Love and hate.
Cruel tenderness —
that’s me.

A smoking gun,
a flawed someone
perfectly imperfect —
that’s what I want.

One of these days, happiness shall be mine.
The clouds will disperse, sunshine will come to stay.
I need only keep a weather eye on the silver line.

Sometimes it is easy, it is hard sometimes.
If ever I start doubting myself, I simply say,
“One of these days, happiness shall be mine.”

Every once in a while, I can’t help but resign
myself to fate. Yet, I know I will be better the next day.
I need only keep a weather eye on the silver line.

Every blow, every bruise I receive  is just a sign
that my struggle is worth it. I will find my way.
One of these days, happiness shall be mine

There is no way to decrypt destiny’s design;
To keep from drowning, to keep the fear at bay
I need only keep a weather eye on the silver line.

What keeps me going is the belief that I will be fine.
When everything’s said and done, I will be okay.
One of these days, happiness shall be mine,
I need only keep a weather eye on the silver line.

What
next?
Always
the question
that keeps me awake
at night; troubled during the day.
Consumed by this exhausting, insatiable hunger
to decipher the mysteries of a nebulous future, I find it mighty hard
to take a deep breath, look around, notice all the colors and revel in the beauty of how far I have come from the shadows of my past.

It’s frightening how
a word from you
can lift me from
the depths of despondence.
Your absence,
even for the briefest time period,
can leave me agitated,
a quivering mass of nerves.
Occasionally,
for a mad moment,
I yearn to show you
how completely you own me.
It passes…
You can never know
of the incredible hold
you have over me.
I fear
all the violently wonderful
feelings I conceal
will one day
cause me to implode.
But then
you look at me
with such stillness,
I feel see-through.

Of course you know.

I know
I’m in love
when once again
the colors start to sing
for me.

Today was nothing more
than a woeful echo
of my life yesterday.
And the same is true for
every day I have lived
ever since I gave up.

I don’t remember
what led me down this
lonely desolate
path of nihilism,
of self-destruction.

I don’t recall
a time I felt
differently.
Blank mind. Blank walls.

So I wait,
stoic, numb,
as silence

descends
upon

me.

Guarded dreams, whispered secrets,
summer crushes, December flings,
inside jokes, confessed regrets…

These are but a few things
that we share with each other
without any fear, any misgivings.

You were once a stranger
and now you are my best friend.
my partner in crime, my soul sister.

After all, friendship is all that matters in the end.

Today,
I did nothing of much importance.
Just listened to some of my favourite tunes,
and ate a tasty lunch.
Thought of a few late retorts
that would have been useful
in an argument I had weeks ago.
Watched the pattern on the floor
made by the fractured sunlight
through the cracks in my window.
Hugged my little sister for a long time
then we talked about useless stuff
and laughed a lot.
Stubbed my toe against the furniture,
used some colourful language.
Had some melty ice cream.
Freaked out a little bit
about my life
and it’s lack of direction.
Shrugged it off
and had another scoop.
Today,
I didn’t get any work done.
Today was a filler day
But today I had some fun.

Ideas once in
permeate your very being.
They won’t let you sleep;
will rob you of any peace.
Steadily they grow
like an intangible force.
They won’t let you be
unless you take action and
turn them to reality.

Often I look back
and try to pinpoint the day,
the moment, I became
the type of person
who, when life is perfect,
waits with bated breath,
for the other shoe to drop.

Always, I hope
that bad times are not here to stay,
only to be disappointed
while bad slides to worse
with each passing day.

When did I become the fool
who believes that just because
night follows day,
and dawn lifts the shadows,
that when the going is good
something terrible is around the corner?

Has it ever been so
that life has served me
joy and grief in equal measure?

But still I wait
for the situation to change…
Unable to enjoy the good,
unfit to deal with the pain.
Stuck jumping through the hoops
of my hyperactive brain.

There
she goes
once again
ignoring life
as she falls in love with another song.

This fleeting love affair however brief,
is the only
time she feels
truly
free.

It is remarkably difficult to find
that moment in the middle of a day
when nothing is on your mind,
all the chaos just fades away,
and somehow you know that you will be okay.

Every day now my mind grows weary,
Shards of broken dreams wound me daily.
Caught in a web of endless expectations,
All I can do is quietly daydream;
Plan every step of my grand escape,
Even if I only do it to get through the day.

My story is a mess, it’s going nowhere;
Continuous, never-ending like Penrose stairs.

So let me be the hero of your story —
I’d like to save you, taste some of that hero’s glory.

I will fight off your demons; for you I’ll bleed.
I will listen to you talk if that’s what you need.

I will hold you to me and never let go.
Breathe life into your stone heart, I will kiss you so.

I will help you break the chains and set yourself free
And maybe, someday, you can do the same for me.

Life is like a roller coaster —
Up and down, down then up we go.
Or so I read once in a motivational poster.
Well, life must knock me down pretty hard
Because somehow I keep missing the good part.

I attempted to
ensnare my darkest desires
with the help of dreamcatchers.

Filter out all those
recycled thoughts to unveil
a pipe dream that is just mine.

There’s something special
and ethereal
about neon nights like this
that makes the world seem new.
I’ve known you so long.
Definitely not the first time
I’ve heard this song.
And I think
I’m in love.
To be honest, I can’t tell
if I’ve fallen for the song or you.
What difference does it make anyway?
For now, the universe aligns perfectly;
Life almost makes sense.
So as long the music keeps playing,
I suggest we keep moving
together. As one.
And when the song ends,
after the last note,
if I still crumble at your touch,
we’ll just get ‘em to play it all over again.