I
can see
you torment
yourself with doubts
about my feelings
even as your eyes hold
my dichroic heart captive.
Don’t you see? It’s not you, it’s me
who has more at stake for, unlike you,
I can’t reveal my insecurities.

Remember…

When we had too much time on our hands
yet never ran out of things to say.
When we thought we knew everything,
when every path was the right way.

Silences used to be complete;
silver nights after a sparkling day.
Something about the days gone by
makes us want to rewind them and replay.

But maybe it is not that simple.
Maybe we are looking back the wrong way.
Maybe it seems easier because we fought
and lived to fight another day.

We can take a stroll down memory lane
but it’s not a worthy place for us to stay.
For nostalgia is a sepia toned b*h
who distracts you as today slips away.

It’s day seven of NaPoWriMo;
I have to write a fresh poem.
But it is also Monday
and I have no topic,
no inspiration.
So this feeble
nonet will
have to
do.

I am
afraid.
I am afraid of all things.
Afraid all the time.

Afraid to close my eyes,
  I fear the nightmares that follow.
Afraid to wake up,
  I fear reality even more.
I’m scared to look people in the eye,
  Lest they learn the truth about me.
I’m scared to show them kindness,
  worried they might mistake it for weakness.
Although, what frightens me the most
is that my cowardice only grows
every day.

I fear the demons in my head.
Sceptical of the world in general,
I despair
at the emptiness of my soul.

But still I rally.
Still I push back.
Does it mean
I am
also a little brave?

Close your eyes, sweetheart, wish all your wishes
as your mother sings you this lullaby.

Wrapped in a flurry of goodnight kisses,
soar high on the wings of a firefly.

Shatter the moon in a thousand pieces;
sprinkle some bright stars across the night sky.

Sleep now, my love, dream your troubles away -
You have more dragons tomorrow to slay.

How much time do you intend to spend
holding on to your naive notions of everlasting happiness?
How much love will you turn away
before you are brave enough to risk it all again?

You took a chance once.
It worked for a while
and then it didn’t.
The hours of waiting alone,
listening for footsteps at the door,
footsteps that never came,
they still haunt you.

So you cling to those memories of pain
that you let define the rest of your life.
You wear a cloak of cynicism
over your shrivelled heart.
Protected.
Safe.
Dead.

Once.
Twice.
Three times
and four….

Like clockwork,
every five minutes,
he opens the fridge door.

He knows it is empty
but he’s got the munchies;
he can’t help himself.

Maybe he’s hoping to find
a tasty treat left for him
by a fairy, a pixie or a kind elf.

This seems like a plausible excuse,
the only way to explain
why he keeps peeping into an empty fridge
over and over and over again.

Sometimes I wish
we lived in a different century,
a different era,
so when you had to go away
I could write you letters.

Letters,
a whole stack,
with penmanship so quaint
and words so fancy,
you would not be able to stop
marvelling at their beauty.
(I imagine)
You would spend hours on end
unravelling the secret longing
behind every blithe sentence,
every playful word.

And while absent-mindedly stroking
the dried ink on the parchment
as if it were my skin,
you would miss me so infinitely much
that without wasting another second,
you would hurry back home
to me.

Away from all their expectations,
far from the madness that ensues,
a moment of solitude.
Harper Lee and coffee.
Afterwards, a stroll
with some of my
favourite
tunes -
Bliss.

This morning,
I fell from a dream
so bittersweet
that for a moment
I wanted to shut my eyes
and ***** my way back
to that make-believe paradise.

In there,
I had everything
I had once coveted
and some things
I never dared to desire.
Almost enough
to make me happy.

Dazed and delirious,
I still couldn’t help but notice -
Laughter there sounded hollow,
the gratification was never deep.
Splendid as things were,
they would last only while I was still asleep.

What good is a paradise
that can disappear in the blink of an eye?
The truth, though ordinary, always
outshines the most extraordinary lie.

Fact or fiction, there was a choice to be made;
Open my eyes and wake up or choose to be afraid.
It was easy to give up that land of whimsical fantasy,
To plunge back into the depths of  my sordid reality.

Who cares
if we are meant to be or not?

You like my eyes,
I like your smile.
Maybe our chemistry
will only last awhile -
You and I both know
the good things never do.
But we are here now,
so let me play a song for you.

Let us drown
in our miseries together;
Doesn't matter
if we don't have a forever.

A yellow moon, all puffed up.
A sullen sky, the night air
still smelling of rain.

He stands on the bridge
where she broke his heart
on a night like this.
Hands in his pockets,
he stands, looking at the people
never seeing their faces.
People oblivious to his pain.

He waits for the rage
to descend, as it always does
on the nights he can’t keep away
from the place he got his heart broken.
He waits,
and waits
bewildered
when it doesn’t come.

Then in a moment of perfect clarity,
he realizes
that he doesn’t hurt anymore.

He looks up
and smiles at the yellow moon.
For the first time in ages
he notices it is a beautiful night.

The
path
that you
have chosen
is not pretty but
it will lead you to salvation.

Today will be different,
the proverbial U-turn.
Today the people you love
will love you back.
Today you will know serendipity.
All ladders, no snakes;
No dips, only crests.
The dreams you nursed
will finally come true.
Today your smile will be real,
not just a façade.

Yes, today will be different.
And if it isn’t,
Tomorrow will be.
Definitely…
Maybe.

Dawn: I slipped away, started walking…
I walked alone for a thousand days -
I wandered through crowded cities,
Trudged through untrodden ways.

Now every road looks the same to me,
The allure of the unknown has faded.
Every day I lose myself a little more,
Always a cynic, I feel even more jaded.

It’s been so long I don’t even remember
What I was looking for when I set out
Leaving everything, everyone behind
With no scruples, no shadow of doubt.

Now I crave for things long forgotten;
I long for the times when secretly I knew
That no matter how far I drifted,
I would always find my way back to you.

Only you’ve gone someplace I can’t follow;
Not yet. Someday soon  although.
For now, I’m ready to come home and face
Your memories from a million moons ago.

There was once a little boy, who liked a little girl

and one fine day, by the beach, he found a little pearl.

Thinking of his sweetheart, he picked it up & took it home

and he polished it all day, throughout the night until it shone.



The very next day he put it in a velvet box;

went out whistling, thinking of her golden locks.

He kept thinking of how her eyes would gleam;

how the pretty pearl would make her beam.



He found her swinging on a mighty big swing,

How his heart fluttered when he heard her sing.

The wind catching her hair and tossing it all about;

he thought she was an angel without a doubt.



He clutched the velvet box and took a step forward

then stopped because suddenly he felt like a coward.

What if she spurned his advances & didn’t accept his gift?

Or worse, she thought him funny and had a laughing fit?



His mind in turmoil, his little heart pounding away,

He thought about fleeing 'coz he didn’t know what to say.

Glued to the spot, his prospects sure seemed grim

when suddenly, she turned and looked straight at him.



With no apparent escape he smiled at her tentatively

and like a miracle, she grinned back, the sight so lovely.

Encouraged, he walked up to her and held up his gift;

She reached for it shyly and his spirits started to lift.



As she slowly opened it with a smile upon her lips,

he watched her, fascinated, his heart doing the flips.

When she beheld the shiny pearl, her eyes opened wide;

her obvious pleasure in turn, had him feel overjoyed.



She looked up, her brown eyes warm and sparkling,

cocked her pretty head to the side and kept on looking.

Then after what seemed like ages she finally said,

“It’s really beautiful. Thanks, you are very sweet, Ted.”



Amazed that she knew his name, he said happily,

“It is not more beautiful than you dear Emily!”

She smiled, then laughed good-naturedly at this,

then came closer and gave him a sweet kiss.



His happy heart about to burst, he held her hand;

his love conquest a success, he felt so grand.

He had found his playmate, his first love ever,

his friend, his sweetheart, his life’s pearl forever.

Twinkling mist rolling
through the valley of murmurs;
the howl of a hound.

The fire inside her,
Once but a tiny spark -
Brought the promise of hope
And spread smiles all around.

The fire inside her
Grew into a playful flame -
Dancing and leaping up
To go meet the golden sun.

The fire inside her
Became a roaring blaze -
Fiery passion burning in her heart,
Guiding her through unfamiliar ways.

The fire inside her
Then mellowed to a gentle glow -
Warm, tender, protecting her
From the darkness so hollow.

The fire inside her
Has now begun to flicker -
Making her old hands quiver
But willing her to keep going.

The fire inside her
Will burn out soon enough;
Become ashes and dust
And glory days of the past.

Knees brought up to chin,
Legs folded in,
Hunched shoulders,
Arms wrapped around me.
The soft brush of luminous wings
Against the wetness of my cheek;
Millions of cold clammy fingers
Raise goose bumps everywhere.
Lightness and oppressing weight,
Bright light and murky night.
Butterflies and shadows,
Both within me and all around.

It only takes a favorite song
Come up on the jukebox
To fish her out of her despair
They call her Lola, Lola Fawkes.

She laughs at nonsensical jokes,
Likes clouds and sunny glades.
She licks the ice cream tub clean
And paints her toes in two shades.

She speaks of butterflies and shadows;
Says she sees them all the time.
The butterflies tinge her dreams,
The shadows add a smell of grime.

She lives and dies with every moment -
Does it all over again each day.
In her heart she truly believes
That salvation is always a blink away.

Walk with me
Until we can walk no more.
We can take the stairway to heaven
Or stroll down the highway to hell.

I don’t care where we go,
Or even if we don’t go anywhere
As long as I feel you next to me
So close yet barely touching.

We’ll find our way
Get blissfully lost.
Just you and me
For eternity.

What does it mean to be free?
Does it mean that you live in a place
where you can choose who you want to be?
Take on the world and mold it
in a shape you want to see.

Say what you want to say,
laugh or cry, smile or weep;
take a step forward each day,
or just be still and contemplate
the workings of the Milky Way.

Does it all boil down to having options?
Is this total freedom? Or just one kind?
And what happens after you make decisions?
Does it bring peace to your turbulent mind?
Or guarantee happiness delivered to you
in an envelope all sealed and signed.

Then again, am I asking the right questions?
Or missing the point entirely
What is more important?
To know what freedom is really
or if you can truly ever be free?
Boundlessly. Completely. Essentially.

I love you;
I love you deeply, madly.
I love you violently,
I love you respectfully.
I love your nose, your hair,
I love every square inch of air
That touches you.
I love you in every way possible
And I love you in impossible ways.
I love you darkly,
Calmly, cruelly, selfishly;
I love the stormy passion you inspire;
Sweet stark desire,
I love you unbearably, heartbreakingly,
I love you tenderly,
In sadness and in joy
I love you now and forever.
I love you
Even if I’ll never have you.
And if truth be told
Because I love you so,
Now I love my black heart too.

Blow out bubbles of hilarity,
Sing me sad somber songs,
Distract me enough to fool
My wayward heart that longs.

My coward heart that longs
To escape all my wrongs…

Take my hand and lead me
Astray. Away. Far away,
From this edge of self-destruction
Or the darkness will take me one day.

The darkness will get to me one day,
If not like this, then some other way…

I've been stuck here so long,
Beginning to like this sinister night;
You are the only one I’ll follow
Anywhere, even into the light.

Anywhere we go, that’s okay.
Just hold my hand and take me away.

Wake up in the morning, I listen to the news -
People keep fighting; they have conflicting views.
No need to fret, it’s just the world falling apart.
A brand new day though we're off to a shaky start.

The clock is ticking; there are things to be done.
No time to spare, there are battles to be won,
Dreams to be chased, still a life to be made,
Lots to prove, no room for distractions in my head.

"Try hard enough, bleed out your heart 'n' soul,"
That’s what they say, the ones who know it all,
"Then maybe, maybe, you'll get what you want."
I try to believe it's that simple but no, I can’t.

Philosophy and reality are too contradictory;
Does it count as a win if it is a Pyrrhic victory*?
Traded friends for wolves in sheep's skin, I did.
Beliefs, principles, I've let them all go bit by bit.

Can't overthink, need no distractions in my head;
There are dreams to be chased, a future to be made.
Can't lament the life not lived, the road not taken,
Those sunsets I missed and my love forsaken.