smoke their lungs black

I stay
thinking that you are my destiny

later turned into never

You were my grand final
but the show is already
over

Sometimes we let ourselves go,
We let our significant other control our minds.
We’re there for our friends but what happened to no man left behind?
When did liquor bottles become our safe haven?
We put glass against our wrist because our high self esteem was taken
By people we trusted most, by people we don’t even know.
They’ll tell you life isn’t fair, but they’re the ones treating your life like a show
With lights and cameras and they get away with it because they didn’t yell action, they whispered it
Into ears they promised not to tell.
No wonder your life is utter hell
We intrust people that tell us comforting things
But what we don’t know is that with comfort, a knife they bring
And they stab you in the places you don’t realize are wounded
And later that same year with that same friend, you’re excluded.
Tell me why we cry at night when no ones around to hear,
Tell me why we put our skin against spears.
I hate the fact that the one we love most and can see living our entire human lives with
Is the one that hurts us and makes us feel unworthy.
Why do we live our lives like a contradiction?
When did causing ourselves pain become an addiction?
We want to be happy, yet we surround ourselves with people who make us feel sad,
We want to follow our dreams, yet we act like they are dreams we never had.
We want to live a long life, but we pray to God to die every day,
It’s year 17’ and we’re slowing starting to decay.

By His grace,
            I have lived a life full of contentment.
By His grace,
            I have climbed the steepest mountains.
By His grace,
            I have learned what eternal love is.
I have felt the sun and its warmth,
I have felt the rain and its ice cold pain,
But by His grace,
            I made it through.

"What's holding you back?"

             **   I don't want to give up something
  
       I've worked so hard to hold together...

I don't want to hear
        you're hot
I want to hear
                     you're funny
          your personality is amazing
you're adventurous
             you're lovely
                         you're an inspiration
          *you're worth it

share your words with me
          let's relax in this simplicity
     each word I read
                     it plants a seed
            inside my heart
                  inside my bones
                             I grow and grow until
                     similes fall
            I reach and reach until
                        metaphors breach
                                 my fingers are pens
                                     my heart is the source
      that brings forth all of my poetry
                     time for the second course

when she's happy, she can't stop talking, but when she's sad, she doesn't say a word.

In life we'll be forced to do things
          
              things that hurt us
  
        that tear us apart,
                
                                that make us feel empty.

We will be placed in an environment

          where we hate ourselves
  
      where we will be put down,

                                    harassed.

Life doesn't give us lemons
      
                        it gives us hateful words
  
           that we sculpt inside out head
  
                   and spit out onto people like
  
             dirt.

It's true when they say life isn't fair

                it takes us for a nice ride

then while we're sleeping in the backseat,
        
                          not paying attention

it goes over a road bump without warning us

                  and we're jolted out of place

         put out of our space  

               as our world comes crashing down

and you wonder why you were never warned.

Tell me how you can stand there and tease a kid

                                      for wearing glasses

                or liking superman

      or not exactly 'fitting in' with a certain

  group or clic.

In life we will be forced to do things

                like move over in the hallway

because the cool kids take up it's entirety

          or keep our mouth shut about bullies

    because the teachers call it 'child's play'

In life we will all scurry around

                           on hands and knees

          and no one will offer a hand

                   they would much rather tease.

I'm not exaggerating when I say

         this life isn't for me.

tell me that I can't
        and I'll show you that I'm more than
                 capable.
tell me that I'm worthless
        and I'll point out my infinity price
                 tag.
tell me that I'm nothing
        and I won't prove it because I know
                 my worth, it doesn't mean you
                 have to.

She's a champagne princess
          She's a little 4:20 hunny
                    A splash of class and sass
               All mixed up in a whiskey glass
       She has a heart of gold
  A life that's young &
           A soul that's old.

to all women

your body is beautiful
your body is also your own
and no one has the right to tell you your personal preferences
you do not have to be skin and bones
you're allowed to have hair on your body
how did we get from loving ourselves to slightly mutilating the natural state of our bodies
in order to be deemed *acceptable
it's ridiculous
that us women are ashamed of our scars
we're meticulous
about our body hair and how much is too much
we're limitless
in how far we'll go to hide or cover up our stretch marks
our vigilance
of our acne and how each spot seems like a curse
our willfulness
to shut out mouths about what happens to our bodies every month
our diligence
in making our waist size smaller
our bodies are a landscape and whatever lies upon it is beautiful
our scars are stories that tell about our experiences
our body hair is natural so why should it matter if people are offended by it
our stretch marks are badges of honor saying look at how strong this body is
our acne isn't ugly or nasty, it's a sign that we're going through the normal phases of life
our periods are beautiful and are designed to help us bare children
our weight and body size do not make us ugly, they make us who we are
once we realize that our bodies are beautiful
and that it doesn't matter what people have to say about it
we can finally understand that we need to take care of our body
because it is our home and it's the only place we have to live
your body is beautiful
your body is also your own.

Hold me when the rain pours, not just during sunshine.

She loves glitter
And if you try and take away ZuZu, her blue tiger
She will scream and cry
She loves to color, and not just on paper
Sometimes random objects find their way into her hands
She's sneaky and quick
She might not walk yet but she can crawl super fast
She loves wearing skirts and bows in her hair
She's really goofy
Her favorite food is ice cream
She loves to make me laugh
She's a pro at hiding her shoes so she doesn't have to wear them
She's my little princess
And I couldn't imagine a life without her

lucky are the kids whose parents
are still together...lucky...

i am a lover of the sea
as the stillness extends past the horizon
as creatures make their way beneath the surface
it is home to many kinds
wild sinners run free
secrets sink their way to the bottom
where they hide their history for eternity
people mistake the ocean for being clear blue
but beneath the surface is a rainbow
that bounces through the sun rays
mermaid tails
dolphin calls
and fish that swim together
the ocean is just like our world
there's good things
bad things
there's beautiful things
ugly things
there's a whole world living in the ocean that we sink our feet into
we neglect the fact that we invade their home
when we throw a hook or ride a boat
we harm their lives and make fish float
the net that sits in the sea
captures many lives and hurts many families
the beauty that it beholds
is being damaged by our own hands
our own materials
our own harmful ways
i am a lover of the sea
and i believe that we should let it be free.

We tend to focus on the wrong things, forgetting what's important
When I was six years old I thought that life was always happy
But as I grew up my mind got contorted
Into what people whispered under their breath
And the word 'love' being thrown around like it was nothing
When I reached the age of seventeen my view of life was death
I now understand that love isn't always true
And that some men can't own up to their mistakes
For the longest time my parents didn't think I knew
But it's very hard to hide fake love in front of a teen
Because school did teach me at least one thing
It was that adults aren't always truthful to young kids like me
Because they don't want to mess up the family 'dynamic'
But what they didn't realize is that it had been ******* up for years
Yeah, I've downed a couple beers
If I keep things from them, of course they're keeping secrets from me
Mom, you don't have to lie to me
I've seen worse things
I just wish you would tell me the truth
Is there a reason you're sleeping in a different room?
Dad, please stop disappearing
I don't know where you go but mom would like to know
You don't answer your phone
You act as if you're not apart of our family
Your cover is blown
You eat at the dinner table absently
You never have time for us
Check your watch it's almost seven
You should be home by now
You would have thought you'd learn your lesson
I can't do this
Watch my family fall apart
It's been going on long enough
It breaks my ******* heart
Please stop this
I didn't ask for a separated family
When I was young we were so great
What happened to that fantasy
I grew up
That's what happened
I started to realize through my grown up eyes
That life isn't what it looks like on the outside
You have to look deep within to notice all the lies
The husband is a cheater
The mother is a forgiver
The son has been gone
But the daughter was like a river
She cried all night
Asking God why is this happening?
My family has been falling apart
And you sit back as it's unraveling
Help her!
She's my mother and I love her
She's hurting and she's trying
But she never gets anything in return
Help him!
He's my father and I love him
He's disappearing and he's blind
And he doesn't see what's right in front of him
A family who loves him
But he's been looking for other things
We try to give him all his needs
But we fail to do so
And the darkness proceeds
I get jealous of these other kids
With the families that are together
They care for one another
And they play games every night
They go out to eat on the weekends
And I'm stuck here despite
All the stories I have about our wonderful past
Too bad that we couldn't last
We had so many more adventures to go on
I wish I was six years old again
But I guess we can't all win
So I'll sit back on the sidelines
And watch my family slip by
This is the year my family fell apart
Not together in distance and never in heart.

Inspired by Devan Ducasse, fellow HP writer*

"You're upset, I can tell,
You know I'll never hurt you, right?
Just stop crying."
He says

And I stopped crying.

"I hate always fighting with you,
It's my fault babe,
Why don't you just apologize."
He says

And I apologized.

"We need to stop having ***,
I want to focus on you,
Take off your clothes, bad girl."
He says

And I let him take off my clothes.

"We spend too much time on our phones,
I'm sorry I don't make you a priority,
It's nothing babe, get off my case."
He says

And I believed him.

"I need to do more for you,
Would you like red or pink roses,
Go buy your own **** flowers."
He says

And I did.

"I'm going out with the guys,
I promise to stay out of trouble,
I'm not drunk, *****."
He says

And I didn't say a word.

"I should compliment you more,
You're the most beautiful girl in the world,
Wow, that chick has to be a model."
He says

And I didn't state my opinion.

"I can be your shoulder to cry on,
What's wrong with my baby girl,
I swear I'm listening."
He says

But I know he isn't.

"I love you for your heart,
Your personality is what caught my eye,
Your body is mine."
He says

And I didn't disagree.

"I want to give you the world,
You do so much for me darling,
You're so selfish."
He says

And I tried harder.

"I hate my family,
You're the only one who understands me,
I will never let you help me."
He says

And he never did.

"You never give up on me,
I know I'm really ******* you,
How could you just stop trying."
He says

But I never did stop.

"Please don't ever leave me,
I couldn't do life without you,
Just leave."
He says.

And so I did.

"I made a huge mistake,
I need you in my life,
If you love me, come back."
He says

And so I walked away.

darling,
       you're beautiful.
                      but not in the way most
                             people see
                      in the way your eyes blend
                             from brown to green
                and the way your freckles scatter
                             along your face
             and how more beautiful can you be
                      when your eyes light up
                                your smile appears
                                        & laughter springs
                                            out of your chest
                                   what a beauty you are
                             special, like the stars

lessons are learned
and hatred hurts
but i'll slip away from your grip
just to feel the burn
on my lips
down my throat
in my lungs
overdose
i might not live
my body could reject this poison
boys &
***** &
smoke filled rooms
where'd you go my girl?
overdose
don't get too close
recovery only lasts for a time
but then times up &
it's back to the bottle &
drunken kisses &
rolled up death notes
overdose
no one knows
i can't help it
relapse many times in a row
third times a charm  
that's how life goes
you get real high &
then down you go
*overdose

Baby don't cry*
You don't have any worries
You haven't seen the world through my eyes
You haven't ventured out into the crowd of people who will judge you
You haven't yet seen the darkness overtaking the light
You can't hear the cursing and the angry tones down the street or across the room
You haven't yet experienced a broken heart from a cruel boy
You don't have jealous girls spreading lies behind your back
You don't have fake friends that turn on you the second you walk away
You haven't yet known what it's like to hate your body  
You're safe in my arms
You don't have to worry
Baby don't cry
Life isn't hard for you yet
Happiness is all you know
Sometimes I don't want you to grow up
Because in this great big world
There's a lot of messy things
Messier than your face gets when you eat strawberries
Messier than your shoes get at the park
Messier than your hair gets in the morning when I wake you up
Messier than your words get when you try to speak  
Baby don't cry
Momma's got you
Let's take it as it comes  
And deal with the world another day.

she's the girl who blushes every time you stare at her a little too long.
she's the girl whose laugh is contagious & whose hair is always a little tangled.
she's the girl with a real smile & freckles that fill her cheeks & nose.
she's the girl who cries at night wondering why her life is so messy.
she's the girl who counts the stars & makes wishes on shooting comets.
she's the girl who loves too much & forgives too easily.
she's the girl who always gets hurt & yet continues on like a soldier.
she's the girl you'll find reading a book until 3 am.
she's the girl whose heart is broken into pieces & stitched up by her own hands.
she's the girl who will leave your clothes smelling sweet.
she's the girl who will love you with every inch of her body.

she's the kind of girl who will give you her heart, so please handle with care.