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May 2019 · 513
tell me why
Daisy Rae May 2019
he died today.

he left a long message for his wife and his son.
i wonder what was racing through his mind as he typed those words.
was his hands shaking.
was his heart beating so loud that he couldn’t hear his own thoughts.
i wonder if he ever considered stopping.
did he hesitate.
did he think that maybe this isn’t the right answer.
did a voice above tell him to put it down.
i wonder if he was scared.
was he afraid to die or did he find peace.
did he question where he would end up or was he certain he’d see the pearly gates.

i wonder why he did it.
why it was so bad that he had to leave his wife who loved him and son who adored him.
tell me why.

why is there a young widow in her 20s and why is there a 3 year old boy who won’t ever see his dad again.
tell me why.

i hear these stories often and it makes me sad for awhile and then i forget about it.
but i can’t stop thinking about it.

i weep for a man I didn’t even know and a mother and child who have lost someone dear to them.
i weep for the people that make the decision to end their lives.
all the pain bottles up into this big ball and consumes them.
there is no other answer, solution, or choice to be made because this is the only decision that makes the pain go away for good.
tell me why.

he killed himself today.
yet the world continues on.
tell me why.
Apr 2019 · 414
What if
Daisy Rae Apr 2019
What if one day the things I cannot wait for now
I stop waiting for later.

What if I stop wanting a lover
And simply want my own company
With a few cats and a book.

What if secluding myself becomes my oasis
And the presence of others makes me sick.

What if I no longer wish to be a mother to many children
Or any at all.

What if the only friends I hold near and dear
Are the ones inside my head
And I push everyone else away.

What if I stop trying to by happy
And I merely exist.

What if I get so tired of trying
And fighting
And suffering
That I just give up on my dreams and hopes for the future.

What if I’ve already gotten there
And I don’t know my way back.
Mar 2019 · 472
No Longer
Daisy Rae Mar 2019
I feel pain everyday
A mental collapse inside my brain
My mind just isn’t the same

I’ve become a sad version of myself
I no longer enjoy the things
That used to bring me joy everyday

I no longer have a reason to wake in the morning from my slumber
Sometimes I wish before I drift off to sleep
That I may not wake in the morning

My wishes go unanswered...

I continue to rise into each day
Succumbing at the very end and praying that I wouldn’t have to start over again the next day
And so I do

I wake only to wish for the night again
I contemplate the purpose of continuing it
What is stopping me from stopping me?
Only the what ifs

What if it gets better
What if one day I no longer cry
What if I no longer crave the pain to cease
And it simply isn’t there
What if one day I no longer want to stop breathing
Or stop my heart from beating
Or contemplate ceasing

What if I want to live

My thoughts are plagued by neverending hopelessness of an even worse tomorrow
I tell myself that it doesn’t get better
So it mustn’t

My hope died a long time ago
Along with my carefree soul
And passionate heart
It ceased

So I must cease along with it
I must become forgotten
I must be no longer.
My current mental state
Oct 2018 · 492
Empty Love
Daisy Rae Oct 2018
We had commitment
Lacked intimacy and passion
We lost that feeling, that connection
But I guess what happens, happens
I thought we’d be in it for the long run
Thought you were my only one
But sometimes strong love deteriorates
Turning into empty love
We didn’t cheat, only argued
The commitment was there
But we lost that attachment
That closeness
I should have noticed
The detachment
You were absent
I didn’t know it would happen like this
If only I could rewind
But sadly I just sit here and reminisce
Why did I have to be so **** blind
Our love turned into empty love
Our love dwindled and died.
Oct 2018 · 773
Autumn
Daisy Rae Oct 2018
Today is a good day
        The air is crisp
           The smell of brewed coffee is in the air
     Autumn brings its new beginnings
Life is starting to finally make sense.
My favorite season.
Sep 2018 · 1.3k
Addict
Daisy Rae Sep 2018
I haven’t always been an addict
I remember a time when I judged those who clung to bad habits like their life depended on it
I used to think why can’t they just stop?
I used to wonder why people would risk their lives just to feed that desire
If my 14 year old self knew me now she’d be ashamed
I wish I could go back and tell her that those friends are going to get you addicted
They’ll introduce you to things that you’ve always wanted to try
And eventually they’ll become things you can’t turn down
She probably wouldn’t believe me, she’s always been naive and stubborn  
I wish I could tell her that drinking only makes you forget for a little while
And that blurriness you feel only lets you escape for one night
And when you wake up the next morning the only thing you’ll look forward to is getting drunk again
you’re wrong she would say
I wish I could tell her that blunt won’t fix the loneliness in your heart
And that good feeling you feel right now is only temporary
And you’ll find yourself craving that again when your high is gone
You’ll blow your money that mom gave you on grams instead of what you told her it was for
you’re wrong she would say
I wish I slap that cigarette out of her mouth and tell her how addictive and deadly it is
And how mom would be so disappointed in her if she knew
And how stupid she was for allowing herself to succumb to all these things
It’s not that bad she would say
I wish I could tell her about the time she drank so much that she passed out in a strangers home and didn’t know where she was the next day
I wish I could tell her that she almost ran into a ditch and died because she was high while driving
I wish I could tell her how she couldn’t go a day without smoking at least 3 cigarettes and mom found out about it
you were right she would say when it was too late
Hooked on *****, drugs, and cigarettes
Crying alone in her room at 1 am, knowing that she couldn’t keep doing this
But not knowing how to stop
I wish I could tell her not to judge those people stuck on bad habits
Because one day that will be you too
And you still haven’t fully recovered
I can’t just stop she would say
And she still says to this day.
If I only could have warned my younger self
Sep 2018 · 393
Continue
Daisy Rae Sep 2018
Listen right now
and you better look me in the face
You were created for more
than to die in this place
Some people believe the lie that it’s best to die.
Aug 2018 · 424
No longer
Daisy Rae Aug 2018
I walked for miles afterwards
After I got the news that broke me
Instead of shriveling up like a prune
I walked
I couldn’t stay still otherwise I’d think
And I couldn’t think
I would crumble
I’d fall into an unending abyss of what ifs and whys and how could yous...
I walked
And the night air made my tears dry up
I was hoping it would dry up my pain
Dry up the thought of you with her
The thought of every lie you ever told me
The thought of being alone
I stopped walking
I realized at that point in time, I didn’t need you
I never did
You are no longer the air that I breath
I have my own lungs
You are no longer my hopes and dreams
I dream of other things
You are no longer the love that brings me life
I give myself life
You are no longer my forever and always
I have a new beginning
I walked back home
And I breathed with my own lungs
And I realized I didn’t need you.
Aug 2018 · 501
floating
Daisy Rae Aug 2018
some people float
they float like boats over the reoccurring waves in the silent ocean
they float like burning paper when it escapes the fire and the wind carries it into the night sky
i love that view
if you’ve downed a few bottles it almost looks like it’s dancing
a fiery flame that whips and dips and twirls
i could follow it until it burned to ash
floating, disappearing

i do not drink to forget
i drink to float
i love the feeling of being lost in a blurry night sky that’s glowing with fire light
the warmth of the heat
the smell of the fire and ***** and nature all mixed into one
the taste of the drinks as they get unrecognizable with each sip
the feeling of being there but also being elsewhere
floating
i need that escape when things become overwhelming
floating
laughing, watching, disappearing
f        l
                    o
                             a
                                        t         i
                                                             n
                                                                      g.
it’s okay to float sometimes
Aug 2018 · 523
Eventually
Daisy Rae Aug 2018
I have a tendency to find good people with bad intentions
Those that I believe to have a good heart but use others to their advantage  
Those that don’t think before they act
Those that say things they don’t actually feel
They exaggerate meanings of words and phrases that give me life
They take advantage of the love I so freely give
They leave once they’ve gotten you hooked - like a fish who was too naive to ignore the bait
They don’t mean to hurt you
They don’t realize that their actions will eventually break you
They apologize but the pain never goes away
Our fragile hearts break with every false word we realize they told us
The lies they fed to our hungry hearts
The things they did behind our backs
We break as they move along
We feel everything as they feel nothing
Good people with bad intentions are good pretenders
Their eyes light up when they’re around you
Their smiles spread from one ear to the other
Their words bring joy to your longing heart
But after awhile they become distant
They let the phone ring and complain of exhaustion
They rarely reply to your unending messages
The spark flitters away and their smile turns into a grimace
They drag you along until you’re fully dependent on their love
They leave you stranded with a used heart and broken soul
I keep telling myself these are good people who have bad intentions
But maybe these are just bad people
Maybe I still haven’t made myself believe that these people who intentionally hurt me aren’t good
They may seem good on the outside but they play a very believable game
One where you are the pawn and they push you whichever way they please
And they do so because you are a good person who has good intentions
You are rare as they come
Not many are good and not many have good intentions
Protect what you have and never let bad people with bad intentions rip away your goodness
You’ll find others like yourself, eventually
Aug 2018 · 512
Fear
Daisy Rae Aug 2018
I do not fear falling in love. I am in love with many things. My family, friends, animals, sunsets, the ocean, the sky. I love these things easily and never fear loving them with my whole heart. What I do fear is falling so deeply in love with someone and investing my life into theirs only to discover that they do not feel the same way about me. To me, that is how you die while still breathing. You can never recover from that no matter how hard you try. The scariest part about it is that you’re never going to know if you’re falling for the wrong person. That is what I fear.
Jul 2018 · 401
Grow
Daisy Rae Jul 2018
I remember your kisses
And the feeling of your hand in mine,
Heartbreak is a war inside ourselves
But we must continue to shine.
It is not the end, only a new beginning
May 2018 · 415
Caught in the Rain
Daisy Rae May 2018
You left
It was not subtle
The way a storm accumulates in the distance
It was all at once
The way rain comes unexpectedly on a sunny day
It pours down
Getting caught in the rain

You left and he came
He came swiftly and with purpose
Giving me more love and comfort than you were ever capable of giving
He made me seem worth the time and effort
He gave me hope of better tomorrows and joyful todays
He never let me go to sleep thinking I was a waste of space
You always let me go to sleep
You never tried to make my heart happy
You were always worried about your own needs

You haven’t left me but you left me
You’re still there but you’re not
This lost and distant entity has gone unspoken
Maybe you’ll realize what has happened when I no longer answer your dwindling calls
When I take trips to the beach with my friends without telling you
When I smile in pictures that contain him
Maybe you’ll realize what you’ve lost
Maybe then you’ll know that it’s over
You might try to get me back, but that will be far too late
You may beg me for another chance but by then you will have ran out of them

You left me but then I left you
And that is when you will notice
To you, it will come all at once
Like the way rain comes unexpectedly on a sunny day
It pours down
And this time, you are caught in the rain.
Doors close to allow new ones to open. Let them in.
May 2018 · 490
fire & fury
Daisy Rae May 2018
It’s difficult to go from being dependent on someone to being independent. It wasn’t gradual, it was sudden. Like the way you are engulfed by fire, all of a sudden you are consumed. There’s nothing gradual, there’s no warning, it just happens and you’re left with nothing except fire and fury.
May 2018 · 444
Patience
Daisy Rae May 2018
He’s gone now
Not gone forever but gone for awhile
He’ll be busy
And won’t have the time for me
But I still
Sit by the phone and wait

Hopefully it rings...
Apr 2018 · 286
My not so little princess
Daisy Rae Apr 2018
Your favorite phrase is ‘I don’t like that’
You like it your way, just like your mommy
You can’t get enough of your favorite show, Blue’s Clues
You are almost ready to stop using diapers during the day
You are obsessed with jewelry even if it’s the candy kind
You love dressing up in your princess dresses
You are going through the asking why? faze
You have grown up so much
And I can’t believe how far we have both came.
love my Autumn Rose, my season flower
Apr 2018 · 318
hopes & wishes
Daisy Rae Apr 2018
Throwing coins
In wishing wells
        Didn’t work
So I opted to
Write my worries
        In the sky
And maybe
       Just maybe
The wind would
Catch them and
       Take them away.
Apr 2018 · 322
ending
Daisy Rae Apr 2018
I knew it was over
When I stopped thinking about
Our future
And I started thinking about
Mine
a serious switch
Mar 2018 · 342
little thought pt. 1
Daisy Rae Mar 2018
where
you are
is not
who you
are.
— circumstances
Mar 2018 · 388
Over
Daisy Rae Mar 2018
We bicker
We yell
Fighting with words
Losing our minds
Blood rushing
Screaming, crying
Lost in this brokenness
Trying, trying
To fix it
To make it alright
Bandage it back together
Kiss it goodnight
Yet here
There are no kisses to give
No love to receive
Forgotten, not forgiven
Screaming, crying
No more trying
Mar 2018 · 288
Abuse
Daisy Rae Mar 2018
I’m brave,
I go to that prison
Knowing I’ll get beaten
It’s my decision,
To wake up in the morning
Damp eyes and busted lip
Warning,
Don’t look at my eyes
Deep pain lives there
My disguise,
A smile on my face
Words that spit lies
Just in case,
Take away the meds
Take away the knife
Make sure I get out of bed.
Mar 2018 · 277
sick of love
Daisy Rae Mar 2018
He only half-listens
There’s contempt in his voice
His words are like fire
I get burned with no choice

His eyes are distant
I see fury in his sight
I try to run away
He puts up a fight

I cry and I suffer
Pain that goes deep
Words full of hatred
Love that fights sleep
Mar 2018 · 1.2k
chronic acne
Daisy Rae Mar 2018
they cover my face from forehead to chin
they rest in the most uncomfortable creases
they are red as a rash
and big enough as a bug bite
they stick out, they lie under my skin
they hurt and they sting when I try to scrub them clean
i’ve tried washes, creams, pills,
special oils, face masks, lotions,
the works
i don’t like the mirror because it makes me look at
these things that take up half my face
i don’t like to take pictures when my face isn’t clear
and makeup just makes it worse
i don’t like to go out
because I know others are watching
and wonder how someone could be so ugly
these pimples just don’t go away
no matter what I do
so please, if you meet me
and want to give some advice
i’d much rather you not
because, you see
i’ve already tried it all
and please do not utter that phrase
for I surely will blow up in flames
”oh stop acting like it’s such a big deal”
try living as me for a day
and you will see
that this feeling of dread
about the bumps on your face
never goes away
and you will surely see
that you look like this
and they look like that
and I promise you wouldn’t want to be me
Chronic acne is something I struggle with and what a lot of people also struggle with. A lot of uneducated people will assume that we aren’t trying hard enough. Dealing with chronic acne is not a walk in the park and needs a lot of work to be able to control it. Educate yourself before giving us your advice, we don’t need it.
Feb 2018 · 363
Inner truth pt. 2
Daisy Rae Feb 2018
We wish for love
Yet we push them away
Hoping they will stick around
But why would they stay?
Feb 2018 · 521
Inner truth pt. 1
Daisy Rae Feb 2018
We want to succeed
So we triump when others fail
Feb 2018 · 421
you, me
Daisy Rae Feb 2018
All I want is to hear your voice
But no words have you to say

All I need is to make you laugh
But instead you frown at me

All I see is your exterior
Cold and hard and closed
How I wish to see your inner workings
Where it’s warm and soft and cozy
lets be closer
Feb 2018 · 33.1k
unseen
Daisy Rae Feb 2018
You don’t make me sad
It’s those monsters in my head
That tell me hurtful rumors
About what one girl said

I listen and I wonder
How could someone say those things
When not a one is true
Yet look at the pain it brings

You don’t make me hate myself
It’s those words on that screen
The ones that say I’m *****
When I couldn’t be more clean

Cyber bullying is not a joke
Yet no one does a thing
They let it happen constantly
And I feel the pain that stings

You don’t make me give up on life
It’s the fists that give my bruises
I’m not strong enough for this life
My pain it bleeds and oozes

I tried to be brave
But this life just isn’t for me
I gave up on this life
And there’s no place I’d rather be

She was a lovely girl
Who cared so much for others
But the ones she cared for most
Are the ones that watched her suffer

Her bruises are visible
Her heart is broken in two
But no one did a thing
Because there was nothing we could do

Now the rumors are dead
The words are deleted from the screen
Her bruises are heeled up
And now she’s forever unseen
Rumors, cyber bullying, and physical harm can cause a person to have low self-esteem. Think before you speak and act. You never know the affect it will have on someone. Suicide is real and it’s hurting our society.
Feb 2018 · 277
wonder
Daisy Rae Feb 2018
I wonder if he knows
My heart beats for him always

I wonder if he senses
The loneliness in my days

I wonder if he thinks
About the poems I write for him

I wonder if he questions
*why did I date a poet
Feb 2018 · 293
Darkness
Daisy Rae Feb 2018
Darkness is comforting
When I need to de-stress
To find myself
To stop the hurting
I find darkness

Darkness is painful
When I need to cry
To hide my loneliness
To hurt myself
I seek darkness

Darkness is endless
When I try to be positive
To find solace
To mend the bruises
Darkness finds me

Darkness is nothing
When I am strong
When I need no comfort
When I happy
There is no such thing as darkness
Feb 2018 · 398
fly, soar
Daisy Rae Feb 2018
life is utterly a mess
that no one warned me about
sleep never comes
and reality hurts
but dreams make me fly
I wish I could stay asleep
when it finally comes to me
and here I am
sounding like I want to die
but truth is
I just want to fly.

I want to fly,
I want to soar
past where
the clouds
are no more.
Feb 2018 · 291
falling apart
Daisy Rae Feb 2018
maybe it’s my fault.
I should have known you wouldn’t
stay the same forever.
so maybe I’m to blame for
being so naive.
Feb 2018 · 238
far too gone
Daisy Rae Feb 2018
I give myself to guys
            hoping they will give me something
I seem to be missing.

*they give me nothing but purple bruises and drunken kisses no wonder they say I’m all gone
don’t lose yourself in the struggle
Feb 2018 · 266
what a waste
Daisy Rae Feb 2018
what a waste of space
my body seems to be,
what a waste of air
i seem to try and breath.

what a waste of words
i try and articulate,
what a waste of passion
disappearing like a flame.

what a waste I am
sipping this wretched drink,
what a waste of a heart
this drink says to me.

*what a waste
Jan 2018 · 548
pain
Daisy Rae Jan 2018
who knew your words
could hurt me that much
worse than when
I scraped my knee
that night I was drunk
trying to forget about
those words you said
Jan 2018 · 300
worth
Daisy Rae Jan 2018
we are all trying so hard
to prove ourselves
to enemies
who will never see
our successes
as successful,
to our family
who tells us
we need to try harder
like our siblings,
to strangers
who could care less
about our achievements,
to the world
who doesn’t care
because we are
little specks
in a gigantic galaxy,
why do we try
to prove ourselves
to such people,
why do we try
to prove our worth
to those who see us
as worthless.
you do not have to prove yourself
Dec 2017 · 406
scenarios
Daisy Rae Dec 2017
i will no longer let
the worries of my mind
become real
the things people worry about most are the things they make up in their head
Dec 2017 · 249
healing
Daisy Rae Dec 2017
//hold on to the hope
that tomorrow will
surpass the healing
of today\
always have hope
Dec 2017 · 287
uncertain outcomes
Daisy Rae Dec 2017
anxiety is a killer
           it takes over your mind and body
     swallowing you whole
causing you to worry
       about uncertain outcomes
   leaving you a little numb
           it mistakes ‘try’ with ‘perfection’
  every red mark
                 gives you a ghost white complexion
       next weeks reunion gives you chills down your spine
   will they remember me?
should I just decline?
you can feel it in your hands
          as they sweat and shake
you can hear it in the sound of your queasy stomach and your shoe tapping away
you can see it in the way your muscles stiffen and your eyes become blank
you slowly start to succumb to these physical symptoms
       and slowly, you shut down
your hands cannot grasp your drink
your legs can no longer hold you up
your stomach cannot hold down this mornings breakfast
       and you tumble
       and it leaves a bruise on your forehead
       you mumble
    *will they notice?
do not let anxiety take over your every move
Dec 2017 · 275
Change
Daisy Rae Dec 2017
People aren’t perfect
And no matter how hard we try
We cannot make someone into
The person we want them to be.

Let them realize their own flaws
And change will come
Eventually.
Not everyone realizes their faults unitl it pushes people away. Let it be.
Nov 2017 · 401
pain and progress
Daisy Rae Nov 2017
I don’t hate him
I just wish I hadn’t fallen for his little game
I don’t wish him bad omens
I just pray he doesn’t do the same to other girls
I don’t tell his secrets
I just let people figure out his intentions on their own
I don’t miss him
I just have an aching in my chest when I think about him
I don’t cry over him
I just stay up at night contemplating the pain he caused me
I do forgive him
But I don’t forget the scars he left
I don’t forget the lies he fed me
I don’t forget the things he took from me
That I will never get back
I don’t forget the feeling of unworthiness
And I will never forget the words he said
As we neared the end
I don’t hate him
But I don’t love him either.
I hold no animosity towards the man who broke me, for without him I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today.
Daisy Rae Nov 2017
Dear Dais,
Mom and dad aren’t together anymore. I know you won’t believe it because I still don’t. It wasn’t your fault. Dad just did some stupid things. And it wasn’t mom‘s fault, she gave him enough chances. Right now you’re doing okay. You’re 17 now and graduation is right around the corner. It’s taken you three high schools and lots of tears to finish, but you’re going to make it. You’re an aunt now even though you really see your nephew. You’re 2 & 1/2 years clean. That means you no longer do drugs, drink, and stay out too late with boys. You’ve been very very sad at times, sometimes to the point where you would draw on your arms with something sharp. You stopped that. At one point you wouldn’t eat. You got over that. You finally let God into your life. You let boys and fake friends hurt you but now you’re stronger than them. You still get sad sometimes, but you’ve came a long way. I’m proud of you. I’m proud. You might not understand right now, but one day you will. Don’t try so hard to grow up, because I’d give anything just to be a kid for a day. Life is hard, but through everything to come, you will make it through. You will go through a lot, more than you thought. But you won’t give up because you’re much stronger than any superhero there ever was. Stay strong girl.
~ Daisy Rae
11-13-17
Nov 2017 · 288
four words pt. 8
Daisy Rae Nov 2017
mind bullies your body
love your self regardless of what your inner demons say
Nov 2017 · 346
four words pt. 7
Daisy Rae Nov 2017
normality: a paved road
be eccentric, be unique, be you
Nov 2017 · 262
four words pt. 6
Daisy Rae Nov 2017
drink the night away
It’s a way of life
Nov 2017 · 365
four words pt. 5
Daisy Rae Nov 2017
throw themselves off buildings
some people decide to end life before it even begins
Nov 2017 · 354
Veins
Daisy Rae Nov 2017
I’ve been injected with false hope so many times I can’t cope.
Oct 2017 · 312
four words pt. 4
Daisy Rae Oct 2017
i planted you flowers
but you never noticed
Oct 2017 · 348
ending pt. 4
Daisy Rae Oct 2017
I am not your five minute
cigarette break
you cannot light me up
whenever you’re in the mood
and put me out when you’re tired.
Oct 2017 · 264
ending pt. 3
Daisy Rae Oct 2017
you hurt me bad
but I didn’t hurt you
you said I couldn’t leave
so what was I to do?
Oct 2017 · 249
four words pt. 3
Daisy Rae Oct 2017
mirrors are just glass
you are more than that
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