What if one day the things I cannot wait for now
I stop waiting for later.

What if I stop wanting a lover
And simply want my own company
With a few cats and a book.

What if secluding myself becomes my oasis
And the presence of others makes me sick.

What if I no longer wish to be a mother to many children
Or any at all.

What if the only friends I hold near and dear
Are the ones inside my head
And I push everyone else away.

What if I stop trying to by happy
And I merely exist.

What if I get so tired of trying
And fighting
And suffering
That I just give up on my dreams and hopes for the future.

What if I’ve already gotten there
And I don’t know my way back.