I feel pain everyday A mental collapse inside my brain My mind just isn’t the same
I’ve become a sad version of myself I no longer enjoy the things That used to bring me joy everyday
I no longer have a reason to wake in the morning from my slumber Sometimes I wish before I drift off to sleep That I may not wake in the morning
My wishes go unanswered...
I continue to rise into each day Succumbing at the very end and praying that I wouldn’t have to start over again the next day And so I do
I wake only to wish for the night again I contemplate the purpose of continuing it What is stopping me from stopping me? Only the what ifs
What if it gets better What if one day I no longer cry What if I no longer crave the pain to cease And it simply isn’t there What if one day I no longer want to stop breathing Or stop my heart from beating Or contemplate ceasing
What if I want to live
My thoughts are plagued by neverending hopelessness of an even worse tomorrow I tell myself that it doesn’t get better So it mustn’t
My hope died a long time ago Along with my carefree soul And passionate heart It ceased
So I must cease along with it I must become forgotten I must be no longer.
Emotions have a hold on me Will not let me go I wish I could end it all You keep saying no
"You would leave me here?" You ask I do not know. Would I? Never want to hurt you But it is easier to die
I cannot face life anymore It is too hard to carry on You are the only thing I have left Every other positive aspect is gone
For you I continue to push forward Another day I try, take one more breath, I wish you would just let me Succumb to the certain peace of death
I remember writing this to my now-ex-boyfriend when we were in the throes of a crippling ****** addiction and I honestly did want to die I hated almost every second of my life, but he was the one thing that made staying here worth it. I could never leave my loved ones here lile that.