Two days, and nineteen hours
Are left 'till he arrives;
And I'd count the ticking minutes
If I thought it'd keep me alive.

These thoughts just won't stop chasing
The dreams I once believed;
And when I try to catch them,
I find they can't be retrieved.

I'm trying to stand and fight it.
I'm giving it all that I've got.
But finding that I'm not adequate
Ties all of my strength in a knot.

Rain doesn't just soak your jacket,
It seeps in and freezes your bones;
And all of the warmth leaves your body
As you wander bad weather alone.

But find you a friend, and you're warmer
If only because he's a smile.
Just braving rain with a companion,
It takes the edge off for a while.

So I won't let fear keep me lonely:
I'd rather run through fields of glass
Than stay one more day in my bedroom
Just waiting for sadness to pass.

The heart that beats within me now
Was silent for a while:
Shouldering the guilt of years
And clothed in my denial.

And when, those blurry months ago,
It stirred to life again,
I tried to still my beating heart
The way it was back then.

I should have known, I should have seen
Through my soul's sad disguise;
But ev'ry time I saw the truth
I quickly closed my eyes.

The heartbeat in my shackled chest
Was loud, but I was louder.
Sticking fingers in my ears,
I hummed to quell the doubter.

"Your heart's alive! It beats again!
The fears you loved have faded."
But I felt safe behind the bars
My jailed heart had created.

So, silently, this gentle Trust
That I had never known
Came whisp'ring through to save my heart
Of flesh, and not of stone.

Trust wrapped its arms around me
And lifted up my soul
From depths of blue obscurity
And I gave up control.

I opened up my eyes that day
And though they shone with tears,
The hurting heart inside of me
Felt stronger than those fears.

Again, I find myself at home
The home I made last year
And while it hasn't changed too much,
That I have is my fear.

I loved this place and made it mine,
And tied myself to it;
But now that I've returned, I'm lost
And not like the rest, I admit.

Will I find my place? Or will that only come
With friends who are my home?
Am I isolated now, and is this why
My home feels so alone?

Perhaps this feeling soon will pass
And maybe it'll get better;
But for the moment, I'm alone,
And can't seem to find my tether.

Mountains or valleys
Quick heartbeats or slow exhales
Who are you to me?

Eleven days left
I'm afraid I'll miss something
In my haste to leave.

I think I could try this
An eternity of you
With loneliness as an option
You're the better of the two.

You had every right to ask
And no, no reason why not to
     But you couldn't have known,
     I just felt so alone
And I wanted someone to talk to.

I'm trying to get all my thoughts out
They're clogging the drain of my mind
     I don't blame you for speaking
     Yeah I'm just freaking
Out because I was blind.

'Cause I thought I could just be friendly,
And laugh and make you laugh too
     But things always happen
     When people are chatting
And that lesson is so not new.

So now that you've come out and said so
You said that you'd like to just do this;
     Now you aren't wrong,
     But I knew all along
I just wanted to pretend I was clueless.

'Cause avoiding is the name of my game here
I avoid the past, present, and future;
     I don't want to admit it
     But the way that you said it
Got my heart all caught up in my throat here.

I analyze everything two times
And then analyze it again
     And often I'm wrong,
     But it takes me so long
To realize my mistakes when

I lie to myself, so reality
Stays at what I can accept—
     There's nothing that's worse
     Than that second verse
Of a song that trips me up the steps.

I'm still getting over some feelings
That I had for someone I knew
     He dated my friend
     So there, the end
Nothing else will happen, that's truth.

So please, if you want, give me a chance
You might find that I'm less mature
     'Cause there's struggles I face
     That I would erase
If I could find a big enough eraser.

But if you took me at my word
And let me show you my faults,
     If you still wanted to,
     I'd stick here with you
And maybe try a new waltz.

These thoughts run around
But my soul just wants escape
An escape through sleep.

Perhaps it is time.
I'll go back and say hello,
And maybe they'll smile.

maybe the end is coming,
but for me,
i'm stuck in the long haul
feeling like i can't pick up my feet
time is dragging on
and it's dragging me forward
whether i like it or not,
the sun will set and i'll be in the dark,
again.

Please let me leave

Mountains have risen up
that I created
by leaving my clothes in a pile
by tossing my responsibilities upon it
by heaping insult upon injury
by throwing caution to the wind
and by washing my mind down the drain.


Just let me leave

Too many times have I yearned to breathe
to inhale without holding back
to take it all in
to smell the roses
to take a deep breath....
and then breathe it out
blowing dandelions
letting it all out
exhaling without care.


Let me go.

I've given up on so many things I cared about
Too many of them were important
and now I have no excuses
except that I lost hope
and I thought I couldn't finish
and I believed it wasn't worthwhile
and the pain was too much to bear
and I didn't believe it would get any better.


Can I go home?

Finals week is taking its toll,
and nothing can make this better
except a big comfy bed
a mother's embrace in the morning
a hot cup of coffee in pajamas
tv shows I loved as a kid
brothers to goof around with
a smoothie when dad gets home.

I just want to go home.

And now that you're dating someone else
I suddenly understand you:
Things that you did, words that you said,
Even when I withstand you,

I took you for granted, but from the first,
You always respected me.
You bothered almost everyone else,
But you knew when to stop with me.

You've always believed in me
I'm not sure how I deserve it;
Between us, I think now we're closer,
And I will strive to preserve it.

And as for wishing that you were with me,
I think I can leave that behind;
Probably friends is all we will ever be,
And right now, I don't really mind.

I'll hold on
until it doesn't make sense
and when you tell me there's no point,
I'll give you a reason to love
and to hold on.

i long for the day
when i actually have to tell someone, "go away"
i yearn to say
"leave me alone" but they stay with me anyway

would it be alright if i
took the time to uncork my heart
and spill the contents through its narrow spout—
can i pour out my soul to you?

I grasp at the wind
But all I really want
Is to touch the sky.

When these old faces
Become new friends,
The pain from familiar strangers,
The ones who never made amends,
Will disappear like smoke;
And I'll watch these wounds mend.

Nothing will be the same
If he changes your name;
And we will be torn apart
If he does steal your heart.

I'm not sure if it's allergies,
Or maybe anxiety;
But burning tears come to my eyes,
And I deal with them quietly.

I always forget to take a breath—
Whether it's stolen away,
Or whether it catches in my throat,
Because there's nothing I can say.

A cold lump moved into my stomach—
It hasn't moved for weeks;
And the nausea that comes upon me
Drains the color from my cheeks.

Icicles of panic stab
My raw and tender conscience;
The voices inside my head keep screaming,
"No!" And I have to constantly fight this.

I can't sit still and just take this
I shudder, shiver and shake
I feel exposed and yet alone
How much more can I take?

What is wrong with this body?
And all the emotions inside?
If I could, I'd run to the mountains
To find a place to hide.

Surrounded by friends I think I know,
But who've never known me
I tell myself that that's a lie
I tell myself I'm not lonely.

If I once feel right again
If this throbbing in my head can cease
I'll take that as a sign from above
And soak in every second of peace.

rock shreds my heartstrings
until it hurts, and i heal—
the right way this time.

.
                     This mess of me
                                 is boiling
The pressure's building fast.
         This churning, burning,
                        furnace heat—
I know that I won't last.

                 'Cause ev'rything
                          inside of me
It just keeps holding on
                  To all the things
                           hurting me
I know why it feels wrong.

                  I'm stuck inside
                        that easy lie
That says I cannot change
                  And when I cry
                               I realize
This certainly is strange.

            For though I died
                to flesh, I strive
To rectify myself;
               I tried and tried
          and then, surprise:
I needed something else.

                Nothing makes  
                 it past the pain
Except your healing touch.
        And you say, "Wait,
                 My child, wait,
For you will know My love."

Something about her
Shines without even trying
And everyone sees.

Did you ever wonder about it?
Have my actions caused thoughts
That you put aside as unlikely?

Would you ever assume
That because of my kind nature
My depressing outbursts are random?

In the dead of the night,
Have you ever worried for me,
And thought, "Is she alright?"

Or do you take me for granted,
Assuming that I am who I seem to be,
While I am different on the inside?

Do you choose not to bother yourself
Because my problems are hard to see
And do not present an immediate threat?

But what if I took my life? "I won't," but,
Would you regret never asking me things
And wonder if you could have helped?

I do not doubt that you love me,
For your genuine care is shown every day
But I bury my problems too deep to see.

I'm sorry I make it so hard to help me.

There’s not much left to write about
Happiness and sadness are gone
Instead, I’ve traversed the subjects
And they all left me fighting a scream.

Anxiety’s clutched at my heartstrings
Dampening, muting their song
But now I’m going to break free
And dive into life headlong.

I’ll play videogames and write some poems
And do all the things that I miss
For while once this was time-wasting, never
Shall I waste a day anxious for this.

I guess anxiety’s got its perks, but
The one thing it gets me to do
Is work ‘till I have no more work, but
I had nothing to do at all, so I’m blue.

Give him wisdom and peace he's never known.
Give her humility she's never had.
Give me the listening ear I've yearned to show.
Give us grace through this before it gets bad.
'Cause he needs wisdom to deal with her words:
She might accuse him and confess little.
I don't think he's ready to be this hurt,
And I know his pride is hard and brittle.
Humility will save her from sadness
For if she admits her wrong, she'll be fine
And I will sit here amid the madness
Treading on mutual friendship's thin line.
Even though I wish this was just a phase,
To bring us through, I will bear any weight.