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Apr 2020 · 369
Curious Life
Jay M Apr 2020
Life is a mystery
Solved by living through each day
Picking and choosing each little thing you do
To hopefully come out the way you dream
Even though oftentimes reality is ugly
So unfair and we yearn for things to stay
Remain and not bid us adieu
Things heat up, water to steam
In the night, people scream
Some with delight, others of fright
Some real, some making a foolish deal

Up is right and down is left
South is east and north is west
Stalking about like a major theft
Doing it's very, very best
Throwing a stone in the lake
But it comes back and in its wake
Rush toward the shore twenty more

None hear the cries of the unsure
But discover the corpses of their mistakes
Pondering what could have happened
When there were witnesses a plenty
All spewing acidic lies to disfigure
The twisted thing they could never cure

Life gives and takes
As an ocean pushes and pulls
Metal above a candle blackened
Polished to be shiny, like new

A mother lulls her child
Tells it to calm, no more to be wild
Look to the sky, as it changes hue
Does that not calm a restless soul?

Rolling clouds, endless expanse that is the sky
Some beg and plea and ask it why
But the answer they seek is not in the great vastness overhead
Or in the miles of earth and life underfoot
It's within oneself, and in those you meet
Find it, and embrace it
Don't stop searching
Especially if you're uncertain what you're searching for.

- Jay M
April 17th, 2020
Ramblings and thoughts.
Jay M Apr 2020
Walking along a nearly empty road
I glimpse another, on the opposite side
Now, I know not how this does bode,
As I attempt to match them stride for stride
Wondering what could be happening in their mind
“Tell me, please.”
I would say in an attempt to find
Who this stranger truly is, put me at ease
And not merely familiarize myself with their exterior
But their whole person.

- Jay M
April 10th, 2020
"Seek First To Understand And Then To Be Understood".
Jay M Apr 2020
La la la, la la
La, la la

My dear child,
You have room to grow still
Venture out, free and wild
Sit not at the sill
Looking out at the world below
Remain not in woe
Move to the next season
For you need not a reason

Grow, deepen thy roots
Release the childhood leaves
Mature, reach for the stars
From your good works there shall be fruits
Yes, eventually one grieves
But all scars
Heal and tell thine tales
Greater than ever before
Leap o'er the rails
Above those who are a bore
Following no known road
Create one of your own
Like a frog out of cover of a toad.

- Jay M
April 10th, 2020
Poem is based on the title. Picked a line of 4 words out of my list of words used to create the title.
Mar 2020 · 140
What The 26th Meant
Jay M Mar 2020
Love, I wrote you a letter
Going to send it, hoping things will be better
Darling, silence is hard
At least I'm not a bard
Writing songs day and night
While I fight
To speak to you again
To see you and then
Maybe things may return to normal

Do you remember the winter formal?
We talked, smiled, danced the night away
When I heard you say
You loved me
And we could be
Whatever we want to be

I said
This romance used to all be in my head
But here we are, here you are
That was then, that time so far

With every passing day
I say;
"Maybe he's missing me,"
"Just like how I'm missing him."
But then I wonder
And all my dreams are torn asunder
Whispering unto me uncertainties
Trekking through each day; little eternities

Such longings, aches, and bittersweet memories
Going through directories
In my mind
Hoping to go through and find
Answers as to why
Such a wonderful guy
And I
Can no longer be together
And what I find doesn't add up
Doesn't satisfy the thirst from my void cup
The void cup of my mind
Open it, see what you find
That which I cannot see
That which will not let me be

Today of all days
Has finally rolled around
I'm caught in a daze
Feels like I'm pinned to the ground
Out of breath
Blood colder than death
With the realization
My brain filling my view with signs of caution
Because today
Would be the 7th anniversary of the day
That you and I got together
But now it's just a severed tether

Still, today I wore a nice red shirt
Wore jeans, never a skirt
Wearing the necklace you gave me
The rose quartz one in the shape of a heart
The remembrance of you it carries wouldn't let me be
And the bracelet you made, adding the little charm
It's saved me from harm
Of loneliness
But that's besides the point -

I know not why I wear such things
The nice red shirt, to start
I wore one like it on our date night
With myself I fight
Saying I shouldn't
That normally I wouldn't
But if we'd still been you and I
Then I'd try
And do something romantic
Maybe paint you a scene; oceanic
Take you on a stroll
My goal;
Kiss you under the light of a thousand stars
Let the time be ours
Maybe sweep you up off of your feet
Dance with you in the street

The heart necklace of rose quartz
To say you're near my heart - in a way of sorts
If I run, it thumps on my chest
Makes me feel like I'm on a quest
And some part of you is running with me
Cheering and then I see
I'm at the end

The bracelet with the charm
Calms me when I am in a state of alarm
On one side of the charm is a heart
And on the other part
It says one sweet word;
"Love"

You wear, or maybe wore, one just like it
On the same wrist, but a bead on mine split
Didn't think much of it, but now I see
But still, I believe we were meant to be

You showed me what love is
Please don't let all of that fizz
Into nothingness
Tell me there is something I can access
To speak to you again
Tell me there is a road I can walk
To see you again
Tell me there is something I can do
To be with you
On one hand and knee
I ask of thee
What can I do to show
That I can go
Any distance and length
With all my strength
Tell me
What an I say or do
To be with you
Again?

- Jay M
March 26th, 2020
We got together on September 26th, 2019, and the last I spoke a word to him was February 26th, 2020 (our 6 month anniversary). Last I was told, I'm not allowed to talk to or see him. So here I am...still hoping.
Mar 2020 · 69
Fear & Violence
Jay M Mar 2020
A cry in the night
A shriek in the fight
Blood-chilling
Hoping it wasn't blood spilling

That was just a time
It was supposed to be a happy time
But they weren't up for that red and green
Things turned mean
Behind closed doors
Hiding on carpeted floors

Then the second time
A shriek again
Small sounds
A heart did fall
Behind closed doors
Hiding on carpeted floors

People talk
Stalk about the house
Not quite a home
Never would one have ever thought
That sort of thing could be
Plea that all will be well
Yet, can that ever be?

Plans made
Agreements and bans
Gather what you can
No longer shall it be
Then what?
Stop it if possible,
Or just drop
Thoughts of secrets
How many can we keep?
Then take it
Every last bit
And put it on the page.

- Jay M
March 24th, 2020
Welp, that wasn't it.
Mar 2020 · 250
No Need To Apologize
Jay M Mar 2020
There’s no need to apologize to me
Just leave it be
There’s nothing to gain
But maybe a little pain
When you apologize for everything you do
So don’t you
Feel like you have to apologize to me

All my life
Even when there was no strife
I would apologize for everything
But be told something
Different every time
I ended up like a mime
Unable to say another word

Fly free like a bird
Say “sorry” so much and you’re just a broken record.

- Jay M
March 17th, 2020
Self explanatory, I think.
Mar 2020 · 110
Happy Reason
Jay M Mar 2020
My little
Happy reason
Nothing pitiful
In this season
Running in the meadow
Just going with the flow

Little butterfly
Flying by
My closed window
Then a little show
Starts to play
In my head

One made up
Only playing for me
Some parts reality
Other parts dreams and what's up
Then it's what's down
Then it's what's right
Then it's all that's left

But hey
I've got reasons to stay
In the fields of grass and earth
Or seated by the hearth
Soaking up the warmth
From the sun or fire
Wishing it were from a person
One in particular
But that's alright
I can dream
I can dance in a moonbeam
Under the starlight
Where my soul shines bright

Sing to your heart to find you
It calls to
One such as yourself
So search for it
Not just for a bit
Search for your happy reason.

- Jay M
March 16th, 2020
Was looking through my words, and picked two words next to each other for a title. Poem is based on the title.

Fun little things, words are.
Mar 2020 · 56
Winged Heart
Jay M Mar 2020
Pulsing at the speed of
Sound
Feet keep on the
Ground
Mind in the sky
My heart does fly
From my chest
Never shall I rest

- Jay M
October 25th, 2019
Also found this one in one of my journals in my dresser. Memories..
Mar 2020 · 135
At The Ocean's Side
Jay M Mar 2020
Waves crashing
Grains of sand beneath
Our worn feet
Walking down
Memory lane
The salty scent
Filling our noses
Your hand in mine
Voices filling the air
Talking about our hobbies
Time in lobbies
And things others don't understand.

- Jay M
November 3rd, 2019
I found this one in one of my journals I had been keeping in my dresser. Memories..
Mar 2020 · 86
Fear & Patience
Jay M Mar 2020
Dreaming of pleasantries
But when the waking hour arrives
All turns to a nightmare
As I sit and wonder
How any of this is fair

Each day I fight
I wonder if everything'll be alright
In the end
I still want to be more than your friend

For now
I'll make it through somehow
Staying up all night
I'll do my part to try and make things right

As I sit here
I sometimes fear
That my dear
Won't come back
But no matter - I'll stay on track
Remain hopeful
Dare I say wishful
For all to be well
And life to be swell.

- Jay M
March 11th, 2020
Yeah, I sometimes fear that he might not come back for me, but I'll wait for him. If he doesn't come back for me, then that's okay too.
Mar 2020 · 1.2k
Pigeon Army
Jay M Mar 2020
My pigeon army
Made of paper
Some big
Some small
You'll never count them all

I make them when I'm empty
I make them when I'm weak
I make them when I'm running on little sleep for a week
I make them when I'm unhappy
I make them when I can't feel
Anything good or real

Blank or lined
I use what paper I can find
Then I fold
Then; behold!
A pigeon of paper
Some big
Some small
You'll never count them all

I fold and fold
My arms are filled as I hold
My little creations
Bringing me a slight smile
But they just sit with me for a while

So, I do what makes me truly happy;
I give them away
To others who could use something to brighten their day
And what better way
Than a gift
Of a small, little pigeon

How many I've made,
I'll never know
All I know is
This pigeon army will grow
And spread a smile
All the while
I still make more
And I never bore.

- Jay M
March 10, 2020
Whenever I'm not doing so great, I fold origami pigeons and give them away to people. Whoever seems like they could use something to brighten their day.
Mar 2020 · 212
Numbers & Letters
Jay M Mar 2020
I try and I try
To prove I'm more than
Numbers and letters on a computer screen
But so far
I'm still a small fry
Still, I'm not a fan
Of those numbers and letters and their sickening sheen
Commanding my life around
My hopes tossed to the ground
Of everything I had dreamed of
I'm no dove
And my love?
Those letters and numbers took that too
Nothing's as easy as two plus two.

- Jay M
March 10th, 2020
It's funny how your grades can control your life..
Mar 2020 · 70
Dream Girl
Jay M Mar 2020
A pale face in the moonlight
Eyes filled with dull starlight
A dreary trance in the moon's beam
Or so it would seem

Her long, silky brown hair
Flowing in the night breeze without a care
Bringing about scents of lavender fields
This yields
Memories of wonderful things
Which once gave her wings
Of which are now broken
Words unspoken

Still as a statue
Colors faded of their hue
Her eyes occasionally blink
Those soft cheeks no longer rosy and pink
The slow blink of those earthy eyes
Internalizing the agonizing cries

Said eyes are clouded
Poor mind crowded
Holding a burden only she could bear
How could this be fair?
Withholding her memories
Internal; singing broken melodies

Soft pale skin
Arms rather thin
Glowing softly with the moon's kiss
Things are amiss
Making her figure wraithlike
Some things look alike
If she were such, a beauty she'd be;

Not a blemish on her face
Some hairs out of place
But perfectly so
A simple flow
Skin as soft as silk
Her dress white as milk
Soft, elegant, flowing white
Almost bright
In the crisp nights breeze

Simple, is the dress,
Going to her ankles, not to stress
Over tripping on the smooth fabric
But still there's something wrong - almost sick
The sleeves just past her forearm
There is no cause for alarm

Then, a single tear begins to form
Against her cold cheeks it's almost warm
It rolls down her cheek
She did not once speak
It stopped at her chin
Before leaving her skin
Gently dropping to the ground
Making hardly a sound
As it crashed, splashing tiny beads
At her feet, which then leads
To a great deal more
Down they pour
Her face breaks emotion
As she crumbles to the ground
Not to be found

Seated, legs to the side
No longer can she hide
What she feels inside
Just going for the ride
With the rivers of tears
Letting go of her fears
From all those years
As it all appears
Finally coming forth after all this time
After such a long climb
This isn't a crime
Enough with the rhyme
It's a battle-cry
Showing how much she did try
How much she had to lie
How much she wanted to curl up and die
But not then, not now
She'll make it through somehow
She swore a vow
To be herself
Not to let that sit on a shelf
Sick and tired of being a delp
She will stand up for herself

Just as she always should
When she thought she never could
It's time to shine
That light of thine
That broadcasts your signal
Fire your words like bullets in a pistol.

- Jay M
March 5th, 2020
I wrote this based on a bit of prose writing I did. It's based on a dream I had one night. The girl in my dream looked almost familiar...but I can't say I've seen anyone like her. Just...ghostly.
Mar 2020 · 133
Two Yearnings
Jay M Mar 2020
Feeling so **** low
Sometimes I just want to go
Grab the wine and drink
Quit taking time to think
For just this day
I want to say
"I'm not okay."

Call me a sinner
I'll go out for dinner
Cry silent tears
Admit a few fears
Whilst so close
Yet so far away

Yearning for things I cannot have
Spirit in a halve
Things'll get better
Thinking about writing another letter
Then putting it in my drawer
Making me yearn things more.

- Jay M
March 7th, 2020
Yep...and somehow I'm still sober. And still fighting for the one I´m missing...
Mar 2020 · 211
Care To Share?
Jay M Mar 2020
Talking to a friend
Then suddenly the conversation came to an end
Hiding behind a backpack
So proposed is a back-track
We rise, leave the area
Leave behind unexpressed hysteria

Prompted as to why
So, admittedly trembling, I try
To tell the tale
That I try to leave stale
Alas, all is well
When I tell
About that day a year ago
Gesturing to places here and there, almost show
What happened in that time long,
Yet not so long, ago

Start
In part
From what I knew
Like a picture I drew
Painting my memories
Now almost...dare I say ease
A heaviness left
Was heft
From my weary shoulders
Like the moving of boulders
I could finally breathe

Letting a little ray of light
Shine bright
On one of my darkest days
For so long it says
Until it is gone over so much
That such
Is lesser than what it used to be
Tell me what I'm supposed to see

Flashes, flashes,
Forces into my head, dashes
Into the moments between
Like replaying a movie scene
Only it's just momentarily visible
Making one wish they were invisible
A cry;
"Take me from this - for when I try,"
"All I can do is run and cry."

But another being able to say
It's okay
Telling me I'm not so alone
Don't have to drone
Is pleasant

Though I've told my tale
Pierced the veil
This was...comforting
Then, in parting
Was left with a tranquility

One small moment of peace
When pain would not cease
Was nice
When not even the music would suffice

- Jay M
March 7th, 2020
It was...nice to be able to talk about past events with a friend. Good to get things out, I suppose.
Mar 2020 · 390
Love Is Delicate
Jay M Mar 2020
I was always a little
                                          D
              ­                                 E
                                                   L
                                                        I
     ­                                                       C
        ­                                                         A
                                                               ­       T
                                                        ­                   E
And have always been  a f r a i d
Of  f a l l i n g  a p a r t
Until I met you

Then I wasn't so scared anymore
That was before
I messed up
You had filled my cup
But now it only has a sip left
There was a theft
I gave you my heart
Now I'm left with only part
But that's okay -

Hey,
I can be patient until things calm down
I might frown
But that's just because I miss you
And I'm wondering if you miss me too

Wrote you a letter
Gonna send it once things get better
But for now
I wonder how
Everything went so wrong
But I'll just work on making things right
As my hope takes flight
That maybe one day
You'll be able (and want) to come back and say
You want me back

For now, Love,
I'm waiting for you
And I will do
Whatever it takes
To be okay
While you are away
And to be myself
Instead of letting it sit on a shelf

Love is fragile
It takes a while
To be steady
And it cracks
But gets patched up
We would lie on our backs
Talk about when we are grown up
Now you've got to go focus
I think I'll grow some crocus
Flowers to admire
I'll sit by the fire
To warm my half-a-heart
While we are apart

Darling, I will wait
This is fate
Right?
For now, there's no one to hold me tight
Memories of your arms around me
All of our memories - they won't leave me be
Because I'm so in love with you
And I really hope you still are too

I'll be here
My dear
Waiting for you
Do what you need to do
Then I hope you'll come find me
And we can be
Just you and me
Once again

- Jay M
March 5th, 2020
He and I...we're not allowed to talk to each other. I'll wait for him as long as it takes, and if he wants me back once everything settles then here I'll be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love, if somehow you read this, know that it's okay and I'll be right here waiting for you if you want me back. For now just focus on school, and everything will be okay. I love you..
Mar 2020 · 465
Dodging Bullets
Jay M Mar 2020
Walking about campus
Minding my own business,
When suddenly
A person appears in my vision
My thoughts go by rapidly
I am at an internal division;
Hide or run
Pick one

So, since I fear what may come of running,
I hide
My heart is gunning
Friend lets me hide, making comments on the side
As said person passes by
I want to cry
Flashbacks hit like a boulder
My friend touches my shoulder
Tells me said person is gone
And I was seen, hiding like the meek little fawn I am

Then in my last class
I take the restroom pass
Walk out and into the open air
For now without a care
Go around the corner
Instantly put my head down line a mourner
Face white, like a wraith
I have no faith
In myself
I want to run and hide in a shelf
Because there's that person again
That I just can't seem to escape
Almost like they're waiting...
Hopefully not for me
I put my head down
Pass them by
Silence

Once inside the safety of the restroom
I feel like there is no room
I corner myself
For a second, I put my heart on the shelf
Back against the wall
I go back to an old habit
Hiding like a rabbit
Eventually coming out
Looking about
Then returning to class

After school
The air is cool
I sit at a bench
Read something in French
Wonder what it means
Then I look to my left
Don't know when they crept
So close to me
But they left me be
4 feet away from me
Chilling me to the bone
I just want to be left alone

Eye contact
Then quickly broken
By me
Hoping they'll leave me be
Nothing is done or said
But still I am filled with dread
Unsure why
But still, I cry

They leave, walk away
Thought they left my day
I go to my sister
To carry her bag
So the walk wouldn't be a drag
Then, 4 feet away
There is that person
Talking to a friend of mine
Great, just fine
I take the bag and go
My sister goes with the flow
And we leave it all behind us
Until the next dawn.

- Jay M
February 29th, 2020
I kept running into the person I've been trying to avoid. It was...not a good day, but it was okay once I got home.
Feb 2020 · 198
Talk With My Fiend
Jay M Feb 2020
Longing
For one of the only things I cannot have
Locked away from me
At least I can be
Three months sober
On March 2nd
Just give me a second
To catch my breath
And stop myself

I see the cord and lock
Thinking maybe if I took a rock
And hit it
It could break open
Unlocking the liquor
Then an image likes to flicker
Reminding me what I said
I made a promise
Not to drink
So I think

For a long time, I think
"I won't take that drink."
But then again,
Something in me,
A fiend,
Wants me not to be cleaned
Wants me to be tainted
To be painted
Like a picture
And plastered

So I argue with said fiend,
"I have been cleaned,"
I say to it,
Trying to reason,
"and I made a promise."
Then the fiend, "But miss,"
"what if t'were but a sip?"
This makes me think
Before I have time to counter,
I look in the mirror and encounter
My reflection
And in it I imagine myself
Holding a bottle
I don't want to touch the throttle
That could lead to that road

I am drowning in my own pain
I have little to nothing to gain
So I respond,
"Fiend, you beseech me;"
"think this is the opportune moment,"
"But I shall make this a restated movement."
So I take the fiend
Hold it in my grasp and stare
Down at it, in this nightmare
I ask it,
"Why, why do you care?"
It is silent,
Takes its turn to stare
And to ask me,
"Why, why do you resist,"
"when something to sooth thy pain sits there?"

I drop said fiend
Taken aback by its counter
So I sit on the bathroom counter
Then think with my eyes closed
How one such as it
Could tempt me so
Busying myself with something to sew
But I cannot be distracted for long
Not with something so strong

Whenst I was tempted last
I revisited something from my past
Let it take control
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Five and no more
Then, when I walked out that door
The tides had turned
Casting be into the waters of guilt
Causing my soul to wilt

"Fiend..."
I called
It was not appalled,
"Yes, miss? What ever plagues thee so?"
A smile upon its face
I reply,
"Old habits I thought I had buried - I tell no lie."
Then,
That little fiend replies,
"But, not the one thou yearned for not long ago."
Thoughts tell me to drop it, let it go
"Nay, not a drop has touched these lips."
The fiend laughs!
"But of course not - but blood loves to seep."
So there I weep
Fiend laughing
Winning in its own, sick and twisted ways
Eventually going to let me choose
What more do I have to lose?

- Jay M
February 26th, 2020
I've been tempted...tempted, but haven't done a thing.
Feb 2020 · 405
Good Night My Love
Jay M Feb 2020
I say this now, for I havst not time left.
Not this fair night, in this night air, you see.
Goodnight, my love, for now I must go work.
School work, for there is much of it left still.
Adue, my darling, I must resume this
And you, surely you must resume your night.

(Tís Shakespeare my dear; rest well my darling.)

- Jay M
February 24th, 2020
From last night, I had been reading Shakespeare and sent a text to my love in iambic pentameter. Sounds a little like Shakespeare, in the sense of format..
Feb 2020 · 147
Lover's Apology
Jay M Feb 2020
Dear A, you are the love of my life.
Darling, my shining light in the darkness.
O hear me, leave me not alone in this.
I plea, beg upon my very knees now.
Life had been unkind to me until you came in.
Please, I am only human, forgive me.
Together we laugh, we smile - we love.
Mi amor, what can I do to fix this?
Tell me; I shall do what you wish of me.
We can overcome this, can we not, Love?
I love you too much to lose you, my love.

- Jay M
February 18th, 2020
I made this last Tuesday night, when I didn't know how things were. It's in iambic pentameter, so it's not exactly poetry, but I wanted to share it anyway.
Feb 2020 · 131
You & Me
Jay M Feb 2020
Baby, you said you wanna be
Royalty
We can be anything we wanna be
So long as it's you and me
I'm happy to be
The queen to your king
The medic to your soldier
But you had better let me fight too

I smile when I look and see the ring
On your finger
Oh I linger
On the happy moments we have
And will keep making

Let me put my head on your shoulder
When I'm getting tired
You put your head on mine
That's fine
It's always good
To dream beside you
And to hear you say you love me too

One day I want to put the real ring
On your finger
But for now linger
On the one that's there
Let me brush your hair
Behind your ear
And tell you silly jokes
Take you to see my folks
Oh love, I love you
And I'm so glad that you love me too

Took me to your house
Saw your cat catch a mouse
Introduced me to your mama
I'm glad there is no drama
Introduced me to your siblings
Quite the young little yearlings
Introduced me to your family
They're quite mannerly

Baby, I've still got so much I want to show you
But right now, what can I do?
Ah, I know
I'll show
Every part of who I am
And I gotta say; ****
I've shown you a lot
You've shown me what you've got
But I still have a bit more
I hope I'm not a bore

Love, you said you wanna be
Royalty
We can be anything we wanna be
So long as it's you and me
I'm happy to be
The queen to your king
The medic to your soldier
But you had better let me fight too
Because I'll never stop fighting for you.

- Jay M
February 21st, 2020
He called me last night and sang "Royalty" by Connor Maynard, and when he finished singing he asked me, "So will you be my queen?" I said yes, and could not stop smiling for quite a while. That was the best surprise ever, and he's just so darling. Turns out he wasn't talking to me because his mother had taken his phone, and was going through it. I really was worried over nothing, and feel silly for allowing my anxiety to get the better of me. Everything is alright again, and I'm glad for that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Only a king bows down to his queen, but in the game of chess the queen protects her king."

No idea what that quote is from, but I love that quote.
Feb 2020 · 231
On My Knees
Jay M Feb 2020
Pacing around
Stuck on the ground
Music blast
A trip to the past

The truth is, I want to hold you
Tell you
That everything is gonna be okay
If not today
Then tomorrow
You don't have to be in sorrow

Love, I'm right here
For you my dear
I will listen to you
No matter what you do
I'll be here
For you

I caused alarm
Didn't want to cause harm
I'm sorry Love
I just want to see you free as a dove

See me now
This is how
I am inside
I try to hide
From the world
My knees curled
To my chest
Where you say I have a heart of gold
Like buried treasure

Music blaring
I'm still wearing
The bracelet you made me
And when you look at yours
As you do your chores
Think of me
And I hope
You do not mope
And that you can forgive me

All I want to do
Is hold you
Brush your hair behind your ear
And hear
You say,
"Stay,"
"Here with me."
And we can be
Just you and me

Please
I reach to seize
Your hand
Please
Take me to the land
Of dreams
Where we are dancing in the moonbeams
And I can feel again
Free as a wren

It's like I'm falling
And you're falling too
I reach to you
And I can't see

Wind stinging my eyes
Blinding me
I feel so far from you
But you're only 12 miles away
Love, I want you to stay
With me
You hear my plea

I said words that got carried
In my head they are buried
You told me one thing
Told your mother another
That's okay
But just tell me that you'll be

I love you, I miss you
I'm right here, my dear
I care, and I dare
Say that I always will
Because baby
Just maybe
If you let me
The future could be so bright
Bright as your shining eyes
So please stay
Here with me.

- Jay M
February 19th, 2020
He told me he was depressed, maybe a little more than that, and I was shocked. I cried, and my mom found me and told his mom. They talked, and I haven't heard from him. I'm giving him space, because I'm scared he may not trust me or want to talk to me. I may have ******* things up, and I'm really really really hoping I didn't mess things up. I've been...somewhat numb all day, and when I did feel things all I've felt is just down. Like I'm stunned from rolling into a wall, and kinda dazed. I...I should have been more calm, but I...I don't know. At least they (him and his mom) got to talk, and things will be okay. I just...I miss him, and just want to hold him and tell him everything is okay. But...I can't right now, so...here I am. Just...scraping by, as they say.
Feb 2020 · 178
Valentine's Day
Jay M Feb 2020
For the first time
After a dizzying climb
I have my first Valentine

It’s strange;
After dreaming of having it
I almost quit
But my heart found a way
To say
I’m not alone
I can pick up the phone
And call
Mr. Know-it-all
My love

I’m happy
Instead of my usual bummed and ******
This may sound sappy
But I’m in love
And it’s freeing, like a dove

That red string that everyone keeps talking about
I think I’ve got it - no doubt
Tied to my finger
Oh this topic I could linger
The other end tied to him
Pulling on his limb;
My love, Adam.

- Jay M
February 13th, 2020
We're celebrating it today, since tomorrow I'll be off going to Winter Camp. He wanted to surprise me tomorrow, before I go for camp, but he gets out of school by the time I'm on my way to camp.
Feb 2020 · 539
Friday; Candle-lit Dinner
Jay M Feb 2020
The ring of the doorbell
My heart fell
I was out of time
Things weren't done
I'm out of rhyme
The candle burns like a little sun

I let you in
My heart you did win
Wearing a deep red button-up
With black pants
I pour some water into your cup
Around the table are plants
Of yellow and white
And I just might
Steal a kiss in the candle light

I, wearing a blouse of deep red
For some reason, this perfect moment I did dread
I think I wanted more time
To memorize a rhyme
Just for you

You pleasantly wait
While myself I hate
For not having everything done
So in the end, I have not won
But
You say I did
I feel butterflies in my gut
For a moment, I hid

Once dinner was done
I had decided it would be fun
To watch a movie
Then show you my dance moves, kinda groovy
Yeah, I'm a bit goofy
And my hair is poofy
But just you wait
I can tell you something great

When the movie's over
Come on over
I don't bite
What a night

Playing "Stand By Me"
Just wait and see
No longer do I have two left feet
Our eyes meet
And we smile
It goes on for a mile

Doing the waltz box step
You matching every footstep
Then the song comes to an end
I play another because I want to spend
More time here with you
So for now I do

I tell you how amazing you are
That you are my lucky star
That your eyes shine brighter
And every time I hug you tighter
Because I love you so
And don't want to ever let you go

You tell me something wonderful
But my mind is just so full
Of you
That I can't remember the words right
Hold me tight
Because I might get a little dizzy
You make me feel kinda fizzy
With butterflies
When I'm with you I tell no lies
I answer all your questions
You give me a few suggestions
I snuggle up with you
And almost on cue
Another song plays
So sweet
And once more, our eyes meet

You fill me with a thousand dreams
And my eyes look up to a thousand stars
Putting the dreams to each one
Hoping they all become complete and done
And baby there's just one more thing;
You're the one.

- Jay M
February 7th, 2020
Been writing this for a week. Man, it's just so hard to place into words how wonderful it was. Well, aside from my baking skills - I didn't make the brownies right. Ah well, I tried. Adam still wanted one, even though they were thin and would barely come off the pan! Man, he's something.
Jay M Feb 2020
Being so small
So quiet, keeping to myself
Not sure enough to put my hand up
Not asking for help
Not using the notes
Not speaking up
Not focusing on one thing at a time
Not turning in assignments
Not taking proper care of myself
Not eating three full meals a day
Not making much of myself
Just barely scraping by

But there's a lot I've got to say
To a little someone
To little me
Because there's just so much
That I just won't tell me
From this path, I've gone astray
I would say these next words to anyone
Hold them up so that they could touch
The sky and then the stars;

You've got to be sure of your answers
You've got to ask for help when you need it
You've got to use the notes
You've got to speak up
You've got to take it one step at a time
You've got to turn things in
You've got to take care of you too
You've got to eat enough
You've got to make what you can of yourself
Not just scraping by

Be sure of yourself
Don't just be a book on the shelf

Ask for help when you need it
Don't let yourself fall too far
Let them know who you are

Use the notes
They're there for you
So go and do
As best as you can do
And see how great you can be

Speak up
Shout it loud
Let them know who you want to be
Don't be like little me
Be what you can be

Take it one step at a time
Not twenty and rhyme
One step at a time
One day at a time

Turn in what you've got done
Don't hold yourself back, ***

Take care of you
Don't let your body turn blue
Do what you gotta do
And just do you

Eat enough
Because you are enough
Don't take it out on your body
Even if you just want to be a hottie

Make what you can of yourself
Don't be a blank canvas sitting on the shelf
Go get that degree
Go fight for your love
Go fight for your life

Don't just scrape by
Or life will just pass you by.

- Jay M
February 6th, 2020
I heard a song called "Little Me" and thought about all the things I never told myself. So here's a shot.
Feb 2020 · 233
Colors Of The Sky
Jay M Feb 2020
The colors of the sky
They vary, so wild
One base color
A light, calm blue
O what a wonderful hue
We are all someone's child
And at one point or another, we all cry

The other colors of the sky
I know not why
But there are so many
Things moving, fast as the spinning of a penny
Purple, yellow, orange, green,
Red, pink, white, blue, black,
Electric blue, maroon, indigo,
Violet, scarlet, gold, navy,
Aqua, mint, burgundy,
Fusha, midnight, cream,
Neon pink, neon green,
Neon blue, neon yellow,
Any and all colors you can think of
Moving up there, before my eyes
I tell no lies

These shapes, lines, and things I see
O, how can they be?

Somewhat faded
Some more pronounced
They came in, unannounced
It looks like some faraway place was raided
And the loot was spilled into the sky
I know not why
But it simply is

Circles, squares, rectangles,
Squiggling lines, moving all about
Things that resemble amoebas
Looking almost like oil and water mixed on a sidewalk
About this strange thing, I could talk
For so long
Is it so wrong?

Something so wonderful and obscure
If there were one, I would not want a cure

Some see them
As I do
It appears to be a field with a gem
Up above me
But what about you?

- Jay M
February 5, 2020
I see weird shapes and squiggles in the sky when I look up at it. Is that weird? Someone told me it could be a stigma with my eyes, or something like that. Hope you enjoy. Might edit this, to make it feel more...able to be grasped, but not exactly. Ah, the joys of writing.
Feb 2020 · 160
Just Can't
Jay M Feb 2020
Living in this broken home
I just can't
I'm better off if I just roam
I shan't
Linger in a place so vile
I shall walk every mile
To get away from this nightmare
Because none of this is fair
Not like many would take notice or care

A small load
To help me down the road
Bound in leather
I hope tonight shall have good weather
As I go along the street
On these silent feet

Going where?
I don't care
Somewhere safe
My confidence may chafe
But I shall be strong
To go a distance long
Find a safe haven
And read "The Raven"

Possibly as far as our dear western shore
Oh, I hope the road won't be a bore
And I don't run into any a *****
Dear me, am I ready?
Is my mind all a steady?
Surely so,
Or else I won't go

Chance it, I must
Free from the sickening rust
Of these chains of home
Oh, the streets I shall roam

Take me, oh night
Under your endless sky, with my plight
Guide my way with your stars
Whilst I hide my scars
Nearly faded
I hope the journey isn't jaded

Running free
That's how I shall be
All night if I must
In my chances, I trust
Hope for something better
Oh, should I leave a letter?

To flee a broken home
I must roam
These streets at night
My response is flight
I must
This home I shall ******
Behind me as I run
This is not for fun
No, dear, no
This place I must let go.

- Jay M
February 4th, 2020
So...I wanted to run away. I didn't, and I'm okay.
Jay M Feb 2020
For my love I have a plan
So much to do - oh man
This plan so grand
For so long I have planned -
Now to spill
Oh, what a thrill!

So much to do
And all for you
My love, I don’t mind
But oh time I’m not sure I can find
Ah, oh well!
All shall be swell!
After all, it is for you that I fell.

First I must clean the house;
I must sweep the downstairs,
My anxiety I must dowse
Oh but who cares

I must sweep the porch and walkway,
Tell him, “Come, go this way!”
No dust at his feet
Take him inside and from the heat

I must clean the table,
Oh I hope I am able
Make sure on my feet I’m not unstable
Oh my dizzy spells
Are tiny hells

I must clean the placemats,
Shoo away the pesky cats
Little things get their fur everywhere
Oh but who gives a care

I must clear the clutter from the piano,
Think of my friend the soprano
She’s a good singer
But slow to answer her ringer

Then I must decorate;
Oh this house no one shall hate
Besides I, I suppose
Oh, I think I’ll give him a rose!

I must put the carpetes on the piano,
Nevermind the soprano
What a voice
On the carpetes I can put flowers or candles
With no handles
Oh what a choice!

I must place the smooth stones and flowers in the walkway,
Make them say, “Hey, come this way!”
Inviting him in
Oh, his heart I did win
This is a celebration of my love
Just for my Love

I must place the stool by the door,
Place his card on it and oh not the floor
Hope he likes it and keeps it
Hope he knows I am of wit

I must put the ribbon downstairs,
I don’t know if he cares
But I certainly do
Oh Love, I do this all for you

Next I must cook and bake;
I must make the steak,
Get the recipe from my stepdad
Oh I sure hope he’s glad
I can make this myself
And have a picture on the shelf

I must make the mashed potatoes,
No, I won’t touch the tomatoes
Those are for next week
Not my dinner to cook
I’m not that weak
I can be a good cook

I must bake the brownies,
They say you can smell them for counties
I hope they taste sweet
And not like feet

Finally I must get myself ready;
I must shower, clean my hair and body,
So I’m not still plastered with sweat
Oh and I bet
You’ll just look so good
Just like I know you would

I must wear something nice,
No, it will not be of high price
If it were I would leave it hanging
Like the photographs overhanging
In my room
Where roses bloom

I must do something with my hair,
Not that anyone would care
None but I
Still I try

I must put my lotion on,
This cracked flesh it must go upon
To heal me
Of this eczema I wish to be free

After all that;
I will give my arm a pat
An indication for him to take it
This great planning a display of my wit
I shall walk him to the door
Read him the card then read no more

Escort him inside
The dogs both aside
Have him pick a seat
While ready is the potatoes and tender meat
To be served
I supposed I would be observed
As I bring him a plate
Oh this is so great!

Ask him if he would like a drink
Once poured, our glasses will clink
A sign of good fortune and luck
And as I gaze into those eyes, I am lovestruck

We shall dine
Oh this heart of mine
Beating loudly in its cage
As tonight I have taken center stage
And brought all the light just for my Love

After we dine,
After I gaze into those eyes divine,
I bring out dessert
It won’t be too hot, so it won’t hurt

Once dessert is through
I’ll look to you
And ask what you would like to do

A movie, perhaps?
Seated side by side, a blanket on our laps
My hand in yours
Holding me, this ensures
My mind may wander
Oh the things that silently ponder
Whilst I am by your side.

- Jay M
January 30th, 2020
I wrote this in my Creative Writing class on Thursday. It's a ballad, and I had fun writing it.
Jan 2020 · 47
Feeling Far
Jay M Jan 2020
Day number three
My mind won't let me be
Reminding me you're not at work
And you're not at home
My thoughts lurk
And it feels like you're as far away as Rome

Mom,
You're the bomb
Bringing life to a party
Woman of steel; you were so hardy

You're an angel of concrete
Took every word backed with heat
And let it bounce right off
No sly comments hidden under a cough
Could escape your ear
You would say, "Come here,"
"and tell me what you said."
Then later tuck us into bed
With a pat on our head

Mom
Do what you need to do
You're gonna make it through
When you come home
I'll see you.

- Jay M
January 29th, 2020
This is for you, mom.
Jan 2020 · 90
Without You, Mom
Jay M Jan 2020
Feeling so alone
Chilled to the bone
Our house is no longer a home
All day I can do nothing but roam
Searching for answers where there is nothing
Cannot grasp that something
That just isn't there
And all I can do is care
So much
Maybe too much
It's all I can think about
Filled with worry and doubt

Without you, mom
I can hardly keep calm
No little pill
Will ever fill
The gaping hole in my heart
That's your part

This aching
Nothing good baking
In the oven you so proudly bought
For every dollar you fought
And cheered so triumphantly
You laughed, so funnily
Now you're not here
I'm living my worst fear;
Losing you

You're not gone from this world
But you're temporarily gone from mine
My fingers curled
Into fists, these small hands of mine

Mom, I love you
And I long to hear you say
"I love you too"
And for the day
When you come home.

- Jay M
January 28th, 2020
I miss you so much, mom.
Jan 2020 · 133
For Mom
Jay M Jan 2020
She was feeling
Hopeless
She was kneeling
Teary eyed, helpless
I stood at her side
Tried to match her stride
Make her feel not so alone
Then she told me; it was chilling to the bone

Oh mom
Please just stay calm
It's okay not to be okay
So listen to me when I say;

Mom, you're not the only one
You smile and you call me ***
Being the super-mom
Acting tough and calm
But inside you cry
You cry and you cry
And hey
Please listen to me when I say;

Mom, you're not the only one
You smile and you call me ***
Being so sweet
But remember the sand under your feet
The clouds in the sky
Birds passing by
And oh, don't forget
The sand castle and your daughters

Mom, you're not the only one
But get well soon
I'll be home
So just look at the moon
I'll see it too.

- Jay M
January 27th, 2020

Mom, you're not the only one.
My mom wasn't feeling herself..
Jay M Jan 2020
Concealed behind walls of white; hidden from the world, from possibility; trapped within; looking out at the world so wonderful, so full of color and light, whilst I remain hidden behind these walls. Looking out through windows; out at the world I crave to rejoin, recovering from my falls; internal and external; in my head seated under willows, the emotions and events link as I am pacing those plain halls, jotting my thoughts in a journal, then shredding them to bits,  taking part in wordless turns; giving those who love me quite a fright.

Apologizing for my mistakes; so much repetition, replaying that tainted day; over and over, imprinted in my brain; there it shall stay, forevermore, like a red stain on a white cloth, eaten away by a silent silkworm.

Crying rivers of salt whilst standing in the rain; crashing down around me, splashing at my feet; soothing my shivers, the drumming of each cascading drop so entrancing; running down the storm drain; it leaves me be, a moment of freedom, but only such; to arise once more to be my internal torment; my reflection in the window.

Whilst behind these walls so confining, though there are others around me; I am alone. None can see through the eyes of another, and no matter how many stories of mine I tell they shall never be enough to explain why I am behind these walls; why I am so small, and so afraid; nor why I cannot wait for the day to be on the other side of the window.

As I stand before this view, I realize; this scene here, is quite like Alice; standing before the looking glass, so full of wonder and curiosity of what could come from being on the other side; freedom, surely; but then, once within that freedom; what shall become of you then? Still, the memories would be haunting; still, the past would not let you go; still, all who know you would blame you; still, all would certainly never forgive you; still, you can feel the pressure hiding just on the other side of the looking glass; waiting for you.

Also, on the side of freedom, come the questions; come the side-ways glances; come the distrust; come the watchful eyes; come the empty words; come the promises from those who barely knew and say they shall be there but all is the same; come the cries at night when the ache is so great you cannot keep it in any longer; come the conversations with hesitation; come the jokes with the carefully placed filters; come the songs they quickly switch; come the topics once barely uttered and now often discussed; come the stress soon to try to swallow you whole again; come the temptations that you cast aside; come the guilt and misery; comes the new and all-powerful chaos, waiting to devour you whole.

How could I ever forget the thing I most regret? Nightmare made reality; never entirely given a sense of safety or security; gripping in the dark, searching; leaving a scar upon my weary mind; to remind me of what it is I simply must discover; peace of mind; through the pale lit window.

Through the pale lit window is the potential for chaos, but also the potential for a better future. New outlooks on what could be; projects never before thought of or completed; inspirations for poems and art at every turn; knowledge of my strengths and weaknesses; energy and motivation to walk hikes for miles; songs to be written and sung; stories written, completed, and shared; words spoken that are so few, yet strong and powerful; a life ahead never before dreamt of.

- Jay M
January 21st, 2020
This is a prose poem based upon a poem of mine called "Girl At A Window". I wrote this for my Creative Writing final, which I really hope I get a good grade on.
Jan 2020 · 2.3k
Can You Hold Me?
Jay M Jan 2020
Darling,
Can you hold me?

When the night is cold
And nearby I hear a dog snarling
The streets dark and not letting my anxiety be
Can you hold me?

When the fire's burning bright
And the lighting is just right
Will you hold me close and tight?

When the room is full of boxes
And we're sly as foxes
Unpacking our lives together
Similar, like birds of a feather
Can you hold me?

When the day is long
And I sing you that love song
Can you hold me in your arms?

My safe place
Is seeing your face
Falling for all of your wonderful charms
While being in your arms.


- Jay M
January 15th, 2020
Just dreaming..
Jan 2020 · 170
Nightmares Of Nightmares
Jay M Jan 2020
Can't stop

These trauma-based nightmares

So I'll drop

Going down these endless stairs

To

           f
a
            l
l

To my doom

Locked in an empty room

Alone to my thoughts

While slowly it rots

From the inside-out.


R e p l a y i n g

Over and over

Again and again

Never to leave me be

Reminding me

Reopening old wounds - well I threw over a cover

Flashbacks going over in my mind and then

It stops

When Love walks in

Putting my mind at rest

But back to chaos

When I sleep

And in my head I weep

Like a test

Of

My

S a n i t y


- Jay M
January 14th, 2020
I keep having nightmares about....the past. Luckily they go away when I'm with my love, but when I go to sleep at night they come back to haunt me.
Jan 2020 · 62
Nights Of Wonder
Jay M Jan 2020
Night; such beauty, so serene, and a bringer of slumber to some, whilst to others; awakening. Her endless sky, stretched out across the vastness above, filled with twinkling starlight in the void that is the darkness. Unto the ground below, casting such wondrous light; her wondrous light. When night finally does fall, I am awakened; never to give in to rest, running wild and free as a great beast, where none shall pay me any mind, nor shall they care what I do or say; a time all to myself, alongside those I chose to share it with, though in most; I am alone. Around me, they slumber; but not I, for I cannot; far too awake, far too alive for sleep, therefore I must not give in, not until I can carry on no longer, having reached my limit; collapsing at last to be encompassed by the land of dreams.

Grassy fields lay before my eager feet; their softest grasses swaying ever so gently, whilst the night inches on, owls hooting overhead, the scents of grass, earth, and feathers filling the air; freedom, indeed this truly is. A night to last for all of eternity, alas all within the span of a few hours, until the next dawn emerges, all to disappear, fading into the next day, surely to bring about new opportunities for all to enjoy; just as the night once had, just for me.

Once more, the night falls; I stand at the waters’ edge, in a long dress of deepest blue flowing gently in the breeze, my puffy brown hair (which resembles a lions mane) somehow tamed, and my eyes turned to the stars above me. Filling my eyes are the shimmering lights of a thousand stars, and filling my mind are a thousand dreams, hope being cast up to each little light, yearning for each little dream to come to pass. A name is called in the wind; I turn away from my dreams and the stars to face yet another dream; a handsome fellow around my height, in a suit of smooth black and white fabric, his chocolate brown hair slightly swept to the side, and his eyes set on me in a dreamy sort of way.

Taking his familiar hand, beneath the light of the pale moon, we take to a gazebo; its wood painted white, slightly chipping away in places, and we dance; not a dance capable of being placed in words aside from these few; spinning me in my dress of blue, making the stars look like little comets spinning about me, then taking me back and dipping me, my hair just barely brushing the wooden platform below my feet. Gazing to the side, there is the water, reflecting those dreamy stars and the vastness of the galaxies above. From one dream to another; looking into different galaxies, seeing into dreams so familiar and wonderful, entranced by the very moment.
This is probably one of my favorite pieces that I've ever written. It's a prose poem, my first time writing one, but it's still one of my favorite poems that I've written.

The first 2 paragraphs are based on my poem "Night", and the last 2 paragraphs aren't really based on anything. Just...writing in the moment. Anyway, I hope I did okay. I'm not really sure if I did that great, but oh well.
Jan 2020 · 168
Artist's Stress & Relief
Jay M Jan 2020
Creating titles, crafting lyrics
Working out the flow
Of words with occasional rhyme
Needing a pianist
But he's the only one

Hiding the purpose
Asking him to play
Hope to create a piece that flows
Or tell him
Create a masterpiece together
And share it
So, a surprise or a duet

The rest of the songs
To be presented
Writing no wrongs
All segmented
Overall;
Our story

Six pieces
Possibly new releases
For a new artist
Finally, something I shall have accomplished

So many things to do
Leaves dripping with the morning dew
Shadows long
Beneath the treetop
And I sing along
A lyric or two I'll swap
Just fix the flux

This verse needs repair
But as long as I'm with you
I don't care
About a silly verse
Or the color or the hue
In those eyes, I immerse

I hope to join a band
Here I hold your hand
Making you smile
While for you, I go the extra mile

For you
I won't give up
Won't back down
If I have one slip-up
It'll be not capturing you in words
I'm feelin' like such a clown
Messin' around
My feet barely touch the ground
As I fly with you
In the sky so blue.

- Jay M
January 11th, 2020
I'm writing an album for my love. So far I've started writing a couple of the songs, but it's hard coming up with the lyrics.
Jan 2020 · 134
Bite The Bullet
Jay M Jan 2020
Step after step
Echoing footstep after echoing footstep
I try and I try to do it all right
But it looms over me at such a great height
So I just have to bite
Bite the bullet
Speak the couplet
Then no more

Don't fall
Hit the wall
Not too rough
I'm not that tough
Aching hand
Foreign land
Discover what works
Figure out the quirks
And be free

For now
Bite the bullet
Wondering how
To get through it
But I have a way
Bright as day
Shining like the stars at night
So there's no need to have fright
Right?

Just moving on
Get to a new dawn
Fight on
Before it's all gone

Can't give up now
I'll make it through somehow
There's too many possibilities
I've got my responsibilities
So I'll bite it
Bite the bullet

No matter the pain
There's always something to gain
In the end
No more shall I pretend
Showing my true color
For the sake of my lover

Singing in the rain
My haunting tune
These words in my brain
Under the light of the moon.

- Jay M
January 9th, 2020
My mom told me to bite the bullet. So here goes.
Jan 2020 · 279
Catch-up
Jay M Jan 2020
Running to and fro
Can't let the stress go
Assignments piled up
Due so soon
All loom over me
My impending doom

Spanish, P.E., Creative Writing,
Journalism, English, Biology
And Finally; Math
These grades I'm fighting
I can't get it done chronologically
Can't stick to one path
Scattered mind
Struggling to find
The answers I seek.

Tell me, how do I survive?
How do I thrive,
In a world where I am behind?

Working to hard,
Keeping it fresh in my mind
Making a flashcard
To help me find
What I left behind
A week and a half ago
Right out the window
Now I need to go back
Through the window
For the information I lack.

- Jay M
January 8th, 2020
I'm so stressed and I can't focus. I have so much work to catch up on from when I was absent. Wrote this in class to get the tension to ease a little so I can try to get back to work with a fresh mind.
Jan 2020 · 221
Children's Hush
Jay M Jan 2020
Stolen in the night
Children hushed of fright
Lullaby sung
Bow strung
Arrow nocked and ready
Hands once shaking, now steady

Hush, dear ones
The mortal shuns
What they do not understand
Beatings, mockery, barely able to withstand
What they throw at us
The things they discuss

We are different
Unique, standing out in the crowd
Going against the current
In mystery, we are shroud

Ravens caw
Tales of woe
Mortals gape in awe
Yet that was a time ago
Now they point fingers
And the terror lingers

Hush, children of night
They understand not our plight
So spread your wings
Take flight
Do not accept their rings
Do not be bound to them
It is us they condemn

Show them no mercy
For never did they show any
An age old controversy
Stealing the lives of many
For a pretty penny

Rest now, children of mine
You are safe and sound
Rest those heads of thine
They lay in their caskets in the ground
Worry not my darlings; hush now
Close your eyes, and drift off
They are gone, it matters not how
Just rest now, hush
There is no rush
Hush, children, hush

- Jay M
January 4th, 2020
Inspired by Lullaby of Woe by Ashley Serena.
Dec 2019 · 386
My Archangel
Jay M Dec 2019
So over
All this bad luck
Stuck on repeat
Misfortune is a clumsy duck
Falling, tripping over it's own two feet

Told I'm strong
Told it'll all be okay
But if I were strong
Why must this pain be so long?
Remaining, oh to stay,
Promises, promises,
Too many vows
But each one I shall keep
To stay stronger than stone
On a stage, deep bows,
Miles to go before I sleep
Shivering to the bone
But I am not alone

Awaiting are those who care
Those who dare
To share
Their time with me

Set me free
Running wild
Earth crunching beneath my feet
Nearby, the buzzing of a bee
My, feeling free like a child
Let me run wild
Heart tender and mild
Easily broken
Yet on display
Given a token
A part in the song, you shall play

Sing me a song
Play the melody
Now, it won't be long
"Just one more.", I plea
Another note
Of the song you wrote
Written across the pages
Destined to be on stages

Hold me
When I ask you to leave
For I am testing you
Please, hold me,
When I ask you let me be
For times, I grieve,
But please, do not leave

Seated on my own
Reaching out for you
Take my hand
Make your presence known
I need you
To hold me in the dark
To guide me, be my light
Hold me, darling please,
When the light fades,
Tell me you'll be there with me
Help me be the person I'm supposed to be

There's sometimes when I don't wanna wake up
Don't let me go, don't let me go,
I need backup
To let my colors show, let my colors show

I don't know what will become of me
Help me through the dark
Only you hold the key
Heal every mark
When the light fades
And it's just you and me
Breath in sync
Heartbeat for heartbeat
When the hope begins to fail, sinking deeper,
Somehow I feel your heat
Your light burning in the dark
Saving me, oh you save me,
My hero, my angel
My archangel

- Jay M
December 30th, 2019
I hope you enjoyed my piece.

~

This poem is for my love. My light in the dark, my archangel. Hope you like it love.
Dec 2019 · 65
Girl At A Window
Jay M Dec 2019
Concealed behind walls of white
Hidden from a world of possibility
Trapped within
Looking out at the wonderful world
Filled with color and light
Whilst I remain hidden behind walls
Looking out through windows
At the world I crave to rejoin
Recovering from my falls
Internal and external
In my head, seated under willows
Emotions and events conjoin
Pacing those plain halls
Jotting my thoughts in a journal
Then shredding them to bits
Taking part in wordless skits
Giving those who love me quite a fright

Apologizing for my mistakes
So many retakes
Replaying that day
Over and over
Imprinted in my brain
There it shall stay
A mental takeover
Red stain
On a white cloth
Eaten away by a silent moth

Crying rivers
In the rain
Crashing down around me
Soothing my shivers
Running down the drain
It leaves me be
For a moment
To arise once more
To be my internal torment
My reflection in the window

How could I forget
The thing I most regret
Nightmare made reality
Never a sense of security
Gripping in the dark
Leaving a mark
In my mind
To remind me what I need to find;
Peace of mind
Through the window.

- Jay M
December 17th, 2019
I did something I seriously regret last Tuesday.
Dec 2019 · 58
Death's Refusal
Jay M Dec 2019
Prancing about
Heart filled with doubt
Thundering in grandeur
Telling of the past danger
Yet to be unveiled
To the hungry eyes
Of those yet to prevail

Out in bewailment come the cries
Of those pending their demise
Alas, it refuses them
Casting them aside
Going along for the ride
Stride by stride
Paths yet to collide

Tempting death
Being a flirt
In every breath
Begging to be beneath the dirt
Asleep
Not far from those who weep

Laying down
Faces a frown
Wearing a gown
Flesh pierced by busy bees
Heart rate taller than the trees
Rest dear youth
Tell the truth

Tired eyes
Barely open
Many cries
Many reasons
Like seasons

Waiting
Hoping
For a hero to arrive
Arms to embrace
While the heart runs a race
This is so hard to face

Reality stings
Like a knife
But gives wings
For life
A chance
To prance
With purpose
And clarity
Of the possibility
That lies ahead

- Jay M
December 17th, 2019
I have a lot of explaining to do...
Dec 2019 · 171
Identify
Jay M Dec 2019
How
In this world of trillions
Am I to identify
One such as myself?

Am I an old soul
Or just a tad odd?
Am I as small as I see myself
Or am I stronger,
Stronger than I believe myself to be?

What can I be?
How am I to do such a simple task
As to identify myself
When I see myself as something
So different
Than what others see me as?

Do I simply have no place
To roam this earth
With such a broad title
As “unknown”?

Or am I something
So bizarre and outlandish
With a title
But 'tis so old
'Twas forgotten?

- Jay M
December 9th, 2019
Just thinking..
Dec 2019 · 244
Supposed To Be
Jay M Dec 2019
I was supposed to be
6 months sober
But ***** that
Just another sip
Burn my mouth
Burn my throat
Make me feel okay
Just for a little while

A poison
So bitter
Making me feel
So sweet

Allowing for a temporary escape
From all of my pain
Just for a little while
Letting me smile
Though it wasn't true
It felt true
The poison making me
Believe
I was happy
Just for
A little while

Good emotions
Not a care in the world
Just swaying
Singing a song
Laughing at nothing
Everything funny
For no reason at all

I let go
For a little while
Let myself be tempted
Grab it
Be poisoned
Intoxicated

But
I'm not supposed to be

I'm supposed to be
Okay
Without
The **** poison
But it's hard
So **** hard
To be okay
When hell
Is in your head
Devouring your skull
But the demons never feeling full

I said ***** it
But the ***** is in my head
Giving me a headache
Pulsing
Thinking
Then regretting
Guilt
For what I've done
The promise I broke
Leaving behind what I was supposed to be;
Sober.

- Jay M
December 3rd, 2019
Gotta sober up.
Nov 2019 · 373
Killer Table
Jay M Nov 2019
Four seated
In a pizza place
Sharing a pizza
Cheesy and delicious
New York style
Talk between bites

Reaching for the Parmesan
The table slides
Hits one of them
Right in the gut

Pizza drops
Back on the paper plate
Grease splattering
Eyes wide
Heads turn
Bodies shift in their seats
To see the sound
Strange noise
From the little table
Table of four

Laughing it off
All things resume
They continue to eat
That greasy, cheesy pizza

Talk of life
Current events
Bites of pizza
Two slices left
Split and taken
Being eaten
When...

Slide
The table
So killer
Slides to one
Hitting their gut
Making them grunt

Pizza drops
Heads turn
Bodies shift
Movement from all about
The pizza place
Eyes fall upon them

Laughter
Then the table is fixed
Repositioned
Then the pizza
Cheesy and greasy
Is devoured
Talk goes on
All resumes

After a time
The four leave
Cleaning up their trash
And leaving behind
That killer table.

- Jay M
November 28th, 2019
My mom, sister, my friend Cadence and I went to Bronx pizza the other night for dinner. The table slid to our guts twice, and we made a joke about "the killer table". So, I said I'd write a poem about it. Here it is. :)
Nov 2019 · 398
Small Things
Jay M Nov 2019
A wing
Carved of wood
An inch in length
Painted black
With red and blue details
Swirls and dots

Bought at a beach
From a street vendor
Selling hand-carved trinkets
Bought by her parents
When they were together
Before their child knew of their disagreements
Before chaos entered

The last good thing
Embedded in that little trinket
That little wooden Pegasus

The girl decides
Then places it in a box
Upon a soft blue cloth
The box; black with fern patterns

"This,"
Decided the girl,
"Shall go to the best thing in my life."
So
She prepared the gift
For her love

Meeting with him
Talking, spending time,
Then him having to return home
Seeing the girl in a few days
Forgot the gift with the girl
The child promising to bring it with her to him

Leaving it where she would remember
The girl goes to carry out her day
Forgetting it
Until she looked out her window
Seeing the remains of the gift scattered
Shredded outside her window
In pieces in her backyard
Her dog standing over them
Wagging his tail

Shock and disbelieving
The girl runs out to the remains
Trembling as she picked up the pieces
Relieved at finding the gift itself intact
The only thing ruined being the box
Once so beautiful
Now ugly shreds

Returning indoors
The little wooden pegasus wing in hand
She wept, her tears falling to the floor
For the last good from her childhood
Was almost ripped away from her

This last good
She wished to give to her love
As a symbol of trust and unity
To show her affection
Yet
It was so close
So nearly stripped from her
Almost swallowed by the jaws of a mut

- Jay M
November 23rd, 2019
This is true...I have no more words than those you see above...
Nov 2019 · 507
Stress Test
Jay M Nov 2019
As I sit in this classroom

Listening to keys clattering

Pencils clicking

Feet tapping

Pages flipping

Shuffling feet

Creaking seat

Faint ac, or is that the heater?

Such is unknown to me

For it is all overwhelming

Things so small

Yet so impacting.



Then, from outside

Chatter of children

Wind whispering my very name

Calling me to the freedom of the outdoors

A plane overhead

Announcing its presence

Clicking of a mouse

A pencil dropping

People adjusting in their seats

Drinking water

Back to work

The tap of a foot

The shuffle of paper

Pages turning

Legs shifting positions

Another plane overhead

And all the while,

Here I wonder,

While pages are turning;

What am I learning?



- Jay M
November 22nd, 2019
Never can I focus during a test - unless 'tis on the surrounding sounds.
Nov 2019 · 283
Perspective of Ghosts
Jay M Nov 2019
My Perspective

Ghosts;
There are many kinds
Those that appear in images and audio
And those that appear in our minds
That haunt us to our cores
Plaguing us
With flashbacks, fears, insecurities
Issues with trust, issues with companionship;
Whatever it may be
These ghosts never leave us be
Not a moment to rest
And when they give us that moment
It disappears in an instant
Vanishing as soon as it had come
Not to be seen for a time yet.

~

My Mother's Perspective

An entity that may or may not exist
A shadow, or a lingering spirit
Such has been debated for ages
Yet, the question is; what do I believe?
There could be such
The soul of a person lingering in a place of importance
Trapped in a memory they had
Possibly keeping people away
Possibly inviting them to stay
Such is unclarified
Unverified
Left for us to be believers,
Or skeptics.

~

My Sister's Perspective

Yes, they are all around us!
Dreams so wondrous,
Nightmares of the dangerous,
Hidden in photos
Detected in sound
Things move when nobody is around
Keys turning
Spirits yearning
For communication
Destination
Freedom from repetition
Or just a friendly hello
A familiar song on the cello.


- Jay M
November 21st, 2019
I wrote each one in a different perspective of the topic of ghosts. The two that are from my mom and sister's perspective are what I believe their take on the subject is based on what they have told me they believe.
Nov 2019 · 396
Calm
Jay M Nov 2019
Hidden in fabrics
                                                                            Concealed beneath a mask
Taking shelter in music
                                                                                 Letting the lyrics soothe
Calm the frenzy of thoughts
                                                                                   Ease the internal storm


- Jay M
November 18th, 2019
Nov 2019 · 475
Bleeding November
Jay M Nov 2019
Bleeding November
Cannot remember
What happened
Hands blackened
By October paint
Then I faint
For it remembers not why

Still, it is shy
A small, weakened cry
Bursting into the night
O what a fright
Taking grand flight

Interesting confusion
A mild intrusion
Seeping into the mind
Creeping up behind

Then

Boo!
Shoo,
Foul beast!
Let us feast,
In peace!

- Jay M
November 12th, 2019
Just playful word use. Made to be used in class as part of my portfolio.
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