Shining brightly in the night
In the corners of our minds
Dancing with the dead
Wherever that may be
If there at all
But still you do
Smiling down from the heavens
Passing on your good wisdom
Then walking back among the living
Just for two days
One just for you
The other for the rest
But still you do roam
Lingering to say
Your greetings and farewells
Then ascending
Back to that magical place
Dreamland

- Jay M
November 1st, 2019

Stuck
In a classroom full of children
The numbness shall win

My mind a haze
My hands with a will of their own
Lost someplace
Far away
Then
Return to the realm of the body
Concern as to what has happened
Peers question
Yet I have no answer
For I am still searching for one

Run, run, run
Over and over upon the parchment
Run, run, run
Scrawled across my math paper
Overlapping letters
Unreadable
A scribble

Tell me
What has become of me?
Going on for 2 years
Rising when I least expect
Taking control
Throwing me out
Now feeling as though 'twere not my own
Save me from the void of sensation in my fingertips
Bring me back so I may feel
Anything but empty and pain

- Jay M

Sitting alone
To my own thoughts
One topic
Becomes thousands
Fluxing about
At the speed of sound
Memories flashing
An aching in my chest
A gripped, compressed heart

A light
Dwindling
Scarcely able to survive
Running out of oxygen
Flickering in and out
I walked on a tightrope
Then
I saw another
A creature of beauty and grace
Running across their own
Then tripping
Swinging to fall,
But their feet remaining on the rope

Awestruck, I attempted to speak
Finding myself unable to utter a word
A bird unable to use its beak
Then
Discovering a voice existed
I used it
Reached out
Made a friend
In time
A partner

Soon, I realized I was able to run across
Just as they had
Able to soar
Fall for a moment
But come back
Somehow still upon my weary feet
But given new strength and determination
A motivation
Thanks to my love

Heart beating at the speed of a jackrabbit
Cheeks the pigment of roses
Soul tied to the other end of a red thread
Feeling something so familiar
Possibly meant to be

His hair is
November tree bark
The tree I sit under
My mask thrown asunder
My true colors show brighter
As he takes me in his arms
Branches of a strong oak
Leaves softer than a kittens fur
Voice like that of a divine
Spilling symphonies into my ear
Still I sit here
With all I hold dear
Awaiting for time to pass
And for him to be near

There
Before my eyes
My memories dance
Take me into a trance
A vision of rapture
O what ecstasy
Moments of roses
Moonbeams pirouetting
Orchestra playing
Just for two
Under the full moon
Stars glistening in their wonder

A butterfly fluttering in my heart
The zoo escaped in my stomach
Flowers upon my face
Over them is lace
As I am in your sweet embrace

- Jay M
October 31st, 2019

Struggling
To stay afloat
In the rapids
Waves crashing down upon the skull
A second above
The next below
Then plunged farther from the surface
Unable to breathe
But there is no pain
Just void
Then an aching
Internal dying
Yearning for the pain
Then, there it is
Water-filled lungs
Brain on fire
Tainted soul

Seeing others above
Emotions fester
Then, a confession
Double confession
Realization
Relief, shock, and overwhelming joy
Then a clasp of hands
Being pulled up
Head breaking the surface
Above the rapids
To calmer waters
Where one can breathe
Where we can breathe
Together
Aid each other
Build a raft
To stay afloat
Sometimes it flips
Sometimes there are moments
When water enters the lungs
Darkness fills the mind
But then
A hand
Takes one up
To the sun

Revived by the one who loves you
The one you love
Embrace
Clasp of hands
The one who saved you
From falling away
With the shadows
Patching the bullet holes
Bandaging the battle wounds
Healing for both

- Jay M
October 29th, 2019

Innocence
So small, so pure
Tender and mature,
Yet somehow
Lacking

Innocence
A child at heart
From others, so far apart
Unaware of the placement of words
Giving an entirely separate meaning

Innocence
So small, so pure
Mind secure
Despite attempts to tamper
With the delicate camper
In a woods of magic

Innocence
A child at heart
Ready to play the part
Yet, is it true
Through this hazy view?

Innocence
So scarce in these times
Foolish with these rhymes
Interpreted and tainted
But unaware of such
Picture painted
A gentle touch
On the shoulder
Whisper of explaining
Drop of a boulder…

- Jay M
October 28th, 2019

Waiting
For the right moment
Just you and I
Looking left & right

Then,
Words so simple,
Just to be certain
That our minds were in sync;
"Would it be okay with you..?"
"Yeah.."

Crescent moons upon the horizons
Then embrace
A kiss
Flowers bloom
Softest petals
For only a moment
Then it's over
Roses upon our faces.

- Jay M
October 24th, 2019

Rain
Pour down upon me
Fill my nose with your scent
My eyes with your cascading droplets
My ears with your pitter-patter
My hands filling to become small pools
My mouth with your refreshing and cool take-over

Calm me
Then release me
Make me wild
Laughter erupting from deep within
Fondness

O, what a wonder!
O, what a blissful time!

Bring me life
Make me anew

- Jay M
October 22nd, 2019

Take me away
Far away
To a land of wonder

Soon, I beg,
Soon, I plea,
Lift me up
Dear family...

Hated by the blood,
I know,
But family of soul
Please don't let me go...

- Jay M
October 21st, 2019

Wonderful
That's what you are
So beautiful.
A bright, shining star
I see you in the night sky
What I say is no lie

Smile,
Ocean blue
Greater than the vastness
Enveloping me

Take me, O night,
Star shining bright
Be my light
In the darkness

- Jay M
September 23rd, 2019

Yearning
Tempted so
Just a drop
A little hint
A moment to flee these things
Colliding in my mind
Leaving nothing untouched

Just a second
Just a time
For one such as I
To unwind
To come clean
Then all that hear
To forget
And just love
Despite ones failure
Despite ones mistakes
Despite ones awful thoughts
To understand
To empathize
With open-mindedness
And acceptance
Beyond what can be placed into words

One slip up
One mistake
Remembered
But there are one too many
Overtaking the brain
Spewing rage from each
Onto the cause
Making all worse
Slowly killing one
Until it is no more.

- Jay M
October 8th, 2019

Fireflies in a jar
Covered in mountains of scarves
Darkened, but not out
Still it shines
Despite not being seen
Deep within the cocoon of fabrics
Soft as a kittens fur
To rough as canvas sacks
All contain the light
Hiding it
Sheltering it from the outside world.

- Jay M
October 8th, 2019

Things I cannot believe
My idiocy
Things I shall never achieve
O, my idiocy
Things I shall never know
O, my idiocy…

Hatred and anger
Burning flames
Things I wish not to remember
Yet never
Never will I forget…

Who am I?
I am no one
An idiot of course
A fool, so naive
A child indeed
Unorganized, I am doomed
This curse, I assumed
Would leave me, but never…

Shall I ever be released?
O never, o never,
Shall I ever be set free?
O no, o never,
Shall I see the light of day…

Do you see me?
Do you hear me?
The sorrow and woe
The sorrow and woe…

If they ever saw me
For me
Would they leave me?
Or would they feel me?
Would they lift me up,
Above the clouds,
Where they flux so freely
As a bird in flight
Across the vastness
That is my mind

Do you hear me?
Do you see me?
No, o never,
Never it goes…

O, if you could see it
O, if you could hear it
The broken melody,
The bleeding heart,
The depths it reaches to…

O never, o never,
Shall I forgive myself
O never, o never
Shall I forgive myself…

- Jay M
October 8th, 2019

Trip into a new world
Just
Trip yourself
Into a new world
A wonderful place
When your days are dark.
Just a wonderful place!
Trip yourself
Into a wonderful
Wonderful escape!

Running in the rain
Just trip into the portal
Appear where you are loved
Oh, yeah, just don't leave it open...
Don't leave it open...

It might leak...

But hey!
Just trip into a new world!
Trip
Yourself
Into a new world
Where you are loved
Where you are held
Where you can love
And nobody hates you...
Just trip!
Just wonder...
Just wonder...
But don't leave it open...
Or reality will spill...

- Jay M
October 3rd, 2019

A shrew among the mice
A salamander among the lizards
Something so small
Yet so different
Hiding among them

People walk past
Not noticing the little creature
Walking among them
Almost trampled
Dodging the pillars of flesh and bone
Covering itself in strange fabrics
Silk, cotton, polyester,
Stripes, polkadots, plad,
Tassels, ribbons,
Until only they are visible
And at long last,
It is seen.
But, not for what it truly is

A coqui among the bullfrogs
A turtle among the tortoises
Almost unnoticed…

But then
A thread is pulled
The fabric unwinds
A small, unusual creature is revealed
Far, far beneath the textiles;
A misfit

- Jay M
September 23rd, 2019

Living like a ghost
Walking by all I know
Hiding from everyone
Denying I need anyone
To walk alongside

Night falls
Darkness reins
Emotions overcome
Control the individual
Curled into a corner
Embracing a comfort
An object from childhood
Absorbing rivers

Still, child cries
Still, child hides
And still
The heart dies.

- Jay M
September 25th, 2019

On this day
My minds drifts
Like the cold snow
Beneath my feet
The earth below
Stricken by the elements
A test of body and soul
To the extremes

Days come and go
But moments
Stay within the mind
Forever in the soul
To rest and burn
Like the warmth given
By all surrounding
In eternal rest and relaxation

- Jay M
September 24th, 2019

Heaviest armor
Made of steel
I was a farmer
Of what I thought was real
Sometimes
The war wounds don’t heal the same…

Upon a steed
Swift and strong
I swear
I won’t be long
Riding in
Shield and sword
My armor isn’t thin
And I hear the silver chord…

Clashing blades
Screaming wildly
The charade is up
It’s all going up
In fire and smoke
And they’ll croak
For mercy, mild
Oh no, not from this child
No more!

This is war!

Upon a steed
Swift and strong
I swear
I won’t be long
Riding in
Shield and sword
My armor isn’t thin
And I hear the silver chord…

Plowing through
The days gone by
Hiding out
I dream of you
In the minutes I try

Up again
They’re battle torn
Slain by my sword
Horror is born

This is war!

Clashing blades
Screaming wildly
The charade is up
It’s all going up
In fire and smoke
And they’ll croak
For mercy, mild
Oh no, not from this child
No more!

This is war!

Calling out
Friend gone down
Filled with doubt
I go around
I hold them close…
I hold them close…

They look to me
Tears in their eyes
Gripping my hand
I hold it tight
“Please,”
I scream,
“Don’t go to the light!”
I hold them close…

Pounding heart
Sinks in
Lose their grip…
They’ve gone…
Tears in my eyes
I stand tall
Cradle them in my arms
And I scream;
“THIS IS WAR!!!”

Lay them down
I bow my head
Close their eyes
Shelter them…
Then I run

This is war!

Clashing blades
Screaming wildly
The charade is up
It’s all going up
In fire and smoke
And they’ll croak
For mercy, mild
Oh no, not from this child
No more!
No more!

Rage coursing through my veins
It takes control
I mount again, take the reins
Flames in my soul
There’s no way
I’m going down!

This is war…
This is war!

Upon a steed
Swift and strong
I swear
I won’t be long
Riding in
Shield and sword
My armor isn’t thin
And I hear the silver chord…
They fell around me
I thought I won
But then, it was he
Who struck me down
Drove it through
My armor…
It wasn’t strong at all…

And I fell
And I fell
And I fell…

On the field
There I lay
Sword and shield
Thrown astray
And I…
Was so naive…
As the light faded from view…
All I thought of…
Was you.

- Jay M
September 19th, 2019

He's got the sweetest eyes
Chocolate brown hair
Sweetest little smile
That lasts a while

I've got sad eyes
Brown hair
Weird little smile
That easily slips away...

Is it too much to ask
To just be thought of?
To feel the fondness
In return?
I guess the problem is;
I'm not the girl
Anyone would dream of.

- Jay M
September 18th, 2019

All are dancing slowly
This masquerade
A gala
Yet
All is in great discord
Among the orchestra
One is out of tune
Yet
None seem to care
To hear the broken melody
See the chip in the stone

Cover it up
With a little paint
None shall tell
Besides the meek little pup
Soon it shall faint
One shall yell
While the rest
Ring, ring, ring the bell
Dancing in discord
To the broken melody

Pulling out a flask
‘Neath the rows
Folk chatter and ask,
“Isn’t something off?”
While the other throws,
“Neigh!” then one does quaff

Shine a light
Alone the floor
Hold one tight
For one shall sing no more
Grasp it
So one may not fall
That she would not permit
Not a’tall

Sing, sober dream
Whisper your whims
Through a beam
On a limb
The lullaby
Child doth cry
Sing, sober dream
Sing, sing,
For ‘tall must end
One day.

- Jay M
September 12th, 2019

Whispering through a window
A specter in the cemetery
Basking in the pale moon lit dreary
Wisping silken clothes
The blood yet flows
The air of dimly dew
Single crow then flew
O'er the rosemary bush
The wraith say shush
Not to disturb
For which you may perturb

That ghastly ghoul
O what a fool!
To disturb that
Which you may perturb!
Casting it out
Like water from a spout
Gone away
No longer shall it stay.

- Jay M
September 10th, 2019

Wind whistling
Storm raging
Running through the night

Prowling through the dense grasses
Guns loaded
Cocked and ready to fire
In position
Awaiting the command to fire

A camisado
Bursting into the night
Bullets a cascade
Shells raining down
Crying out into vastness

When all is over and lost
Daylight ends
All turns back
To the time of chaos

Running and screaming
One is numb
Walking when all else havoc
Lost in the madness
Crawling across the ground
Into hiding
Then
Pounding of a skull
Over and over
Yet
There is no marks
Only pain

After the battle
After the war
The private battle scars
Salty rivers flow
Carving canyons
Which soon fade
Back to plains
Found and coaxed out
Wrapped in warmth
Fed comfort
Yet
Internally
It is rejected

Information
Flowing in
A holding of the hand
A little fragile
O the one
Trying to go down
Found and halted
Escaping
Captured and taken
Gone away

Time later
Still haunting
Flashbacks
Festering and consuming
Until nothing is left
But the vastness.

- Jay M
September 10th, 2019

With hopes risen
So high
They'll find a way
Your heart will bleed

Though not much
To him
For me it was
My chance to prove
My intentions to
The one I care for.

- Jay M
September 10th, 2019

Mí amor
Es guapo
Y artistico
Un chico
Muy inteligente
Mí amor
Tiene ojos verde
Cómo hojas de arboles
Magnifico
Te amo
Mí amor...

- Jay M
September 4th, 2019

For a moment
A simple second
You make me giddy
Make me forget my promise
But then
I have to bite my tongue

So close
Yet so far away

A longing
Yet it shall never be relived.

- Jay M
August 29th, 2019

Realistically,
How could I
Ever be close to good enough
For you?

You're kind,
Funny, thoughtful, sweet,
Adorable, caring,
Overall wonderful.

What am I
Compared to you?

- Jay M
September 6th, 2019

"Time stands still"
Never true
But still
When I am with you
Gazing your way
Time seems to slow
Then, suddenly
You turn
I catch you looking
Gazing at me...
Even so
It's probably not the way
That I do
But still
I hope...

- Jay M
August 29th, 2019

Seated together
Compact room
Flowers in bloom
A dream takes flight
A bird in the clouds
Flying solo
Searching and hoping
Not to perish alone.

- Jay M
August 28th, 2019

Tired eyes
Blank face
Staring into the void
An emptiness
Absence of mind
Simply a shell
Left to wander
Without knowing
Brought back to reality
What did I miss?

- Jay M
August 26th, 2019

Every day
Contemplating
Confusing
Consumed by the wonders
The rabbit-hole
Never to surface again
For I am curious
And forever that shall be.

- Jay M
August 26th, 2019

Anticipation for the inevitable
A rush of adrenaline
Coursing through my veins
Telling myself I'm okay
Lying to steady my heartbeat
"Relax, it'll be okay."
Yet, such is false
For my mind is a minefield
A pile of rubble
Left to settle the dust
Determine the damage
Before it's too late
And I'm too far gone.

- Jay M
August 26th, 2019

A story retold
Memories brought back
Flashbacks and pain
A deep guilt resurfaced

Consuming
Long festering beneath the skin
At last coming to the surface
To take control
Puppeting me around
To its will

Through pain
Nightmares
An aching from guilt and shame
Comes eventual strength
Or so I'm told...

- Jay M
August 28th, 2019

Trying so hard
Keeping quiet for so long
Now
Deciding
To take a stand

Once branded so dully
So boring
So common and bland

Now
I stand with pride
For I have made a change
My title

Now
A new name
A new calling card
What a wonder it is!
What joy it brings!
For now, I have chosen!

A name of curious origin
Simple, so not to be forgotten
Similar to a bird
The Blue Jay
A beautiful creature

So
Like the bird
I will no longer think of myself as dull
I will be wonderful!
Jay

Of course
Self-doubt shall always be at hand
Yet
I shall have a name to have pride for
A name I have chosen

- Jay M
August 28th, 2019

The day is long
But the night is longer
For reasons unknown
When the stars shine brightly
I tread lightly
Basking in the moonlight
Dancing in the starlight.

- Jay M
July 14th, 2019

Gazing at the sunset
Waiting for the moment to arrive
When I can bask in the moonlight
Laugh in the starlight
And nobody will tell me anything

Free to be who I'm meant to be
A bird in flight
Soaring beyond the clouds
Into the heights
Of beauty and wonder

Standing my ground
Proving my point
Living while I'm alive
My heart like a journal
Showing people
Letting them in
Trusting them not to tear it
And to accept what is within.

- Jay M
August 26th, 2019

Thump

                  Thump

                                 ­      Thump

                                                        Go­es the heartbeat

Drip
          Drop
                    
             ­            Drip
                                       Drop

                                                     Drip
 ­                                                              Drop
                                                            ­                 Goes the rain

All the while
                          I'm sitting
                                               I'm waiting
                                                         ­            For the right moment
                                                          ­                                                    To say
I         i    s          o
      m   s         y     u


- J      y
      a         M

August 24th, 2019

Where can I go?
Where can I run?
Where the darkness can't find me?
It's closing in
It never hurt like this before
Drowning all else out
Drowning me out
I am under the surface
Locked away
Shackles holding me down...

I look up,
A glimpse of starlight,
Then the moon fills my eyes,
Encompassing my gaze,
And from these depths,
I am in awe,
For still,
I can still see beauty.

- Jay M
August 16th, 2019

As I sit here,
Alone in my own thoughts,
I cannot help but wonder;
Am I ever truly alone?
No, I dare not say,
Alas, if I do not,
I fear my heart may explode,
Shattering me into a million pieces,
As my soul cries out in bewailment.

- Jay M
September 6th, 2018