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Jay M May 7
Once I was 6 years old, I lived in a house with both parents. All of us in Riverside, with a place to call home.
Once I was 7 years old, my momma moved away. Saw her every weekend, wished for more time.
Once I was 8 years old, got bullied at school. Kids didn’t like me, I didn’t either.
Once I was 9 years old, moved in with my mom. Out in San Diego, with a new family.
Once I was 10 years old, I remember my teachers.
Once I was 11 years old, I don’t remember being 11 years old.
Once I was 12 years old, went on a trip to Santa Cruz. A man smacked my ***, nobody cared.
Once I was 13 years old, I dated a guy. Broke up and he traumatized me, still haunts me.
Once I was 14 years old, and nearly wasn’t.
Once I was 15 years old, pandemic changed the world.
Once I was 16 years old, my grandma died of stubbornness. Got some trauma, new and old, I get flashbacks from both.
Now I’m 17 years old, minutes away from being 18. 17 was hard, full of trauma and pain.
Soon I’ll be 18 years old, and the next volume will begin. They say you learn to manage, so I guess we’ll see.
Once I was 6, once I was 7, once I was 8, once I was 9, once I was 12, once I was 13, once I was 14, once I was 15, once I was 16, I am 17. Time running out like sand, soon the hourglass shall turn for me once again.

- May 6th, 2023
11:15pm. This doesn't even seem real. I know it is, but it doesn't feel like it.
Jay M Feb 23
Empty, dim lit road,
Where shall I go
But forward?
Eternity, indeed it seems
Miles still untraveled
Steps not yet taken
For here, o here,
There is only the long
Long foggy road.

Signs, they appear!
But oh, how queer,
A most strange word,
As nowhere!
No where, now here,
Not a place, not a time
Simply this, and nothing more.

Dense fog, dense fog,
What lies beyond?
Fallen tree, rotten log,
Simply there, without a sound,
For none could hear the fall.

- February 21st, 2023
Jay M Feb 23
Questionable, queer,
Quickeningly quaking
Queen’s quest,
Quizzically qualified,
Questionless qualmishness,
Quarrelsome quacksalvers,
Quicksanding queenships,
Quirkiness quieted.

- February 23rd, 2023
Jay M Feb 12
Lost, out of touch
Isolate, out of sight
Within the vast
Endless expanse
Intangible void

Silent knowings
Confused, oh sure,
It was there, all along
Yet blind eyes cannot see
Deaf ears cannot listen
Muted voices cannot speak.

- February 11th, 2023
Jay M Feb 12
Slowly I burn
Breathe through the smoke
Scorching my lungs
Catch in my throat
Hands closing in
Tighten their grip
Red always fades
Fingerprints in my mind

Steaming water, pour over me
Cleanse my wrongs
Wash away the fear
Burn away my shell

Cover it up, give it time
Time heals all wounds, sure,
As I relive my own
Reopen, pop the stitches
Some just won’t go
Maybe not yet
Surely not today.

- February 10th, 2023
Jay M Feb 12
Drag across
Let it tear
Watch it ooze
Stroke after stroke
Get it under control
One way or another
Get a grip, little rips

Drift away
Thrash about
Drown it out
Before it suffocates
Drown it all out
Truth and lies
Pulled under
Far below

Choke the sounds
Load the rounds
Fire away, down
Down for now
To rise later
Same old ****
Wounds continually bleed
Sound or blood
Pick and choose
Drown it out
Before it burns
Suffocate in the smoke.

- February 10th, 2023
Jay M Feb 12
None shall, no not a one
Hear them, haunted echoes
Banshees, perhaps
Intangible, yet ever present
Inaudible, yet eternally wailing

Thunder approaches, deafening thunder
No place to hide, words spoken
Lines broken, simply run
Close, but only so far
Threaten, scream and cry
None shall ever leave
Figures, perhaps one day
Eternally, memories bleed.

- February 10th, 2023
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