I see the beautiful ones
And the beautiful places
And the beautiful hearts
The beautiful souls

But what if the cost to see such beauty
Is to forever walk alone

With this sight
This soul walks alone through the night
And what might be a gift
Is now a curse into oblivion you shall drift

he stared at his hands with his knees held close
his arms hugging his folded legs
the water ran red that night
his clothes providing an infinite pollution
as they held fast to his weakening frame
the mop upon his head fell in strands around his face
the deep crimson falling by his gaze

she always complained about his hair
how the dark veil covered his crystal emerald eyes
he now struggled to keep from whimpering
as the pipes shifted he involuntarily remembered:

the sadistic snickering, the suffering screams,
he tried to stray his thoughts but it just became louder,
the ghastly scene which had laid out before him
the numbness of the mind the freezing of a breath
and a frail, innocent bird broken on the ground

he saw it all
how he lost her all
so he killed them all

And all he ever saw was red; that was all

It's the type of loneliness that weighs on your chest
Clinching your lungs
Draining your heart
Stuffing your brain
Freeing wasps in your stomach

Where you love your family but you'd be fine without them
You like your friends but chose to reject any contact
You long for complete isolation
And avoid any chance of human interactions

Where you feel so, so alone, you create imaginary friends like a child
Just to preserve your sanity
Trust me, when you lose them
You lose yourself

Its when you feel so afraid and confused and sad and in pain
Because if it's just you
You know you will fail
Fear of the hopeless
Confusion of the actions
Sadness of the loss
Pain of the emptiness, being the castaway no one really wants
Never really wanted

The crying is the worst part
Everything that makes you cry is in your head
Silent and exaggerated
For your lungs fail to function correctly
The tears keep falling and your nose keeps running
Mind races and you curl up in a ball
In your closet
With no light
Blind
Because sometimes its hard to open your eyes to life
It hurts to see all it's evil and so little good

Its the closest thing to that place between being awake and falling asleep
Or maybe between this world and eternity

Loneliness makes you want to be more alone
Its tricky like that
All you need is one person
I have around ten
But you can't see them
And I still feel the deepest kind of lonely
Just one person could save you
Someone to comfort me
To share the load
To laugh with
To love me
To care

But that is *******
Nobody could want to be that for me
Because I'm a broken, unfixable, pathetic, and hopeless person
And they know, as well as I do,
There is no future for such a young, destroyed person

It's the type of loneliness where you see no future
No hope
And no reasons
To keep on going

It was a quiet whisper among the trees
A beam of light through the leaves
The moon above smiles in bliss
The sweet smell of a stainful kiss

Swaying gently below the stars
Tired eyes sparkling with Mars
Night hums to her little nest
Dancing, softly in a drunkenness

You bat your eyes to keep awake
But your knees below begin to quake
One blink opens your heavy eyes
Darkness surrounds, hearing your cries

You foolish child, heart broken in two
For dreams never really do come true

What shall it be called when one knows they are failing oneself?
when the simple decision to succeed is the only thing lying between
the fear of failure has been replaced with the fear of fortune and good will

Because, where will the reasons for being the way you are go?
when succession is upon us

It is as if you set out, one day last week, to be the person you have always resented
Sleeping all day, staring at a screen all night and getting nothing done in dreams or real life
With sleep you are met with only nightmares, yet you'd rather be there than here
And your wakefulness only brings about regret for the hours that you spent in your bed

so you sleep again to hope that a new day will erase the problems of yesterday
but instead you bring the problems of today into tomorrow
a never-ending cycle that spins round and round until you're overwhelmed or you don't give two ***** about the person you once were or have become

maybe you will understand and maybe you won't
but there is this feeling
it's not a good one and not always bad

where you feel something is about to happen
but you don't even know what;
in a position where left is right and right is wrong
and you're ****** if you do and ****** if you don't

it feels lonely
suspended in a dreadful feeling that something is terribly wrong
choosing a fate you do not know with a choice you don't even have

They all say that it will be better someday, somehow
But it will never exceed the 'better day' you had last time
So through the downs and piking ups, your better days get worse

It comes to a point where your best days are not cutting through an artery
Or walking out in front of a car
And avoiding driving your car off a bridge to your peace, or as others call it, death
Then waking up is a better day


And then it comes down to the air you breath
Each breath is your better day
Until even breathing is too difficult
But there will be no more pain or suffering
And maybe better days were not meant for you to use here
But somewhere else
Some place better
A better day

once you know the truth there is no going back
you cannot unsee it
there is no longer a choice to stay oblivious to the unknown

all these answers you search for cannot be found for a reason
watch the show
stay in front of the curtains

don't look behind
for ignorance is bliss
and wisdom is prison

How I felt
How I wondered
How I dealt
How I plundered

Towards the roaring river
In the thunderous storm
The animals dodge nature's aimed quiver
As I stood on the upper cliff form

Marveling the rain, clouds, lightening, wind, and thunder
The screams of my head
Were overtaken by these blunders
Greater noises up ahead

Here is where I can finally hear silence
For all that yelling inside my mind turns mute
And all external hullabaloo are but a ring in noiseless
For if I can match each one's volume and ******, a pure, beautiful quietness goes on as a loop

Do you think, maybe, I can't handle the hyperactive imagination that has been placed upon me? 

Do you think maybe that's why I snapped? 

Why I completely lost myself.

When the Earth ceased its motion
The volume muted the commotion
It all was pain and suffering until
The day the earth stood still

The anger, it still festers deep within your soul
It helps you from not falling apart
Allows you to feel like you could change something about a situation or a person
That you really have no control over

For awhile fury allows us life
Not a fulfilling one
But enough of a life to function
To be "okay"

In reality, that anger is destroying you from the inside, out
It gnaws away an hope
Tiring your bones everyday for holding it in
Pushing it down
Assuming you will someday get relief from it all

And if you have convinced yourself of this lie
My dear, you'll be eaten alive

its that feeling of lightening
crackling through your veins

a sense of urgency and restlessness
gritting teeth, jaw clamped shut

trying to stifle a scream, deep within
muscles flex, knuckles turn white

head in hands and hair in fingers
verging a threat to the roots clung tight

"you can't change or progress"
"locked away in the corners of your mind"
"no happiness or sadness"

stagnate and still
while rotting away

Sliding around on the endless night
Headlights surrounding bringing about light

Soaring down highways at great speeds
Not really paying attention to see where it leads

Why I am here I cannot recall
But all I remember, it was before the fall
What bliss was had! yet none at all
To skid 'cross those lanes before the fall

When it all happened
No one knew why
But now everyone knows
At least those who are alive

There's a wall
A tall, thick, high brick wall
It's not in the streets or around the bend
It's in my mind and I can't break in

I try to think of deeper things
But the safety mechanism isn't in my range
It rebounds all thoughts, worries, and dreads
And then, somehow, it expels them from my head

You would think this a gift,
a God-given talent
Instead, it lets in
man's bitter, vengeful malice