Today
I will pretend
it's any other day.
Today
I will try not
to cry out your name.
Today
I will try to not
to let it hurt so bad.
Today
was never meant
to be so sad.

Yes,
I miss you,
but sometimes I
miss myself
too.

i never meant
for you to hate me,
I wanted the opposite,
in fact.
I suppose it is better this way,
for me,
at least.

I wish that
he could see
that she is tired
of fighting the tide.

I wish that
he could see
that she is barely
afloat anymore.

I wish that
he had saved
her from drowning
but he left her out at sea.

I wish that
his heart wasn't
shallow so that she
could have dived
into his
heart.

How am I meant to
dive into your heart when the
water is shallow?

10:38 PM
1/9/20

I still hope
that we fall asleep
on Io
tonight.

I sabotaged
my ability to love
with my inability to love.
It's as simple
as that.

Spending Friday night
staring into the icy
heart of the bottle

6:37 PM
29/8/20

The word 'love' sounds more
desirable when it is
spoken from your mouth

4:10 PM
27/8/20

It's been a while
since I felt this good but how
long will it last for?

4:22 PM
25/8/20

Has it been
that long already?
Such a distant memory,
it almost feels like a dream-
a dream I never wanted to wake from.
I still miss you
more and more every day.
Take me to sleep,
I want to dream
again.

If you truly want
what's best for your heart,
then loving me is not the path
you should venture down.
I am but a dead end
waiting for you at
the end of
the road.

These thoughts become dreams
and then these dreams will become
a reality

3:44 AM
23/8/20

I saw the
spring sun
in your eyes.
The way the yellow light
danced off those beautiful orbs,
like bumblebees on dandelions.
These moments of gold
may one day fall
into autumn's grasp
but the sweet taste it leaves
in my mouth will never dim.
Sweet as honey,
sweet as amber.

Last night you came to me
in a dream-
a teenager!
Oh, how elegantly
you had grown,
my beautiful baby girl.
The way you lit up that station,
the way I held you in my arms
once again,
it was the best dream
I ever had.

You stayed long enough
to make believe that you
wouldn't ever leave

3:41 PM
22/8/20

Amber and blue
intertwine and recombine,
resulting in a grisly clash
of colours and chaos.
Every year it's the same old battle:
the bitter blues of winter,
the alluring ambers of spring,
each a spectrum
not to be reckoned with.
But as the final days of winter conclude,
amber waits upon the other side.
I'm running the final stretch now-
yes, I do believe such beauty
is now within my grasp.
Amber and blue,
the battle draws to a close
and I do believe
that amber
will prevail.

There ain't nothing like them,
is there?
A gentle reminder that
I have survived
the cold and gloom
for one more
year.

Sunflowers bloom
then sunflowers kiss.
Ah yes,
it's spring
That I've missed.

Death has plagued my dreams
for quite some time now to the
point of fearing sleep

4:08 AM
21/8/20

Death has made
one too many
appearances  
in my dreams.
I forgot how long it's been
since he first woke me up or
how long it's been since
I feared my own
dreams.

I guess our dream
of owning a dalmatian
doesn't matter
anymore.

Letting go of you
was the best thing I have done.
Yes, I found you out.

10:21 PM
20/8/20

It is true,
each day brings us
closer to death.
But you,
you make each day
worth living.

I have nothing
left to say to you
anymore.
I now know what you have done
and who you really are.
You have shown your
true colours and now
I'm wide awake.

Is this the finish
line that I have been waiting
for all of my life?

4:13 PM
19/8/20

You are
the kind of art
that would lure Picasso
and be unable to turn away.
You are the masterpiece
that no one could
understand.

Baby,
I'm a broken man.
I'm nothing but damaged goods
but I promise to give you
all of the love that I
couldn't promise
to myself.

I can't decide if
I want to fall asleep or
gently pass away

11:16 PM
16/8/20

People could tell how much
you lit up my spirit-
they could see it in my eyes,
they could see it in my smile.
But now that you've gone,
these eyes ain't what they used to be.
Like a switch,
I have taught myself to
light them up on command.
But deep down,
this spirit doesn't
shine so bright.

I don't believe in
intelligent design yet
somehow you're divine

1:18 PM
16/8/20

I was never a singer,
but when my heart was full
I could not help but
write you a song that
you will never
get to hear.

I love you sober
I love you high-
you have a kiss
that money can't buy.

And just like that,
you were gone-
a scent lost to the wind,
a sight lost to the void,
a touch lost to space
and a memory lost to time.

I am not
for everyone.
I am not
for this life.
I am not even for myself
on most days.

You are
still alive.
Breathe,
heal,
and you will thrive.
Just know that
this too shall pass
as you overcome
this impasse.

Forgiveness
was never my forte.
I never try to forget,
nor would I want to.
Is this why it is
so hard for me
to forgive?

I hate the way
your face reminds me
of a simpler time-
a collection of distant yet
unforgotten memories.
To this day I am left asking myself:
how could such a sublime smile
evoke such pain?
How can such innocent eyes
conjure such betrayal?
Whenever I see your face,
I can't help but wonder
what could have been.

If you want to last,
stop telling me one thing but
doing another

10:05 PM
10/8/20

Sitting in the bar
in that town
you used to live in-
wishing you were sitting at that stool
of where we first met.
I would pull up a seat
let the sparks ignite
and do it all over
again.

The ending
is just the beginning
repeating-
a pretty stranger
that I wish to see
again.

If the stars
were to fall with
every thought of you,
the sky would surely turn
to darkness and despair.

If the stars
were to shine with
every thought of you,
the sky would surely turn
to the heavens above.

When was the last time
someone knew you and not who
you pretend to be?

9:38 PM
3/8/20

I still hear
our favorite song
from time to time.
Each note still sets the key of you
and they're still ringing out
in my head.
There is no pause button
for this harmony
of you.

With nothing
but you,
my moon-
with nothing but your light
to guide me,
I made my way home
that night.
I cannot imagine
how much darker
it would have been
without you.

I dug up that grave-
I couldn't help myself and
now the ghosts haunt me

7:12 PM
29/7/20

I am forever
longing for the moment
where you and I
become
'we'

Your lips-
the doorway to that special place
I have made my home.
There's nowhere I feel safer than
beneath the roof of your tongue,
within the walls of your mouth.
We store our treasured memories
in the attic and
house the butterflies in the basement.
At last,
I am home.

As I come to terms with
the heartlessness within me,
I lose count of how many times
my heart has been broken-
how many shards still remain.
I may never recall,
but what I do know
is that the love you seek
within me does not remain.

There she was
waiting in the twilight
disguised as a pixie
in a field of
magic mushrooms.
Her aqua hair
smells of the ocean-
the kind that washes into your dreams,
but me,
I did not have to dream
tonight.