i've waited so long for this,
for someone like you.
for someone to feel the same way about me
as i do about them
i'm finally here,
yet i have to wait
whats pulling me through
is knowing that
as much as i want a boyfriend,
i want a husband even more.
and i know if we wait,
that's what this will become.
if we're wise and hold on,
this will be forever.
When I found out that you found someone else,
My heart sank deep into my chest;
As an anchor sinks into the sand.
I've never felt so heartbroken before,
So hopeless, so useless,
so uninspired, so much sorrow in my soul.
I never expected you to fall for me,
but why does it have to hurt so much?
Isn't love supposed to be a joyous feeling?
Then why does it leave me so breathless,
so empty, so tired,
so worthless, so heartbroken?
I wrote you a note at 5 am,
you read it,
with no reply.
Before you left you asked for a picture of the two of us.
I made a joke and we laughed through the pictures.
But all that I could think about was
how it felt to have your arm around me.
It was holding me,
as I held you.
I wish I could go back to that moment,
but it's gone.
When we said our goodbyes,
it hurt so much.
I wanted to tell you so many things,
but time was running out.
I hugged you so many times,
you thought it was strange.
As soon as you walked away,
my heart felt empty;
I missed your presence already.
We touched hands as you drove away
in that big green van.
I ran after you,
as did other friends.
But you were gone.
I can still see your eyes gazing into mine,
and your oh so sweet smile;
but you're gone.
Nowhere to be seen.
Strong and powerful with his words,
he speaks of the glory that lies above.
He's surrounded by four pretty cool girls,
and he shows them immense love.
He's been through ups and downs,
but he still puts on a smile in front of others.
He's been through so many towns,
some were "home", and others were just filled with pretty colors.
It's impossible to sum up this man,
all you need to know is that he has a lot of brains.
Whatever happens, he always has a plan.
He only cares about his family and his Sunday games.
Yesterday was a day I’d like to forget,
To my life, it was such a threat.
I’m conflicted over my feelings for you
and I just don’t know what to do.
The pressures of life,
Cut me like a knife.
Although I know I’ll make it through alive,
Right now, I don’t know how to thrive.
Even though I felt so blue,
Today I am made new.
I know through You I can do anything,
But I can’t seem to make You my everything.
Yesterday was a day I’d like to remember forever.
i've tried to escape you,
but you keep coming back.
playing your little games.
i just want a taste
of real love,
of who you really are.
you hide in the dark,
even in the light.
i don't want this fake love,
i want true, imperfect love.
you can't give me that.
Lately I feel like the whole world is against me.
Family not understanding my pain.
Getting into fights with friends.
I just want to be "normal" again,
but I haven't been "normal" for a while.
I feel like no one understands me,
even though I know some people do.
I feel like no one loves me,
even though they tell me constantly that they do.
A simple "sorry" or "I love you" doesn't fix everything.
Words hurt more than battle wounds.
No words spoken at all sometimes hurt even more.
Those summer nights,
spent by the sea.
Wrapped in your arms.
The world spinning out of control,
while we just stood still.
Holding on to each other,
like nothing else in the universe mattered.
Sad music playing.
The smell of magic and a bit of salt in the air.
Watching the sea meet the sand.
Gazing into your eyes
and at all of the stars,
they almost look the same.
These are the summer nights I wish I had.
Instead, I'm left with a broken smile.
Sitting on my bed at 1 am crying my heart out.
These feelings will fade,
but for right now;
they sting so much.
the sweetest woman I've ever met,
she brings a smile to all.
she's pretty hard to forget
and she'll never let you fall.
she will wrap you in her comforting
arms and she will hold you.
the years may add up,
but her smile doesn't show them at all.
To my future someone,
sometimes I'm not strong enough to stand up for my own heart.
Protect my heart, don't break it.
Sometimes I need to be alone, just let me be.
I will feel like a bother, tell me I'm not.
I don't need saving, I need a partner in crime.
I will feel unloved, tell me it's not true.
Fight for me when I don't have the strength to fight for myself.
I wont let you go, so don't let me go.
Too many people have left, I need someone to stay.
Thank you, future someone.
my life has become one of those dreams,
where you watch yourself ***** up from afar.
everything's perfect, everything's fine.
i speak those lies, for i can't even explain what it is.
all i can say is, i can feel myself slipping away.
i'm leaving myself behind,
it's been weird...
I really don't get you.
You walk around like you own this town
and you put on an act to look cool.
I've seen your true self once or twice,
and that image you put up; isn't it.
Why can't you be yourself?
Or is this yourself and I'm being judgmental?
You're just a fake.
You live for the Instagram and recognition,
but act like you don't care.
You're just a fake.
I know there's someone real underneath all of that,
can't you let him breathe?
I'm sick of these teenage boys.
Can't they grow up already?
I'm standing here,
on the edge of a cliff;
looking out unto the darkness below.
You're standing there,
across the way.
There once was a beautiful,
long bridge between us.
Flowers grew on it,
and kids loved to dance on it.
Now there's a broken,
rusty bridge that is falling apart
every time you take a step.
What we once had is now broken,
damaged, falling apart, slipping away.
Every time I try to reach you,
I feel like I'm talking to a wall.
I can see these feelings evaporating from my heart,
but I don't want them to.
I want to hold on to them forever.
The view was breathtaking,
I don't want it to disappear.
I just want to stay in that moment forever with you,
but you're slipping away.
Soon, you'll be gone;
and you'll take those good memories with you.
You'll turn them into thoughts of remorse for me.
Yes, it's true;
there you are, slipping away.
words cannot describe this woman i know,
but I will try anyways.
this girl has been by my side for 6 years now,
she's seen me at my lowest and at my highest.
i believe God put her in my life to bring me closer to Him,
and to learn how to love more like Jesus, to love Gilmore Girls, to lean into my passions, and so much more.
what more can I say about this woman?
she's truly a gift from God to all who meet her.
she lights up the room as she walks in, she loves God so much, she loves others fiercely, she has so much depth and creativity bottled up inside her, compassion flows through her words, she is one of the smartest people I know and one of the best examples of selflessness I've ever seen.
there is so much more to this girl right here,
but words, a man-made concept, things made up of a few letters here and there, are simply not enough to capture an amazing creation like that of Katrina.
Why do people have to change?
Why can't it be like the good old days?
When we were kids...
When we were best friends.
Now, now we don't even talk.
I moved, I get it, but...
Why did things have to change?
You look great, you have new friends,
Good for you.
But I wish we were kids again
and we were playing dress-up.
We were funny.
We were close.
We were family.
Now, now you're just an old friend.
You don't know my story,
but soon you will.
I was born as a citizen of the world,
I grew up jumping from one continent to the next.
I've learned to love differences in cultures
and I've learned that we're all the same after all.
I myself am an artist,
I put on canvas what my brain can't put into words.
I put on paper all the secrets that I hold.
I take pictures so I can make a moment last forever.
I obsessively listen to music that stirs my emotions.
I love to dance in solitude to sad songs.
I only see good in people, which can be problematic.
I would do anything for my loved ones.
I give strong hugs because I'm afraid every one will be the last one.
I don't understand my feelings, yet I express them in so many ways.
I believe in God and I've chosen to follow Him for the rest of my life.
That's my story.
I've exhausted "16".
So much has happened.
So much good, so much sorrow.
I've grown so much,
not in height,
but in strength and confidence.
Hopefully a bit wiser
and definitely more thankful.
Usually, I'm sad at this point,
but not this year.
I look back on this past year with a smile.
It was the best year yet,
bring it on.
Sound of Music reference anyone? ;)
i get so focused on the people around me
i lose sight of who i am
ill do almost anything to love on others
and to get their approval
but what do i think of me?
who am i at the end of the day?
they tell me.
it's the best love,
yet here i am
alone in the dark.
wait for love,
i just want to
and see what
they all tell me
a peaceful presence,
someone to turn to for comfort,
a shoulder to lean on,
a warm hug,
and so much more that i only get a glimpse of
once in a million moments.
my heart breaks at the thought of you.
you deserved to live,
but that right was taken away from you.
God made you to become something, someone great.
I know you're safe in Heaven,
but I still see your life being taken away so vividly and painfully.
I'm sorry, dear one.
I wish I could have done something,
but your mom's mind was set.
maybe she was scared or felt stuck,
maybe she felt like there wasn't another option.
your life is now gone.
all you could have been is gone.
you never got to experience all the joys and pains of life.
you never got to speak your first word, see your first sunset, graduate high school, go on your first date, get married, or have your own family.
i'm so sorry, dear one.
my heart aches for all you could've been.
i love you,
maybe it's not time right now,
but that's just for now.
i know the day will come,
i know this is right.
but for now honey,
i'll wait and i'll grow with you.
i'll get to know your heart,
while the distance pulls us apart.
it's just for now.
someday i'll be with you,
but that's not now.
and that's okay.
because that's just for now.
I wish I could look in the mirror everyday
and think I looked beautiful.
I wish I could walk into a room full of strangers
with my head held high and my story to tell.
I wish I was really talented at something like everyone else.
I wish I knew what I was doing with my life.
I wish I was skinny to the bone so I could go to the beach
with pride and look like all my friends.
I wish I didn't have to say "goodbye" so often
that my chest aches in a familiar way.
I wish I thought better of myself.
at first glance,
they were strangers.
but they knew they'd be much
more than that to one another.
time flew as
the sparks grew,
hold them apart.
their love was invincible,
until the day it wasn't.
their trust in one another
died with all the lies.
now their story is
just a distant memory.
their broken hearts mended
and learned to love others
the way they should have
loved each other.
I didn't even notice you in the beginning.
You were just another guy among the crowd.
Now, you're so much more.
I noticed you looking my way at times,
did you notice my glances as well?
We spoke few words until that night.
We talked all evening by the sparkling fire.
Your eyes sky blue looking into mine.
Your smile, the sweetest one I've seen in a while.
There were people all around us,
yet it felt like we were the only ones in the world.
I heard your words but I didn't comprehend all of them.
I was too busy gazing into your eyes and hoping this feeling would never fade.
My brain tells me 'no', because it's not the right time.
But will I ever be ready?
Will it ever be the right time?
My heart screams out 'yes', because I've never felt this way before.
I can talk to you, this is real.
This isn't just a fantasy.
This is something new.
You're so quiet, yet powerful in your words.
You are a protector with a kind heart.
I love watching you do what you love,
even if we have different passions.
I feel like I know you so well,
even if it's only been two weeks.
You're something new.
Do I follow my heart?
Or listen to my brain?
These feelings I have for you are like a never-ending river in the spring.
Birds chirping beautifully like the words that smoothly fall from your lips.
Blooming flowers like my ever growing feelings for you.
The shining sun like how you can easily make my day brighter.
How the water meets the land like how your hand feels on my skin.
The gentle and refreshing breeze like your timeless laugh.
Is this love?
you don't know it,
but my heart is slowly dying.
each day with no reply,
i can't even breathe.
i try to act normal,
but everything is a mess now.
you're too busy for me,
and i'm not enough for you.
i should let go,
but i need you tonight.
warm colors all around that capture your eye.
soft sweaters and cozy hats everywhere you turn.
this season of change reminds us that we all die.
so we must take this life and try our hardest to learn.
love is more than a feeling,
it's an action.
it's being there for someone,
it's showing them how much you care.
you still love me,
i know this.
but you aren't loving me.
i still need you,
after it all.
you don't need me,
i know this.
but how can i let go
when i love you so?
It's not you, it's me.
It's all you and all me.
I need to give you up for my sanity.
You make me go insane with your little games.
Why do I keep playing?
I believe in second chances,
but this is your millionth chance.
I've tried all too many times to let you in,
but you reject me and act like nothing happened.
I'm letting you go,
out of self respect.
I have that now, and I'm not letting it go.
See you never.
Your welcome, self.
her bones ache as she moves.
her mind won't follow the rules.
she looks so worn,
i've got a lot to learn.
she knows this life so well.
many secrets she could tell.
however, she keeps her lips sealed,
for she knows it will soon be revealed.
This is what happens when you go people watching around town.
i should be sad.
i should be happy.
lonely tears drowning me inside and
memories of countless shared laughs.
all i feel is numb.
not a single tear to meet my cheek.
when does it end?
when he gets frustrated and looks at me like that
rolls his eyes,
pushes me away,
i get scared he'll be like my dad.
i watched my mom pour out her heart and soul for years
just to love my dad
i dont want that
ive traveled here and there.
ive seen incredible works of art
and pieces of history
scattered across the globe.
never will i know "home",
never will i fully belong,
never will i not miss someone.
a life full of adventures
and new faces,
i wouldn't trade it for anything.
the pain is always there,
but the memories will never fade.
joy will always abound
in the hope for the future
and the days of the past.
being a world traveler,
has its troubles.
but the rewards make
it well worth it.
That beam of light,
that shines so bright.
It warms my skin,
I try to soak it in.
I know winter will come,
and this feeling will be gone.
This feeling of complete peace,
as I feel my joy increase.
What a beautiful streak of light.
When you left,
I didn't think it would hurt this much.
I never said goodbye,
which hurts me the most.
I had so much to say,
but I never got the chance.
I had this feeling in my gut,
I missed you so much.
I missed our conversations.
I missed our hugs.
I missed your laugh.
I missed your teasing me.
I missed you.
But it was more than that.
I had this feeling that you were meant to be mine.
Is that even possible?
Is "meant to be" even achievable?
My heart aches for you,
but as an amazing friend?
leaving everything behind
has been torturing my mind
for what feels like forever
some days i want to stay an eternity
and never let go of these things
and other days,
i just want to fly away and get it over with.
yet here i am
as the clock keeps ticking by
in wait for that day to come.
I feel this weight on my chest,
they say I just need some rest.
It's pulling me deeper and deeper.
With time the grass will be greener.
Something enormous is suffocating me.
Like I'm drowning and I can't get back up.
But no one can see the pain,
I guess it's all in my brain.
They say everything is okay,
to push the pain away.
But how will I heal,
if I just conceal?
i remember the days when i'd spend hours painting, journalling, just enjoying being alone,
and now...i'm afraid of the thoughts that may enter my head during those spaces.
constant spirals of reminders of all that is or could be broken inside of me.
i'm told of god's grace and love,
and i know these truths,
but to truly believe is completely different.
how do i stop striving to make myself holy?
why can't it just be a simple switch one can turn on and off?
it's a whole new rewiring of neurons and thought patterns.
where do i even begin to change?
it seems so daunting and overwhelming
Ever since I left,
it was difficult to go back.
Sometimes too much has changed,
old friends become strangers.
People I can't even recognize.
Core values have changed,
and it seems the person I once knew is forever lost.
it's just enough change to carry out a conversation.
It's fun to talk about past adventures,
but it gives me a sorrowful smile.
Most of you are strangers to me now,
but I still smile and laugh through the small talk.
Maybe I'm the stranger.
You're the light in my darkness.
You can always make me smile.
We've laughed together,
and cried together.
We're miles apart,
but we're always in sync.
You'll always be in my heart,
no matter how distant we may become.
You've impacted me like no other friend.
You're my partner in crime,
You're my best friend,
You're my sister.
We talk about anything and everything,
nothing is off limits.
I tell you all my secrets and you entrust me with yours.
I treasure our time together,
even if we're just being lazy.
You'll always have my heart,
no matter how far apart we may be.
I love you forever.
A gentle breeze on a late summer night sways the trees lightly.
Winter comes and with it, change.
Cold, strong wind, dying plants, snow.
The new wind picks up speed and makes the trees follow it's path.
A plastic bag flies up to the sky and comes down with a harsh blow.
Who will it reach?
What does it carry on its journey?
Maybe it carries a letter, or maybe it is simply empty.
This wind can be harsh and brutal,
but it can also be light and gentle.
It can bring new adventures and it can force change upon its grand journey.
we messed this up.
years of knowing you
and we've never really talked.
we're practically strangers
that see each other so often.
we messed this up.
we could have been something
more than this.
but I'm leaving soon
and this game will end.
we really messed this up.
sometimes it's all a bit too much
this world spins so fast
i can't keep up with the rush
they say it'll all be a blast
but all i feel is the weight on my chest
maybe this life is all but a big test
see who can survive all the trials
even if there are no more smiles.
im constantly caught up in the past,
in the what-ifs,
in the what-could-have-beens.
the future scares me,
so i retreat to nostalgia.
my favorite friend.
she makes my heart so sad,
yet so full of joy.
Help me believe You're using this brokenness in me for a reason.
Help me see Your good ways and plans for my life.
You see my pain, it feels too much to bear many days.
It feels like an endless cycle, fighting it feels so hard.
Help me have hope in You.
Help me see myself more the way You see me, Lord.
I know You created me with amazing creativity and with good gifts.
Help me to honor that and see that more than the way I currently am seeing myself.
I once knew a girl with a wide smile,
she had quite the interesting style.
She lived in the clouds,
and invited the crowds.
She swam with sharks,
and saw everything in colorful sparks.
When she was told to act her age,
she threw quite the rage.
Eventually life caught up to the girl,
and she never again stopped to twirl.
i think im falling in love with you,
for ive never felt this way before.
i miss you all the time
and i know your mind so well.
i know when you're being a goofball
and when you're being honest.
i know how deeply you care for your family
and friends, though you may never admit it.
i know you're scared of getting hurt,
so love frightens you.
but i know when you will fall in love,
though it may not be with me,
you'll be just perfect.
she held the greatest capacity for love
he had ever seen,
for her heart had been shattered
more times than she could count.
she told him to stay away,
for she feared the love of another man.
though that didn't stop
the evident spark between the two.
she finally jumped
into the arms of love,
and forever they will
dance in the dark
to the sound of slow jazz.
pulling their bodies apart,
and their hearts together once more.
When all energy is drained from my body,
when my bones creak and crack
and my body has no strength;
I put my trust in You.
I trust that You will use me for Your glory.
Father, use me when I don't feel usable.
All you require is my faithfulness and trust,
then you restore me.
Lord, use me when I don't feel usable.
When I'm broken down and life isn't perfect,
use me even then.
When my flaws and scars are evident to all,
use me especially then.
King, use me when I don't feel usable.
When my heart is broken, and I reject you;
even then use me to bring glory to Your kingdom.
Savior, use me when I don't feel usable.