i remember the days when i'd spend hours painting, journalling, just enjoying being alone,
and now...i'm afraid of the thoughts that may enter my head during those spaces.
constant spirals of reminders of all that is or could be broken inside of me.
i'm told of god's grace and love,
and i know these truths,
but to truly believe is completely different.
how do i stop striving to make myself holy?
lovable?
good enough?
why can't it just be a simple switch one can turn on and off?
it's a whole new rewiring of neurons and thought patterns.
where do i even begin to change?
it seems so daunting and overwhelming

Chaos in my mind

                 Spirals on repeat

They left me behind

                  Blisters on my feet

I’m lost and I’m blind

                   Empty and Complete  

I try to chase my thoughts

                    But they end up chasing me

Providence the dreadful mystery;
The impeccable dignities and places
Sweep in spirals, from the sand;
that blowed And licked at your feet
The world Conceived before those hills
Foot-fast; Look, where He strove to get at.

At a place where no one hears
At a time when no one sees
Waves flows down along with tears
And a full lovestruck world begins

There is a bitter metaphor
That let the days drip off the sun
And all the dreams that we adore
Were that full world that had begun

Spirals, spirals
The way it is
We keep going on
Spirals, spirals
The way it feels
We keep moving on

At a place where the night ends
At a time when stars burn down
Hearts open along with men
Voices become an only sound

There is a late evening laughter
That let the talks come back to live
And made the words become lighter
So the voices again could breathe

Spirals, spirals
The way it goes
We keep advancing
Spirals, spirals
The way it loves
We keep on wishing

At the center of the circle
The warm beating of living souls
That noise so soft and so little
A small echo of it still falls

At the top of the sky
Dazzling embraces in the heat
Holding close whatever comes by
Turning it into years so sweet

Spirals,spirals
The way it was
We keep on learning
Spirals, spirals
The way it shows
We keep on spinning.

i don't want to die.
just not exist for a while.
sleeping but
the world forgets about you
for as long as you lay down.
a quiet body
in an empty room.

i am running from my problems
but i
run in
spirals.

Close your eyes
staring at the sun
it’s dropping fast
burnt umber runs

Mountain auras
dividing shadows
lights the purple line
between day and night

Dark silhouettes
sinking deep
illuminates behind
the promise of sleep

Night stars cascading
emu peeps
between milky light
eternally creeps

Shooting stars bright
inner eye sees
cacophonies of colour
shapes our very lives

It’s dreams, it’s time
it’s endless and divine
this half way place
all here, sublime

It’s spirals, it’s dots
it’s country, it’s us
explaining the universe
simple yet complex