I feel this weight on my chest,
they say I just need some rest.
It's pulling me deeper and deeper.
With time the grass will be greener.
Something enormous is suffocating me.
Like I'm drowning and I can't get back up.
But no one can see the pain,
I guess it's all in my brain.
They say everything is okay,
to push the pain away.
But how will I heal,
if I just conceal?
Ever since I left,
it was difficult to go back.
Sometimes too much has changed,
old friends become strangers.
People I can't even recognize.
Core values have changed,
and it seems the person I once knew is forever lost.
it's just enough change to carry out a conversation.
It's fun to talk about past adventures,
but it gives me a sorrowful smile.
Most of you are strangers to me now,
but I still smile and laugh through the small talk.
Maybe I'm the stranger.
I wrote you a note at 5 am,
you read it,
with no reply.
Before you left you asked for a picture of the two of us.
I made a joke and we laughed through the pictures.
But all that I could think about was
how it felt to have your arm around me.
It was holding me,
as I held you.
I wish I could go back to that moment,
but it's gone.
When we said our goodbyes,
it hurt so much.
I wanted to tell you so many things,
but time was running out.
I hugged you so many times,
you thought it was strange.
As soon as you walked away,
my heart felt empty;
I missed your presence already.
We touched hands as you drove away
in that big green van.
I ran after you,
as did other friends.
But you were gone.
I can still see your eyes gazing into mine,
and your oh so sweet smile;
but you're gone.
Nowhere to be seen.
I'm standing here,
on the edge of a cliff;
looking out unto the darkness below.
You're standing there,
across the way.
There once was a beautiful,
long bridge between us.
Flowers grew on it,
and kids loved to dance on it.
Now there's a broken,
rusty bridge that is falling apart
every time you take a step.
What we once had is now broken,
damaged, falling apart, slipping away.
Every time I try to reach you,
I feel like I'm talking to a wall.
I can see these feelings evaporating from my heart,
but I don't want them to.
I want to hold on to them forever.
The view was breathtaking,
I don't want it to disappear.
I just want to stay in that moment forever with you,
but you're slipping away.
Soon, you'll be gone;
and you'll take those good memories with you.
You'll turn them into thoughts of remorse for me.
Yes, it's true;
there you are, slipping away.
Every time I see your face,
My heart beats a little faster.
Every time I hear your words,
It's like I've gone back in time.
We're not meant to be,
So why can't I just move on?
I started depending on you too much,
and now part of me feels like it's missing.
You taught me things about myself and the world.
I can never thank you enough.
You introduced me to new sounds,
that now make me think of you.
My heart aches for what we had,
But we can't go back.
I didn't even notice you in the beginning.
You were just another guy among the crowd.
Now, you're so much more.
I noticed you looking my way at times,
did you notice my glances as well?
We spoke few words until that night.
We talked all evening by the sparkling fire.
Your eyes sky blue looking into mine.
Your smile, the sweetest one I've seen in a while.
There were people all around us,
yet it felt like we were the only ones in the world.
I heard your words but I didn't comprehend all of them.
I was too busy gazing into your eyes and hoping this feeling would never fade.
My brain tells me 'no', because it's not the right time.
But will I ever be ready?
Will it ever be the right time?
My heart screams out 'yes', because I've never felt this way before.
I can talk to you, this is real.
This isn't just a fantasy.
This is something new.
You're so quiet, yet powerful in your words.
You are a protector with a kind heart.
I love watching you do what you love,
even if we have different passions.
I feel like I know you so well,
even if it's only been two weeks.
You're something new.
Do I follow my heart?
Or listen to my brain?