When you left,
I didn't think it would hurt this much.
I never said goodbye,
which hurts me the most.
I had so much to say,
but I never got the chance.
I had this feeling in my gut,
I missed you so much.
I missed our conversations.
I missed our hugs.
I missed your laugh.
I missed your teasing me.
I missed you.
But it was more than that.
I had this feeling that you were meant to be mine.
Is that even possible?
Is "meant to be" even achievable?
My heart aches for you,
but as an amazing friend?
I can feel the winds of change
brushing against my skin.
It's so close to here and now.
We cling to time because
we know if we let it loose,
it may never come back.
We're always running from it,
change, even if it could be good.
The tide always rolls in,
the sun always rises,
as change is inevitable.
They ask me if I'm okay,
it seems like I never am.
Every moment of joy
is drowned by the pain from my past.
Am I addicted to the sadness?
There's something so beautiful about that storm inside.
About that dark night where all you can do is cry.
There's something so magical about feeling everything so deeply.
Tell me, am I addicted to the sadness?
It's the emotion I feel the most
and there's something so inviting about it.
It's suffocating me slowly,
but I'm addicted to the sadness.
Everything seems blue.
Not the pretty blue kind,
that you see in the sky during a summer day.
Not the kind that reminds you of all the joys in life.
The one that leaves you in awe.
The kind that makes you feel every sorrow of the world.
That deep blue that makes you question yourself.
Every little thing reminds me of my failures
and pains and makes me feel such a deep blue.
I look out the window
and see a storm coming.
The trees swaying
and the sky darkening.
Much like I feel inside.
This storm I had hid away
is coming back to my chest.
It's rattling my bones,
shaking me to the core.
I thought I had gotten rid of this pain,
but it's still there.
Time and time again I've failed you,
but you have never forsaken me.
You've always been there watching over me.
Your hand extended out to me to offer help,
but I never took the help.
I always wanted to live on my own terms.
But I've changed, through You.
I seek for help and guidance.
I seek for a relationship with you.
Much more than singing words for show,
and attending services to be a good person.
I seek to be more like You.
I seek to grow in You.
I seek to sing with passion for You.
I seek to live a life full of compassion and love.
I seek You.