I might have left it too late,
too late to notice that
you occupy my heart and
without you, it'd be empty,
devoid of love,
but distancing myself from you
sounds like drowning myself
in blacker shades of blue.

And you're still living,
and you're still breathing,
and this don't sound
like the me I knew,
but then again, maybe
the me from nowadays is new,
the me from today and yesterday
will be dying tomorrow day,
but tomorrow day,
will you still hold me tight?

Oh the fear of being alone
plagues my head,
the fear of losing you
has become my shadow,
following me everywhere,
even into the dark
where shade is not
meant to be found,
my bedroom light feels like
the light of a thousand suns,
it burns my face.

God, how could i fall in so deep?
God, I cannot even speak,
God, I wish for eternal sleep,
what I seek keeps escaping me
in such cruel ways,

Baby I'm in a trance,
and my feet know
only your dance;
Please wait patiently for me
to snap out of it.

Will you let me make
a mosaic out of
our broken parts,
or will your stubbornness
force me to pull away,
send all our pieces astray,
and mourn you even though
you will have not passed away?

Acetone

The places where you
lit fires just for me
begin to dismantle themselves
as soon as your absence is felt;
Your hands were the stitches
that held them together.

Vulnerability inevitable,
yet somehow it feels
safe with you,
close enough to fire,
close enough to be highly
flammable when
exposed to air (love),
close enough to reveal
parts of me I'd always conceal.

This love is
violent and gentle,
somedays, an arrow to my heart,
others, unbearable to pull apart
and I guess though
that's what love means;
taking the euphoria with
the smoke,
staying through merciless
days of bloodshed,
just to keep a throbbing beat alive
and kicking to the gut,
adding salt to a bleeding cut;
I could bleed myself dry for you.

Toluene

I've buried origins in foreign soil,
I've buried me in all my turmoil,
but you are the shovel
digging deeper into me,
and I don't mind.
I don't mind feeling the love,
but I mind the sick -
the sick feels like all
the reasons to die.

When absence
becomes a metronome,
I know we've been too far apart,
even hearts cannot force
a beat to leap when
souls grow cold and
hands become ashtrays
in the dark.

And though this world may decay,
my love for you will never fade;
darling you make me feel
as if I'm coming home,
darling, you're dripping
all the colours of the rainbow
all over my heart's monochrome.



*A/N: Utter  nonsense...but anyways here's a new poem. Have been very busy with school - a week full of assessments one after the other.
Please comment your thoughts on this poem (: Thankyou for reading! ♡♡

I can't understand
why everybody is so infatuated
with the idea of
having it "all figured out."
I don't understand my crippling
fear of not knowing;
where did it come from
and who planted its seed?
Because this fear of not knowing
is the forest living within me,
feeding itself with
my paralyzing thoughts
and if I could,
I'd ask it all to stop.
Life is being portrayed as
some puzzle we all need to complete
and I fear stumbling;
I fear the human act of
making a mistake,
because Heaven forbid,
something goes left
instead of right.

You used to ease my pain,
in you I placed my trust
but trust's a broken bicycle
and now the bicycle rusts,
I'd go miles to
make you smile insane,
but now you won't do the same

We lost our spark,
sweet notes and goodnight
before the night
grew teeth in the dark,
I'll hold your hand forever,
Let go never.

The day has claws,
you know the wars I wage
and you leave me
at the monster's jaw,
ready to be taken away,
I love peace but
you're on my last nerve,
I'm tempted to
cut the ties that bind me to you.

We lost our spark,
no more sweet notes
and goodnight,
I'm a prisoner of the dark,
You'll hold my hand never,
Let go forever.

Methanol*

You were my first secret handshake
but handshakes are history,
why should I befriend a snake,
when I could avoid the misery?

I'm not imploding from the pain
of having no real closure,
no need for guilt to
build my heart a terrain
over your lack of composure.

The smiles you saw
after I pulled the trigger,
after my deed,
were a symptom of no remorse,
no blister
for plucking power out of a ****.

Cradle me in your bones,
teach me the meaning of home,
I'm lost in this feeling of numbness,
My heart is gone,
replaced by a stack of bricks
and no matter how much
I strive and twist,
I feel absolutely nothing,
The crannies in my mind
have never been so
mind numbing,
I feel nothing at all
*and it feels so un-natural.

It is too late -
Your name has already carved itself
into a song- and what an ironic song
you chose to represent yourself with...
I will remember you for centuries,
it says but let's remember
that the feeling is mutual;
You will not forget me now and then.

You will not forget mind numbing kisses,
you will not forget holding me
as if our lives depended on it.
And cursedly, I will not forget you;
I will try to, but everything
will start to resemble you.

Even these words - are they getting you
out of my own head or are they
digging my grave just an inch deeper
into dirt - dirt you dug out, just for me,
with a smile, a ribcage, and
a heartbeat that feels like my tombstone
teasing me, beating down the seconds until
my heart stops, *just for you.

Her head spinning,
her head numb,
and yet she refused
to leave

And maybe that
was all it took,
a selfless gesture
to make me feel
loved and understood

She said
"I really don't want to
leave you alone tonight,
will you really be alright?"

I'll certainly try.

Your mouth on mine
and I know I
won't be able to resist;
the horror wants to
pull me away,
but you keep me grounded,
I love you and so I stay.
"Let's make it worthwhile" you say
we pour 3 hours' passion into
the last 3 minutes of our day,
I feel the emptiness leave me
to mingle with yours
and suddenly two empty vessels
become a whole.

You are dangerous,
that smile of yours
should be a crime,

The wrists of my mind
carry the bleeding lines,
So please do me a favour;
don't give up on me.

You're my nicotine,
don't give up on me,
You're my nicotine,
don't give up on me,
You're my drug,
my favorite hug...

Anything could happen
but I know,
I'd ache all over again
just to love *you.

I heard you cried some tears
over me on the phone to
my best friend,
I heard you blamed me
in the end,
but how could you have
expected me to stay,
when you were chasing me away?

You couldn't be peaceful,
I couldn't be resourceful
enough to split myself in two.
You were resentful,
all sentimental,
while I was trying to
comfort my torn heart.

I heard you cried some tears
over me on the phone to
my best friend,
but I feel no guilt for
starting this end.

Acetone*

I don't hesitate like I used to;
I know nothing of grey,
grey knows nothing of me.
You're a cigarette lighter,
your name slowdancing in my mind,
a violent waltz.

I tiptoed around you,
afraid to be set ablaze
but now my extinguisher's
not working
and I can't help but hold your gaze.

I've been told we're too young,
too young to set ourselves alight,
and too fragile for exposure.
But I also know if I'd never tried
I would have never found closure.

Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
Quit haunting my eyes
when they close.
I'm sick of dreaming
of you in colour,
when you should be stored away in monochrome.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
I may have wiped away
any traces,
but it still wouldn't erase you,
especially when my words
are still dripping with your remains.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
There is far more than what your eyes perceive.
Your assumptions devour
any piece of my show,
they turn into thieves,
hungry teeth eating away understanding,
licking up any scene.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
I can no longer taste love letters
and believe.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading!! What are your thoughts on this one?

I'm dry right now,
no tears are left
but you still make me fall
and you still tighten up my chest.
It feels un-natural;
how I've fallen but feel
nothing yet.
My bones ache for your embrace,
but you're a broken skeleton,
you cannot hold me,
you cannot hold a commitment
or even a conversation.
I can't remember the last time
I heard you speak.
The last time might've been
the first time,
I don't know what
there is to miss.
I'll turn a blind eye when
gasoline tempts me,
my carelessness will be my bliss.
You're wrapped in indifference
and you will not unfold for me
because you couldn't care less,
indifferent to a lifetime of
armless hugs;
the walls of your skull
have never memorized
my first heartbeat
because no one ever taught you how to try,
and I don't want your presence
to be my neighbour,
because your love
feels like forced labour.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! What are your thoughts on this one?

Uncertainty is flourescent,
a flashing neon sign,
emotions blurred,
mind matter stirred,
Thoughts of decay
send me astray,
flames extinguished
cannot turn mind matter to ash,
Oh I hate when they ask
for a reason, a reason
This is more than just a bad season.
My smile is evanescent,
the fight decadent,
I cannot recognize this
numb reflection,
I cannot recognize
*my skin, my skin, MY skin.

You're "sorry" but...
what does that mean?
You're remorseful, you're regretting,
sure, if I'm lucky,
you'll cry a few tears...

But are you really sorry?
Or is sorry just a convenient lie
to keep me by your side?
How long can I love a person
that ***** with my mind?

This is love gone wrong,
I'm a puzzle you just
can't complete
no matter how well
your kiss flows
no matter how many pecks
on my forehead you give.

Anti is a character I've created, not a new poet name. And because characters have their own voice, Anti gets stand - alone poems without my name at the bottom of it. Because it's Anti speaking. The poems between Anti and I are exchanges of conversation, and they go in the order that I post them.. just letting everyone know, in case someone was wondering.
Comment your thoughts!!

Thankyou,

- Crimsyy

Tar

Remorse is a fundamental *****
you just don't seem to possess,
and so your mistakes are repeated
over and over and over
and it never matters to you
because they're just another
bad habit you can't be
bothered to break,
and I couldn't stay with you
because staying with you
to feel happy,
was like smoking to let
my lungs breathe.

I hope you feel my absence
as a mighty wallop of pain
all over your chest,
and I hope your lungs
will be coated in regret,

Our friendship was a cigarette;
alluring, seemingly okay,
addictive;
our friendship was another
bad habit I inevitably fell into,
but maybe I'm thinking
of the wrong bad habit.
Friendship is not a bad habit,
the bad habit was
you.*

Excuse me if I quit.

Nicotine*

Your mother told me
I'd miss you this year -
I already knew.
I wish I could tell her
everytime I've had to
shove a blade of tears
down my throat so
no one would have to
watch my eyes bleed it.

The problem is, I
miss you quite easily,
I still need to build up
my resistance, but even then,
I would not be able to
ignore your absence
the same way you cannot ignore
a gap in between your front teeth.

I will have tearful nights
because my lips will ache for yours,
and my limbs will feel too isolated.
I will have days where I
will be in shades of black
like a funeral,
but that will be how I'll know
that I'm fully alive,
because I'll miss you so.

So I won't be able to ignore
your absence,
but maybe I'll put it to the side
until all the upcoming times
we'll see each other again,
and then I will let it all
take over me
and give into you, sweet nicotine.

An explosion of art in my soul,
from tragedy I birth a masterpiece
as this world hoards disorder,

You will not make a madhouse out of me,
you will not haunt me when
everything falls apart,
I will not see the "us" in rust,
from rust, the world implodes
but from the rust, I grow

There is chaos out there,
and sometimes, I find it hard
to just float and breathe,
I find it hard to not drown in the noise,
I find it hard to determine
what I should perceive,

And at times, I let
my mind bury me in ashes,
I let you bury me in ashes,
but watch me strike a match
on all the wasted anger and anguish;
I don't think you can defeat me.
There are no weapons
to knock down my walls of chaos.

Being love drunk... the feeling of you losing control, shaking and more shaking.
Losing all control, being aware of it, and begging for more. Smiling...but not just any smile..those goofy smiles they write about in novels.
Being love drunk...if things go your way, it would be purgatory, cleansing you from all those that had burne dyou before, cleansing way your scars without the salt but with the sky's stars. Your eyes will sparkle and you'll want to skip testing the waters with one foot - you'll want to dive, even if the consequence is death - at least you'll die happy.
If things don't go your way, your roses will still bloom, but you'll need to trim away the weeds, one tear at a time. One run by the ocean at a time.
One skip of "our song" at a time.

Sometimes, I wish
I was as deep as the surface -
only what you see in front of you.
It bothers me that when
people look into my eyes,
they don't see pupils
enveloped by blue,
they become mesmerized
and tell me they can see the ocean
and they're **** right;
in my soul there is an ocean
of threatening commotion,
but I wish it weren't visible
by simply looking at me.

I wish people would not tell me
that I am an open book
because I know that
I am the complete opposite;
what I tell you is just
scratching the protective walls
I immerse myself in,

Don't dare tell me you can read me
when my mind speaks in
linguistic hieroglyphs
not even I comprehend at times,
let alone you, a complete stranger.

No one will ever stop me,
you'll never devour me,
I have grown to care less
about people who fail
to see my worth.

You will never water down
my self esteem,
I burn like kerosene,
and now all my words
gather together
to prove that you
will never matter,
never make me shatter.

You deemed me disempowered,
inferior,
but you've never glimpsed
my interior.
You deemed me all the things
I'll never be;
it doesn't bother me.

Because I will keep
moving forward and growing,
cutting away the weeds, ruthlessly
planting new seeds,
but you on the other hand,
your heart will become puckered
and your skin will grow to match it,
tainted and wrinkled by
the millions of seconds you spent
underestimating a masterpiece.

Stearic Acid*

Out of your mouth came
the good intentions,
out of your deeds,
you were a contradiction,
with contrasting actions.
Such a contradiction of a girl,
such a faker up front.
Don't deny that you would speak
when I was absent,
don't deny that you couldn't
even be happy because
all you knew how to be was
immaturely jealous.
You lured me in with that
saccharine smile and the embraces,
but you pushed me away
with the contents of
your foul mouth.

We won't be friends for long,
I'm sorry but you've done me wrong.
You've dug a hole in my mind,
and I can see in black
but you've made me colourblind.
I've grown accustomed to
having you around,
I've grown accustomed to
your white noise.
But surrendering was never my choice,
I want nothing less than gold,
I never wanted my soul to be sold...
I've spent too many nights
crumbling, folding, imploding
I've spent too many days
wearing a mask that portrays
that my mind is okay...
I've spent too much time in your shade,
I want to see the sun again,
I'm afraid I'll lock you in the very cage
you made for me,
and this time *I'll be free.

My thoughts are misled,
you're keeping my anxiety fed,
but I'll be with you
until this war ends.

My meal has lost its flavour,
bleak and plain,
my mind's geometry is denial
as I picture blood stains

How can I forget
you begging me for a way home?
No, not just yet, I plead
I won't leave you alone

And now my temples throb
as I seek the evidence
fighting against your decadence.
I can't find the key to
unlock my sanity,
so I grab a bobby pin,
but concern plays my mind
like a howling violin.

- Crimsyy

Buried beneath bruises
and seas bluer than blue,
skies blacker than black,
and souls crueler than cruel,
I search for myself
in a world of copy and paste.

Have you ever felt so dead
you started hating the grave?
Have you ever felt so dead
all you wanted to do,
all you wanted to be
"when you grew up"
was happy and alive?

I know my identity
and who I aspire to,
I'm just an amateur
in a sea of "professionals"
I don't aspire to be
a clone of a "star" ,
I'll determine whether
I've gone far.

Do you know my scars?
Have you seen the
blood in my mind?
Someday you'll be grateful
I was kept alive.

I'll slip, I'll fall,
don't voice your opinion
thankyou,
failure is just a bruise,
not a tattoo
and clearly we share
different views on success
and making dreams come true..

Tell me just one thing;
Have you mastered life,
or has life mastered you?

I've learned to pull out the plug
when enough is enough,
because flesh and minds
sometimes are too much,
I know you've realized it now
but it's too late
and there's no going back,
no erasing mistakes.

I could wipe your slate clean
but I'm caught in
a mess you made,
torn between which side to take
and which one to forsake,

and now your face is
turning red from rage or regret,
because I won't choke on
the words I said,

and someone will miss you,
someone will miss you,
someone will miss you,
but that someone isn't me.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! The moral of this one is - actually, I'll let you work that out ;) What do you think of this one?

You make me wish
I couldn't care less,
you make my soul
want to fight my mind,
you make me wish
my heart was carved
out of indifference, passivity.
You make me wish
my thoughts were
filled with apathy, not empathy,
you make me wish
I was subtle, not bold.
And you make me question
if being intertwined is equal
to being free,
if human warmth is equal
to a smile,
if your body next to mine
is equal to happiness.
But the truth is,
I am filled with care from head to toe;
I care about poetry,
and sunsets, and stars
and all the little things you overlook
because you think they'll last forever.
But I'm perfectly fine,
just like that.

Ammonia*

A grudge...
maybe that's what
I'm holding for you.
A heavy package made of steel,
settled in my heart,
pleasing its own needs of
comfortability,
reminding me to
spit at your
parasitic picture of love.

We just need to hear
you say sorry,
my grudge and I,
in need of apologies
so much
we'll take it artificial.

"Excuse me?" our heart inquires,
"I'd like some oxygen."
But we can't listen to it,
not when there's so much to lose;
self respect, dignity.
We can't listen to that
stupid, little thing,
when there's so much justice
awaiting us.

We are trees,
society tries to tame our roots,
tries to have a leash,
take hold, possess control
on the colour of our leaves.

If it wishes for us
to grow golden leaves,
then we must confirm.
When we don't,
it throws us into a fire
to make us realize that
our roots are important...
as long as society approves.

But what society
doesn't understand
is that some of us
do not like being flourescent.
Some of us prefer
to leave a mark, leave a gap
and become evanescent.



Sorry for the super ******
word ***** poem but I just
*needed to write.

It is

my own mind

that hinders me

from feeling freedom

hit my wings and make me fly.

It is my own tired mind

it is me so beg my blood to flow

Will you sweep up my mess for me?

My broom broke long ago.

I can't place a
blanket over you anymore,
I can't love you like
this July cold,
the cold air presses such icy kisses on my cheeks,
but when I think of you,
all I can do is seethe.

I never wanted you to be
this crimson scar
I hold in my chest,
I never thought you'd be
a suffocation of all the best.

You paint me in shades
of red regret,
and I wonder
how long this rage
will cling to me
and when it'll
make a cemetery in my heart for all the words
I haven't said yet.

You wore me like jewellery
and I was yours while
times were golden,
but in your misery
it seems you've forgotten
who I am to you
and what I'm trying to do.

And I don't know
if I can stay,
or if I should just
turn my face away.

- Crimsyy

Your kisses are a bundle of nerves
and the more we lean back
the more we can feel our shattered spines
but having lived is
worth being paralysed,
your hugs are safety
I can never detach myself from,
conjuring up sighs in me
I never get the chance to speak of.

Fill me up to the brim,
I want all your love,
Make my cup overflow,
I want all your love
or absolutely nothing.
Mum, dad,
I think I'm inlove
with a ghost,
and I'm his haunted house
He haunts me all night long,
Mum, dad,
He's taking up too much
space in my heart,
I fear he'll rip me apart
like all my anonymous notes
declaring love that would never
be given back
but that's backtrack;
here and now,
he's mine,
he's mine until I finally catch fire,
Until love expires.

The season's now complete
and your winter's unforgiving
unless you let it show its teeth
and your skin's so pale,
your winter's made you frail.

How can you stand to love it so?
Why does your mind absorb everything?
How could you stand to
be with such a liar?
Winter's constantly
playing with your wires.

And I hate how you're
embracing this cold
like it's a part of you,
friend, please
I've never seen you so blue.

And I hate this winter,
I loathe your pain
how can I love winter
when there's hail in your brain?

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading (: Any thoughts on this one?

Do you ever stop to
think about our kisses?
Are they merely just an
exchange of saliva to you?
When we kiss, everything
inside of me travels inside you.

Your mouth is a
profound curtain,
though i don't know
if it's witnessing
love at its truest
or a cruel lie disguised
as intimate affection,
but nevertheless,
my mouth lingers on yours
like a leech
as if saliva is now blood,
and as if you are now
my bloodstream.

Your doll face, fragile like a china doll
and your heart, even more breakable,
this, a felony,
to break your heart is a crime
but I can't let you waste
any more of my time,

This, the result of
unrequited attention,
I wasn't there just
to cause your *******,
I don't care what's in your pants,
I only care what's in your heart,

And it's not me, the way
you made me believe,
but babe I won't be fooled;
I've been playing hard to deceive,
I see right through everything,
deep down you're *****,
and my love will be your biggest stain,
because I'll move on,
but you'll never forget my name.

I never liked the way
she smiled at you,
never liked the way she
hugged the corners
of every door,
never liked her clothes,
never liked her sitting so close.

I plastered a smile on my face
just for the night,
just for your night,
but that small curve
turned into a straight line.

Green's a cliché,
my eyes saw all
my pleasantness fading away.
Now won't she stay in her line?
Can't **** with what's mine.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! Any feedback on this?

I am honestly so insecure. But I couldn't give a **** about what anyone else thinks, what anyone else says. I wish you'd try harder for me. Today, I even brought some extra snacks, just for you, because I know you're always hungry at lunch and quite frankly, it broke my heart that I couldn't help you because I'd already eaten. But of course, you never got to eat, or even KNOW of the extra snacks I brought, just for you. I even sneaked an extra of my mum's favourite chocolate biscuits, the ones she says to not take unless we ask...and I didn't ask for the extra one. But you know why you never got to eat it? Because my best friend dared me to eat what I'd brought for you. She didn't think you deserved it. Maybe I should stop trying so hard. And maybe you should give me back the leash for my emotions because you **** them up.

I don't want to write rhymes,
I want to tear my pain apart
into perfect, delicate
rectangular pieces
and feed it to my friends,

Then I want to rip their flesh apart
and feed it to my pain,
I want to give them rain,
let their prayers for sunshine
be in vain,

I don't want to destroy a wall,
I want to burn all the cages inside me,
I don't want a key,
I want to knock a door down,
and I don't want to bandage you,
I want to cure me.

Either I can swim or
I'd rather sink,
Either a storm or
not even a drizzle;
teach me balance, please.

I am not a piece of cake,
I am a piece of war,
make up your mind;
I want to know if you
are worth fighting for.

Own the right razor blade,
and shave away our mental sanity,
so that we earn a piece of paper;
Now we are worthy.

Clutch my heart strings,
say you are willing to stay,
pluck away your shyness,
I'll discard my dramatic;
I guess right now,
the less time we're together,
the less we'll need to heal...
Then maybe when all this
turns into dust,
it won't sting as much.

When you unravel me,
do so carefully.
The world is a breath
of fresh air I have not taken yet,
not reached yet
and somedays I curl up
within myself
and other days I wonder
how many moments
and doubt - filled nights
separate me from you.
Somedays, I want to run
I want to own the moon,
and others, I still
find myself sleepy at noon,
and I wonder if this is normality,
if I'm the only one
going from one extreme to another.
So when you unravel me,
take time to savour
my incapability to dwell
in passivity.