I wonder if when I die
Someone will find comfort in the poems I write
That when I reach a peace
They too can see some sort of calm in the distance

Like a withering light
A flickering spark
It's fleeting
But enough for you to walk through the tunnel.

You're one of my favorites
A star of my life
Someone I just can't live without

And even when you're far away
I'll never wanna spend a day
not talking with you

Because I never had that perfect person,
that one who never left my side
who was always there when I needed them
and didn't leave me in the dirt to die,
when I was at my worst, they stayed, with their foot planted at my right.

So please, please.
Don't ever, ever leave my side.

i've been trying to write a poem a day
as if poetry is a lifeboat
sailing the dark ocean that is my life

I, for one, know I should be up and moving round.
Round
and
round.
And now and then,
I do, what I'm supposed to do.
But now and then, I also dig a hole or two,
so the odds of me doing what I am supposed to do are slim.
My homework's, in my bag.
I am looking, quite sad.
I don't want to do anything,
today.
And every day
goes the same,
so please don't make me do a thang.
Because I, for one, am having oh so much fun.

People say that changing yourself for another person
Is losing yourself

But I believe there are times
Where changing yourself for another person
Is how you find who you're meant to be

You are reborn,
out of love for another.

Staring down at my hands,
Quivering at my own sight.
My
      c
         r
           o
             w
               n
fell,
Though it was never really there.

You tell me I'm not good enough
I say a snarky comment,
walk away.

Never saying how I truly feel,
breaking down,
another day.

Knowing I will never be okay,
Hurts a bit,
I gotta say.

But I can't do anything to change,
because when my lips open,
it seems that nothing escapes.

I try to speak because
I have so many thoughts
and stories to tell
yet I can't find the words
and my head just yells them
arguing back and forth,
what do I say next?

my mind is at war
and I'm just trying to win the battle,
a battle just to open my mouth
but I always seem to lose.
So I just sit there, silent.

And even my tears
seem to
fall
without a sound.

Trees swaying side to side,
Blue's all I see.
If only it could stay,
Blue for eternity.

Some days I feel like getting up,
others,
I don't.
I lift my finger off my bed, and I say,
not today.

Sometimes I wonder if people notice the small things,
like my eye bags getting bigger,
or the slight limp in my walk.
Maybe they do and maybe they don't,
that's not up to me.
It's all up for grabs.

I like to think I'm in charge,
but I know I'm just drifting.
People around me are just carrying me along through life.
I'll never be the person they all look to.
The "Imma 2020 president candidate," tik tok that people actually support.

No love, no nothing.
Drifting. Drifting. Drifting.
Some days I do my homework,
some days I can't even open my laptop.
It's not up to me, it's all up for grabs.

"if the sun starts setting,
the sky goes cold"

the way you make me feel
tingles in my shoulders,
curling my toes,
I'm so glad to hear from you
and whenever you want
we can glow.

I feel so cold.

We were never "together"
But you led me to believe in "us"
We were never "meant to be"
But I thought we had a "spark"

And then I found out the truth.

dripping on my page
I can't take this pain
my eyes blur
I can't even see the page anymore
and the writing is doubled unrecognizable lines

I want to disappear.

It's easier for me
to die
than to try

but every time someone asks me if I'm fine,
I lie.

I can hear my heart
Though the room isn't silent
I can feel my brain
Running circles in a fray
I'm scared
Fear coursing through my veins
I take a breathe
And start the test.

All my friends had given up
They'd taken the easy path
The one where straight A's are attainable
And sanity is sustainable

I moved my mouse in a different direction
From their perplexion, I knew
My complexion would never be the same

I knew that taking these courses
Would be no vacation
The certification was hard to achieve

Yet I got to the point where I wanted no more than to get down on my knees!
Plead guilty
For the crime
Of being in over my head.

I couldn't retain information
My mind was an augmentation
Of my imagination
A collection of mistakes,
Aches,
And earthquakes.

No more could I stand on still ground,
my knees shaking from your sound.
My heart pounding from
the inevitable loss of my innocence
which came derived from your
rejection.

My friends
the ones I held dear, my very own
Turned their face, shielded their eyes.
I was a damnation to everything they stood for!

For everything I tried to become
They became the opposite.
They fought their own, in the worst way possible
And I was left to battle my
impossible alone

Alone with the hours of homework,
And alone to face the very
housework we had built.
To see it crumble down before
my very eyes,
as I fumble to even close the windows to my soul,
as sleep is for the weak,
and I have too many bleak thoughts.
Far too many to ever be able to really dive deep
in this menacing society.

My school which shuts its doors at the very sight of me
And God who rains smog down
and it's not the year 2020, it's the whole future, past, and present.
It's our actions that will never be corrected
For we have had too many opportunities
And pennies for thoughts squandered into oblivion.
For maybe we should stop making
excuses,
and start accepting our fates.
For one day we are all destined to be gone,
yet isn't it odd,
that ignoring this,
that is how we survive?

it whispers as I drive past,
luring me in,
I park near the rocks.

I exit the car with my long locks,
descend the stairs,
run with the sand,
wind in my hair.

I breathe in the salt air,
and stare at the force of the ocean,
its beauty,
its strength,
and yet,
its fragility.

I pause.

As though to awake from a dream,
tired and drained,
I walk back to the car,
suddenly aware of the sand stuck on my feet,
and my knotted hair.

Pretty and silent.
Unspoken but seen.
Beauty,
her eyes.

Surrounded by death,
she stands,
a light in the dark.

A world taken,
yet she keeps it turning.
She keeps those left going.
She's a lifeline, not a lifesaver.

And when all hope is lost,
her heart beats loud and she stands.
She stands to fight.

Even when no one follows,
her hair is swinging in the wind above them.

She is the queen of the apocalypse.

you glisten in the sunlight,
and glow in the moonlight,
you're my compass,
my direction in life,
the beat in my heart,
and the sparkle in my eyes.

A wave
In an ocean
is nothing.

A beat
In a heart
is often.

So is one life lost
that bad
to humanity?

in your mind
all but a picture of me remains
but in mine
a movie is playing on repeat
and you are the lead
the director
and love interest

because sometimes,
when everything is going great,
I still,
inside,
feel empty.

Wandering a world of traps and likes,
sometimes I stare into the abyss of the blue sky,
and the sun illuminating the garden through the birch trees,
and I wonder if this is happiness.

I wonder how many things I will change in my life,
and I wonder if I'll look back one day and think it was happiness.

I wonder if I will wound up regretting it,
regretting changing myself or my life,
regretting changing my path to fit others' expectations,
or are they my own?

What's left after a person wanders,
wanders and wonders?

you make me feel like I'm six years old again
running scared and crying behind chairs
you make me feel like I'm not enough
but I am
because you don't define who I am
yes, you make me sad
and yes, you are the favorite
but I am no longer six years old
You are not my maker
And you are not my breaker.