tears in my eyes
it's been an hour
I can barely breathe.

I hear the front door open
I stand and wipe my face 10 times
look in the mirror
give it 3 more wipes.

Fake smile,
bright eyes,
wipe my nose,
I'm ready to go :)

2020 is not the year.

2020 is full of despair.

On the verge of another world war,

then faced with a pandemic,

like never seen before.

Once again, this year has struck.

and then there was you,
my only savior,
from the plight of my life,
but like everyone else,
you left me too.

my eyes still burn
from the last time we locked them
you and I are like
fires
everyone and everything around us
trying to extinguish us
but our eyes
they meet and make a forest fire
they meet and planets explode
it's like there's nothing else
keeping me from moving on
except for the way our eyes
used to ignite at a mere glance.

green with ginseng
and honey
a little arizona
for my soul,
it makes me whole.

the flood
brings the drought,
the everlasting numbness,
only to be ended
by a knife that opens the eyes,
letting tears out once more.

It never goes away
Always yelling at your body
Telling you
"THIS IS NOT OKAY"
My heart can't take much more,
and if it doesn't stop soon
my heart will break in two,
all because of you.

you can't escape your own loneliness
it surrounds you when you walk outside,
around people or alone,
that doesn't particularly matter to you.

you rise, you fall
it doesn't change how you feel inside,
depression doesn't go away no matter how hard you try to get a grip,
it always returns,
no matter how hard you're trying,
the voice in your head is always lying.

don't cry, my dear
it is no use,
and yet tears still flow
and when you stare yourself dead in the eye
pleading yourself to stop
the person in the mirror replies
with a simple shake of the head from left to right
and again, and again
till that same head
falls gently to your hands.

you wipe the tears away,
and look to the sky in the reflection,
but it's empty.

the silence hangs in the air suspended,
it doesn't drift,
it just floats,
waiting for someone to make a move,
waiting for something to improve,
but instead,
all that's left,
are careless words,
and broken souls.

The wind keeps flailing a leaf in the grass outside my window,
it moves from side to side,
lightly and violently, back and forth,
but it stays in the same spot on the ground.

This leaf is so grounded I begin to feel jealous,
it withstands any gust.

Then, I remember this leaf fell from a tree,
it already lost its battle.

And now it's fighting yet another one.

A never-ending war,
the life after leaving home.

brown and blue
born out of the ocean,
love,
and you.

in and out
oxygen
if you can breathe
you can live
if you can breathe
you can fight
so dont stop breathing
because i need you.

Don't fall in love and your heart will thank you
when it doesn't shatter and break into
          two,
                        three,
                                          a thousand parts.

Laying here,
5:08,
I can't believe it's so late.
On my phone,
Once again,
I can't believe this might end.

My life is in pieces,
I'm spiraling,
Attempting to create,
Something inspiring.
But how can I focus when I can barely breathe.
My eyes slowly shutting,
I haven't brushed my teeth.
So I stand up and go.
No sleep for me.

Soon I find that it's 8,
and my day has begun.

I'm so used to
singing a note
no one else can hear
it's like I'm screaming
underwater
and no one's ever there

My world will spin,
Till it can no more.
It comes crashing down,
All around my mind,
So I try,
To be kind.
To hide my faulty crimes.
But I know the truth.
For I've fallen so deep,
I can no longer sleep.
And I've cried so many tears,
I hold nothing else dear.
Soon, I shall disappear.

rolling hills
buildings of stone
rainy days
peaceful nights
a dark hallway
leading to a candlelit room
books from ceiling to floor
overlooking the countryside
squared windows
and hands over rough pages
warm blankets
sleep.

For aren't we all lost,
In nothing?
We say "where are we?"
But, who cares?!
We are all insignificant dots,
in a limitless sky of dots.

I would rather spend one day,
A perfect day
in the meadow
and have so much fun
and then continue that for as long as possible.

Money distracts us from happiness.
Goals and guidelines we will never,
ever,
fit
distract us from happiness.

If we all wander
And we are all lost
Why not all be found together?
In a world of happiness and freedom!

Why work when you can rest?
Why run a mile,
when you can smile!
Why take a test
when you can press
the escape key.

It's so easy,
yet none of us click it.
For escaping reality
is seen as "suicidal thoughts" or "depression"
where maybe all we want is to be happy.
To forget about our worries
And not have to feel the nothingness
creeping from inside.
For when we are happy,
all we want is to cherish that moment.
But, what if we never had to let go of it?