A visitor,
not a resident
once again.

You walk in and out
as though it was a revolving door.
You visit me as though I am a sovoneour shop,
just to see how much one would miss you.

My heart has become exhausted of
the constant switch between the void and the presence.

For you make a vacation out of me,
when I ought to be a sanctuary.
You turn me into a hotel room,
when I ought to be home.

My name was not the one that was to be traced on sand and washed away by the waves
but the one you would engrave with ink on your skin.

I am oxygen
I am water
Not momentary
or unncessary
like the label of the presence of expiry you labeled me with
Or your temporary devotion.

I love, when you unzip the layers of your personas,
letting me peek behind the mask
Revealing your raw edges
allowing me to be your haven from the world of facade.

I love, when you strip down your heart, 
unfold your thoughts, 
share your inner struggles
and pour your secrets into my ear
allowing me to be your sanctuary.

I love, when you lean your head on my shoulder
let my hands hold yours
and you let your tears flow
allowing me to be your solace.

I love, when you’re vulnerable and raw with me
making me one of the very few of those
who knows the darkest and brightest part of your mind,
and who are deeply embedded in your heart.

Humans
of different ages
learning and experiencing
growing and evolving
through different stages

We are stars wrapped in skin,
a universe in ecstatic motion
that has a heart pulsating
like a supernova
and eyes made of stardust
that shines bright in the darkness.
Thoughts like candlelights,
flickering on and off.

So protect your light,
protect your flame
from the ice of others.

Let it burn,
let it burn brighter
Let it burn,
from within till it’s out.
Let your light shine,
whatever form it maybe.

For you shone out of nowhere
In the everlasting depths of darkness
Reached out
and stealthily pulled me to the light

My emotions changing
ever so swiftly
with the every pump of the heart

My eyes blinded with such brightness and joy
For I wonder was it because of you
or the world now I saw?

But then you left
For there were many who walked in this world
Even when alone
I thanked you for showing me another world
Feel the ever depths of happiness
And the light which lit my skin
But solitude in the world of happiness was not my place

Then came my old friend
Darkness that lured me back in
'Welcome back'
for it wrapped me in its comfort
And said 'here you are to stay'

What is security?
For I never felt it
in the love of others
and in my own fibers and cells.

To be in the eyes of others,
your name on their tongue
you can not control whether
poison or honey drips from their tongue.

Some marker your skin with their opinions,
and dissect the capillaries of your life.
Examining the intricacy,
scrutinizing and doubting
the flesh you wear,
the work you do,
the person you are.

Some compliment,
support
and believe
making you feel full;
a whole
and leave you overflowing with love.

It is ironic
how some see the same parts of you
as light
whereas others see it as dark.
The best parts of you
as the worst
and your strength
as the lack of you.

So dear one,
don't let their perceptions
poison your intention.

When I write
I let myself taste the expanding darkness
deflating my cells of its vibrancy.
I let myself be touched by those crawling hands embedded in my bones.
I hear my oozing heart’s echoing angst.
And watch as my thoughts turn bitter
and my shoulder starting to weigh me down
As the memories start to climb up my spine.

Now that I’ve written
How do I close those doors once more?

I need to teach myself
that when they leave,
when they fall out of love,
when they reject,
It's not always because of my inadequacy
but rather it speaks
volumes about them.

When you say sorry;
When you start to care
Emotions are set in motion
Thoughts, pain, memories come crashing back
Seeping through the cracks
that I never knew existed.

I never knew I was broken from within,
Until I felt my emotions bleeding through the edges.
I never knew my thoughts were suppressed,
until they came crashing down upon me like turbulent waves.
I never knew I was sad,
until I tasted the pain that was rotting like venom in the corner of my brain.
I never knew darkness brewed within me,
until it diminished the light within as it stretched over the bright sky.

Why do you give your heart
to the ones who carelessly drop them?

Why do you give your heart
to the ones who engrave their name,
scaring it with memories
and then leave it deserted?

Why do you give your happiness
to the ones who leech it out of your life?

Why do you root yourself into their
hearts, intertwining with them emotionally so quickly?

You know better than
to let them wound you.

But I don't know who they
are unless I give them.

Why wipe my tears,
when you had to make me cry?

Why message,
when you never on planning to have a conversation?

Why get me attached,
when you had to leave?

Why do you come in peace,
when you are to leave me in pieces?

Why heal my heart,
when you had to break it?

Why fill my heart with happiness,
when you had to leave it will sorrows?

Why make me feel comfort,
when you had to leave me alone?

Why do you plant flowers,
if you were never going to water them?

Why did you build a home,
if you were never going to stay?

Why light up my world,
only to leave it dark?

Why do you come back,
just to leave once more?

Why do you
keep going
back to the ones who've hurt you
wasn't the memory enough?

Why do you
keep going
back to the toxicity
wasn't one inhalation enough?

Life gave me the truth
in exchange for my youth.

I am not feeling okay
The thoughts that were at bay
Are starting to weigh
Heavy on my mind
Heavy on my heart.

My thoughts start to sway
Guiding me astray
With its
overplay
and overstay.

Pieces of me
Start to fall away
Fade away
Further away.

I am starting to breakaway;
Flay away.

My mind frays
As my thoughts start to play,
my hands start to pray
And my words start to blow away
the people I hold so dear.

I will defray
Soon
But for now I am going to splay
my ache into words.

Love yourself,
so you can love others better.

Trust yourself,
so you trust others better.

Take care of yourself,
so you can take care of others better.

Be kind to yourself,
so you can be the same towards others.

Do it for yourself,
because self less
without self
just leaves you with less.

I try to defy my mental block,
I scrape my head,
becoming harsher on myself
as I force emotions to be penned
into words.
But all what comes is
incoherent, inadequate,
dots and strokes.

The words are fleeting,
they've lost their meaning.
Out of synch,
out of thought,
out of ink.

Writer's block,
is where I sink.

Ideas,
thoughts,
flood to and fro in my mind,
but none pour
out of my pen.
For these words are stuck,
stumbling,
rushing,
flying,
around in my head.

A nation that seeks to craft
what the forefathers draft;
a declaration of independence,
a nation of acceptance and coexistence.

A nation that weaves laws
for the ones of different colors,
wears,
and of worship —
building a homage for them all.

A nation with the vision of a blend of culture,
welcoming them into progressing lands  that play the tune of harmony
as blankets them in safety.

A tolerant nation
of multicultural lands,
and foreign tongues.
Building Seven Pillars
that stand tall and high
to inspire and ingrain
tolerance in every
crannies and nooks of the nation.

This is UAE.

Your vision was the blend of cultures,
welcoming them onto the progressing lands
as if it was there own.
Your passion of justice extinguished every fire
and your endless kindness
diminished hunger of the starving
and quenched those thirsty.
Your heart was vast
and character so true and principled
that hoped to strengthen and empower the youth
to achieve its best
so your essence carries on
for you have risen to great heights
and news of you have spread.

Your name wrung
between the lines of
fresher tender cuts.
Brushing a slower finger
over dusty pages,
disturbing untold stories
that was long untouched.

Your name is
the tap-tap of hammer nails
and the crimson consummator.

The barricading name,
of the mesmeric temple of apologies
molded by unequivocal agony and anger
lying in the bleak moor
laced with your remnants.

My mind is left shambled on the floor,
shards of memories
now leaking as exudate
am I being inflamed?

If I were to paint this across the canvas,
it’d be red, blue then purple
a galaxy with mismatched constellations
on a rippled fabric of night skies.

If I were to ink you to paper,
tracing you in black
you’d diffuse, cry and leak
into a pool of red,
dripping at the edge of the paper.

You are the cactus
pricking with every temptation.

The one engrained in my figmentation
wrapped in lessons
coloring the pigmentation of my skin
with various hues.

You are the open wound
with the fabricated scab.

You are the name
that rings inside my head,
echoing through my memories
trembling shakes, tremors
through the cronies
widening the past a little
more within me.

I was your fuel
You were my drain
I was your blessing
You were my lesson
I was your cure
You were my disease
I was saving you
You were killing me

- I was calming your soul, you were stirring mine

Being with you
Blurs boundaries
Withers innocence
Suppresses guilt
Rages darkness
Till wrong does not seem wrong no more

You came as hesitant hellos
and left as sudden goodbyes.

You came as happiness,
but left as sadness.

You came as love,
but left as heartbreaks.

You came as memories,
but left as lessons.

You came as fire,
but left as ashes.

You came as courage,
but left as fears.

You came as trust,
but left as doubts.

You came as summer,
but left as winter.

You came as spring,
but left as autumn.

You came as a breeze,
but left as a hurricane.

You came as tranquility,
but left as chaos.

You came as the moon,
but left as the shadows.

You came as a mystery,
but left with just history.

You came as a person,
but left as a poem.

My healer,
the one who rubbed
ointment on my wounds,
calming and relieving the pain.
Who's presence was the epitome
of comfort and love.

Has now become the stealer,
of my happiness
and the exploiter,
of my kindness.

Ferocity has burnt away,
all what remains are embers
fading and diffusing 
wth sorrow cascading 
down my cheek.

You met my concern with ignorance
and walked away in silence,
leaving me to lament over the coming days 
as I plunge into the dark abyss
unexplained.

Your leave,
****** the warmth
leaving me to gaze upon the horizons of loneliness
and the stars that now grow cold.

The night bleeds into morning, 
The sun dissolves the moon.
As I ache at the page in front of me
and at the vulnerability I showed you.

Every morning,
it takes a monumental effort to peel off myself from the bed
fighting gravity to sit up
as I become the ghost 
of different thoughts that run through me.

Hope is still ruffling its feather
and the bond remains stagnant, 
But I am too tired to stay,
too broken to cry.

So I pinch my fingers 
on something beautiful within
a star dripping with black infinity;
a hope to care for myself
to healing and to move on.

I didn't realize,
how easily I believed you
and let you break me.

You convinced me,
my beauty was ugly,
my strengths were my weakness,
my pride was my shame
and that I was inferior.

You made me believe,
a reality which was hurting me,
and I accepted what you made
me believe.

I didn't realize,
how easily I believed you
and let you break me.

You convinced me,
my beauty was ugly,
my strengths were my weakness,
my pride was my shame
and that I was inferior.

You made me believe,
a reality which was hurting me,
and I accepted what you made
me believe.

Your words are like chemotherapy;
a dose of truth,
a dose of advise,
a dose of pain and hurt.

Draining me,
breaking me
with the way
the words radiate
through my body.

But once my soul
resonates with those words,
blooming begins
and life starts to flourish
little by little.

Your presence awoke the darkness.
I thought it was harmless
until it drove me into being heartless.

Now there is emptiness
and only sadness.

Your presence awoke insanity;
driving me batty
and a little scatty
leaving me ratty.

I didn't like the way you glanced,
I didn't like the way you gazed,
l didn't like the way you whispered to
the other man's ear.

I didn't like the comments you made,
I didn't like the vibe you were giving my way,
I didn't like the way you smiled.

But you didn't care
that I didn't like.
You didn't care, who I was.
You just didn't care,
because you stepped close anyways

I would've torn myself
limb from limb
to appease your hunger
but you still would't have wanted me.

I would've broken my bones
to build you a throne
but you still wouldn't have wanted me.

I would've wrung myself dry of blood
to quench your thirst
but you wouldn't have wanted me.

I would've skinned myself
to stitch you clothes
but you still would't have wanted me.

I would've burned myself
to keep you warm
but you would still leave.

For a very long time,
I wondered what was my mistake?
Why me?
What did I do to deserve it?
Did I attract you?
because I never meant to.

But now I realise,
It didn't matter
who I was,
where I was,
what I wore.

Because the person to blame
wasn't me, but you all along.