I’m not an earthling
I am here to see what is alive
I couldn’t breathe, my own mucus can still choke me
It’s this horrible feeling that nobody else gets
My skin is so thin
The illnesses inside my brain
The overwhelming laughter, mental sound
My judgment is not right
I make a fool of myself
I cling to someone incessantly
Why is it only serious
On a dark application?
And not everywhere else?
How many copies
Will I make of myself before
My mind implodes and the mucus overruns me
From both the nervousness and the excitement
They say decay
I see the breaks get taken here
My influences break my ears and spill sappy
I didn’t understand
I have an urge to delete
Something that makes other people happy
I never bring them joy
My voice is over here
I can’t read a book
Where does this urge come from?
Does doing it make me strong?
A boy once said I only care
About myself, not others
I just dismissed it as not true
But now I see it
I’m so used to
When I break them, I don’t realize
It’s so hard to
Sustain merely myself
I try not to wrong you but I can’t right you, either
Crank up the volumes that
Exist solely in my head
They say you can’t turn that **** up
But sometimes I’m in this state
Where it’s like a mental ****
Sounds attacking me
The ringing of a doctor’s office
And the tool that they used
For a very long time,
I wondered what was my mistake?
What did I do to deserve it?
Did I attract you?
because I never meant to.
But now I realise,
It didn't matter
who I was,
where I was,
what I wore.
Because the person to blame
wasn't me, but you all along.
Maybe I wrote too much about it
and that’s why I can’t ever forget now.
I looked back at old pictures yesterday
and noticed that she squints her eyes in pictures
the same way I do. Like we both want
to shut out the world when we smile,
close our eyes to seal in that happiness of a moment.
I believe that some of our parts
were probably made of the same substance,
or at least at the same time.
Sometimes I feel like a seagull
in a shopping center parking lot –
so far from the place I was made to inhabit.
They gather in droves and shriek
and it sounds so loud
without the ocean waves to drown their voices.
Maybe I’m just too noisy for West Virginia
and one day I’ll be somewhere that makes sense –
where I’m the right volume, like starlings
in Europe, like kudzu in Japan.
They're loud and disturbing;
Clicking claws and teeth
Scratch against my skull,
I can hardly breathe.
Trying to distract myself
So I may clear my vision,
But the noise keeps seeping in;
My mind's in collision.
I can't close my eyes,
Neither can I keep them open,
New weird compulsions
Reinforce I'm broken.
My mind is a train
With many safety hazards;
No driver, prison bars,
They claw and they bite,
They whine and they quiver;
It's just like a dream
While running a fever.
Sorry if it *****
You let your actions stem
from insecurity and jealousy
You want to protect me
But now I feel,
I need protection from you.
You’re taking my life and air;
And Stifling me.
Don’t own me.
But don’t bound me.
You’re being possessive
That it turns out obsessive
And sometimes situations get aggressive.
Fire burns in your love
But your intentions become impure.
In becoming possessive
You became invasive.
You try to move my blood to your accord.
Try to be the nerve to my muscle.
But you’re blinding my eyes with tears
And leaving myself internally screaming.
It is like a curse that brings problems without a cause.
I want to b r e a t h e
I want to s c r e a m
I want to f l e e
Where did all the happiness go?
Because I just find myself lamenting
over the days that pass by.
- Beautiful Sensitive Soul
thrown into new understandings
given earth beneath my feet
taking what love I encounter
I grow from unbridled, invasive flowers
seeking uncontrollable laughter
escaping the soulless sorrow
I am wild, free
but still broken
We* often *Owned, what We don’t Own.
Being Possessive, We become Invasive.
- We often Neutralize, what We can’t Realize.
- Full Realization comes after the Actual Destruction.
Creating our own Ending.
a philosophical pondering of mine and my concerns about how WE(humans) are being destructive in our own world & nature itself or sometimes we are too blind to notice the destructive path we walk upon, realizing too late.
if you want to know more about my thoughts about this poem follow this link here: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/willyampax/1328378/
Chum floats the pool
encircled by sharks and piranha
a pity, nature's fool
as fearful teeth do their work.
Could they be as bad as I?
Apex predator, Invasive species
where it means to die
as a means to live.
Growth from a spineless cherub
to a spiteful formless entity
possessing a cunning golden scarab
controlling wheels of fortune.
Slaves to our own demands
aren't we antagonists to someone else?
With machinations of wicked plans
to justify righteous intentions.
Hypocrites line the tank
tapping their fingers in rumination
Abandoning morals, faces left blank.
I am not your foil, I am a mirror.
— The End —