My peace helped calm your storms
But it was your storms that made me remember  my peace

Thank you

Words coming and going
Tame this beast in me
So many toxins
So much hurt to dispel
I must write the pain away

I keep those words locked inside my heart
Combinations of letters that I can’t let you see

They really aren’t that important to you anyway
But they mean so much to me

The only thing I can’t escape.
My own worst fear.
What I don’t trust.
The one I wish wasn’t here.

Person 1:
So how was your long weekend?
Me:
Uhmmm great

Person 2:
Did you have a great holiday?
Me:
Yeah of course

Me:
Why do I lie to everyone?
Me:
It’s what we do so they don’t know we’re miserable just like everyone else is

*sigh

Those tears from sad eyes
They can’t last forever
Someday the sun will come out
The warmth will free your lips
And that smile will grace the world again

If tomorrow didn’t come
If it was all black and nothing
No more feelings no more me
Would you still be where you are?
Would I live on in your head?
Would your heart still whisper my name?
Memories of me would fade away
Carried off in the breeze
Maybe sometimes you’d remember
You’d see my face in the crowd
Or hear my voice say your name
Listen to a song that makes you cry
Never forget me… keep me alive
Keep me with you forever no matter what

Have you...

Held a stranger like your life depended on it?
Cried on the shoulders of someone you didn’t know?
Shown your dark soul to the world?
Kissed someone that you just met?
Given yourself to the person who didn’t deserve it?
Loved someone that didn’t or couldn’t return the sentiment?
Hurt so bad that you questioned if you’d die?

No not me… Not ever… you?

We’re both horrible liars.

I guess I have a need
To long for something
Something missing
Or simply shiny and new

Something I’ll never have
Always there in the cold
Never satiated or diminishing  
****** both ways

I can no longer trust my heart
You have led me astray too often

I can no longer trust my brain
This barrage of confusion is too much

So I’ll be here where I lie
Heartless and thoughtless
Maybe I’ll be perfect now

Please don’t fall in love with me
I’m not someone to trust with your heart
I don’t even trust me with mine

Please don’t find me attractive
There are storms raging beneath this surface
Evil things dancing in fire and brimstone

Please don’t desire me
I’ll only let you down just like I do everyone else
I’m not what you want or need

Just keep looking... okay?

I have no qualms
I understand my place in your life
I never thought that I’d be a period
I just want to be the best semicolon you’ve ever had

Period

It’s not that I want to hurt you
I just take my pleasure from the pain you feel

You’ll enjoy it too if you allow yourself
Stinging hot throbbing flesh feels so soft

Satisfy me with your agony
Crave my torture until you can no longer be in control

Be my willing victim

I like to sit outside
I listen to the wind swirling
Sometimes I close my eyes
And pretend that it carries me away

I’m struggling to stay afloat here
Lost in this sea of you and your emotions
The salt water spray stings my eyes
I need some fresh water before I die of thirst

Who am I today
Which personality has emerged from sleeping eyes
I don’t recognize this face
Or these mannerisms

Have I dissociated further
Shall I continue down this swirling vortex of psyches
How far can I or will I go
What evil things have I planned for myself?

Soy un cabrón siempre
Lo siento mi familia
Lo siento mis amores
Soy un hombre roto… soy nada
Solamente raro
Solamente roto
Solamente solo
Por que es mi vida dificil?
Porque yo.... solamente yo y amor (los dos)

When I was a kid I would carry a can of spray paint in my backpack
I always wanted to leave behind something that someone would see
Something that would make them stop and be enthralled
Something interesting... inspiring even
Something more than just the value of its creator

Maybe I haven’t changed that much

I’m still here
Still standing
Still trying
Falling on my face
Over and over
But I stand back up
I keep going
I’ll get where I need to be
Eventually

Who am I?

Someone you loved
Or perhaps hated

Your friend
Maybe a lover

Some stranger on the street
Someone you dreamed of

Someone with piercing eyes
Or a forgettable face

I’m not really sure right now
But I’m still writing this story of me

There is a sweet familiarity with you
I know your hands and your face
I’ve seen them change as we age

If I close my eyes I can hear your voice
I know your words and how you say my name

There is a deep intimacy there
A long romance full of heartbreaks and highs

I miss the version of us that got along

I’m a single heartbeat
The blinking of an eye
A crash of lightning
A single drop of rain falling
Will you miss me?
Or forget me?

This one sided love is making us crazy
Forcing us endlessly to drive in circles
Like two starving vultures spotting carrion
It wears on me so
I’m dizzy and tired… please just let me sleep

I feel this ocean between us
The current has kept us apart
It won’t always be this way
We will break from its pull
We will swim together again

I had a brother
He fueled himself on drugs and alcohol
Until his organs gave up on him

I had a close friend
He was clean for so long
His relapse left him dead with a needle in his arm

My best friend just wanted a smoke
So he stepped out on a second story ledge
He slipped and died before the ambulance got to him

My friend that I got high with
The **** got to his brain until he killed his parents
Now he only sees the outside through bars

I miss all of you
You’re the reasons I won’t go back

Sometimes I forget how much words hurt
The sting as they hit your ears
And the jagged incision they make to your brain
Then on to your heart

Even more often I forget that silence hurts worse
Your pleas and needs falling on deaf ears
The response of a muted tongue
It’s so hard to find my balance

I could still smell your perfume hours after you left
It felt like reading someone else’s mail
Some lovesick ***** prose meant for him
Maybe someday you’ll feel like writing me again

The pen is unforgiving of mistakes
Its marks are long lasting
I can’t erase you... only scratch through parts
This story of us will always be there
Written in ink as a complete work

When I draw a beautiful picture though
I use a pencil so that I can change it as I go
Erase this part and add my shading there
Pencil on paper is fragile it smudges easily
You are art... not perfect but gorgeous to me

I appreciate both for what they are
And what they mean to me

There’s something magical about 3AM
It calls me awake almost nightly

Sometimes I’ll sit outside then
Just to listen to the wind dance

It’s peaceful there in the calm
I can feel that peace in my soul

I don’t discount that comfort
Because it’s few and far between

Does loving more than one make me poly?
What if I just need to love the world?
Will she break my heart too?

I can’t help falling in love with people
I care too much sometimes… all the time
It’s my flaw or brain damage maybe

I won’t stop caring because that’s not me
I need to love the world and its broken inhabitants
My heart will forgive me later

When I met you I knew what the end would be
I knew this was temporary at best

People like us don’t get the fairy tale
Happily ever afters are for normal people

You told me all about your past
It was all too easy to predict your future

I accounted for everything in that moment
I accounted for everything except for my heart

I never meant to do this
Why did we fall in love?

At least we had us
Even if just for a breath of time

I hope you enjoy this nightmare you created
These shadowy figures in wide brimmed hats without faces
I hope that you can survive their icy grip

Why did you have to bring us into this horror
This dark macabre of your own design
I’ll hold your hand through this but I don’t know why

Sadness is the one drug I can’t seem to shake
Its icy claws have pierced into my soul

I’m choosing our love
It’s not easy

My heart hurts like hell
It beats like thunder

I don’t know how we got so broken
Years of not giving enough

I’m sorry for all the parts I played
I hope we can fix this

Tus espinados
Mi sangre en fuego
Necicito tu conmigo

Donde estas mi vida
Mi vida para ti
Donde estas mis pensamientos
Los que eran antes

Me extraño contigo

You are unsatisfiable unpleased and unhappy
Forever wandering
I’m done trying to be what you want
I’ve tried despite what you say

You may wander wherever you see fit
I won’t chase you any further
My heart has moved on to its next unattainable goal
Making myself happy

Sometimes it’s just easier to be crazy
Than it is to deal with sanity

This clarity is painful
So I’ll find a substance to make it go away

Be patient with me
I’m still a work in progress

Somedays I seem put together
But that paint’s not dry just yet

One day I’ll get this right
I’m sorry

My newest fear is learning to forget these lies
Wish me well

Maybe I should change my name…

***** would get your attention
TV would have your eyes on me
Bathtub so maybe you would relax with me
Sleep so that we could spend time together
Phone you’d always have your hands on me
Your lover… no I hate that guy

I guess I’ll just be me and be left wanting

How can you look into another human’s soul and not be scared?
How can you see the darkness there and not have your hairs stand on end?
Why are you still here? Do I not frighten you?
Is my intensity and my pain not repulsive?

Can two broken people really make each other better?
Or are there just too many shards and sharp edges?

I woke up at 3 AM but I didn’t want to open my eyes
I knew you weren’t there
You’d gotten up at some point while I slept to go see him
This bed and I are lonely and broken
This room and my heart are cold and not just because you left the window open

I know you are worth more than this
I know you are worth more
I know you
I know

Those eyes are sad but they are strong
They’ve seen too many evil things
The horrible darkness from the souls of men
Unspeakable creatures of villainy

Mis ojos? Son triste pero son fuerte?

Si pero...

Those eyes are beautiful and pure
Those eyes are renewed from above
I miss those eyes gazing back at me
Piercing my armor and letting me be me again

Mis ojos? Son bonito y puro?

Si mi amor. Es verdad. Solamente creer.