You will spill your guts
They will lick every drop of blood
While you tried to save them
You killed yourself
While you tried to be there for them
You abandoned yourself (who you are)
in the name of “Love”;
(conditional, sacrificial, transactional love)
Because you grew up seeing the danger
of fighting back for your life
You chose silence because
it kept you small,
it kept you safe.
You grew up watching mom tolerate pain
Mistreatment and disrespect
and you thought that was love
That it had to hurt,
not heal
That it was tough,
not soft
That it had to be painful
To be something endured
Otherwise it wouldn’t carry meaning
Because someone that brings stillness,
Stability and peace feels like “boredom”
If you weren’t intoxicated by the highs and lows
You feel nothing
Thinking that feeling something is better
You associate calmness with numbness
But it's only your body and nervous system
Coming out of survival-mode
You run towards the very thing
You should stay away from
Because it feels familiar
The inconsistencies, neglect,
Emotional unavailability,
Gaslighting, manipulation,
Love-bombing, affection withholding,
Silent treatment, blame shifting,
The ups and downs..
It was programmed in your little brain
That to earn love you had to suffer
Until one day you wake up
and realize that is not love
That is survival,
That is not love,
That is attachment,
That is not love,
That is trauma bond.
and now you have to rewire,
Reprogram your mind
As if you were a newborn
and what if i told you
That what you went through
Was the only way
That you would learn
What real, genuine, safe love
Looks like
or everything that it isn’t.
But healing doesn’t come with a manual
Nobody tells you how long it takes
nor the steps to get there
They only say:
“Healing isn’t linear”
That it could take months or years
But right now all that matters is that
You broke that vicious cycle
and you no longer hold on to old beliefs
You’re no longer trapped in the illusion of it all.
