Numb, dead skin
Dumb, head in

Isolation withers you
Insecurity is idiotic

Find, yourself
Hiding, from health

Social interaction
Will give you traction

Swim, into
Dig, you fool

The undertow drowns you
Reincarnation awaits you

Lose, your shell
Binding, you in hell

Venture out of vacuum
And without presume

Shyness is repulsive

Enlightenment, awaits you
Selfless, and too true

Adhere, to the collective
Powerful, and perspective

Connect with others
Help without stutters

Samsara, is a chance
Not, a trance

So help each other
Venerate and gather

Moon, sits waiting
Her, confidant scintillating

She’ll tell her secrets
Without regrets

Only, if we conquer the three poisons
Tonic, clean, and pleasant, like soissons

Get up
And **** me

Punishment for wasting

Punishment for dulness

Correction
Useless

I’m blinded by desire

Blinded by lust

Dopamine
Is my Dream

The only way I’ll take it

Is now and neat

Waiting
Is repulsive

It makes me shake and gag

Wasting time
Relieves me

Oh **** I got a head rush

Falling from the hit

I feel a sense of dread

Reward
Void of struggle

Leads to emptiness

And muddle

I fail to employ this knowledge

And smolder in video games

In YouTube

And *******

Do everyone a favor

I’m insipid and useless

Make it slow and forever

Painful and selfless

******* **** me

I’ve neglected the preciousness of time

I’ve never actually been with another.

I have a close friend.

But I yearn for intimacy with a female.

Within extended pauses.

This lingering feeling.

Rises from its hole.

And finds me up through the undertow.

Bewildering me with a chasm of alienation.

And shrouding me in its dismal light.

I let myself foolishly steep in it.

Until I am saturated with my own self pity.

As pity rots away it turns to anger.

And I decay into a more disgusting person.

One who self loathes. The root of my problem.

How can one love if they don’t love themself.

Happy Sad.

It’s not a great feat to conjure happy writing or happy experiences

Mostly everyone is completely able bodied to do so.

Writing dark just gathers attention and is so much easier to write due to relativity.

When something feels good. It blends in with mundanity. When something hurts. It stands out.

Attention seeking is ******. Vacuous is one who engages in such activities.

Therefore I will write a happy poem...

I’m about to eat a steak.
In a cabin that was built in the 20s.

It had the first flushing toilet in sublet county.

I climbed today, nothing difficult. But it was very enjoyable above Fremont lake.

Now, sitting here on this ancient deck. In utter silence besides the Birds. I don’t feel accomplished. I feel comfortable. I can’t and don’t have anything to prove.

It’s only been an adventure. Starting out with rolling my friends Jeep. And then not telling his father. But rolling it back over with a sketchy high lift jack setup as a winch.

I can’t really see any point in holding onto grudges. But honestly I know they’ll come back as soon as I get back to civilization. That disgusts me about myself. I enjoy the bliss of being without malice, however I do not avoid it beholding me again even after self reflection.

How pitiful.

Feel me

Branch out

You live

Apathetically

You’re a charlatan

Who dwells

One sidedly

Dark sidedly

Think you spew vitriolic criticism

Just abysmal blabber

You’re like an infant without wonder

You’re a void for joyousness

You’re incontinent of your blabber

Of your verbal feces

And vile thoughts

Read the room

We’re sick of your ****

The only depth you have

Is how low you make everyone

You’re so dismal

Break free

From your own restraints

And you can scintillate

Beauty can always root

Where horridness once dwelled

A man born of nothing
Likewise from everything.
Came from no where
Yet somewhere.
A man who clutches freewill
But has no voice.
He is of every hue
And whom his coitus is specific
And undefined.

He walked the earth by choice.
Conversed with whom he wished.
And lived how he saw fit.

However a calling came for some heroes of his clique.
And he was drawn or he volunteered.

Rough this path was to be
And rough it turned out.

As the path grew darker
The man grew darker.
He partook, inflicted, and observed such unimaginable cruelty. It could only be imagined.

The cruelty was real.
It made him feel so real.
So connected.
Primitive and so developed.

Until he found his breaking point.
Seeing something so terrible it was definitely real.
His eyes wore scars that only faded in the later years of his life.
But he would remember the scene to the exact detail forever.

The path got brighter. So did the man.
But the man was always not as gleeful as his surroundings.
He like so many of his fellow hero’s got stuck in the past sometimes.
Going back to when the path wasn’t so bright.

He lived the rest of his life in peace. Had a family. Fought for the right things with what voice he had.

One day he returned to the most horrific battlefield he once stood on as a soldier.
A man his age, but of the enemy’s looks gazed at him.

An unspoken barrier would always separate them.
But these two were as close and as far as brothers.

They shared a glance so deep only warriors could read it. Roughly translated it said, “All of that is done and gone with. I’ll love you for sharing my memories. I’ll hate your for the bad ones.” Then they went their ways and lived out their days in harmony with hatred and sadness.

Only men like them will ever really be truly human. Living on either side of the spectrum of good and evil for your entire life is fictional. Truth is only found in equilibrium. Humanity is only found in the duality of Devine beauty and incomprehensible darkness.

Claw a bit closer to me
Embrace my malevolent ability
This will help you feel a reality

You feel so safe without wonder
But pine for authenticity
As you rot inundated by false benevolence
You live in such gleaming
It’s insanity

I’ll pluck you from this numbness
By fogging your false sun with a dismal filter
And I’ll *******

I am not what you expected?!
I am not what you wanted?!
I am truth. What you pine for idiot
I am tonic
I will make you feel something real

You’re scared of such a fiend
Only because you smolder in this apathetic medium

I’ll make you uncomfortable
I’ll make you feel like ****
A relief from your dystopian existence
This dissonance will wake you from your slumber

You will gulp from my malice
It will quench your thirst for authenticity
You will feel emotion
You will feel hatred
You will feel bitter sadness
You shall no longer be vestal like your peers

After I deflower you of such “innocence”
You will no longer mime false emotions
You will venerate happiness
You will cherish sympathy
Because you’ve been uncomfortable
And you’ve been in vacuous darkness

You like darkness.
You need it.
It makes the light more dear to you
In fact.
It illustrates your reality with such a fine and tenacious brush
That if it were replaced. You’d be blinded by the blurry falsity it leaves in its absence

For the sake of reformation
Don’t return to ingesting insipid entertainment
Don’t return to experiencing life through media
Digest honest art. Not pretentious art.
Not dull art either
You’ll live much happier

And I won’t have to violate you again my lamb

Within this constriction
We define perfection

Perfection is subjection
Subjective is perfection

Dangerous is the definition
Disheartening is the caused segregation

Segregation then leads to dehumanization
Dehumanization brings a solution

A final solution

All from the definition
Of perfection
Of attraction

How beauty is the chaperon
For destruction

Is a cyclic maceration
Of the human condition

How repugnant and inane

Future and past is inundated by a dismal shroud

To be perfect is to accept those who possess your idea of imperfection

Stay open minded, avoid apathy, seek the uncomfortable

Let’s break the cycle

Stuck in a straight jacket
That detaches from humanities
That disables civilized thinking
It strangles your insides
And steals compassion
And your breath of life
Withers inside this chasten

In this rubber room
Who’s pads make up your apathetical existence
You rot here like the ***** you take
You die here
Unless you bleed yourself of disrespect
Unless you bleed yourself of disinterest
Unless you bleed yourself of narcissism

Who cares
Your worthless in this state anyway
Find purpose in empathy

Or die here
Exist out of the minds of others
Others who have collective respect
Collective understanding
Collective empathy
And open mindedness

You’re locked here cause you prejudge
Guarded by your own stubbornness
You don’t accept
That you don’t know everyone’s story
You can’t know
You judge anyway

That hippie over there
He’s not a ***** loser
He has a family he loves
Worked hard in construction
And overcame a destructive alcohol and drug abuse
He’s better than you
He’s empathetic
Loving
Understanding
And embraces everyone

Spill your sickening contradictions.
Try to snow those you perceive as weak.
Distract us with your predictions.

Hide crucial evidence for “sterilization”.
To numb the populous and make them weep.
Spill your sickening contradictions.

Preach what you don’t practice, it’s just operations.
Invoke decree, and let it steep.
Distract us with your predictions.

The poor are there for your oppression.
Smile and wave, lock evil in your keep.
Spill your sickening contradictions.

You “speak for the weak”. What fiction!
We’ve been snowed by those who steep.
Distract us with your predictions.

You repugnant charlatans.
Snow is with your projections.
Spill your sickening contradictions.
Distract is with your predictions.

I have a lust for rightcheousness and luxury
Help me
Help me
Help me
Dig deep
Dig deep
Dig deep
corner ego it’s turgid.
And **** it.
Must cleanse myself of this evilness.
The corpse reeks of malice.
Without it the breath of my soul is aromatic.
Must crucify possessive vocabulary.
I want
I need
I
I
I
Hang them on a cross of selflessness.
Nail them with actions of helpfulness.
Forget narcissism.
Forget avarice.
Forget being vitriolic.
How unbearably odious my behavior has been.
I apologize as sincerely as I can.
After all we are all cursed being human.
All my faults only show how weak I am.
Through reflection I have shed light on the faults I am capable of revealing.
Yet I have not sought action.
That’s how weak I am.
“I need help” I say.
But the first step of healing.
One does by themselves.
Seek help.
I sit here lethartically.
Thinking help will come to me.
I’m so tenaciously idiotic.
And.
To make things worse.
I grow impatient and annoyed that help hasn’t found me.

See.
I realize this.
And I’m so week that still. I won’t do anything about it.
I won’t seek help after writing this.
I might think I will or think I do.
But it’s either two lazy a cry or not one at all.
I am repulsive. Yet to blind to accept it as the divine truth it actually is.
I say I know myself.
I do. But I don’t actually embrace truth as confronting as it is.
It would help me.
I’m to lazy to face that though.
To scared.
So I slither back into my pitiful narcissistic chasm.
Like so many of my self involved peers.
We all realize it. We resent it.
But for now it’s a part of us.

Jesus Christ.
I blame it on my personality
ENTP
funny, but romantically inept in using it
Smart, but overbearing
Curious, but boundless in exploration
All of these are virtues I have but cannot manipulate.
It haunts me. I hate myself.

Reality
Hurts
Introspection invites pain
Introspection invites healing

I am a gutless fool.
I wallow in excuses.
“I never have the opportunity to talk to her”
Make them.
“I’m not good enough for her”
She stares at you in class.

I love that feeling.
Whenever our eyes meet.
My heart drops. And so does my stomach.
It feels like the floor beneath me.
For that split second. Falls away. It scares me.
Inviting us both into our own world of benevolence.
A flash I wish could be eternity.
Then our gazes dash away just as quickly as they collided.
“Did she notice?”
“Did he notice?”

We “flirted” a lot in 7th grade.
Then we’re separated by schedule.

Didn’t matter.
My pea sized mind...
It couldn’t fathom or even comprehend love.
I didn’t know what I wanted.
I hope you still might want me.

English assignment: write a soliloquy about a personal decision.
I write one about my in complacence and unsureness of sharing my opinion.
You write one about dying your hair blue.
Through your short work you’re funny and shy.

Oh my ******* god. I adore you to death.

At the end you show a stick figure drawing of you next to a college with blue hair.
Labeled: me in college with blue hair.
******* goofy.
I absolutely love it.

If you had blue hair I wouldn’t care.
You’d still be jaw dropping.
Though it would match your eyes.
You have the most gorgeous blue eyes in the entire world.
I literally could get lost in them forever.
They’re so...
Deep.
Deep like I try to make my poems.
cough
cough

Anyway.

Anything I create though could not be as exquisite.
An ecstasy one could die from.

I feel so creepy reflecting on your looks without you knowing. Like I’m stalking you in my mind?

I haven’t flirted since that math class we shared.
I’m afraid I’m rusty. Dilapidated.
I would say something that would push you away.

Or.

I tap your shoulder.
Be hypnotized by your eyes and stand there.
Mute.

Oh...

And the sweat.
My palms would be moister than an oyster.
I’d be beet red.
My voice would quiver.
And boom. It’s awkward for both of us.

Awkward can be nice. Just.
At appropriate times.

I’m so weak.
I have no map to a reservoir of strength.
I have no courage to confront you.
I desperately want it.
I need assistance in acquiring it.

Funny.
I’m a curious guy.
Always looking for adventure in books etc.
But I’m haunted by adventuring toward you.
I see a treacherous path that with one mistake.
I die.

If I make no mistakes.
I win a prize I see myself as undeserving of.

So excuses I make.
And withering inside I drool over you.

We both never talk to the other ***.
I want to talk to you.
And I think you might want to talk to me.
But I block our mingling through fear I cannot control even if it might benefit us both.

I need help.
I’m afraid of getting help.
Then I’d try something and mess up.

Oh my god. Help me.

Through my own tyrannical enforcement
I spew insipid scripted statements
I do not support nor enjoy.
Afraid to be aberrant
Oppressed I am pushed to lecture repugnant contradictions against my own disposition.
Turgid loathing of the fear of dropping the expected facade
Supported by ego and enforced by group-think to mold a homogenous majority.
I hate self pity.
Here marinating in my own self indulgent sorrow.
I am a hypocrite.
Another one of my enemies.
But weakened by forcing myself to state the opposite of what I value,
I open myself to further self destruction.
Through this introspection I might be able to reclaim my social autonomy.
Possibly at the cost of diminution of social impression.
That is held at such divine standards today.
I might become a social martyr.
But at least I’d die complete and confident in my own voice.
It would open me to ridicule.
But I’d rather understand myself and be subjected to hate than to live objectively in a self confined contrived reality.

My right hand is very good at it








You ask people

They say it's in between the sheets.

Real love is dead. We murdered it through death camps called elementary schools.

They profit on your silence, and foster insanity
To reef your identity, and fade you to normality

Control is an abortion of instinctual fundamentality
They blind us with a bleach of hypocrisy to fade us to their normality

Gather once in number, to support the dismantling
Fate of compassionate and empathetic rationality, is threatened by a lie of social justice in pronouns and prejudice

This is an infection of our political mentality,
to allow other views to be heard only if they align within sheepish bounds of radicality

Neo-**** Ideology. What insanity
Can’t let it fester, or our dignity will be the fatality

Disgusting to muzzle those who believe differently
As long as it’s not hate, preach what you practice

Silence
is
peaceful
silence
is
digestion
and
understanding

Silence is love

Melt into this
Beautiful
Ultimate
Calmness

Within a moment
Seek
Understanding
Seek
Revelation

Reflection scares me
The
Truth
It
Emulates
Is

Frietening

Breathtaking

Burdening

Lie
Lie to me

Who cares about me. I don't.

Blinded by the mirror
I realize I care
I care about connection. I care about achievement as a collective

Unity and selflessness are the only fulfillment
I
could seek

How utterly selfish
How utterly unselfish

The action and desire together

Both

Opposite

Seek to find selflessness
To fulfill ones self

The shimmer doesn't scare me anymore

I am repugnant
Repulsive

Light that comes back to me

From this

Portal of intense reality

Just sits inside

Unusable to me

Cursed by ego

I wither into a corner
To steep in my stench.

I can live like this
I have for years.

Luckily I'm not alone in a corner

Others steeping in their ****.

We are all to weak to come together

Stop moping
It makes us weaker

Stupidly we can't see that. And just mold and rot away in our dungeons.

Essentially, being essential has left the act of *******
Recreationally, its disposition has changed
Innocence is torn away by arrogant, ignorant, deceitful lectures that **** ****** intent and understanding.
But the students are told to be grateful for this "education" and thank those who de-flower their young perception.
Have I missed out
They say stay young
But look who made us grow up so quick.

'Tis it fatal to gain consciousness
Stab thee narcissistic tumor
Is piercing ego a path to emptiness  
Gab selfishly, spread rumor

Seek experience for an epiphany
Entomb yourself in selfless amour
Eke exposure to project of unity
Bloom passion for connection

Pierce our demons
Schism is from hatred and isolation
Be fierce, pierce our samsara
Externalism, philosophically a jail

Together we can bend the bars of our mental jail
Once internal and unified, we will escape the infernal and petrified

What was once organic will return
Higher in consciousness
Stronger in alliance
And deeper in self reflection

A love will be born from a stabbing
A love will be born from a stabbing

Sin with your kin.
Spread amour for kindness
Begin with acts of evil chagrin
Sin with your kin
Bin what's within
Greed is vileness
Sin with your kin
Spread amour for kindness

Only by fault, pseudo-intellect festers by closing ones vault. Withholding feelings and ego. If we were to unleash what treasures they hold, people wouldn't be cold. Feelings provide warmth to a personality. When shared they spread their warmth. Treasure locked up isn't useful. So find the key. Be charitable with what's inside. It brings people closer and births understanding and respect. Some feelings might burn, so be careful. Overall, common ground should be flushed out of its cave and nurtured. With friendship ego dies. What an accomplishment it would be to cure an illness society raised within us. Please. Loath it with others and we should grow closer together, to each other, and live in harmonious coexistence full of love.

Feed us lies, thankfully we have you as our parents. So you can condescendingly preach us your scripture. Careful, you might end up our martyr. We just haven't woken up from our nap yet. When you wake us we'll build the cross. Keep on underestimating us. Once we come together and see through your *******, the government will lose two sons.

From which verbal filth flows is called the mouth of a poet. Art is always biased and always leads to pretentiousness. Poison is a product of art. Everyone who partakes in this now fetish in the modern age is afflicted by it. Sometimes it's cured but it roots again and again. Luckily it's worth the illness it spreads. To live without pseudo-intellect would be boring. To not care about what others think would be so hard. To come together to explore art without smugness would be so impossibly difficult. No one would feel better or smarter than anyone else. It would dully ****. Let's be honest, meaningful discovery and understanding never happened when people work together without prejudice or ego, don't be ridiculous.

Love has become a greedy act. Two people two minds. Their branches of accumulated knowledge and ability never intertwine. Coitus is all, and not exactly alchemy. We just "Love" now. It's tone is dull and hollow. We should come to ponder if it's time to wonder into an open question of loving not the physical. Our collective neglect for humanities has flown high. Love, science, math, empathy, art. All starved out by the greed of their caretakers and guardians. Phrases so selfish like, "I love you" or "I want you" should disgust us. What filth it fills our ears with, to repeat phrases that used to be meaningful. Now we call it art to compile them in a rhyme or writing as a whole. To describe a person only by the physical aspects you enjoy while you're in the shower, in bed etc. Not to say you shouldn't cherish people intimately. It should make our hearts low to have numbed phrases like those. If we collectively view love as something intense again we indulge our lives and others with a more profound meaning. We have lost touch of what it means to actually love someone. It's very rare now.

This day in age really proves these creatures are mythical. A piety for pretentiousness inundates us. Drowning in its waters, our egos float up to our heads. Would it not be exceeding if we were as a Blemmy? For without a ceiling to float to, our egos would stay concealed. We could just drain our ocean of turgid avarice for fabricated intellect we seek to praise ourselves with. On the other hand we would become dull. But isn't it wise to at least conceal ego if we cannot smother it? Without ego we can work as one. Think as one. And when we achieve that, we receive the ability to complete all that is conceivable. To bad most aren't willing to give up what they treasure most. The acreage of Real discovery and accomplishment is a fertile, vestal place with unimaginable possibilities. Hopefully one day we will come together and parade through its pastures and meadows as one.

A net of self indulgence strangles us
Through it we see our indecency
We should hate our parents
Mother of our nature
And father of this selfish life bestowed upon us
Luckily paragraphs are short,
This one will just embarrass us for the rest of the essay
As so it should be.
The disgusting state of mind the net intoxicates us with is so painful to bear,
But to survive we must.
For being sober would be to alienate yourself from your fellow lamb
Wolves are shadowed within the herd, and don't pray on those poisoned with selfishness they are tainted with as well.